Love Short Story – All That You Are
Photo credit: Oleander from morguefile.com
It has been a few days since Zayn said he loved me. I was too stunned to speak when he said that. What am I supposed to say when the cutest guy of my bus says he loves me and throws a kiss in my direction? I smiled at him and threw a kiss back to him. Maybe he would have thought why I didn’t respond back saying that I loved him too. Let me get this straight. Do I love him? Carolyn…. Do you love him??
The first time I saw him, it was in the bus. I liked him instantly. I saw him a couple more times at office. I wanted to talk to him. But how? My question was answered soon. One night, when I was all sad looking out of the window of my second shuttle, a guy came forward and politely asked me if he could sit next to him. Realizing it was the guy whom I wanted to talk to, I said yes and lifted my backpack from the seat next to me and placed it onto my lap so that he could sit next to me. He turned back to take a look at the back seats of the bus and said loudly, ‘Oh! You’re there too!’ , perhaps to his friends.
I could hear some people giggling at the back of the bus. Then he turned to me and said, ‘I have to go behind, my friends are there’.
He was surprisingly kind. If I was in my place, I would have just lifted off my bag and strutted towards my friend’s seat. I replied, ‘sure’ , heaved my backpack to the seat as soon as he left and turned away back to my left, to the window staring into the darkness of the night wondering when the bus would leave. Cute guy just left. Darn! He just sat next to me!A few seconds later, he came back and said, ‘Can I sit next to you, there is no place there”
‘Sure’
I would love it. I lifted my backpack and placed it onto my lap so that he could sit next to me.He sat next to me with his backpack on his lap. Talk to him, this is your only chance. Seize it Carol! ….
He asked all the questions I asked him back to me again. I asked him his name, his college ( to find out if he is a engineer by graduation ) and later his experience to which he said 6 years.
He said, ‘you ?’ .
I replied, ‘I am a fresher’ .
He said ,’Oh!’ .Later he fell asleep, falling on my shoulders. I liked his smell though. I didn’t care that he fell on my shoulders. Had it been some other guy, I would have woken him up and shoved him away to another seat grumbling at him. Since it was my prince – I mean, the cutest guy, I let him sleep. I was so excited, that I finally spoke to the guy, the cutest guy of the bus. Wow.
Few months later, one morning while heading to office, I took a few snaps of him sleeping and my god!, that offended him! That day he broke the touch barrier between us. Thanks Zayn! I had spent so many nights when he had come so close to me and I was so unable to move my face towards him for that touch, that touch which every girl loves to get. Yes! A kiss ! He tickled until I squeaked, which was his way of revenge of me taking snaps while he was sleeping in the bus. I like his sweet revenges. It was nice. I like the way he moves his hands on my body. I must say, I like him.
Slowly, the tickles became bullish. God! I had to scratch his hands to stop him. It stopped him, only momentarily, he grunted and I took a deep breath and he started his marathon again. Not even Sensex had moved that week, that way, his hands are that agile! Once I caught both his hands using both my hands and turned towards him and said, ‘I am not leaving your hands free’ .
He just looked back and did not wriggle his hands away from me. He inched closer and hugged me. I like his body around me. When he wraps his arms around me I feel so warm. So warm.
One day he was acting weird. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled his tongue at me squirting all his saliva onto my face. I felt so awkward. He sensed it and wiped his hand all over my face, including my lips. Perhaps the first time he had touched my lips with his hands. I like his hands. On days, I don’t understand what to code, I would be so frustrated, so much that I felt like yanking him to my cubicle and make him do all my coding. I wonder what else could that hand do. Especially when its on my body. He took his hands off me very quickly.
Every month his attitude towards me changed. Now, he started throwing kisses at me. The way he did it was romantic. He curved his lips like a fish and made a sound like small kids’ shoes sound when they put their first steps in those squeaky shoes. His eyes and mouth reacted at the same time. I like him. Whatever he did to me only increased the intensity of my liking towards him. He kept telling me that he was going to be married soon. I stared at him. I stared at his face. Oh dear! My job make me so weary, that I end up staring at people. Their words become so indigestible, that my mind had discovered an anti-hurt mechanism: it shuts off itself.
