My Last Love

This short story became SPIXer (Most popular story) on 12 Jul 2014 and won INR 500

My first love was a flop. Bigger flop than Himmatwala. The same old story, she loved me until she got married to a NRI. Easily said but it was really harder . Of course, It destroyed the whole of me. Got depressed, sleeps gone for ever etc etc etc. Even though love stories are different the break up story remains the same for men. Uncombed hair, Unshaved beard and a loop of “why this kolvaeri”to sunn raha hai na”..

It usually lasts for atleast two months.. upto six.. But the problem with me was it never got off me even after this six month. I pulled my days of doing nothing but just sleeping and eating. My family tried their best to save me from this. Yoga, gym , anti-depressants.. Nothing came working out. It was then our family doctor came up with the idea of the decade. To get me married.

As you can guess, I never agreed. I wonder these people never had a love in their life. They just don’t know how I felt. They just don’t know first love never leaves.The requests turned to orders and later into emotional black mailing. As I was emotionally handicapped enough, I had to agree at last to get married. The biggest tragedy was that I couldn’t see my future wife until the day of marriage and also she agreed even after hearing my whole story. I just understood that India is still a place where atleast sometimes, woman have no option on their marriage.

And that was done. Things went as usual. Just as what happens after an arranged marriage. Two unknown people meant to have sex together and share bed. what an hilarious concept. isn’t it ? Even more hilarious was our life. We shared the rarest of rare words. Sometimes I often forget her name. It was after two or three months that she did come up with some efforts.

One fine day she asked me like “Can a boy loves a girl this much ?”..

I kept silent…

“You are awesome.., I mean., I cant love someone this much”..

I felt some pain on that, still kept silent..

“You know, I never loved someone, I guess its for good or else i would also forget language like you”..

I just lost my control then.. I took the mobile form my pocket and threw it away. “Please leave me alone” i said..

She cried.. I didn’t even cared that and the past condition was restored. No talks. Just living with father’s money. But that was not entertained too long by my family. They started showing reluctance to give money and that forced me to rejoin my company. Either of sympathy or of 99% secondary marks they took me back. The job was actually a relief for me as I could stay away form my home and wife. She used to pack me lunch everyday and put that on my bag. I never even touched that. But she still continued to do so.

It was when she realized that this won’t impress me she came up with new tricks. She started playing my favorite A.R Rahman songs loudly.. well.., I broke that player.. Then she made efforts to sleep with me like one day she broke one leg of my bed and said it was accidental. She had to sleep on sofa that day..

The irony was that even after all these, my heart still kept longing for that one girl who broke my heart. Every time I hear a love song or every time when I see a couple , my heart breaks a bit more. Hearing her name used to give lightnings on my heart.

On a monday, I got a news that she came back to India for a weeks leave with her husband. I decided to go to her house to see her. May be, she now regrets what she did and misses me.. and may be she will come with me. I got off home as usual and went there. There was not a bit of fear in me. I know I had nothing to lose. What welcomed there was her NRI husband. At the moment she saw me she ran to her husband and said something in his ears. I actually don’t remember what happened after that.

When I woke up I was in the hospital with my hand broken. My wife was there. And I wonder why she was in tears. Soon I got to know why. She had to sell her bangles to pay the hospital fees. That hospital session really tired my pocket. I cant expect more money from my family so I had to go to work with my broken hand. My wife begged me not to. really dont know why. I felt as though she is just here to annoy me. I was in a lot pain that night. I was supposed to take a week’s rest.

That went along., my hand got cured . On the 1st of next month I called her and handed some money. actually my first salary after re joining the company. Her face rose up. She smiled. Until I said “The money you payed in hospital including enough interest”.

Tears flowed through her cheeks. She kept that on my pocket and went to bed. It was between all these that the monsoon arrived and it stated raining. and I realized that my broken heart cant be healed and I cant forget my first love. Each time it rained her memories came along with it. The smell of the rain was her’s. The rain had her voice. As every raindrops breaks , breaks my heart too.. My tears made a competition to the rain. I started forgetting a time when I was happy..

The rain just got stronger day by day.. To get myself away form the rain, I decided to go to Banglore in the name of a company tour. I never thought how would I live there without money, I just decided to go away. To escape from the rain.. While I was standing infront of the mirror counting the new wrinkles on my face , my wife came to my room… After some moments of silence she said “I will miss you”

I got angry but didn’t replied.

“You look really handsome”..

I felt as she was mocking me still kept my nerves down.. the rain seems to destroy the word. It really got stronger. She came near me stared at my eyes for some time and kissed me in my cheek.. and for the first time in my life I slapped someone. I slapped her. She was broken into tears. I threw my packed bags away running away from that house madly drenching in rain.. Each rain drop pierced through my body and cut my heart even more. I was aimless but my foot make me reach my house..

I angrily said “I just cant go through this. I hate her. I want to live alone . I want a divorce or I will die. Its first love. Its just don’t go way, You cant never understand that..”

My father calmed me and made me sit and said “Ok. We will go through the divorce procedures but I have to say something to and you must listen and don’t interfere until I complete. ”

I said ok…

He started talking “Ya.. First love.. It wont go away.. I understand.. I know it hurts a lot. I know because even I had gone through this. Your mother had gone through this. Every body have gone through this.. Everybody will have a first love and for most of the people first love is a failure..and ever thought of your wife ? have you ever thought how much you hurt her ? Even not talking to her, treating her worst. abusing her. and now slapping her. Do you know how much you have made her cry ??… and you think she still stays because she have no the option ??… NO!!

I have asked about the divorce a hundred times and she always puts down..Even if you are giving the worst days her life, she is still staying.. Do you want to know the reason..?? she have the same reason.. You are her fist love !!! love can happen after marriage too..Just think how you will feel when someone you love don’t even touch the lunch you packed and you still pack it everyday..just think how you will feel when someone you love put down every thing you are doing to cheer them up.. think how much you will be hurt when you are paid with interest for the money you have spent for them….think how much it broken you will be after being slapped for kissing your love…and after all these she still stays of that one stupid reason that you are her first love and it won’t go away…Its not about the first love.. Its about the last love.. Its about who never leaves .. I just want you to know.. I am sorry it that hurt you.. ”

I couldn’t speak a word after that. My heart, mind, senses all went blank.. and I slowly took my steps to walk out of the house…

“You need an umbrella ?”…… “NO”….

I was running. The roaring rain couldn’t slow my steps down.. I reached home fainting… She came running seeing me.. she was about to hug me but she didn’t..

“Where were you.?. I just lost my life..I am sorry I just lost my control I will never kiss you again.. I am sorry.. please don’t go” ..

I could almost hear my heartbeats. Her face had mark of my finger in red.. I never know what to do but cry.. I hugged her… she was staring into my eyes.. Her eyes had fear… I asked “Do you love me ?”….she couldn’t resist crying..Somewhere between those cries she said an yes.. I kissed her a thousand times.. and from that monsoon., We have never missed a rain without getting wet together..

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