LLC04: FOREVER

“Is this a bet?” Praveen asked with raised eyebrows, a cunning smile playing on his lips.

“Oh yes the hell it is!” retorted Siddarth, his face not betraying any emotion except determination.

The break room was teeming with employees of INFOTECH as they took advantage of the 45 minute lunch hour to satiate their growling stomachs. Sid, Praveen and Harsh stood at the east corner near the water cooler, sharing a cigarette under the NO SMOKING board, glancing once in a while towards the entrance to make sure their boss didn’t walk in on them.

Harsh added,” Guys! Come on man grow up. She probably would have forgotten about Sid and moved on.” Praveen sniggered!

Giving them a nasty glare Sid snatched the cigarette butt away from Harsh.

“OK! Why don’t we find out if Sneha really has forgotten me then?” demanded Sid.

“Fair enough!” Harsh shrugged.

A bell buzzed in the distance signifying the end of the break and everyone slowly dragged themselves out of the hallowed break-room.

“Well girls… I better get back to that synopsis and you…” Praveen pointed at Sid as he walked backward towards the exit, “Bet! 100 bucks!”

Sid made an obscene hand gesture.

“You really think she will have forgotten so quickly about me?” Sid asked Harsh in a worried voice.

“Quickly? 8 years is a long time my friend!” Harsh said finishing the cigarette and stuffing the butt in his pocket, “come on let’s go!”

 

Sid got on his newly acquired Pulsar and revved the engine up when a voice called, “Sid? Siddarth Gokul?”

Sid turned around and nearly fell off his bike.

Balancing himself, his heart pounding madly he said, “Hey! Uh… Hi! Do… do I know?” he got up from the bike clumsily, nearly knocking it over again.

“Oh! You don’t remember me? I am Sneha.” She said, extending her hand, “We used to go out in high school?” she added suggestively.

“There’s my 100 bucks, Praveen you bi*ch” thought Sid, shaking her hand.

“Oooh… Sneha! My god I didn’t even recognize you!” Sid lied rubbing the sweat off his forehead.

 

“Ha ha ha… Tell me about that bike thing again! You fell off it? On the road? Ha ha ha…” Praveen was literally rolling around on the floor of the pub with laughter.

“Get a grip Praveen! It’s a pub.” Harsh chided as people began throwing disgusted looks at them, “Yeah so she does remember you?” he asked Sid.

“Yes man… and I dunno… Its making me feel kinda weird… you know… because we hadn’t officially broken up all that time ago.” Sid managed gulping down his second pint.

They watched Praveen flirting with a girl across the bar.

“I think I have a crush on her!” Sid added before gulping down another pint.

“Hmmm…” Harsh murmured, “Oh darn!” they both groaned as Praveen got slapped by the girl he had been trying to hook up with.

Making an obscene gesture at his friends who were clutching at their sides with laughter, Praveen slumped back into his seat.

Annoyed, he began, “So lover boy…” which instantly stopped Sid’s laughter “You recognize her, she recognizes you, what next? Oh my God I know that look” Praveen was grinning madly, leaning in he added, “You my friend have a crush on little missy Sneha, don’t you?”

 

Siddarth paced the 5^th floor corridor anxiously, checking his watch. 1:05 pm she always took a coffee break at that time. “Where is she?” Sid thought desperately. Just then Sneha walked out of the HR office and headed towards the coffee machine at the end of the corridor. Sid quickly looked away and started filling a cup.

“Hey! “ Sneha greeted.

Sid looked around feigning surprise.

“Oh hey! Wow! You work in HR?” Sid asked

“Yep. You didn’t know?” Sneha added playfully.

“Oh no I didn’t!” Sid said looking curious. He did… actually. Harsh was at HR too and that was how Sid had found out about her coffee break.

“You are at Finances right?” enquired Sneha.

“Yeah!” Sid replied. There was an awkward silence. He had run out of words. The race in his heart had started again. “Say it now! Say it!” he thought.

“OK then see you around Siddarth!” Sneha began to leave.

She was almost at the door. He had to do it now.

“Sneha! Wait!” Sid called out and ran after her, “er… would you like to go out… HANG… out tomorrow evening?” he stuttered.

“Yeah cool! Let me know the time and place!” she answered smiling slightly.

 

“Ah those brown eyes of her man… I could have continued staring into those eyes for eternity” Sid said recounting his encounter with Sneha that afternoon. They had gone to the mall, chatting about all the crazy friends from school, visited a horribly boring art exhibit, bitched about their bosses, taken some time out for lunch and sipped on some really good coffee before he dropped her home at 7!

“So you asked your ‘ex’ girlfriend out on a date? Very wise.” Harsh said looking bewildered.

“It wasn’t a ‘date’!” Sid defended, raising up his fingers and gesturing, “Just two friends hanging out and catching up! That’s it!”

They looked at Praveen who was flirting with a Russian woman tonight.

“He knows?” Harsh asked.

“Not a word!” Sid warned wagging his finger.

Praveen strutted back to his seat, an air of triumph around him.

“Guess who has the phone number of a Russian ex-pat?” grinning, he showed a piece of paper with a number on it, “Yeah baby you are looking right at him!”

“So what is the Sneha-story?” he asked without pausing after gulping down a soda in celebratory style. Sid looked angrily at Harsh who raised up his arms in an “I didn’t do it” gesture.

