This night is a nightmare for me – yes, you heard it right. The typical movie dialogue ‘love is an illusion’ is right in my case and has terribly broken me down. My past years with Mohit will now be just a memory, and right now, I am delving deeper into his thoughts. No, he didn’t cheat on me, even I didn’t, we still belong to each other, love each other – but that ‘something’ has now gone terribly wrong for both of us.
His first look – in my dance class, oh my, it is as fresh as mint. He was a bit short, but a hunk that every girl dreams for. Mohit instantly blew off my mind by his voice and expressions – and well he dances a bit oddly, but I never did mind. For me, he showcased himself, not his talent in the dance class, and a tiny urge in me wished to explore this feeling further.
The first connect
Talking about me, I am a near-to good looking girl but I had my own attitude – the attitude every girl has ‘He did not notice me – then well I wouldn’t be the first to approach’. Call me lucky or anything, I realized that he was a good friend of ‘a good friend of mine’. Nisha and Mohit were childhood friends, and I left no stone unturned to bring my feelings indirectly into Nisha’s notice. Nisha teased me at first but promised me to help me out (I had to give her many treats for that, and it still continued).
Mohit, my ‘about to be man’, yes that was my confidence, liked to make new friends, and this was my opportunity. The upcoming friendship day was the perfect occasion to hit the ground running. Nisha, me and Mohit met up at a hotel and she introduced me to him – he, with his ‘those’ expressions (I can still die for them), said, ‘Oh Hi Nikita, yes I noticed you in dance class. You dance fab. Glad to connect with you through Nisha.’
Notice??? Well, I did not just notice you but made it a point to know you further and took all the pains. How rude of you to say just notice? Those words were stuck in my mind and god knows why I took them negatively. Maybe because I had already developed a good liking for him and he was yet to cross his first stage. Whilst engaged in those thoughts, he held my hand (touched me for the first time) and tied me that ‘friendship band’.
Our love blossomed
This was the day we connected. We clicked soon, and talked for hours and hours on the phone. He was a mechanical engineer and his job involved frequent trips to the sites. Our talks involved everything – our education, families, aspirations and even some nonsense talks like his boss’s nature, his functioning of devices (yes we were mad) and my dresses, sandles.
For me, it was ‘phool khile hai gulshan gulshan’, be mine forever, every time I had an interaction. My heart shouted i love you but I made it a point that he does not listen – simply because I wanted him to love me the same way I did. One fine rainy night, I received his message ‘ I miss you, sweetheart!’ No, he wasn’t the type of guy who chose such words to often address his friends. This was different, this is my time. I was smart enough to get this all out and I did – I sent him a forwarded message about ’10 good things about me’ and ‘why would anyone love me’ to feel what he feels. He filled the messsage with lovey dovey words and finally confessed ‘I love you Nikki’!!!!
When things do not go as per the wishes
I had the end of this 4-year long relationship. We had all the fun, our trips were lovely, we could sense love for each other every time, hold each other, look deep into the eyes and do telepathy. Yes, we were masters. We connected over romantic songs, films and understood each other through our thick and thin.
But that night, it ended everything for us. Why him God? How can you be so insensitive? His dearest sister Alka, committed suicide because his boyfriend and newly turned husband chose to disown her as his wife – reason, my parents haven’t accepted you completely. This love marriage cannot go the way we wished for.
His words were enough for her to shatter and so for Mohit. He kept dying emotionally since that day, and made sure that he is that strong support for his parents. His parents, however, developed a dislike for love marriage, to see their daughter die in front of their eyes isn’t something one wishes for. It was time for Mohit’s marriage (our marriage), time to convince our parents.
But we realized that even after 2 years, his parents did not move on from that feeling, that dislike. End result – they asked for a promise from Mohit that Love marriage is not something we visualize for our ‘only’ son. You know what happened with Alka, I know whoever you have chosen may not possess those characteristics, but then please don’t expect us to be happy for the rest of our lives. Please kids do not hurt us, we beg of you – again!
Mohit succumbed to their wishes. Those words kept ringing in his ears, he had no energy to convince and prove them that I can be the one for him. He loved me enough, to let me go. However odd this may seem, for an Indian child, it is difficult to see their parents crying and they go against all the odds to retain their smiles.
Today, we met one last time. Our hearts spoke, lips remained silent. We cried, and attempted to hide tears. We behaved as if everything is fine, we can do this, all the best, but deep inside, We longed for each other. When you know the time and place of your last visit, things are more disturbing. One hour was all we could sit and express. We tried to make fun of each other, enacted in front of each other. Our hearts raced, we wished to kiss each other, live for each other, but realized that ‘now we need to live for our parents too.’
We weren’t too practical; we never wished to end anything on the wrong note. My 4 years aren’t waste and if I can, I would frame my story’s end, yes that is what I did, what we did. That one last time, that one last smile, that one last hug, was indeed, my melting point.