Litmus Test of Love

“It was not her fault. I completely understand your feelings for her, but…” Rajan’s mother said softly. Pressing his shoulder with her hands, she was struggling to word her feelings. She did not have the heart to oppose her son’s decision, but it was very difficult for her to accept Simi as her daughter-in-law. “If you want to help her, you don’t have to necessarily marry her” she said tightening her grip on his shoulders.
A decisive silence followed the statement.

“I don’t want to help her mummy. I want her to help you, as your bahu” Rajan spoke firm.

Simi was discharged from the hospital six months ago. But nobody could say that she was back in the colony. Unlike the earlier times, Simi could no more be spotted taking rounds in the neighbourhood park with her friends. She would stay within the confines of her house now.

Rajan knew that convincing his mother for the marriage was the easier part. The biggest ordeal would be to approach and propose her Simi for marriage. His last interaction with Simi was fifteen years ago, when they both studied together in the same primary school. All these years, Rajan couldn’t muster the courage to interact with her just as a friend and the thought of proposing her would send shivers down his spine. Understandably Rajan wanted to meet Simi somewhere outside, but that seemed a difficult proposition now. Anyways, he couldn’t picture himself saying those three words, and to say them in Simi’s house would only make him more nervous than he already was.

So he struck a deal with Simi’s best friend – Ria, that she would get her out in the park just once for five minutes where Rajan could express his feelings in solitude. But as Rajan was not sure whether Simi would come to meet him or not, therefore he had forbidden Ria to reveal the real reason.

Ria was highly unsuccessful at her attempts to pull Simi out of her house. A stroll in the fresh air of the park didn’t lure Simi anymore like it used to. She decided to give truth a chance, before giving up.

“You know na Rajan?” Ria asked an uninterested Simi.

“Who? The man in uniform?” and she let out a giggle.

“Yes! The gentleman in uniform!” and Ria laughed aloud. But she suddenly stopped in the middle of laughing – and hugged Simi tightly – “You laughed! Simi! You laughed!!! Thank you GOD! Thank you Rajan!” In that instant, Ria felt that if the mention of Rajan could bring so much joy, then Rajan’s proposal could prove to be a miracle.

The last time they had chatted and laughed together was six months ago, when they would walk in the park in evenings together. This was the time when they would discuss their lives, and talk on all nonsense time pass topics, which included the boys of the colony. They had given nicknames to all their colony boys based on their appearance or other qualities. Like Rajan was called “Man in uniform” because he could be seen wearing a blue jeans and a white shirt daily, as if this was his uniform. Obviously Rajan would have had other clothes, but for some reason he would choose to repeat the same dress every day.

“But his uniform has changed now you know! Now he is an officer in the bank na, so can’t wear jeans. So now he wears a white shirt with beige colored pants, daily to office. Please change this habit after you marry him!!” Ria said and immediately regretted divulging Rajan’s intentions in the spur of the moment.

“Marry? What? Why will I marry him??” Simi’s smile vanished and she stared at Ria flummoxed and furious.

“Actually, now that I have said it, let me tell you the whole thing. I was insisting you to come out all these days because he wanted to meet you somewhere outside. And he told me that he wanted to marry you. And I was not supposed to tell you this! So now when you meet him, please don’t tell him that you already know!” Ria pleaded.

“No I won’t!” Simi replied and Ria hugged her saying a thank you in a sing song manner. “No I won’t meet him!” Simi clarified, “I don’t want to marry him or anyone. And you go and no need to come to me with his directions. Please!” Simi gave a cold reply betraying her hurt.

Ria didn’t know how to respond. She knew she had goofed up big time. The damage was now done, and it seemed irreversible. And worst part was, she couldn’t even tell Rajan the real reason about why Simi refused to come to the park. She just told him that Simi doesn’t feel like stepping out right now. But to compensate for her blunder, she had thought of a plan and suggested it to Rajan and convinced him to try it once.

“The best surgeon in the city is a client at our bank. If you want I could take Simi to meet him” Rajan was sitting in the drawing room of Simi’s house and conversing with her father. Simi was petrified from the moment she saw Rajan at the doorstep and asked to meet Simi’s father. Her father promptly agreed with a nod but added “If he is the best surgeon, he will be very expensive too. These treatments are really very unaffordable.”