Looking at his friends Praveen added, “Come on! I ain’t stupid! It was obvious from the way our girl Sid …” Sid threw a napkin at him “was blushing when he obviously narrated his little adventure to you!” he told Harsh.

“So you are really serious about Sneha then, huh?” Praveen asked Sid, grinning.

“I don’t know… maybe… what does it even matter to you huh? You got your Russian blonde!” Sid replied.

“That I did my friend!” Praveen assured, getting up, “and now I go find myself a phone!” he said again displaying the piece of paper.

 

Praveen rummaged through his old files and folders. He was looking for a very old piece of ruled sheet torn out clumsily from the back of a class-work copy. Something he had preserved for so many years. Every night since the past 4 weeks he had taken out that piece of paper, looked at it longingly for hours at a stretch before retiring to his bed full of unfulfilled desire and anguish. The two feelings which had attacked him that night at the bar as Sid talked about his date with Sneha.

He had deliberately gotten up from the table and decided to chat up the blonde to distract himself. The number he had acquired with such ease now lay crumpled among the garbage in the bin. Hooking up with girls was as easy as tying a shoelace for him. But there was only one whom he never had the guts to face because every time he tried there would be butterflies fluttering in his stomach, his guts would flip out and his heart beat would go abnormally fast.

However it had been Siddarth who had the balls to walk up to the hottest girl in class and ask her out. Now Sid was a great guy at heart, innocent, never flirted with girls, walked around school clutching at a Manorama year book and was best friends with Praveen and Harsh.

So when Sid came back from the canteen, euphoric, one afternoon and informed his friends how he had managed to score the hottest chick in 11^th grade, Praveen was first amused, then shocked, then angry and finally heartbroken. He was absolutely fond of Sid but Sneha meant a lot to him too. He gulped down his anger, shoved his depression under a horde of well masked mockery and sarcasm. No one knew of the pain he was undergoing every day. No one could imagine how hard it was for him to be around his best friend and the only girl he had ever loved.

So one day he was in for a surprise when Harsh, a quiet, broody guy who was good at everything he did- academics, sports, cultural, suddenly said, “why didn’t you tell her first?”

Puzzled Praveen asked, “what?”

Sighing, Harsh replied, “I know you have been in love with Sneha since 9^th grade dude. I can see the longing in your eyes whenever you see the two of them…” he said pointing at Sneha and Sid sitting a few benches ahead, talking animatedly, “together.”

Praveen kept quiet.

That day onwards, the two of them had become an inseparable duo, best friends.

 

Finally, he found the letter written so many summers ago, when he was in 10th grade.

 

Sneha my love,

I don’t have words to describe how I feel about you. You mean the world to me. When I first saw you walk through the door of the school bus, three years ago, I was bowled over. I had never seen a girl as pretty as you. Your warm brown eyes always make me feel cared about, your soft little hands when they hold mine make me feel wanted, your voice- your velveteen sweet voice plays around in my mind, easing away pain, soothing my being. Oh I so want you by me side, talking to me, sharing your thoughts, spending your precious time with me. I think about you all day long,I wait for you to enter the bus, I long to sit beside you, entangling our fingers together.

Every little thing I encounter in life reminds me of you. The kids on swings in the park remind me of your innocent laughter. The tree leaves swaying in the wind remind me of your dark hair flying around when you walk on the ground,obscuring your vision. You brush the lock of hair aside and smile lightly as if enjoying the playfulness of the breeze.

I know it’s a lot to ask. Probably you don’t know me that well, but I know all about you. You love blueberry pie, you love riding on bicycles, you dream to be an astronaut, your favorite monument is the Eiffel Tower and you dream to spend your life on a farmland far away from the city, among the chirping of birds, the rustling of leaves, the sound of the cockerel announcing the dawn of a new day, the smell of fresh grass refreshing your senses and the sounds of a flowing river soothing your mind.

So all I want to know is that do I deserve you? Do you feel the same about me? Do I have a place in your dreams, in your heart? Do you think about me all the time?

Do you… love me?

I shall wait for your answer, even if it is… forever.

Love,

Praveen

 

That letter had never seen daylight. It was Praveen’s little secret. It reminded him of what he had lost, of what he had dreamed of  in the last 8 years, of the countless facebook visits just to keep track of Sneha’s whereabouts. Sidharth had not even looked for her once during the hiatus and yet he was the one going on dates with her, he was the one standing in the presence of her sweet chiming laughter, he was the one who had her hands in his; once again.

Praveen noticed the crumpled piece of paper in his tightly clenched fists. He  kept the letter aside, stared at the TV and counted to 10. Tears welled up in his eyes and then rolled down slowly, getting caught in his stubble. There was a knock on the door.

“Praveen where the hell are you? Open the damn door!” it was Harsh banging on his door.

Hastily clearing up the mess, Praveen opened the latch, wiping his face as he did so.

“The hell you been doing man? I have knocked like, for 15 minutes…” Harsh started angrily and then stopped “hey! What is wrong?” he said looking concerned.

Nobody said anything for a moment. Harsh sighed and looked away.

“It’s about her, right?” he said walking around the room, picking up clothes, stuffing books into the shelves and putting cushions back on the sofa.

Praveen did not reply. He was looking at the ash tray. The burnt remains of a ruled sheet lay there with the ashes, a single line written on it.

“I shall wait for your answer, even if it is… forever”

__END__