I read very lovely line from Kemi Sogunle that is : If you don’t love yourself, you can’t be happy and can’t love anyone else.You can’t give the love that you don’t have.You can’t make anyone love you without loving yourself first.
Same is happening with me from a very long time that I really don’t love myself. But one day a fairy come’s to broke my nap and made me realize that who am I and I was wrong about myself like she know’s me more than I do.It was just like a bad dream has just ended and I started loving and enjoying of who I am and my company.
Earlier my work was my best escape from all of my emotions that I always felt so lonely even after having almost everything one could have, but I was lacking one thing and that was one partner with whom I could share my feelings and burdens, joys and lows etc. I was started liking her company, even liking the fairy itself. She was beautiful,simple, sweet, generous and the best anyone could think of, best in friend, best in student, best in child, best in everything but she was not good at was recognize people about who is bad or what is his/her intensions were.
The phase of loving my life lasted seven long beautiful months but ended eventually and I thought this is merely because of me as I am so cruel that I really does not deserve any good person in my life or she could not properly recognize me and on one day my morning was black as my light was gone and my hope was lost. She had always encouraged me like no else had ever done and I thought she was understanding more than anyone can do.
She was always with me and I was addicted to her but now I literally cried whole night because of her absence and with the sense of regret of hurting her with harsh words and the world is now more worst of me than it was. As it is difficult to live with own failures and now I hate me and my life more than earlier and is still trying to figure out what I am without that fairy.
Everyone needs a partner as I do and specially for me, a mental broke down person living on medicines trying to figure out his own sins he has committed but is unable to get anyone of those. I must have done so many sins because I haven’t got anything which I love instead this fairly but even this haven’t last long and after months/years I am seeing myself standing steps behind me. Weeping, crying alone; fighting with own waiting for a hand of love and a sense of care and the way out of regret.
P.S. Please tell me what you fell after reading this.