“Uncle, you don’t worry about that”, he said trying to conceal his worry of a different kind. Simi’s mother had arthritis and couldn’t walk around much, and her father was in a private job. So Rajan had planned to fix appointment on a working day so that only Simi would be able to come.

“Okay then you fix a date and let us know. Thank you beta”

The appointment was fixed for a Wednesday and true to his expectations, Simi stepped down from her house, alone. She had covered up herself completely but couldn’t conceal her shapely body contours. She was wearing shades and continued to wear them inside Rajan’s car.

“Let me just say it. I want to propose you. I want to marry you. And I want to know your response.” Rajan blurted out nervously within five minutes of starting the car.

“Why?” Simi said softly, curbing her desire to shout a NO. Simi was a very stylish person with a huge wardrobe, tones of accessories and a vanity box to envy with cosmetics from international brands, all sent by her brother based in US. On the other hand Rajan was like someone who was on a mission to shut shops of the entire fashion industry. The uniformity of his dressing sense was repelling for Simi. Today also, the day when he has to propose a girl, he was in the same white shirt and beige pants. Simi could not repeat the same dress in one month, and here was a man who was wearing just one set of clothes since forever.

But apart from this, there was no other reason to reject Rajan. He was in a government job which had made him the most eligible bachelor in the eyes of all parents in the colony. He was also fairly handsome, and his body was muscular and athletic. He could be spotted playing cricket and volleyball with the kids of colony and his fitness had a seduction of its own kind.

Simi waited for Rajan to break the silence and respond to her ‘why’, but he didn’t and continued to drive, occasionally looking at her with the intention to say something but not saying it.
Simi repeated her question.

“Why do you want to marry me…. at this stage?” she said softer than before.
“I have no reason. I don’t want any dowry” Rajan replied, nervous than before.

Simi could have pulled her hair at this reply. All that she wanted to hear was that – I want to marry you because I love you. But she had discovered now that Rajan was as bad at romance as he was with his dressing sense. It was not as if Rajan didn’t say it because he didn’t love her. Simi knew that Rajan had been one of her silent admirers since a long time now. But forget about proposing, he could never even muster the courage to look straight into the eyes of Simi. Like a body guard, he would escort her from home to college, and back to home, but keeping a distance.

Stalking her was never Rajan’s intention, but it was merely ensuring that she was safe. He would assume that the distance would make him invisible but Simi could see him standing at that magazine stall daily, pretending to read magazine and waiting for her to come out from the college. He would board the same university bus which she would but sit very far from her, and did not ever make the slightest attempt to go and talk to her. He would have probably done the same for school if only Simi’s school was not in the colony itself and so near to her home. “We have reached” Rajan announced while stopping the car.

“Oh so we actually have an appointment. I thought it was just an excuse to…” Simi uttered, but didn’t finish her sentence noticing Rajan’s expression. He didn’t like this question mark raised on his credibility that he had lied to her father. Well he actually had, because this doctor was not his client at the bank, but he had come here before, explained Simi’s case history and taken an appointment. And this helped. Because the way the doctor and Rajan shook hands with each other, Simi was easily convinced that Doctor was known to Rajan.

“Let me examine her. You wait here” and Simi disappeared with the doctor into another room. This wait of few minutes made Rajan more anxious than he was for the response to his proposal. Rajan could really trust no man in this world.
The doctor stepped out soon enough and Simi followed him. She sat on the chair besides Rajan, but he asked her to wait outside. The doctor said that treatment would cost up to twenty lakhs, but it would ensure considerable recovery. Rajan paid the money for the appointment and stepped out, only to find that Simi was nowhere to be seen. He rushed to his car parking and was relieved to find her leaning against the car.

They were on their way back. Simi wanted to suggest that at least they should have had coffee together. But with twenty minutes of driving silently, Rajan dropped Simi back to her house. Before she left the car, he reminded her that he would wait for her reply and passed on his number on a chit of paper.

At midnight, Rajan’s mobile beeped with a text message –

“y do u wanna marry me?”

It was from an unknown number but Rajan knew whose.
This message meant that Rajan’s proposal was being considered. And now his task was to just provide some compelling reasons as the answer to her question. But the moment Rajan thought that he had found the right reason, some other reason would strike him and the previous one would seem silly. He thought of many reasons but each seemed trivial on second thoughts.

