It Doesn’t Work Like That

“Hey, how has your day been?” Kaye asked her boyfriend as he walked into the door at his usual time, 5 o’clock pm.

“It was great.” John responded with a smile on his face.  “How is my baby boy?” He said as he picked up his 1 year old son who was standing and trying to keep his balance with one hand on the couch. “I missed you, did you miss daddy?” Kaye went into the kitchen to get Johns’ dinner plate for him.

It was Friday, and every Friday Kaye would hope John would stay home with her. She wished a movie or just falling asleep together on the couch would be an attractive choice for him as it was for her.  John always had other plans.  As Kaye walked back into the living room with his plate in her hand she asked if he had any plans for the rest of the day, even though she knew what his response was going to be.

“No, I don’t have anything planned” he would say.  She handed him the plate and turned on the tv as he started to eat. He went in to take another bite his cell phone went off.  She looked over at him and waited to see who it was.  “Hello” he said.  “Yeah, yeah, we can do that…. Ok, I will check you out later.”

As he was hanging up the phone Kaye asked  John who it was. John told her it was Mike, a friend of his that he knew since high school. Mike was the one person that was always with him when he goes out to the clubs and bars. “Well, what did he want?’” Kaye asked in an inquisitive voice.

“Nothing, he was just checking me out to see what I was up to.” John said as put his plate on the living room table and got up to get a drink from the kitchen.

Kaye knew what Mike wanted. It is what he always calls for. He would call and suggest to John a place and a time to meet that night so they could go and have their weekly “guys night”, but to Kaye, it wasn’t just a guys night out.  It was painful, and she dreaded the weekends because of it.  She always believed that a man should be home with his family because of her childhood.  Kaye went to school and worked all week.  She just wanted to not have to wonder what he was doing and feel reassured that he wasn’t out there looking for other women.  “Why do you need to go out every weekend?” She said.  “Can’t we just relax at home and watch some tv? We barely see each other and I miss you.”

He looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. “All you’re going to do is fall asleep anyway.” John responded.

“Ok, well let’s play a game or watch a movie. We can talk and cuddle” said Kaye

“No, I just want to spend some time with my boys.  I work all week and I want to hang out and get some drinks.” John said.

Just then there was a knock at the door. Kaye went to answer it. It was Adam, one of Johns other friends he had since high school.

“What’s up Kaye, is John here?” Adam said.

“Hi, yeah he is in the living room.” John had turned on a football video game and was sitting on the couch.  Adam came into the living room and grabbed the other controller on the table. He started to select his team to play with.  Kaye asked John to come upstairs and talk to her for a minute in private.  Kaye picked up the baby and started to walk up the steps. John followed.  She took the baby to his room and put the baby in his playpen with some toys. She then walked into her bedroom which was next to the baby’s room. She started to ask John “Why do you need to go out all the time, you should be here with me, we don’t see each other enough.”

“We already talked about this.  I need time with my boys.” said John.

“I understand, but the time with your boys seems to always get stretched out to 2 or 3 hours after the bars and clubs close, what could you possibly be doing all that time?” Kaye questioned.

“Well,” John started to respond.” We usually talk in the parking lot and catch up on somethings with people. That’s what everyone does.”

“No, John you should be coming home, you are supposed to be catching up on stuff with them while you are in the bar” Kaye said.

“You just don’t understand, sometimes I see people I didn’t see while I was in there and we just talk in the parking lot” said John.

”I understand, but the same thing happens every time you go out, it happens every weekend. You walk in here so late” Kaye said with tears in her eyes.

“Look, you want to start arguing over this we can do that. I am a grown man and I just want to go out. I can do what I want when I want.” John said as he started to leave the room.

“Yeah, but you also have a baby and a girlfriend at home who you barely see. I am tired of stressing out over what you are doing and who you are doing it with. When I got into this relationship I was attracted to how you were with your family. You always volunteered to take your brothers and sisters places. You were so family oriented. You were a family man and I loved that about you. But ever since I had the baby you became a different person. Always wanting to go out and never spending time at home. Weekends should be our time. All you do is come home in all hours of the morning and sleep all day Saturday, then Saturday night you do it all over again. Where do I fall in that picture?” Asked Kaye.

“I am working and making money, what more do you want? I pay for half the bills.” John said with his hands in the air.

