DAWN

“Look at that big red bindi on her forehead!”

“What bright clothes!”

“And how she is dancing with everyone…”

Trisha knew what some of the women sitting around, clapping with the songs, were whispering about her. And it didn’t bother her. She was here for her best friend. And no matter what anyone said, she would sing and dance and enjoy Anubha’s wedding.

So what if Sameer was no longer with her? It had all been that truck driver’s fault; he shouldn’t have been drinking. She had later woken up in the hospital. Few days had passed since that fateful day and Sameer had already been released. She didn’t even get to see him one last time, or hold his hand or kiss him goodbye. Neither did she make a big show of tears or loud cries. She mourned on her own, in private. Like when her tired head hit the pillow at night and she would automatically roll over to hug an empty space. Those nights her pillow would soak up her sobs and tears silently. Or at dinner, when she would set the table for two.

She slowly picked up the pieces and tried to live as Sameer would have wanted her to. He liked to see her smile and be happy. She kept him alive in her heart. Her parents had begun hinting at second marriage, but she wasn’t sure. Ever since she had known Sameer, she thought of no one else and had never imagined life without him. Yet, some days when she returned to an empty house, she did long for company.

“Trisha,” Anubha asked her later that night, “What are you wearing for the wedding?”

Like their sleepover days as kids, the best friends were again sharing Anubha’s room.

“Of course, I have brought my wedding lehanga.”

Anubha became quiet, then asked softly, “Will you be able to wear it? I know we had decided to do this, but…”

“You know, even I deliberated a lot. But I think Sameer might like it,” Trisha smiled, yet felt sad.

“I miss Sameer,” Anubha said, leaning forward to hug Trisha.

“Me too,” Trisha replied, letting her tears fall openly.

Time does not always make one forget the pain.

“I have something to tell,” Anubha said after a while, wiping her tears and letting go of Trisha.

“What?” Trisha sniffed and forced herself to smile.

“Don’t get this wrong,” Anubha hesitated, “But Bhai is really interested in you.”

“Meaning?” Trisha gave a questioning look.

“Meaning that … ummm…. see, please don’t misunderstand, but Anubhav wants to marry you.”

“What? Why?”

Anubha just stared at her and kept quiet. She hoped Trisha wasn’t hurt.

“I don’t get this, Anu. Why is he suddenly interested in me? I don’t want to be pitied. I agree lots of tongues are wagging. People see me at lunch with my colleagues and wonder what kind of a woman I am, going around with men. Didn’t they see me with these men when Sameer was alive? I don’t need anyone’s shoulders to carry my weight!”

“No.. no…,” Anubha interjected, “Please don’t get this wrong. He has always liked you.”

“Then why tell me now? And why a message through you?”

“Because in the current situation, he felt I was the best person to talk to you. Wait, listen,” Anubha pleaded, noticing that Trisha was ready to walk out of the room, “Meet him once, for old times’ sake?”

She held Trisha’s hand and pleaded for her twin’s sake. She had known of his feelings ever since he told her during their college days. But by then Trisha had already met Sameer. And she remembered the resigned look in her brother’s eyes.

“Okay,” Trisha sighed, agreeing quietly, “I’ll hear him out.”

Anubha picked her cell and dialled a number. She walked into the balcony and spoke to her brother at length. When she returned, Trisha was still seated on the bed, looking downcast.

Anubha knelt down, held her hand and said, “Look Trisha, no one is saying you have to accept his proposal. Just listen to him and refuse if your heart says so.”

“Okay,” was all Trisha could mumble.

Anubha walked her out to the waiting car. Trisha smiled weakly at the siblings and sat inside. She continued to look ahead blankly as Anubhav eased the car out of the driveway. Questions were befuddling her mind. Could she do this again? She had known Anubhav as long as she had known Anubha. But he was quite opposite her, reserved and quiet. Every time Trisha visited their home, she would find him closeted with his books. Even during the hullaballoo of the wedding they had hardly spoken since he picked her up from the airport. Anubhav drove on until the city lights twinkled in a distance. They followed the highway littered with dhabas and trucks lined up in front. Inter-state buses crunched ahead, honking at no one in particular. Trisha wondered where they were going. She glanced at Anubhav, but he was concentrated on the road, looking for something.

“Anubhav, what are you searching? Where are we?”

