Gentle touch of the familiar soft lips on his forehead broke his sleep, but he purposely didn’t open his eyes, rather turned to his side lying in his comfortable bed with soft blue coloured velvet sheet spread over it. As he was expecting, two soft and warm hands gently turned his face back and shook it with love. Very slowly he opened his eyes for a fraction of minute and closed again. Here came another gentle kiss on his forehead and an extremely soft voice said in an elated tone “Good morning grandpa, I’m the winner, I’m the winner”!
Five years old Zia was jumping in joy in her pink coloured night dress “Hey grandpa you’ve lost to me, yippee”!
Aman had by now sat in his bed smiling at the dancing Zia. He took the pretty little girl in his arms and made her sit in his lap. Both were now cuddled inside the warm blanket settling down their deal.
Aman made a deal with his grand-daughter last Sunday that if for the next seven days she would wake up before him and made him wake up everyday with a good-morning kiss, Aman would show her the pictures wherein he was as young as her father. So it was Sunday again and Zia had managed to fulfill the deal. Aman could have lost innumerable such deals to see this priceless joy on Zia’s face. Zia never believed that her grandpa too was once as young as her papa and according to her Aman was always an old man. Aman himself and his son too had tried to convince Zia many times on this but she wanted a proof. It was then that Aman designed this trick.
“Agreed my little princess, you have won and now you will get to see the pictures when I was even younger and handsome than your papa” Aman said lovingly.
“Really grandpa”? Zia still had her doubts.
“Of course sweetie, I never break my promises, you know that”, Aman tightened his grip over Zia.
“Yeah my grandpa is the best” giggled Zia.
“Zia, you need to get ready for the school, sweetheart” Zia’s mother said in a loud voice from downstairs. Aman quickly sent Zia to her mother after finalizing the deal that he would get the pictures for her by afternoon when she would return home.
“Bye grandpa, see you in the afternoon with the pictures” Zia said excitedly running downstairs and throwing a kiss in the air for Aman, while shutting the door.
After being done with the routine morning affairs Aman opened the uppermost drawer of his huge cupboard in a hope to get some old albums. After a through search of twenty minutes he didn’t find anything that could help him fulfill his promise made to little Zia. Without losing hope he took out one of his old red bag that was lying untouched on the corner of same shelf for many years.
Casually looking through its contents he suddenly fixed his gaze over a heavy packet. Aman felt his rising heartbeat and shaking legs. Very gently he touched a white coloured box and carefully pulled it out of the red bag…
Aman was sitting on the wooden chair in his balcony feeling the pleasant warm breeze. With heavy heart and watery eyes he slowly took out the contents of the white box, it was a bunch of four old diaries and a few postal envelopes. Most of the envelopes had turned yellow and fragile but one of them was relatively better. With trembling hands Aman took out a one page letter from the envelope and started reading it.
“14 Jan 1984
Aman
I know that you are keen to make out why I didn’t pick last so many calls of yours as you were continuously calling twice daily for last seven days. I hope you’ll get your answer after reading this story below. Please read every word of it very carefully and in peace.
A young boy and girl met at the tender age of seventeen and got attracted towards each other. Attraction grew into fondness and then more and gradually they developed a relation. The relation sustained for six years with all the ups and downs, of course more of ups and a few downs. For all these years the girl was truly, madly and deeply in love with the boy. He was the world to the innocent girl and nothing else mattered to her. She didn’t know any life without him.
Through out this beautiful time the girl did have some qualms at the back of her mind about the honesty and committedness of the boy, thanks to some fishy incidences here and there. But being so madly in love with him she always suppressed those thoughts deep within her, praying for her to be wrong and never let them affect her feelings. As the end of sixth year was approaching the girl’s concern about their future was also growing and she always shared it with the boy. But the boy was always more bothered about HIS future and his family’s wishes and desires for him.
Finally one day, without any promise, any commitment, any concrete future plans or any assurance for the girl the boy went away. He shifted abroad in context to his career plans and that too for unknown time. The girl didn’t know what should she take it as? Her life became colourless and sad as she never knew any life without the boy. Still she was optimistic that things will soon change for good.
And then suddenly one dreadful day, fortunately or unfortunately, the girl came to knew that the boy had ditched her. He had simultaneously reared another similar relation. For her, the world had crashed at her feet. Her life came to standstill at once. The only thing she didn’t do was killing herself to the literal meaning otherwise she was as good as the dead.
Completely shattered and annoyed by the incident the poor girl surrendered to the family pressure and married a man of their choice. Of course she had all the pain in her heart and hatred for the boy.
As was expected to her the boy too settled down after a calculated marriage at his convenience and created a life for himself as he had always wished for, the one with all the materialistic and social joys.
Now, both of them have lives of their own, of course devoid of each other and living thousands of miles away. But deep in their hearts they are still connected to each other. After the dreadful day the girl never ever contacted the boy but he has managed to regularly, once in two or three months or sometimes more, call the girl as he knows that his calls will be answered, more or less. The boy has always admitted his satisfaction for his current life and his achievements but at the same time he claims to be still in love with the girl and can’t accept to break the limited contact left with her. He has repeatedly shown his repentance for whatever he did to the girl and for not having her in his life. But at the same time he confesses that he is fond of his wife and does not have any complains from her.
In spite of all these facts the boy expects the girl to behave normally or at least as a good friend.
Why and how????
Aman I didn’t pick your calls because:
You know it always make me feel guilty and I feel myself as the culprit of my husband.
Though it is always nice to hear your voice but believe me, it really, really hurts.
No matter how much time has passed, I can never ever forget what you did to me.
No matter how far you claim to repent for all that happened, I can never ever forgive you and accept the fact that you walked away so easily and so conveniently.
No doubt nothing can be reverted back but I can’t digest the fact that I’m not part of your life though I know it very well.
Last but not the least; I had always wanted you as only and only one relation. You could have been for me either as I wanted you or you can’t be there. Twelve years are enough of the time for you to understand that you have lost me forever…
Me”.
“Yes I know I lost you forever not the day I received this letter thirty years back, but much before that” whispered Aman in an unclear voice.
“I didn’t hear your voice in all these years but so many of your loving words are always echoing in my ears, I didn’t see you for the last almost thirty-five years but I’ve been with you in perhaps all my sleeps wandering in the dreams, you’ve not been my partner but I’ve spent my whole life with you. I honoured your choice for not being in contact through out our lives because I knew you had all rights to take such stern decision but I’m sorry once again as I’ve always managed to know about your well being. That’s because I can’t breathe without that” a knock on the door brought Aman back. He quickly wiped his face which was drenched with tears by now.
The maid has come to call him for the lunch, which reminded Aman of the little time he was left with to fulfill his promise. He reluctantly packed up the contents of the white box and got up from the chair to again start his search for the old albums hoping to get some other special pictures as well…
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