Hi…How are you? How’s life going on? It’s been seven years since the last time I write you a letter. I hope everything is fine in your life.
I have something to tell you that I can’t tell in personal. So, I wrote this letter for this is the only way I know to reach you. And I hope after you read the body of this letter. You will understand me clearly. So, here I go.
Back in the year 1999, I first meet this guy whose face didn’t leave away in my mind. It is always there every time I close my eyes. It is just like a face that glued in my mind. Yes, you were smiling…I didn’t forget how you look and stare at me in un-mindful way. I know we were both teens then. We are both sixth grader and classmate of the same class. But it doesn’t stop me from admiring you from the distance. It doesn’t stop me from wishing above the sky…that someday…somehow in the future God will bring us together as boyfriend/girlfriend or maybe husband and wife.
I was so happy and inspired then, to see you always; almost every day is my happiness. Even though I know I am the only one feels that way. But it’s okay as I am not wishing that you do admire and care for me too. To see you is enough it brought smile to my heart. But unexpectedly I feel that there is hope between us. As there was a time I never forget…
It was dismissal time in our afternoon class. I was walking home then when I notice that you were at my back following my step. You are singing such a sweet song. I don’t really know if that song was meant for me or I was just assuming that it is really for me. Or maybe the truth is your just bored and singing is the best way to ignore things around you. You know I am so happy that moment….when I first heard your wonderful voice. Even if I know that there’s no meaning of that singing of yours. But for me there is…as I give it a meaning.
How fool am i? Another event that I thought there’s still hope for us is our graduation day on elementary school. I didn’t expect that you will be my pair on that procession going to each our seats. You give me the sweetest smile of the innocent young boy of that time. I didn’t know how to response on that sweet smile of yours; so I did pretend I didn’t notice it and walk straight to my chair. But deep inside I feel like exploding with so much joy. You know I am so happy for that moment, your smile still in my mind up to this time…
I don’t really know if I mean a lot to you. Coz, you didn’t speak to me even a single word. But my instinct told me that you feel the same way I feel. How I wish it’s true. Because you show it by actions… and the adage says: “actions speak louder than words”. I hope it’s true or maybe I am just assuming again? How sad…
After our graduation, I heard that you take your early summer at Cagayan de oro city. And I spend my whole summer helping my parents at home.
June 1999, class opening; I enrolled at Bukidnon National School of Home Industries as a first year enrollee. And you enrolled at San Andres High School. It is a private and catholic school that only a middle class family can afford to send their children. And you are so lucky to be one of them. This time we part ways and I feel greatly sad, because of the thought that I may not see you always as it used before. We are studying at different school. And I am sure you will meet new classmates, schoolmates and friends. And also a crush or special someone; but no matter what I feel, whatever thoughts I have I know you don’t have a care. For I am just a simple and innocent young girl who secretly caring for you in silent. And will forever be…caring you.
For over the years, I didn’t stop admiring and caring you. Until there was a time that you unexpectedly know that I have a crush on you. That was August 28, 2001; we are both in third year high school of that time. When you hear from my friend who reveals to you that you are my crush…I notice your reaction. You seem so happy of that moment and I don’t know what to think or feel. You are smiling broadly. And I really don’t know the reason why. Is it because you know that I care for you and you find it very funny? Or is it because you are happy knowing that we had the same feeling for each other? Or maybe I am assuming again.
May 2002, a month that for me was the saddest day of my life because my father has passed away. And realize that my mother can’t continue to send me to school. I was feeling so down and ill of that time…wishing that if you’d be only at my side everything will be better. You know…even if I am experiencing pain and hardships, I never failed to think of you. You know, you are my strength, my hope and my inspiration in life.
June 8, 2002, that was the last time I see you. You are un-aware of that moment that there two eyes sadly staring at you from the distance. You didn’t know that I am there in front of your house. When I look at you from the distance… I notice that you look so serious, so lonely and sad. It seems like you are engrossed with your own thoughts and looking so far. I don’t know what’s bothering you of that time. But all I know is I am happy to see you for the last time. Even though I know that I will be missing you. Since that my mother can’t send me to school anymore. I decide to work as a house help in manila; to help my family from the hardship of life.
