A letter to the lost loved one
Photo credit: cohdra from morguefile.com
You may not be visible to me. I may not be visible to you. But still there is something missing that keeps us connected.
Your lost wishes on my birthday(it happened just once), my lost demands of party on your birthdays(this happened twice) , all that counts and made me happy someday but today those missing things make your presence feel a bit stronger than earlier. My hunger for just, just a glimpse of yours is increasing day by day and it is becoming more difficult for me to exclude you out of my memories.
And this letter is not just a way of remembering and collecting those memories, it is a way of thanking you for providing such memories that still make my day even more special than earlier. But I hope that this letter doesn’t reach you because that will create more problems and can trouble you in your life. I don’t want you to stay in my life or comeback in my life but I want you to stay in my memories as long as possible. I am saying this because I don’t want to challenge god for his decision, for my destiny that he has written superbly.
I loved you, not for your presence in my life but I found you the most happening person in my life. You were the reason of my 99.6% of the total attendance in the college. You were the reason behind my new clothes, my new haircuts, my increased baths in a week. You made me more caring for myself than ever. My increased hangouts with my friends outside college, those were just to have a glimpse of yours anyway possible.
Whenever our buses on the Saturday nights passed by your hostel, my meaningless desire to sit on the window seat to have a look of your hostel as if you were waiting outside, now makes me smile . You were not in my batch but still I have a friend who would attend my practicals,and I eagerly waited for your practicals. Whenever teacher called your roll number, and if you were absent my heart broke out to mark a proxy of yours but somehow I managed to stop myself,one of the most difficult tasks of my college days.
I shouted on your friends for not marking a proxy of yours,in my thoughts,but appraised them when they did so occasionally. Your absence in lectures made my stay more difficult,adding to the pressure of boring lectures. And your presence in the most boring lectures for the rest of class were the most interesting ones for me. And when somehow I managed to talk to you or I should rather say,asked to borrow your pen or your practical file,I never wanted to return it. But returning your file provided me an extra opportunity to talk to you and say a big thank you,and I did it with full practice as if I was proposing you. But your cold response added to my misery.
And as our stay in the the college was decreasing, I wanted to write a letter to the prime minister of India, requesting him to increase the number of years in a graduate course. And as we entered in the later years of our graduation, I still could only manage to wish you on your 21st birthday and that too because of the courage provided by my dearest friend. And then your thank you in the response was just the most ugliest one, anyone could ever say. But I added to your misery by asking for a party which was replied by the most beautiful smile on earth or more correctly, denied most elegantly.
And by god’s grace when my birthday came two months later, those two words which you said, and that of course because my friends shouted in the class so that atleast you can notice that it was my birthday, my ears are still unable to match the frequency of those two words. After that I wanted to celebrate my birthday every week or atleast a month. I wanted to throw a party but you didn’t asked. And then I could only manage to talk you on your birthday next year and that too was our final year. I decided to propose you on the farewell.
Finally with the full courage that I could built that day, on our farewell, when you entered in a beautiful red Saree ,the most attractive anyone could look in that saree, I forgot the lines that I had prepared for so long. I was a big fool because I also threw that paper which had the proposal for my princess. But still somehow I managed to talk to you and asked my most valuable two minutes from you and thank god which were provided. I didn’t remember what I said to you in those two minutes,which were actually years for me, but I remember completely your continuously changing and most beautiful facial expressions.
You denied my proposal and just requested me to concentrate in my career. How could I refuse,I am now working in a PSU with a handsome salary, but you are not present today to look that I have concentrated well,because it was your first and last request. I hope that you are at a better place than me and living happily. But still I love you not because you were very beautiful but, for the simplicity combined with grace that you have, which was enough for breaking millions of hearts but I think, my heart broke in more pieces and more violently than anyone else.
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