Short Love Story – Coffee, Mind, Breaths and Heart
Photo credit: godidwlr from morguefile.com
I don’t know whether there is something like ‘love at first sight’ or not. But I swear, there is something like ‘crush at first sight’.. I met her first at a not so romantic cum awkward situation.. School canteen it was, crowded , in nearby seats.. My whole concentration was on the the cute girl who was talking with my best friend , so I accidentally took her cup. When I tasted, it was coffee. I realised that I made the mistake. I slowly managed to look at her face with worst expression ever possible. She was laughing. I still doubt whether it was a laughter or a smile. May be, something between this.. Whatever ,I got a strange feeling that my 12th results are under great threat.
“pay for both”
smiled, took her bag. went away. That was classy !
Wasn’t it enough for a huge teen crash ?.. It was more than enough for me.
At about 12.17 mid night.. I realised that it wasn’t that awkward actually. I made her smile. that’s an applause worth task !
For a number of days, the crush remains as just walking to and fro infront of her class. checking her out at the bus stop , trying to share a smile at the canteen etc.. She was beautiful.. Damn cute.. She do crazy things with hands while talking.. Her walk was funny..Like one step forward and two steps backward.. She hardly blinks actually.. I have never seen something as cute as her smile before..She looks down a lot… Her voice was cute.. She was shorter than me.. She used to wear anklets and I don’t know why I was crazy about those…
This continued until one day, my best friend found about this. That changed the whole story. I didn’t asked but he wants to help me.. With hours of discussions, calculation, we reached the conclusion that I have to talk to her to get this moving. I just understood what “easier said than done” actually means.. I mean, bring me a bomb and I will diffuse it, will be easier!!
“Don’t ever think that she will come and talk to you”
He said and it was true. Finally, I made up my mind , I decided to talk to her. It was upto my friend to script the scene. He acted like he is Gautham Menon !!..
Next day, Evening, Canteen..
She walked in, I followed. The plan was to recreate what happened and start the conversation with an apology.That same feeling when you are called to the principal’s office at random.. But it all went in vain when she sat between two of her friends.. I cursed them so much that my friend starts his plans to go for a movie as next day will be holiday because of their death !!… The scene was postponed to next day. The same ‘sad story’ happened again… and guess what , this happened the third day too..
The fourth day, I said my friend to book an ambulance for her near by seaters, if any.
For devil’s sake, the same happened then too..!! I just lost the control, frustrated I was..very much angry too that I forgot the scene, went to her angrily and shouted loudly
“Are you three twins or what ??” !!
I only realised what I am doing when I heard my friend calling out my name. Now I know this was awkward. Each and everyone in the canteen was looking at me. Her face looked angry. I felt hotter than the burning gas stove..!!
I just took a breath and escaped form the scene..
“Need an ambulance ??” asked my friend laughing..
and by that day, i thought the crush was gone…
The next day.. It was all a fun for him but i was really depressed.. I didn’t gave my face to anyone., skipped my lunch, even didn’t talked to anyone..
It was for my surprise that she came to me after the class..I was terribly reluctant to face her. with her mild smile, she asked
-“what happened last day ?”
-“I am sorry.. Was just trying to talk to you.. I thought I have a crush on you..really sorry…”
-“Crush ??? over me ??”
-“Yea..”
-“Just leave that. Don’t worry its all okay.. Let us be good friends and lets exchange our cups once more..”
We went to canteen after that , she bought a coffee and I bought a tea and we exchanged our cups..
I just got a good friend. Even when some corner of my heart kept saying that she is more than a friend, I stayed just as her friend because I never wanted to risk our friendship..
From that day, we went to canteen together and exchanged our cups daily..
She was like an angel.. She understood me when the world doesn’t.. She listened to me without judging… I could say her things which I thought I will never share with any..She actually did some magic to me and I wondered what would have I done without her..we became best friends..Not talking to each other was a hard task for us..We used to fight too.. sometimes everyday.., but a sorry could end it all at once..I never missed a class form then.. waited for the intervals.. She doesn’t had a mobile so school was the only place we could meet or talk..We had a school tour then.
It was to a water theme park..That was really a delight for us.. We were always together.. Doing silly things.. stupid pointless talks..The best thing was that she gifted me a blue rose..Blue was her favorite colour..There were talks around that we were in love but actually she doesn’t cared that.. so me too.. On way back..while everybody was sleeping on the bus at night..we stayed awake and made a nickname for everybody there including the teachers..It was so hard for us to control the laughter.. She looked like a princess while laughing.. My heart tends to something above friendship at times, but my mind could control it..I wish I could have her for a lifetime.. atleast as a friend..She cooks well..on every monday she cook something and will give it to me for lunch..
It all went fine until the last day before the Christmas vacation.. It was raining heavily..It was so cold too.. I didn’t took the umbrella so we walked under one.. The fact that we can talk only after ten days kept my heart heavy..
