Love Short Story – A new breath
Photo credit: xenia from morguefile.com
Purvi stood at the bus stand for a long time, missing several of her route buses, lost deep in thought. Something in her was taunting her and at the same time cautioning her against harbouring any such intentions. Her heart went out for her three children, young, innocent and still learning the worldly ways. Her one wrong step – and – she shuddered to think of the repercussion on her children’s futures, how much they would hate her and probably they would never be able to trust anyone again.
Rajesh, her husband’s reaction was another worry. Of late, she grimly thought, how he was taking her for granted or rather had become indifferent to her existence and feelings. Of course, he was a wonderful father to their children, but with her he grew distant day by day. Soon, it had become unbearable for her. He remained engrossed in his office work and came home late nights and appeared too tired to even acknowledge her, leave alone listen to her, talk to her and spend time with her. She became more and more lonely.
At work, she remained glued to the loads of files on her desk, hardly socialising due to the unceasing worry in her heart about her crumbling marital life. And then, Vir, her colleague from another department, had walked into her life. He had come for some work, and soon their official conversations veered towards personal rapport. He was a glib-talker, who was known for charming people with his intelligent and engaging conversations. It wasn’t long before they became friendly and enjoyed each other’s company. A long time ago, Purvi was and felt beautiful and was reminded it oft and again by people around her. But, it was as if she had forgotten about taking care of herself, devoting herself completely to her family and didn’t realise when she had seen 38 springs pass by and her beauty waning. She was attractive, with dark, long tresses, beautiful large eyes and a natural, shy demeanor that did add to her charm. But, with the constant worries in her heart, she looked a distant version of her own old beautiful self. Vir was a handsome, married man with children, but looked much younger than his 45 years. He liked people guessing about his real age and was friendly with most people around. She had liked him for his jovial nature and was laughing a lot more now, thanks to his terrific jokes.
And soon, they started getting closer to each other, sharing about their personal lives. For Purvi, talking to him about anything mitigated her woes and worries and swept her off into a dream world where everything was positive and well. She was feeling like a teenager again, had started loving life again, for he made her feel good, look good and laugh a lot more. She knew about her reservations – she was married and had children – but this did not stop her from enjoying and valuing those moments he was with her. It was, as if, after ages, someone had paid such total attention to her and her feelings. Someone, after a long, really long time, had made her to feel beautiful and alive again.
She had always been a hopeless romantic, falling in love with all the princes and heroes in the fairy-tales or the stories she read. She had imagined life with Rajesh to be no less than a fairy-tale, full of love and joy, for she had love brimming in her and she deluded that when she would love seamlessly, she would also get love in vast proportions. But the realities of life are often harsh, as she learnt through her married life, which lost heart and soul after 15 years of companionship. She was a dreamer while Rajesh was practical. Their personalities were different as were their interests. He probably felt they had grown older and needed to behave their age. She longed for his hugs, his love and his time. But, he was busy earning money for his family’s good standard of living and felt he was doing his duty responsibly. In his impetuosity of scrupulously earning for the family, he had forgotten about emphasizing the existence of another important living thing in his life – his partner, wife, purvi.
She remained standing there for what seemed like a lifetime. Buses, over-crowded with people, some familiar, some puzzling faces passed by her. On a normal day, she would be anxious for the next available bus to home, to her family, her kids. She had to ensure they completed their homeworks (they were very disciplined in that sense, she pondered with pride), have their food and be on bed on time. Her melee of thoughts was broken by the cellphone ringing in her bag. She found there were several missed calls from her family. She answered their worried queries with some lame excuse and left for home.
That night, she hardly slept. Vir had proposed marriage to her, shocking her completely. He wanted their relationship to be more meaningful and complete. Purvi was definitely in love with his attention towards her, for it was after ages, she had felt important to a man, but she kept prevaricating every such thought about the end result of such a relationship. And now, she was confused, whether to accept her fragile marriage to a man who just didn’t care about her existence, or take a chance at love once again. She kept twisting and turning on the bed the whole night and next morning woke up with a bad headache. Rajesh, as usual had left early for work.
She didn’t feel like going for work as she was going crazy on having to decide what would be right for her. She looked around restlessly, when her eyes fell on an old photo of her on the wall, when she was in college. She was standing with a group of her best friends, and undoubtedly had killer looks of them all. She was sporting her famous smile, for which she was frequently complimented upon. Her smile had vanished now and noone seemed to be really bothered. Her world had become a fixed routine taking care of the family and kids, and what did she ever get in return? Rajesh’s indifference? the kids were too busy with their studies and friends and even they did not have time for her. So, was her life to wilt thus? Something in her had broken, died a longtime ago – probably there used to be a heart there, a heart which loved and cared for others and expected love from them. But, now she was living an existence sans any happy emotions, without feelings of self-worth and devoid of any attention.
She breathed deeply and closed her eyes for a long time, trying to focus and solve her current predicament. She saw vir, love and feelings for her writ large in his eyes, his telling her oft how much he valued her and his humor which lit up her darkness in a matter of seconds. He wasn’t happy either with his family life and spoke of how they both deserved to be happy. Something in Purvi was intimidating her to take another chance at love, to be happy and to be selfish, just this one time – whether it was the anger and frustration harbored for so long, or the loneliness that had
engulfed her despite having a family – but that ‘something’ was growing powerful with each next moment.
She looked at her cellphone and found several messages from Vir regarding her decision. She SMSed him to meet her at their regular meeting place that afternoon. That day, after ages, she got ready in leisure, doing up her hair very beautifully, applying make up skillfully, wore her favorite pink sari and checked herself again and again to see if she was perfect for her date – for she felt like feeling and looking attractive for a man who loved her. To hell with the society, if they call what she was going to do taboo, she just felt she had to start living her life for herself. She stepped out at noon, feeling a million bubbles of joy bursting in her, her youth springing up within her and her heart starting to beat again.
She stepped into the small, cosy cafe, their regular meeting point over the past few months, to find Vir anxiously waiting at a table for her. On seeing her, he gave a nervous smile and offered her a big bouquet of roses. She was lost in their fragrance for a few seconds and felt the mileu around her turning romantic and happy. They ordered their favorite cold coffee as Vir looked at her with mixed emotions – he was both confident and nervous of his proposal. The questioning look of his eyes and his desperation to hear her answer were obvious from the long silence that ensued.
She smiled as she broke that awkwardness ‘I know how anxious you are to listen to my answer. You know something – today morning, I made up my mind to go ahead with you – I was getting tired by this routine of my life, where I had lost my self-esteem and had started to question my identity. Thanks to you to have made me explore that facet of mine again, where I was important and was not just another face in the society. I learnt to feel and see myself as beautiful after a really long time and am loving every bit of it. Now, I don’t desperately wait for others to make me see the beauty in me, rather I take care to maintain and improvise what god has given me. You made me love myself and my life again. But…”
She stopped for a few moments and drawing a sigh continued to a studiously listening Vir “But, I have my life destined to fulfill my responsibilities towards my children. It is they who always gave me hope, when I was down, made me smile when I was going crazy, wiped my tears when I felt it was the end of my world..I have come to realise, they are incomplete without me, my family will go dysfunctional without me, and worst of all, they will lose trust in love. I cannot see so much harm coming upon them, by taking this one selfish step in my life. I hope you got your answer.”
She had a wry smile and tears in her eyes. Vir continued to gape speechless into the air, for long, even after she was gone.
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