“I do too and I go to school and take care of the baby, where is my break? Do you help give baths or cook dinner? I never come home to a cooked meal no matter how late I come home even when my classes end at 730 at night I have to figure out what to eat and what to feed the baby. I have to clean and give him a bath. I would think you could appreciate that and at least try. You don’t even try to keep me happy on the weekends. Look, I am not saying I want to go out but I am saying I want you to make me feel like you want to be with me.”

John started to march down the stairs as he yells. “I am a man and I can do what I want, I ain’ t got to put up with this stuff.”

Kaye followed behind him yelling back as they both started to approach the living room where Mike was still playing the game.

“I want you to stay home tonight” Mike acted as if he didn’t hear anything and continued to play the football game. John picked up the other controller and attempted to join in.  Kaye went behind the tv and unplugged it.

“Listen John, I am not asking for much I just want at least every other weekend where we can hang out” Kay said.

Mike said, “I have to work 3^rd shift tonight anyway,  I just wanted to let you know John,  I won’t be going with you tonight.”

John paused for a second and looked down at the floor. “Lets go Mike, she’s crazy, I need to get out of here.”

Kaye begged and pleaded,”John just stay home with me I just want to spend time with you”.

John and Mike walked out the door and slammed it behind them.

Kaye sat down on the couch hoping he would walk back in and change his mind.  She went upstairs to check on the baby and he had went to sleep by then.  Kaye went to her room and turned on the tv.  She sat there unable to focus on any of her favorite shows.  She just thought about what could she do to make him want to be there with her.  What is she doing wrong?  What more can she do?

Kaye fell asleep with a heavy heart.  All she wanted is to be happy with John but it was not happening.  Kaye was a 20 year old woman. She was young and was not sure exactly what love was supposed to feel like. She didn’t think it felt like this though. She grew up in a household where her mom was very sheltering and kept Kaye and her siblings out of trouble.  Kayes’ dad did odd jobs and always said he didn’t want to work for other people.  He was on and off of drugs so the only man she had to look up to in her life was not at home often.  She was used to the man of the house not being there but she wasn’t used to being the women of the house and having to deal with the stress of it.  Her mom and her dad argued a lot, but she just figured that’s what couples do.

She never saw a healthy relationship to model after so it was as if she was learning how to handle things on her own.  She loved her dad so much and in her eyes he could do no wrong.  As a child she would watch him do small jobs around the house and was amazed by it.  She knew he had a problem but to her it didn’t matter because he was daddy. Little did she know that she would find someone who had similar behaviors and in the back of her head she just wanted to fix him.  Now, John was never used drugs or did anything that took money out of the house and away from his family, but he was gone often and had an attitude that he would do what he wanted, when he wanted. That was a big similarity that she didn’t realize at the time they both had.

When John and Kaye met, she knew he was popular around town and had been with a lot of women.  She found that to be a challenge for and wanted to tie him down.  She always enjoyed a challenge in life and most of the time she overcame it. She wanted to show everyone she could settle him down and prove that he would only want her.  She was going to make him her perfect man! But she was wrong.  It wasn’t until later that she realized it doesn’t work like that.

Kaye woke up around 4 am.  She checked on the baby and then realized John had not been back yet.  She looked out the windows to see if she saw his car.  It wasn’t in there parking space.  She called Mike at work to see if he knew where John was since the bars and clubs closed at 2. Mike answered and said he hadn’t seen him since he went to work around 9 pm.  Kaye did not have a car, so she called her best friend up to see if she would drive her around the area to look for his car since it was going on 6 am. Kaye wrapped the baby up who was still asleep and put him in her friends’ car seat she had since she had a baby as well. They drove around for an hour and he was nowhere to be found. Kayes’ friend took Kaye back home where John was still nowhere to be found.

Twenty minutes later John walked in the door with a nervous look on his face.  Kaye walked over to John and gave him a big hug. John felt immediate relief.

“Where were you? I was worried sick about you. I thought you had gotten into a car accident or something.”

John said “I sat in the car thinking about our argument and I fell asleep.”

“I am just glad you are ok.” Kaye replied.

Kaye knew in the back of her head something was wrong and the story just didn’t sound right.  She decided to ignore the voice in the back of her head because at this point she just wanted a happy family.  She was willing to do anything for it.  Even if that meant ignoring the truth. Kaye will later realize it doesn’t work like that.

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(To Be Continued…)