LLC03: Love Letter After Breakup
Creative Writing – Love Letter Contest 2013
© YourStoryClub.com
Dear Asha,
Hope you are doing fine. It has been ages since we have had any communication. I wish from the bottom of my heart that you read this even if you do not reply.
I know that it is all over between us and I should not nurse any hopes of reunion in my mind. You had made this clear to me on our last phone call before becoming inaccessible to me for years. You had not just cut off the communication with me but also had gone to a far-off land to rule out any chance of reunion. During our good times, I often used to tell you that I would do anything for you. Back then, you never expected anything from me. But later when you wanted a break-up, I could not grant that single wish of yours graciously. Now I am saying with a clear mind, albeit with a heavy heart, if a break-up is what you want, I accept and respect your decision.
Having agreed to the break-up, what is that I am trying to do with this mail? What is the purpose of this mail? I am not clear about the purpose myself. Let me just pour my feelings out once without any display of anger and I hope I can communicate my feelings clearly once without offending you. I have also not been able to communicate clearly during the period of misunderstanding as much as I wanted to.
I really feel sad for the mistakes I had committed in the past that eventually led to the break-up. I was blind to the fact that I was getting emotionally too dependent on you. You kept warning me about this but it sadly fell on deaf ears. Had I listened to you on time, our relationship would not have hit such a dead end.
Before we became close, you used to mention that there would be no place for a man in your life. Yet you started appreciating me for the qualities that you had seen in me. Sooner, your appreciation transformed into intense liking and eventually you wished to have a life long bond with me. Did I not jump at your suggestion with great joy? I did. Your arrival in my life made me look at myself with a new sense of confidence about my virtues, values and qualities. It is seldom that two individuals would connect the way we did because of our commitment to values such as honesty and integrity, a rare commodity these days. I still treasure one of your earlier mails that started with the lines – “I never knew there could be men like you”.
Our relationship in our good days was not an ordinary one but it was about the way two individuals supported, encouraged and cheered each other. Respect, admiration and love were the pillars on which our relationship was built. It was a discovery of everything that was good about us and the need to excel in whatever we do. We both transformed into very different persons the instant we became close. The confidence and the happiness I exhibited then were highly contagious for everyone around me. I could see that it was nearly the same for you and it appeared that nothing could go wrong between us.
We both were ordinary persons but when we came together, the relationship made is look extraordinary. I guess it was the way we complemented each other and filled up the gaps in the other person. The things we accomplished together, the things we shared among each other, the things we learnt from each other and the moments we were happy being together were all etched in gold in my mind. No matter how far you are from me now, the memories would never fade away from me. All the good times we had spent together were being played back in my mind time and again.
There are many small insignificant questions that I would like to ask you. You once plucked a grey hair from my head even when I was protesting. Do you still keep it? Do you still keep the pencil sketch that I had done earlier of you? Do you still remember our beach meeting when I wished that we should stay together not just in this birth but several thousand other births? You replied by saying “why talk about thousand other births? Let us make the most out of our relationship in this birth first”. Do you still remember those words from you?
It is of pure academic interest at this stage to analyse why you had gone back to your idea of living the rest of your life with no role whatsoever for any man. You had been that way for most part of your life except for the brief period we were happily together. But you must understand why I got emotionally disturbed when you took that decision without even communicating anything clearly. You took a simpler stand at that point of time that if I was happy accepting your relationship, I should be equally graceful in accepting your decision of gradual drifting.
I agree I was not graceful during the drift-off period. The drifting apart, no matter how gradual you planned it to be, was painful to me. I felt I was losing the goodness in me that once brought you closer to me. The drift-off meant a loss of self-worth to me and so I suffered. You cannot flood someone with all the affection in the world and then suddenly, turn the tap off. It was quite natural for me or anyone in that situation to try to save the relationship. But the harder I tried not to lose you, the faster I was losing you. You also really tried your best to mitigate my pain during the drift-off period. During those difficult times, I did not want you to advice me on how to cope up with the drift-off but I wanted to reverse the drift-off . The contrasting objectives were causing enormous heart burn to both of us. I had displayed too much anger and in the end, you were probably right in cutting off all communication channels.
