LLC04 – The Last Act

Ping alert!

Ping alert!

Ping alert!

I managed to glance at my computer screen once and my annoyance at seeing the alert, while presenting a potential client with an opportune solution to his problem, must have been evident to him, because he excused himself on the pretext of having coffee.

“Damn you! I’m in a meeting!”.

I furiously typed a few more expletives and logged off,waiting for my client to return.

The caffeine fix seemed to have turned him capricious all of a sudden. It took  some relentless persuasiveness on my end to convince him that I was not out to rob him off his fortunes. He finally nodded in agreement.

“Good riddance to bad rubbish”, I mused while altering my disposition to reflect the exact opposite of my thought. He caved in. We signed the contract. He left.

“What’s with the messages?”, I demanded.

“We are already running late. The show starts in twenty”.

I could barely hear her before she took me by my arm and led me out of my cubicle.

The show had already started by the time we arrived.It was dark in the hallway and we could hardly make our way through the crowd without stepping on a few feet and distracting a few attendees.Their vexation was palpable.

I had already lost my appetite for the act.

Whilst most of the audience watched the show with rapt attention, my mind wandered, like it usually does, when  I have to sit myself through a laborious act . “Meetings, laundry, grocery, dinner”, the flood gates of my mind just wouldn’t reign in.

I was broken  out of my reverie by the applause around me  and so relieved was I that my applause turned out to be the loudest.

“Shall we grab a grub on our way out? I have a few errands to run as well”, I asked. “Sure”, she responded.

We were just exiting from the hall when a figure appeared before us, seemingly out of nowhere. I gasped more out of revulsion than out of fear.

“I’m so sorry “, I fumbled, before recollecting my poise. She seemed embarrassed and held my hand tightly to prevent me from doing anymore damage. He blushed.

“How you guys doing? Enjoyed the play?”,he probed.

“Sure as hell. I loved the climax”, I lied.

With the cacophony around us, he found it hard to hear me and moved closer to me.I squirmed when he came and stood besides me. He looked ghastly. His severed arm seemed to be attracting a lot of undue attention from the crowd around. He shifted about his place uncomfortably.

Silence! I had nothing to add to this conversation and stood mute. She didn’t seem to be doing any better  than me at this, either.

He broke the silence with a mention of the performance of the lead actors. We nodded. I managed to catch a glimpse of his face. His eyes were misaligned.The scar was still visible as if fresh from surgery. His face seemed drained of blood. Thankfully a mop of hair covered some of his scar.

“He looks repulsive”, I thought. I chided myself immediately. As if on cue, a guard asked us to move ahead as we were blocking the entrance.

The air was dismal and I just wanted to leave. I glanced a couple of times at my watch to make my impatience known. She stood rooted to her place, silent. He sensed the uneasiness. He quickly murmured a weak apology and took our leave.

It seemed like an eternity before we got out of the hall.

She was quiet throughout the journey. I couldn’t even elicit a response from her for a joke I had cracked to diffuse the tension. I just grabbed some takeaways on the way and drove us back home. She walked into her room and closed the door. I could hear her feeble sobs. Seeing him tonight had left her disturbed. She could never come to terms with his present condition. Her wounds, relegated to some corner of her heart,had just opened up wide tonight.

I closed the door behind me. I was upset too.

“How life had irrevocably changed course! “, I thought wistfully.

I quietly rummaged through my belongings,looking for it.

Her sobs had turned to sniffles.

While the dawn was breaking, I found it. Stacked among  some old books, brown and soiled, reeking of neglect.

I deliberated whether to read it or not. The former won. It read,

 

Hey S,

Your performance at the Karaoke night was breathtaking. I honestly feel you should channelize all your energies towards singing. It’ll do you a whole lot of good.

The song you sang struck a chord with all of us and we were momentarily transported to the deserts of Thar, just like the lead in your song. Not everyone has the quality to mesmerise the crowd just with their voice but you do just that. It’s something divine, something I never want you to lose touch with.

Sometimes I wonder if your good looks come in the way of your talent and takes away from it. Whether the heady adulation and love you receive has more to do with the fact that you’re an extremely good looking guy. I’ve never been able to convince myself with an able answer. Maybe you could help?

I wanted to walk up to you and congratulate you personally for your stupendous performance but you were inundated with admirers and I just couldn’t keep pace with them.

I still remember the tingling sensation I felt the last time we shook hands. I had half the mind to never wash my hands for a week at least. I was besotted to you. When you’d walk past me I’d tremble. When you’d look me in the eye, I’d blush a crimson red. I even remember dropping all of my books last Friday when you came up to strike a conversation with L and I.

Yet, once you’d turn your back to me , I’d already start pining for you. The sight of your ancient silver colored car with its tattered decor would set my heart racing. My eyes would start scouting for you among at the swarm of people crowding the parking lot.