I felt like she looked extra cute that day.. I said that to her.. she blushed..
“will you miss me ??” I asked
“will miss you very very very much”.. she said..
some strange feelings crawled up my mind..I felt restlessness.. I felt someone pushing me to say something to her..I got a strange courage too.. I doubted whether it is really me.. I stepped on a stone and was about to fall.. She caught hold on my hand prevented me form falling… I felt like my heart is going to blast away.. it beated that much..It kept saying me to do that…I went all blind after that..I dropped the umbrella… took a breath and kissed her… seconds of silence… She looked at me angrily… slapped me and walked away drenching in rain…I just realised that it isn’t a crush anymore… It is now love..
Ten days.. I couldn’t eat,sleep, walk, talk, stand, sit, smile.. Each second felt like a decade.. But strange thing is that I never had a regret feeling.. But the fear of losing her almost killed me.. I waited for the school to reopen like I waited for India to win the cricket worldcup..
I planned to apologize to her.. I was sure that with an enchanting she would forgive me.. But the sad thing is that, for me, she is not just a friend anymore.., She was my everything.. I never realised even after becoming her’s.. But I decided to put all that away leaving my heart bleeding.. just because I never could afford to loose her..and on the school reopening day, I went to her..Her eyes refused to meet mine..
I was there to say “I am sorry” but ended up saying “I love you”.. We never talked after that..
But the feeling I had over her kept growing wildly, madly.. I started to hate school and I hardly goes there anymore.. I decided to put her out of my mind.. Started an account on the online dating site, flirted with other girls.. but nothing worked actually.. Whatever I did ended up in her thought.. I had memories of her to connect to with every fragment of my life.. That was suicidal..I hated the colour blue itself.. And finally.., I decided to die.., I cut my vein .. But my mother came home early that day and I was brought back into life..My mother cried because of me..I have never seen her cry before.. Each of her tears cut through my heart..and decided that I wont try to suicide anymore.. I just hoped that God takes my life soon..Everyone judged that I tried to commit suicide of academic pressure even without asking me.. The followed counselling and advises felt like a joke..
and just as I was worried.. It completely ruined my exams.. I wrote nothing.. What all I could write was about her.. There a minute of prayer before every exams in the school.. I always prayed to make her exams easy..
The exam drama was over.. It was the big farewell day.. It is actually a grant celebration..lots of hugs, tears.. I was there actually to see her for one last time.. But I regretted my decision when I saw her.. She was so happy.. Was enjoying with her friends..and everytime I saw her smiling, I fall for her a little more.,I tried hard to control those tears.. some random memories of her came to my mind at random times which gave me a bit smile between those tears..
I no more try to get her out of my mind.. because I know that it will be in vain..I let her be in my mind.. Let her cut my heart again and again.. There were big sounds, music, celebrations, colours but I could hear or see anything.. My eyes could see her only.., My ears could hear only her sound.. Every memories, talks with her played in my mind again and again.. another love story ending up nothing.. I still don’t know why she never accepts me.. The music was playing in the stage loudly.. with everybody cheering.. while here I am, in a corner of the auditorium.. crying hard as I can just to flow away all the pain.. I felt like running to home and hug my mother and cry till the pain washes away.. With each moment that passed, I realised that my tears are never going to stop.. The only one who could stop that is smiling there on the same crowd somewhere..
Suddenly., I heard a big blast.. The room was full of brown smoke.. visibility was rare.. everybody was running outside while I was unable to.. I wanted to run away but someone kept saying no.. I realised that God wants me to die… I sat there on the bench allowing myself to die.. It was then I heard a cry.. I felt like its was her.. I stood up and saw her getting shock from a generator.. I got that same unexplained courage like I got before kissing her… I doubted whether it was really me.. I jumped over the generator.. She was dispatched from it… I felt a huge blow all over my body.. I was thrown away… My eyes were open though I couldn’t respond..
She came to me and kept calling me.. she said me to say something.. I wish I could say something.., But I was paralyzed.. She was crying.. I was on her lap.. I could feel my eyes closing… I tried but I couldn’t resist.. and it was closed.. I thought I died..
After that., when I regained consciousness, I was in my room. My whole body was aching…It was only after some seconds that I really regained my consciousness completely… Soon.., I felt something in my hand.. It was piece of paper.. Was a letter.. It was her’s..
“You are a thief..A big thief..
You took my coffee on the first day itself..
You took my mind then.. and got settled there..
Everytime I saw you, You took my heartbeats..
my breaths too…
and last day..You have stolen my heart too…
I cant tolerate this anymore..
Theft is a crime and you are punished to be imprisoned in my heart for rest of your life..
I LOVE YOU TOO.. ”
I thought I will smile.. But I cried.. At extreme of happiness you cry not smile…
__END__
