The Romeo Symptom

That Fateful Day-

I was sitting at my desk, trying to cram up the periodic table for the test next day. Cramming is not my thing though, and it was really hard work. Algebra, geometry, physics and anything else that requires application of concepts and analyses is more up my alley than mindless rote. I was finding it hard to concentrate, especially since it was evening and all my friends were playing cricket outside and I envied them for that. No longer able to sit still at my desk, I got up and walked over to the window. I told myself that I would watch the match for a couple of overs before getting back to my studies.

Gill was at the striker’s end and Bali was beginning his long run up. It promised to be an interesting contest, Bali with his blistering pace against Gill’s vicious pinch-hitting capability. Bali bowled a full length delivery and the bowler in me let out an inward groan before Gill had even swung his bat. I watched the bowl soar over the outfield. And straight into the window of the house, on the first floor of the building, straight down the ground. I flinched as I heard the the sound of shattering glass, glad I wasn’t down there to be scolded along with the others. As usual everybody ran away to hide behind cars and trees, except for Gill. It was the rule after all – the batsman faces the song after a broken window. As I saw Gill gather up his courage to retrieve the ball, I noticed it was the house where the new tenants had moved in last week. I hadn’t seen them in person but, had seen the truck that had transported the furniture to the house. I was curious to see the exchange between the new people and Gill. Would we finally get a kindred soul who appreciated our passion for cricket?

The balcony door opened. And my heart skipped a beat. All thoughts of cricket and the chemistry test were wiped clean off my mind. Everything else lost meaning to what my eyes beheld. She was the most beautiful girl in the whole-wide-world. I don’t know how long she was there but, I couldn’t breathe for the few moments she was in the balcony. When she disappeared, the world outside resumed its ponderous spin about the axis, the one inside me had been thrown off of it. My emotions were like a tiny boat being tossed about in a cyclone upon the stormy sea. It had only taken a moment for cupid’s arrow to find its mark.

I remember I stood there transfixed, eyes staring into that balcony, a whirl of incoherent thoughts cascading through my mind, all the while wishing she would make another entrance. Remember that game we used to play when we were kids? Where one of the kids would say “statue” or “freeze” and all the others would have to stop in the pose they were? I was like that, except there was no  “unfreezing” or “releasing” me. I was brought to my senses by a knock on my door. It took a few moments for me to recognize my own room as I emerged from the daze. I hadn’t realized how long I had been standing there until Mom said ‘Dinner in 5’, from the other side of the door.

The Day After

I came back from school, having probably flunked the chemistry test, had lunch, and immediately rushed into my room and shut the door behind me having mentioned homework to Mom. I opened up a couple of books, sat down at my desk and angled my chair so I could see her balcony. Maybe I could catch a glimpse of her if she returned from school a little later. The whole afternoon passed away, without a single page turned or a word written. Though, my heart rate had increased tenfold when someone had opened the window once, but no one appeared. My watch had not borne fruit and I felt dejected.

With the gradual weakening of the sun’s rays, out came the whole gang with all the usual paraphernalia – bats, wickets, ball and ear to ear grins. I went to put on my shoes to join them, with the usual reminder from Mom to come back before six-thirty. Teams were sorted and we lost the toss. Instead of the usual groaning, I gladly took the dull position of the wicket keeper. And why not when the position offered a distant but constant view of the balcony? It seemed though, that the higher powers had decided to test my patience, but I held on to optimism.

Finally, somewhere towards the end of the innings, I saw the door opening, and my heart started thudding loudly against my chest. My mind went blank and I waited with bated breath. It wasn’t her though. Two men came out to the balcony, one pointed at the broken pane of glass and said something while the other took out some tools. But, before my heart rate had even started to settle, I was brought down to the ground by a painful blow to my thigh, hard enough to draw an elongated “F***” out of me. I was on my knees and gasping for air when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up with blurry eyes, Bali had come up to apologize for the ridiculous full toss.

The rest of the evening passed away uneventfully. I was so down in the dumps I couldn’t even care who won the match. Disappointed and limping slightly, I turned for home.

‘Saw her yesterday, didn’t you? You most probably won’t see her again. Before she threw the ball back down she told me we were lucky to have escaped the scolding because her aunt and uncle weren’t home’ said Gill, as he fell in beside me.

I turned to face him, seething in anger and jealousy. I guess my face must have given me away. ‘What? I’m just saying she doesn’t live here…’.