I don’t think I could ever muster enough courage to walk up to you and confess my feelings,ever.  Hopefully, this letter does some justice to my feelings.

S, there’s something about you that gets me ticking. I’m not sure if it’s so much your good looks as it is your flamboyance. You’re wired differently and that is perhaps the reason,why I’m drawn to you.

I, of course harbor no feelings of reciprocation. I can fathom how many times you would have heard the same words being doled out to you, rehashed, retyped, reworded.

My only hope is that you’d at least care to glance through this piece of paper before you shred it.

Love,

R

 

I sighed. I would have never conjured an image of S as he is now, even in my wildest nightmares.  Life had undergone a sea of change, in just two years. It wasn’t just life. My emotions had tanked too.

I still remember the night I wrote this letter. I was reeling under S’s intoxicating effect on me. The letter was ready and all I had to do was to slip it to S, somehow. That’s when L walked in.

Seeing me pour over a letter so late at night had piqued her curiosity. She wanted to know its contents and who it was addressed to. I let it out without hesitation. All hell broke loose.

I had always assumed that her crush on S was innocuous. Nothing more to read home about. But tonight I realized how wrong I was. She turned spiteful. Copious tears were shed and plenty of accusations were hurled. Neither of us were willing to let go. Neither of our feelings could be slighted. The night turned acrid.

With tear stained faces we went to bed. A promise was extracted from me that I would never give S this letter until a consensus was reached. I was exhausted and just wanted to hit the sack. I agreed wearily. But deep down I had made up my mind . S can make his choice after reading my letter. But L can’t have her way. I put away the letter in one of my books to keep it away from her prying eyes. I was scared she’d destroy it while I was fast asleep.

It was just a couple of hours  to work. My eyes turned droopy and before I knew it, I was deep in slumber.

I woke up with a pounding in my head that just refused to stop. Adjusting my eyes to the brightness of the room I looked around. It was still lying where I’d left it last night. Untouched,undisturbed. The letter that meant so much to me two years ago. The letter which meant nothing to me now. L had not been to my room. She had probably not even woken up yet.

While entering the kitchen, I looked towards her room. Her door was still shut. I put the kettle to boil and perched myself on the breakfast table . The pounding in my head was relentless.

“I’d better call in sick. There’s no way I can work like this”.

At the  whistle of the kettle , L walked in to the kitchen. She was a complete wreak but she made no efforts to hide it. What’s to hide anyway? We both knew how the other felt about S . Of course, that was two years ago.

“Slept well?”, she asked. “Sort of . What about you?”. I handed her the steaming coffee.

“What do you think?”, she responded. I knew better than to prod her further.

“I’m off today. So I’ll make breakfast”, I offered.

“I’m calling in sick too. A toast for me”.

While I was preparing the toast, L lingered on in the kitchen. Something told me she wanted to talk. Under normal circumstances, I would have been forthright. I would have asked her upfront what was running through her head. But today was not one of those days. I let it be. If she wanted to speak about something, she would have to bring it up herself.

Breakfast was served. Conversation wasn’t a part of it. I called up my workplace to tell them of my absence today. She remained quiet. The silence was deafening.

“Alright, what’s wrong L? Is something bothering you?”.

“The events of last night”.

“Look L. It’s a thing of the past. We all fall in and out of love. Seeing S was unnerving for both of us, I must admit. But we need to move on. It makes no sense holding onto those thoughts anymore , L. Its over. Done and dusted”.

God, I did abysmal. I was stating the obvious. Who doesn’t know all this already? Well, I at least got this out of my system. I’d always wanted to talk to L about this but couldn’t summon enough strength to do so. I was scared that she’d fly into a rage like she did two years ago.

“It’s nice of S to have walked up to us though”, I conceded. I was not entirely speaking the truth. I just wanted to put an end to this conversation.

“Remember  how you’d tremble earlier R, when you’d see him? Some one had to hold your hand to stop you from shaking”.

God, can’t she just stop? Haven’t we already had enough unpleasantness ? Why is she worsening it by raking up old issues now?

“Hmm”, I murmured.

“You trembled last evening too”.

“Oh no no L. I was just taken aback seeing S. Last night was, hmm, how shall I put it?”.

“Unpleasant.”, she added, helpfully.

“I was shaken, I admit. But for different reasons. He does look a little hideous L, with all due respect to him”.

“R, there’s something I haven’t told you. Remember that incident two years ago regarding S? I had asked you not to hand him over the letter?”.

“I didn’t, if that’s what you wanted to know. Although I had initially decided otherwise. But by morning, I had lost my courage again and so I just let my feelings lie dormant. Now can we stop talking about this?”

“Well, the very next day I went up to S and told him you liked him, R. I thought it was the right thing to do then. When he walked up to us last night, I felt he still nurtured a faint hope that you had feelings for him”

I balked!

__END__