I am not a passionate writer but it’s true some life experiences do teach you many new things. A life changing incident happened recently. I was in a serious relationship from last 5 years with a girl who had same position as my parents in my life. I come from a very normal middle class family who has seen many up’s and down entire life and my parents like all parents devoted their everything to make me stand on my feet. So, if anyone thinks I am a rich spoiled brat please, you can meet me personally and see.
I believe in making my own destiny and my own kingdom, I am a self-made person who didn’t get anything except love, care and support from my parents. People who know me personally have seen me growing from nothing to something today. I had been good in my studies as one thing always got stuck in my mind that I need to do something for my parents, so when you learn well, you earn well. I had been getting above 90% in my 10th, 12th and college, it did gave me new experiences of life by getting selected in prestigious IISc Bangalore , DRDO , BARC for my internships and my project – All Terrain Vehicle. Today I am into professional life with a decent job or I say 9-6 same routine for 5 days a week.
This was a very brief intro about me; I hope I was able to show a brief picture.
So, Meanwhile all this stuff, I had met a girl in my second year who was weak, frail and dejected to enter the college life as she had a bad past in regards to her drop after high school for becoming a doctor. We became friends and shared everything one person does with another if you start liking each other’s company. She started liking me and I found someone with whom I could share my feelings as she would listen it peacefully like it was her story. With time we had developed a blind trust on each other and love started developing but I was very reluctant to enter in any relationship as those responsibilities which I had, made me feel that all this will distract me.
But 6 months of reluctance at the end wasn’t strong in front of the love I had developed for her. It was 29th Nov. 2013 when we entered into serious relationship by promising each other that we will be a different couple who will achieve our dreams together by helping each other and grow with our love getting stronger each day. Like every relationship it had all ups and downs but it was a great experience all together, our parents too had accepted us happily as we were of same caste and one of my relative was a link between our families.
I did achieve what all I had dreamt with her, a gold medal in engineering, some of the great internships, a good job, a car and few other things which I really can’t name. Even she became a more confident girl, more close to her family, a gold medal in engineering, entering into MBA.
Everything was settled in our case, we loved each other, we had seen our tuff time together and how we both supported each other throughout, the dreams we had built together, the moments we wanted to live together in future and those small-small memories in vast space of 5 years. I really can’t write everything in that detail right now as she has already left me and remembering all those things make me weak as a person.
We had spent 5 years together facing each other’s emotions, pains, struggle, frustration, love, anger, fights, issues…I don’t remember any other emotion which was left untouched.
I did cherish all these feelings, because I loved her and considered her the best I could get as she was worth living together whole life. She had seen me growing with time and facing those hardships. My family had already accepted her with full open arms and so did her family. It was a smooth track for us and many people did envy that and got jealous. We looked great together.
Few weeks back, her parents went to Priest/ Pandit to get our Horoscopes matched and that was the turning point of our relationship. Everything was destroyed after that, according to Priest this marriage was not possible, as our Horoscope’s didn’t match and some or the other kind of dosh was said to be there which would lead to a unhappy married life along with health issues to both and specifically me with late or no kids for us.
So after all this was said, to recheck it my family too went to different Priests, but all said same things in different ways. So, now I had lost her permanently, her family got changed suddenly, the family who had taken my finger measurement for ring didn’t wanted to see my face now as if it was my fault that our horoscope didn’t match.
The thing which still hurts me is that the girl with whom I had spent my last 5 years together wasn’t even willing to be with me as she was so weak to even say that our love is strong enough to deal all odds that come in our lives. One thing just got stuck in her mind that if in case anything wrong happened to me in future after marriage than she won’t be able to forgive herself.
But for me, I never saw any future apart from being with her and having a decent life.
I don’t know how suddenly people change their faces, how one can say that “my daughter is strong, you too forget and move on” … “We can’t spoil coming 50 years on the basis of last 5 years”…. “Stop disturbing my daughter” …. “We don’t want to meet you anymore as everything got ended on phone”…. It’s so hurting that I really can’t describe. The family who was so loving suddenly changed their thoughts about me.
I tried to convince my family that my love was strong enough to deal all the problem which will come in our way and will find some or the other solutions to stay together, over this my family at least supported me and called her family, but they had already decided that this marriage isn’t possible now as they can’t take risk and I was not letting their daughter get over all this by trying to call her or wanting to meet her. Her parent’s didn’t even let me see her face for the last time as it would make her weak and the next groom won’t be able to accept that or the new family might get some or the other information about this.