I walked off before he finished. I couldn’t decide which aspect wrenched at my heart the most. The fact that she didn’t live here or that she had talked to Gill.

 

2 Months After That Day

There is a buzz in the air. Despite the harsh sun raging its vengeance upon the earth, the excitement is almost palpable. Eventually, our teacher also gives up in exasperation, complaining about the futility of having to take the last class. The feeling of the last day before the summer holidays is everywhere. My friends are discussing their plans for the vacations, but, I don’t hear much. I have developed this habit of drifting into daydreams anytime my mind is idle. I have visualized our first meeting thousands of times, and today is no exception. But, the outcome is always the same. She smiles and the world dissolves away in its radiance. The ringing bell and the exuberant exclamations of joy all around pull me away from my daydream. Smiling and thumping backs with friends, I make my way back home.

After lunch I go straight to the window. Another habit that I’ve developed. As always, I stand gazing wistfully at her balcony for some time. I lie down on my bed, eyes staring at the ceiling.

My life is a mess. How could just one glimpse of her have thrown my life into complete chaos? I don’t know anything about her, not even her name. Yet, she is all I can think about. Everyday, during the evening prayers, as I close my eyes, I see and wish for her. My grades, not so great to begin with, have deteriorated. The successful fast bowler has been relegated to wicket keeping duties. Video games and TV have lost their charm.  My parents are worried, but, how can I make them understand what I’m going through? All of this is making me miserable, yet, I do not wish for my misery to go away. Is this how love feels?

I hear Mom calling me to greet the guests and have some snacks and cold drink. When did the bell ring? Who comes to visit people on a summer afternoon? But, the clock on my table reads five o’clock. I get up with a sigh and make my way to the living room.

I walked into the living room with a plastic smile and folded hands, and BAM! Why does she always appear like a bolt out of the blue? The ground slipped from beneath my feet, my heart jumped into my throat and for a few moments its beating drowned out the noise of the world outside. There she was, sitting in our living room! Gracing the tan colored fabric of the sofa was her demure figure dressed in a pair of simple blue jeans and a plain white T-shirt, Relaxo slippers on her feet and gorgeous raven black hair, tied up in an uncomplicated ponytail, falling over her shoulder. The all absorbing depth of the star studded sky in her dark eyes and on her face, a shy smile that could outshine the sun and the moon. She was the embodiment of feminine beauty. And yet, my words and thoughts do not do justice to her presence, because no words could describe the torrent of emotions that raged within me at that moment. It was just like last time, I just flat out blanked after seeing her. The rest of the evening is hazy. She had accompanied her aunt to our house, her aunt and my mother had chatted for sometime, and then she left. She had offered a silent namaste to my mother as they left.

I don’t recollect hearing her speak, did she say what her name was?

I can’t focus because her smile is all that is emblazoned on my mind. I am picking at my dinner while I vaguely gather Mom telling Dad about Mrs. Verma’s visit.

Wait! Mrs. Verma? Did she give her name? How come I had missed hearing her name? I could bash my head on the table. How could I have missed her name?

Mom is going on about the evening and I am hanging onto every word, willing her, with every cell of my being, to bring up her name. But no such luck, the talk has passed on to other mundane details. As I reach for my second roti, I hear ‘..invitation for havan..’.

I look up and the words escape involuntarily ‘When did that happen?’

Mom looks at me with narrowed eyes and replies deliberately ‘It hasn’t happened yet. We’ve got an invitation to attend. Next Wednesday. Are you feeling alright?’

‘Ya. I had just woken up when I went to greet them and was feeling groggy That’s all.’

‘What are you smiling about?’

‘It’s just that holidays have started; and tonight’s matar paneer is delicious’, I reply as I get up from the table.

My parents look at me like I’ve gone nuts. But, my heart is doing the rain dance and I feel like joining in too. I can’t imagine a happier or more auspicious start to the summer holidays. In spite of the heat outside, I feel like spring is blooming in my heart. Wednesday can’t come soon enough.

 

The Wednesday

I got up in the morning, earlier than usual. Shaving and bathing, a fifteen minute chore, extended to about an hour. Then I spent at least ten minutes in front of the mirror, with a comb, trying to find the coolest hairstyle I could. My outfit selection took nearly thirty minutes as well. I didn’t eat much at breakfast, and when Mom asked I said I was saving space for the prasad. She said we would leave at around eleven to attend the havan. I said OK and went back to my room.