When you wanted to drift away from me, you could not cite a single action of mine to justify the drift-off initially. At this stage, if I had not displayed any anger and stayed calm, possibly you would not have completely disappeared from my life. But then I was and I am still a normal human being prone to making mistakes. My anger started justifying the drift-off from your end hastening the end of a golden relationship.
I now know that you had been having the constant inner turmoil on who you were and who you wanted to be. In many ways, you were a very different woman compared to anyone I have ever met. Not many would have faced the kind of life struggles as you would have faced from an early age. Not many would have had the courage to stand up and fight against all the odds the way you did. It was your unique personality that brought you closer to me and it was the same personality that would eventually lead to parting of ways as it did. No matter what thoughts you had in your mind when you walked away, I still hold you in high esteem and that would never change as long as I have the ability to think and feel.
You were a mystery to me when you madly loved me. You continued to be a mystery when you decided to walk away. I should not try to unlock the mystery around you as it is very much an integral part of your personality. I am back to accepting the way you are and more importantly loving you unconditionally. Nothing would change my love for you even if you decide not to come back for the rest of my life. It is better that our wonderful relationship happened even if for a brief period than not happening at all.
Part of the mystery surrounding your personality is the list of things you shared about yourself and the list of things that you kept hidden from my view. Even after discovering many aspects about your life that you did not share with me earlier, you continued to be a mystery to me. You would have known without an iota of doubt that the decision to drift apart was going to be as painful for you as it was for me. Why did you consciously choose a path that would bring enormous heartburn to not just me but also you? Again, this is part of the mystery surrounding your personality. As an adult, I have never been loved by any other human being the way you loved me. But when I started seeing your other side during the period of misunderstanding, I started wondering if two different persons could reside in the same body. I knew you needed help in that situation but I was helpless as I ended up becoming the victim of your inner turmoil.
I am very sorry for hurting you towards the end but trust me, I was also hurting very badly then. Through this mail, I wanted to tell you that I have made some progress in putting behind the past and moving ahead with my life. I wish you also stay strong and do very well with your life.
Before meeting you, I was a normal human being with some exceptionally good value systems. I became a far superior man after your arrival. I was nearly destroyed when you were slowly drifting away. But there would be bright sunshine after every long night and things started improving the way I looked at my life. Losing you was like losing the most valuable part of me. Having lost you, I no longer fear of losing anything else in my life. This fearlessness is actually helping me to excel in almost everything that I do. It is not that I succeed always now. It is just that I don’t fear failures. The absence of this fear has made me a more positive person now. I owe it to you for the positive changes you brought in me when you entered my life. I owe it to you for making me nearly a perfect human being after you walked away. I may never get a chance to repay this debt and I would forever stay indebted to you.
As promised earlier, I would not ask you to come back to me. But deep inside my heart, I still carry a hope that one day you would come back. It is this hope that adds meaning to my life. Life can never be the same without you.
Love,
Ravi
Ravi finished the letter and started wondering if he needed to improve upon anything. He could not find any. He was careful not to quote any specific instances from their past as it could reignite the old misunderstandings. Finally he clicked the send button.
This is not the first mail that Ravi is sending after the break-up. Asha has never replied to any of his previous mails after the break-up. Ravi does not even know whether she reads his mails now or simply deletes the mails. What is worse, she could have stopped using her old email id in which case this mail has no chance of reaching her. Ravi is in touch with all their mutual friends but Asha has become inaccessible not just to Ravi but also the other mutual friends. So, there is no way Ravi could reach Asha through any of the mutual friends too. She is off all social media platforms too.
In this mail, Ravi might have mentioned that he would not expect a reply. But we all know that he is expecting one. Ravi needs all your prayers to get a reply to this mail when he checks his mail next time.
__END__