In manila, I didn’t mean to forget you for awhile. I was fascinated then by the way of living in the city. But I always see you in my dreams every time I sleep.
On June 2003, I heard from my new co-worker who came from our place Maramag, Bukidnon… that your mother is dead. So, at that moment I wrote a condolence letter to you, expressing how sad I am for what happen and encourage you to not lost hope and be strong. As I experience the same feeling of losing someone you dearly loved. I did include in the letter my contact number. But I didn’t write my real name as a sender, so you will be surprised. October 2003, I received an unexpected call from you… and for the first time, for over the years I heard your wonderful voice. I am so happy that I am shaking with too much joy. While listening to every word you said, I feel overwhelmed. I never expect that finally you will speak to me personally. And I never thought that it was the start of our beautiful friendship through cellular communication.
You know, I can’t describe the kind of happiness that I feel every time I heard my cell phone beeps and received your sweet and thoughtful text messages. You deeply warm my heart and soul with those messages that you send to me. Those messages inspire me in life.
And I hope you won’t forget that you send me that kind of text messages liked: “For me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world”, “you know, you are my inspiration in my studies” and many more. And I kept on wondering if you mean every text that you send to me. But the most unforgettable text that I receive from you; was you said: “I LOVE YOU” which I quickly response with: “I LOVE YOU, TOO”.
That magic words move my world…and that moment I feel like I am floating in the cotton of clouds. And my surrounding was full of beautiful flowers which many colorful butterflies flying around. The unexpected happiness that I feel after knowing that you love me too. How I wish it’s true. But suddenly I feel sad because I realize that maybe you’re just kidding me. How would I really know if you really love me; when all of that happening thru cellular communication? As I know that in the world of cellular communication many people are not real to what they are sending to their text mates, on what they are saying in the phone. There are so many false messages on cell phones that we may receive everyday from somebody we didn’t know. I hope you are not one of those people that fooling somebody are there hobbies and happiness. And I really hope that you really mean every word you said. You know why? Coz, I would be very happy, probably the happiest woman on earth.
But sadly…time didn’t give us a chance. You know why? Because I’ve spent more than ten years of secretly hoping and praying that time will come…that you will come into my life and showed your love to me. But it didn’t happen. And I think it will never be…coz, I know at this moment you are happily in love with someone else. You know…I am greatly hurt after I discover in facebook that you are already engaged. It tore me apart and no matter how long I weep at night, because of you. It doesn’t take away the pain in my heart. And the question that kept going on in my mind is: “Did you ever love me?”
I just want to ask you that question personally but I refuse to do so. Coz, I don’t have strength to face you…because I am afraid that when you look into my eyes you will see how desperate my heart is, wishing you’ll be mine. I am shy to let you know my feelings. That’s why I wrote this letter in case you’ll have a time to read. You know since 1999 and up to this year (2013). My feelings for you are still intact and haven’t changed for over the years. Through the years it is always there.
Your name is already carved in my heart and no matter what I do. You will be always a part of it. Maybe you think I’m crazy for telling you this shocking revelation of mine. But I’m not…I am genuinely true and full of tears while writing this letter. Yeah, maybe I am crazy…crazy in love with you even if I know that you already have a special someone in your life. But why, why, why can’t you be mine? Why don’t you try to love me at all? What’s wrong with me? Is my love isn’t enough? Or you are afraid to fulfill what you have said before?
Please tell me… I want to know the truth. I deserve to know what’s inside your heart and mind. You know you are my unrequited love. A love that I think I am the only one knows the feeling of pain and happiness. Pain, because no matter what I do…you can’t be mine. And happiness because I am just happy seeing you from the distance. But I am willing to sacrifice and willing to wait for the right time that you will notice me. Maybe someday…if God let it be. I just hope…if God give us a chance to meet and talk personally. I will tell you what’s inside my heart and mind. But as of now, it’s enough that you have known the secret that I have been keeping for over a decade. I did love you and I really do. I didn’t mean to feel this way. It is your great personality that draws me toward you.
As for me you are the kind of man that I am dreaming to be my first and last love of my life. As I think you are a perfect person. You can be a good husband, a best friend, a good father to any child and a lover. But I know that you are only “my impossible dream” simple as that. And I will never wish that you will be my reality.
Loving You Always,