“Uhh .. huh … sorry, I may be lost. You know my dad’s friend’s farm house, where the wedding is going to be? I am looking for the approach road. I have been here only a couple times. Sorry,” he looked at her, then back at the road.

“But why are we going there?”

“Actually I had to deliver some stuff in the morning, which is like only an hour away. And I thought it’ll be a nice place for us to talk,” he glanced at her as if seeking approval.

“Uh … okay,” she replied, still unsure.

“You don’t trust me?”

“It’s not that,” she felt embarrassed.

He suddenly swerved and stopped the car by the road.

“Trisha, look, if you’re not comfortable, there is no point in us talking. I will take you back right away.”

“No, wait,” Trisha bit her lip.

She knew she could trust Anubhav. Hadn’t the three of them been buddies until adolescence happened? She had fond memories of those days.

“Let’s go,” she told him, still looking ahead.

Anubhav looked at her intently, trying to read her thoughts. He could sense a multitude of emotions at play on her face. It scowled one moment, then relaxed and smiled the next. He looked back at the road and decided the turn was still some way ahead. Soon they reached the door of a sprawling bungalow, decorated with festival lights. Moonlight bathed the place in reflecting silver and even with no lights on, it looked enchanting. Trisha parked herself on the steps outside, enjoying the cool breeze, while Anubhav got busy with the boxes he had brought along.

“You should have come with some help,” Trisha said, noticing him struggle.

She got up to give him a hand. The boxes indeed were heavy.

“I prefer your company,” he smiled.

Together they stocked the four heavy cartons inside the house. Then walked back to the steps and dusting their hands, sat down, side by side. Minutes passed in silence, neither knowing where to start. An owl hooted in the distance and some dogs howled.

“I am sorry about your loss. I was posted at a remote location then, so … ”

“Doctors go on remote postings too? I thought only soldiers went,” she avoided talking about the accident.

“Uh, yeah, those soldiers need us, don’t they?”

Trisha smiled at her stupidity. Of course, didn’t soldiers fall sick? She rubbed her nose and looked away. Silence followed again. This time even the owl and the dogs fell still.

“Trisha…,” he hesitated, “Anu tells me that… that you think I pity you.”

Anubhav paused and looked at Trisha. She said nothing, so he continued.

“Actually I’ve been in love with you for as long as I remember. Whenever you visited Anu, I would hover around with my books in hand, trying to catch your laughter or your voice. If you looked at me and smiled, it was a bonus. But I was too shy to tell. I was still a kid. When I got through medical, I decided to come back to you as a man. You understand?” she nodded and it encouraged him, “But by then you had already met Sameer. I saw how happy you were and loved that.”

He paused and took a deep breath. Now came the difficult part. “When I came to know about the accident I felt crushed. I wanted to be by your side, but couldn’t. Then when I heard you were coming for the wedding, I was elated. At the same time I wondered how would I find you? Broken? Sad? But you amazed me. You still had the smiles, you laughed and danced. I felt so proud of you. I know well that you don’t need any shoulder to support you or any hand to hold. Sameer was the love of your life and you live like he wanted you to. And it makes me fall in love with you even more. I know you don’t need me. Still…,”

He stepped down and faced her. He held the tips of her fingers as gently as possible.

“Trisha, I love you with my soul and would like to live my life with you. Please know that it’s not pity. It’s your companionship that I need, that I seek. Will you accept me in your life?”

Trisha felt his fingers lightly hold hers, as gently as touching a child’s. It felt warm and soft. It reminded her of Sameer. She looked keenly at him. He wasn’t as good looking, yet had a charming look in his eyes. As if they were hiding a mischief behind. She had been fond of him, her one-time childhood friend. But wasn’t sure if she would fall in love once more. Or if Sameer would approve of it. Just then a gust of wind swirled around, picking up fallen leaves, and flew past. She closed her eyes to avoid the dust and unintentionally clasped his hand. When she opened her eyes, she found him lowering his other hand from her face. She smiled warmly and pulled her hand back.

“Anubhav, I may take time to understand my own feelings. But I will surely give this a serious consideration.”

“I understand,” he said softly, “And I shall wait.”

She smiled, “And now we should head home before people wake up and tongues start wagging, seeing us together at this hour.”

“Let them wag. I don’t give a damn. Do you?” She let out a laugh and shook her head, “No, I don’t.”

They walked back to the car together. Somewhere behind them the sun’s golden rays were beginning to consume the silver moonlight. A new dawn was about to break at the horizon.