Two days before my birthday, we both were sitting next to each other and for the first time we hadn’t touched each other that day in the bus. He suddenly laughed and whispered something into my ear and tried to look into my eyes. My mind was in anti-hurt mode. I gave him a look without twitching even a single facial nerve. He said, ‘hey, what’s wrong?’ .
I didn’t reply. The anti-hurt mode’s unlock mechanism is very complex (really). He does all this nonsense. He uses me like his prey with a lustful attitude for so long with all the ‘ good night dear ‘ messages every night only to stop it one day telling that he’s getting married to some lady a decade younger than him and then asks what’s wrong. What’s wrong! . I wanted to whack him. I kept quiet. I told you, unlocking ant-hurt is complex. I had no desire to break the anti-hurt mode.
He spoke again, ‘are you sad because I am going on site?’
I still did not reply. He moved his right arm around me. I pushed it away and said, ‘Don’t touch me’.
He move closer and held my bare-waist with both his hands and looked at me. It took me a while to realize where his hands were and I followed his gaze and looked at his face, still without any expressions.Oh fish! He had hacked into the anti-hurt! Goddamn engineer! I hate myself. I like his hands around me so much that I let him do anything and everything to my body and it happened again. He had broken the anti-hurt mode and I let it happen all over again. I loved it. I didn’t stop him.
On my birthday, I least expected something and he just gave me that. Just as his stop was nearing, he took my left hand into his lap and waited till an old man sitting on the other side of the bus got up. As soon as he got up, he took my left hand and he placed a kiss, a wet kiss and got up suddenly and said, ‘that was your birthday present’.
I was stunned to react. Yes, I loved it, yet again. I didn’t wash my left hand that day and just went to bed taking his little gesture of emotion along with me inside my cosy blanket. Gosh! Wish he knew! That morning, Gilbert had kissed my cheek, Kevin kissed my right hand and cheek. That night, Zayn gave on my left hand. He could have planted it elsewhere but I do not regret that day. I loved it. My feelings for him gets renewed just like renewing a book monthly from a library. The librarian here was his erratic emotion towards me and I never complained. I loved every moment of it.
He left to on-site. I felt sad. We sat next to each other almost every day, everyday to be precise. He slipped his hand inside my shirt almost every night and I let him. He made me happy. Every time I see the video screen of skype refresh to his face waving at me, my feelings towards him makes me wave back with utmost glee back at him. I like him. I don’t understand why people make a big issue out of it. Is it a sin to like your colleague? I don’t know, but I like him. I seem to like him more and more everyday. When I am with him he makes me feel so happy. I miss his presence so much that I sometimes loose sleep thinking about him… yes, I like him alright!
And for that question do I like Zayn? Damn It! I Love him !!!
On-site is this far-away fairy land, every engineer gets to go to who works days and nights together offshore. When they come back, they come back like Santa Claus, bags full of goodies and bank account spewing with a hell lot of dollars. We offshore people rush to and grab these goodies. Though there was a small ray of hope that he might return to shore soon.
But life’s crossroads were beckoning me. He said, on the last day, before I saw him leave forever into the darkness outside, “We’ll be in touch”. It took me a few months to realize, that saying this to another, is a mere diplomacy. Damn It. I let him use myself as a toy.
There were days I had seen a Id-ul-Fitr mass celebration thronging on the streets. Peering out of my bus windows, I had brushed aside the thoughts of Kevin telling me not to trust this guy. The days whirled past by and here I am regretting every thing I let him do.
I had to move on. I was thinking of pursuing a career which I loved doing. Now that all dopamine laid emotions were being shredded in to pieces this time seemed the right time to gather myself together and work towards the betterment of my career, my dream career.
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