The girl for whom I selflessly did many things in my last 5 years, be it to take her to her convocation, or to make her and her mother meet their ailing grandfather in hospital, or to support her in any kind of problems we faced, today said so easily to move on … as if the things we did and shared were fake and in one click it gets rubbed. … hats off.
I have no words left to say……
If the girl herself isn’t willing to see me or talk to me as she has just decided that this won’t work anymore… then nobody can do anything.
I have a advice to the new generation, you are lucky if you get a true love and you get attached and it runs this long, and you do achieve everything with time in that love but do take that till marriage by seeing that, is your partner strong enough to deal anything that comes in the way. In my case I had everything in my favor but girl herself was weak enough to stand and decide that nothing will happen as our love is strong, more over I even don’t know how she and her family changed her face completely after this and threw me as a rat who was caged for years in the name of “All this is for your well-being, son”
Some stories are written in heaven, as this was. We met as god made us meet, we grew together, we loved each other, we fought, we solved, we cared, we wanted to live together forever, but our horoscopes and families came between us, and this relationship died forever which was considered the best relationship among the people who knew us.
She and her family blocked me from everywhere as they were robots who were pretending to be humans with no emotions attached. I don’t know how she is today, how happy she would be tomorrow, how would her new husband be with whom she could have babies and make her parents proud and happy, was this sacrifice done to make the parents happy, or was it to make sure that the future is secured, or you didn’t even loved me ever as I never knew that you would be so strong to say No, I don’t want to see your face, were 5 years nothing for you, or you really don’t trust your love, or your parents have already found a groom for you who can easily replace me as the way your family reacted made me feel that you people don’t stay alive by the pump of heart.
A unknown Priest/Pandit who didn’t even knew that we were together from last 5 years had decided our fate as in India people follow what others say but they don’t have courage to make their own fate. Typical Indian parents have the mentality that what will happen if my daughter got divorced after marriage, how will the society see us, what image my daughter will have after that, what will happen if my daughter doesn’t get babies. How will we face the world?
It’s true, no matter you are happy or sad but marriages do demand all this. People who show courage, god does help them. In my case neither did my horoscope matched with her nor did the love was strong from her side. I lost the faith in love after this and also I hate the girls who promise a hell lot of things when in love and leave when the road is uneven.
I don’t know how anyone can live happy by hurting someone to this extent, was 5 years less to judge the love, compatibility…no relationship comes with only love and smoothness, it do has issues, fights, anger into it. But if you really loved anyone you should be ready to face all the issues and solve it.
Marriages don’t work on horoscopes; it’s your will, courage, strength and ability to handle situations together. Even the horoscopes matching 100% doesn’t give the surety that it will work or not.
People who run away from the problems can never handle any situations. All marriages whether love, arranged, or 100% matched can never tell you that it will work or not.
God created adam and eve, but if they had got stuck into their future predictions than this earth won’t have reached uptill here.
If for her parents the horoscope was so much important then why did they not get it checked much before, was it right to make things reach to this level of getting married and now throwing me as if I was nothing for them.
They fell so low that I won’t be surprised, if they in future might again try to say that it’s me whose disturbing their daughter and not letting her lead a good life.
God does see’s everything.
Is this the only solution she had, to back off from this relationship and follow what her parents say? What should I do with all those memories she left me with, 2000 plus photos, and 500 plus gifts? Will I be able to love anyone else ever expect her or will I be able to now marry someone else? Or will anyone ever expect me with all this or like typical Indian parents who will try to hide such things in her case as I myself has lost the strength to even date any girl now because people do get selfish with time.
The girl who always used to say that “how people do arrange marriages, as I really can’t stay with any unknown person” is now so strong to leave a 5 years relationship and will finally get into marriage some or the other day with someone.
If my love was fake, I won’t have been writing this today and would have easily moved on, but the problem is I am not that strong and practical like her.
The learning which I got from all this is that don’t get attached with humans and don’t find your strength with them as they might not be thinking same as you.
If her parents do feel that now I am a big problem for their daughter to get married in some other family, I can assure them that I did loved your daughter more than myself, but I lost what I had, if your daughter can stay happy with someone whose horoscope gets matched with her, It’s great.
I really don’t want to offend anyone by all this; I had nothing left expect writing my feelings as even she didn’t wanted to listen me over this.
Don’t love humans more than yourself, all show their real face with time and situations. Dogs are far better companions for life as they won’t leave you ever.