Love Short Story – Life er’ors
Photo credit: presto44 from morguefile.com
The years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest psychologically. Its then you realize this is make or break. It is time to become an adult and you are not ready.
A time came when I was actually ready to mingle, after a stressful life at my girls college where the survival was next to living in a cell. A dumb, shy with inquisitive nature, I tried to take a step outside of my room and house which was the only world for me in 18 years of my life. I wanted to come out of the shell to groom myself and get to see the whole world and experience people, starting from the girls college as I fear to get started with something fearful like”co-ed”, which was a big deal for me.
It was not easy, genuinely my toughest phase physically and emotionally. I lost 10 kgs in early six months of college due to study pressure and atmosphere that I was dealing with. Though my toughest phase gradually came to an end after four years of engineering but till then I lost my creative mind and sensed people upto some extent. That was real tough.
Now I took another step to my MBA in a “co-ed”. This time I was comfortable and more keen to grow in career and in life after the gloomy days. Yes, my first year was great. It was first time I felt happy going to college with good stuff of people around me and fun along with them. I almost had a good life but then some family disturbances again disturbed everything that was good for me. As soon as I started with my second year, the pressure of getting a job was the main issue. It was the tense time.
Yes, it was that time when I actually wanted someone to settle up with. A guy, a man who would be always be mine and forever. This fact I knew about me after I met him first. Butterflies and love in the air made me go crazy for him. The best was that the same from the other side. Finally, I went into a relationship for forever. The time was so pure and our love too. It cannot be explained in the words. I might miss the thought of memory with that, may be.
Everything went well just for 2-3 months and then again the blast of terror. I think of my life and wonder that why there is no balance, why I am always thrown into a well of hell. Don’t I deserve happiness in somewhere? I still wonder.
One of the closest family friend, who helped us in our every hard times in the past approached me for marriage. My parents couldn’t refuse seeing the people and status. I got trapped and got compared with that guy and that son of family friend. Ofcorse, the one with heavier side won and I lost, everything! This was my biggest failure of my life.
Knowing of all the scene, I and my lover tried for ourselves for a long time, 1 year or more but in the end everything was in vain. In between that period of 1 year I did job, I loved more, I almost gave my whole life to him. He meant everything to me. Nothing worked except the hatred in the hearts of my lover and my father.
We broke up 1000 times but that bond could not. I don’t know what that bond is made up off but it never broke till now..
A void has been created in me, a void that has no filling. I feel extremely low when I think of him. He blames me that if I loved him I would be his forever, but he fails to understand the obligation of a girl to marry someone of her parents wish and the time is not right.
My lover broke up with me despite the fact neither of us wanted to. I was his need in almost every sense of love.
I disagreed with us breaking up, but I supported his decision. We loved each other more than anything but the only difference is I don’t want to be away from his love and my love was making him suffer by thinking of me with someone else in future so he wanted to be away with it by making peace and moving on with life. It’s quite sad, and I think he had compartmentalised his feelings and forced himself to break-up with me.
It was hard for both of us. We used to cry sometimes in our initial break up in first few weeks as it was going really harder to de-attach oneself when the feeling is so mutual. Being so strong, I never saw him to be heart broken and crying and feel the itch of his every cry in his broken words. In fact he decided to not to talk to me at all and expected the same out of me in words but inside he expected me to call him and message him to know about his well being but I did not. I did not message him with the frequency of his as I knew that I will get to listen from him, in fact I burst into tears and consoled myself. In the present, he blocked me. Mailed him twice after that and waited, but no reply. It is the time of complete despair. I even contacted one of my friend to contact him, nothing helped.
Letting someone go is very painful thing, and it’s not really a choice you have. They stay in your mind, in your thoughts, in your dreams but when it is the time when you urge to get one sight or a word of voice, you are stuck somewhere where you feel your life ending. But there comes a time when you need to realize that the only way to heal a wound is to stop licking it.
I still don’t think breaking up was something we should have done, but I respect his decision in harmony for both of us. May be I will continue to love you silently. You still mean a whole world to me.
Yes, time will heal the wound I know the fact but I also know that I don’t wish to live my life now. I can’t suicide, neither I will but hoping for a day to come in my life when death accidentally meets me.
I do not wish to live!
–END–