In hindsight, I’m sure Mom must have suspected that something was up because I don’t usually attend such events and even if I do, not without  making a lot of fuss. But, I was floating on cloud nine. As I waited for the clock to strike eleven, I rehearsed all the flattering things I’d say to her and all the cool jokes that would make her laugh. But, mostly I just  thought about her smile. At eleven, Mom called for me to put on my shoes. I came out of my room, saw that Mom was closing all the windows before leaving, and snuck into her bedroom. I opened the cupboard to get the fancy bottle of imported perfume, thinking how this time I wasn’t going to be caught unprepared. I was ready to make an impression.

She was in the balcony, helping her aunt arrange the materials for havan. She was in a soft, light yellow, salwar kameez with a white dupatta. Glowing like an angel as the sun rays fell on her. And I doubt the best singers of today could have matched the melodious lilt in her voice. Her presence just felt divine. And except for the supercharged heart beat, I showed no signs of blanking out. But, I didn’t immediately go up to her to say ‘Hi’. I had to appear cool and calm, not desperate. I would wait for a chance encounter. But, in a crowded house with most of our neighbours, their kids and my friends that didn’t happen. I was always checking to see where she was and sat a few places behind her, and a little off to the side when the havan started. That way, I could look at her to my heart’s content and not appear to be staring. After about twenty minutes though, my eyes were starting to water and all I could inhale was smoke. I had had enough and not even her presence could keep me there. I got up silently and made my way to the empty balcony. I stood there inhaling the warm but fresh air and berating myself for not having talked to her. I was considering ways to approach her as soon as the havan ended.

‘Got too stuffy in there, didn’t it?’

A shiver went down my spine and I felt a massive lump in my throat. The melodious lilt in the voice, a faint fragrance of fresh citrus and lavender making its presence felt even through the overpowering smells of the havan. She had got one up on me again. I turned around to face her, all rehearsals forgotten.

‘Y-y-yeah. I don’t attend many religious ceremonies.’ Why did I say that?

‘Oh! And why not? Because of the smoke?’ There was a teasing smile on her face.

I wouldn’t have minded falling off the balcony at that time. ‘Well that and the crowd. Crowded places bother me.’

‘Even markets and theaters? They are crowded most of the time too.’

‘Umm…not exactly’ I mumbled.

‘Relax. I’m just teasing.’ She smiled casually.

Make that fall off the twentieth floor balcony. The fact that it was at a joke at my expense didn’t matter. She smiled and I was the only one there to see it in all its radiance.

‘I don’t believe I got your name…’ Finally, I got around to not speaking like a moron.

‘I introduced myself when we visited your place. Oh, it must’ve been before you came in. It’s Megha.’

‘Hi. And I’m…’

‘I know. Your mom did introduce you after all.’

I looked around sheepishly, avoiding her gaze. It wasn’t going well.

‘How come I didn’t see you the other day, when your friends broke the window? I saw everyone running away to hide, but I’m pretty sure you weren’t there’ she said with furrowed brows.

She noticed my absence! I could die today and not mind it. ‘I had a chemistry test the next day.’

‘How did you do?’

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t think that an admission to flunking tests would cause her look at me favorably.

‘That bad huh? I hate chemistry too. Where’s the fun in mugging up formulas and equations and elemental properties?’

We had something in common! I nodded enthusiastically and came out with a lame ‘Yeah. I know.’

‘Thank God though. I can leave all that behind now.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well. I have got admission in a new school that will allow me to shift my subjects from science to the commerce field.’

‘How come?’

‘I’ll have to start one year below my current level, but, I had to anyway. Might as well study something I like.’

I was thoroughly puzzled. ‘I wasn’t even aware that such a system existed!’

‘Not here, of course. We’re shifting base to Australia. My parents have already left and I’ll be joining them in…..’

 

I hear the clock strike midnight. Sleep and rest are strangers to me now.

I don’t know if it would have been better had I not gone to attend it. Would it have hurt less if I had come to know through a third person? Or, would the mystery of not knowing at all have been the best? No wonder they say ignorance is bliss. The sadness runs deep but there are no tears, no emotions. I don’t know what to feel. It’s like a part of me died at that moment. It seems like I have dived off a board and hit the swimming pool chest-first. It hurts, physically. Is this what they call heartache? Who says it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?

__END__