As the sun descends and the stars begin to bedazzle us with their beauty and subtle tranquility. I tend to drift of in my mind and go to a place where only you and I exist .Why am I starting to think so much about you? I think i’m falling for you. I cannot help myself I daydream about us. I catch myself fantasizing about you .From the first moment we met. Our eyes collided and so did our hearts. You smiled at me and my soul melted. I felt butterflies in my stomach.Then we started talking and I found out what a great guy you are…beautiful smile too. Then out of the blue you told me you love me. I almost died because I felt the same way too.
I was this self-conscious girl who had only seen love on movies but then I fell inlove and I fell deep.
I admit It was great while it lasted. Suddenly I had a bounce in my step. I was more awake. More alive. Everytime my phone vibrated I held my breath wishing it would be you reminding me for the millionth how beautiful I am or how much you love me. But I didnt care. I would jump up with such joy just to read a text with no words just one giant heart and I would blush.
I got to know you…the real you. I got to know what makes you tick..mind I add you always looked cute when you were mad. I got under your skin and you under mine. I figured out what makes you happy. I saw how patient you were with me and I loved you more. I was like a closed book but you waited till I was ready to let you in to see all my imperfections and all my flaws . You saw all the parts of me that weren’t all that pretty and still you stayed. You chose me. You chose my chaos. My fire. My wildnerness. My storm because you knew you were my calm. I was so convinced I was inlove I couldn’t even think straight. I just could not envision myself being with someone else which wasn’t you.
Then as time went on by and reality had slapped me across the face. Like a flower in full bloom I finally got to see you and your true colours .I found out through other people that you finally got bored of me and you found a new girl. Somehow I knew you would .It would always hurt and still as crazy as it is . I still stayed. I guess something in me thought I could change you or make you realise that I love you . So I stayed and waited but I saw our chance of ever being happy slowly fading. I left..No goodbye. I just went cold and thought that maybe you would come back running and promise me that you still care and you still love me but no. You didn’t even notice..till you saw me with someone else.
But no matter how many guys I couldv’e been with .No matter how perfect they were. I still could not forget you. I still dreamt about you. I still kept your numbers in my phone. I still kept our pictures and yes that song you wrote for me because see even through everything I would still drop everything and run back to your arms. Because my heart only registers love when I hear your name. I always smiled when I heard your voice. You always calmed my storm …because silly you were my storm . I loved you and still do. I always will. I thought we had a future together But I can assure you this one thing : you will never find someone who will love you the way I did.Not now. Not ever. Not even in the next lifetime. Still I wish you well. I wish you happiness and good health. I hope your treat your Queen the way you never treated me. I still want you to be happy even if that happiness is not me.
**–**
I got so angry at myself and I asked myself why I love you so much even after all this pain you caused me. See I would throw you off a rooftop and still run to catch you. All the feelings I once had they are still there…rooted in me. I wonder what you did to me and my heart .I could never forget you even if I tried. Even if I wanted to. I will always cherish all the goodtimes we shared. I will always remember you as my first love. You took away my innocence. You ignited a flame deep inside of me and only you can put it out. You will forever be known as the greatest love of my life.
My children will know about you and so will my husband. So as time went on I saw how happy you were with someone else. I also remembered how you promised me forever while we were tangled up in your bed sheets..but I smile and move on and I pray God hears my cry and gives me a suitable partner. See while you were pushing me away you were only propelling me nearer to my soulmate.
I met someone. I found love again. It wasnt easy especially after everything I have been through but I choose happiness. See this guy makes me happy. He makes me smile. He is so sweet. Gentle. Loving and handsome. He makes me smile like no other. When im with him I feel like im floating . Like im in a heaven. He makes all the heartaches I endured seem worthwhile. I love him and I know he loves me too. I pray we build something unbreakable together.
–END–
