Crush fades. Doesn’t it?
It’s been two years and everything about him still attracts me.
There was nothing between us now. Only so-called friendship . Nothing else.
He was there playing his favorite sport. Basketball. He would lose an eye but not his basketball. It was so dear to him. From far, I could see him swinging his ball from his back to front again, then a push and a basket. I could spend a whole life looking at him that way. That day, I spent an hour.
From all the rumors, I could guess that he had believed in my fake smile and thought that I was over him.
And from all those rumors I was pretty sure that he was totally fine. I was just a page of his book of life which was turned a long time ago and he had not bothered to read that page again.
While I was still standing there, I could see him coming out of the court and wiping himself with his white handkerchief which looked so tiny in front of him. Yes, he was a big dynamite. For me.
I instantly turned to pretend that I was walking towards the other side before he could notice me looking at him like a maniac.
My heart was pounding very fast. He was right behind me.
For an instant, I thought of turning around and talk to him . Crack some japes . Make him smile and go back to my life .
Another , walk away like a stranger .
I chose to choose none .
When I was sure that we had created a distance, I turned to see him. There was no reason. I couldn’t find one and that very moment my friend grabbed me and took me to her way.
“Patricia, come with me. I got some work and you gotta help”
I didn’t even turn to her to listen what she was saying. Not even once. I don’t know how did she miss that. Never mind but,
I was still looking at him.
And he was looking at the ground. All of a sudden . Eye Contacts .
Damn it !
For a moment. Just for a moment, it felt like he was calling me. The way they were engrossed into each other. Our eyes . Enthralled to know what we are thinking . It felt like, he wanted to say something.
Like he was waiting .
And if that’s true and if I don’t make a move, he might be gone forever. Not as a friend but as a lover. He might think that I’d be happy without him which is nowhere in the earth true. He might assume all the wrongs.
And if that’s not. I might lose a friend too.
God , why is it so complicated ?
People say that stay as a friend, stay close and I have decided to be one but if anytime I get to know that he was waiting .
There won’t be a day when I wouldn’t breathe regret.
I would spent my life in profound remorse .
for I’d lose my love forever .