“bcoz v can liv togedr aftr marg”

Rajan wrote finally and pressed the send button. Six minutes had elapsed between her text and Rajan’s reply.

“y do u want to liv wid me?”

Rajan’s mobile beeped again within the same minute. And reading yet another question, he held his forehead with his hands. He was now trying to think that what is it that she wants to hear as an answer. He typed, erased, typed the same thing again, erased half, and typed it yet again and then pressed the send button.

“bcoz I luv u”

And Rajan was relieved that he finally said those three words. Texting was definitely much easier. He still couldn’t picture himself saying the same thing to her face-to-face. This time four minutes had elapsed by the time Rajan’s message was delivered. Improvement from before.

“y do u lov me?”

The mobile beeped again, within the same minute. And this time Rajan had already guessed that this question was coming. He was so sure that Simi would ask this, that he had already begun typing his reply.

“I realy don hav any rezn for dis. My luv is unreznable, uncondtnl”

Rajan finally managed to reply within the same minute. He really hoped this answer would satiate the inquisitive Simi. He knew that his seriousness was being judged through this probe. And the message that would come now from Simi’s side would be like the pronouncing of her judgment.
“meet me at 4:00 am in d park tmrw”

Rajan opened the message as soon as the light flashed, before the mobile could beep. They had to meet just three hours later. And Rajan thought he should not sleep as otherwise it would be difficult to wake up at the right time.
But what would he do for three hours? He turned on his laptop and played his favorite movie – ‘If Only’. He was watching it the nth time, but this time with the intention of learning how to be more expressive of his love.

Quarter to four and he was already standing on the entrance of the park. He became slightly nervous when he saw Simi coming towards the park, towards him. Obviously there was no one in the street that time except for some howling mongrels. And in the park also there were four halogens in four corners, and the rest of the park was soaked in darkness.

“Good morning” she greeted Rajan as she walked in, subtly indicating him to follow her. She went in and sat on a bench which was far enough from the halogens. Rajan sat at the other end of the bench.

“This is a nice t-shirt…never seen you wearing it before” Simi was compelled to remark as she had never seen Rajan in T-shirt before this. “You should wear t-shirts more often” she added, hoping that this would urge him to improve his dressing sense.

Rajan continued to look down hesitantly. He had fixed his gaze on the grass, something which Simi didn’t like. She wanted him to look at her.

“I come to the park at 4:00 am now for my walks, as I can’t come in the evenings….Are you sure you want to marry me?” Simi asked directly without beating around the bush.

“Yes! Only you” Rajan responded so instantly that it seemed like a reflex reaction.
“Look at me” Simi commanded, and began to unveil her face covered by the scarf.

Rajan had to stop staring at the grass now as per Simi’s orders. He looked at her and couldn’t look at her. Probably his eyes didn’t want to see her this way, and started crying in protest. Tear after tear rolled down and he exposed his vulnerable side to Simi, as she revealed hers to him.

“Can you accept me like this?” Simi asked, her voice also choking with tears. She wanted Rajan to see her burns up and close. The acid had distorted her entire face and portions of her neck. For a girl who was so fond of admiring herself in the mirror and dressing up, nothing could be a bigger punishment. After this acid attack by unknown assailants, she had begun cursing herself for being so beautiful. As she was made to realize that it was her beauty that had attracted the beasts. If in case Rajan was also attracted by her beauty, then she wanted to show him that only ruins existed now, nothing else. She wanted to tell him that she was not the same girl whom he would admire.

“I love you” Rajan managed to utter. By now he was crying like a kid. He could never forgive himself for not being around Simi on that fateful day. Rajan had to attend his convocation that day, and that’s why he couldn’t escort Simi from her college to home, as he always did discreetly. If he would have been around, he could have chased and stopped the motorbike on which the assailants raced ahead, he could have removed their helmets to identify them and he could have bashed them and given them a taste of their own acid. But he could not do any of it! He could not guard Simi. He could not protect his love from such a cruel attack. And these thoughts made him cry uncontrollably.
Simi had never seen an adult man sobbing so loudly before. She had received all the answers to all the questions she had. Till yesterday, Rajan wanted to marry her. Today, she also wanted to marry this man whose love stood the litmus test.

Simi went closer to him, hugged him, and whispered into his ear –

“If you don’t stop crying, how can we live happily ever after?”

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