LLC01: Love Letter to Husband/ Wife
Creative Writing – Love Letter Contest 2013
© YourStoryClub.com
There are so many things that are just waiting to be found, only if we care look for them. There are those discoveries, which are previously unexplored, and which when unearthed for the first time, bring with themselves an unparalleled wave of joy. Then there are those experiences which need to be rediscovered and explored for as long and as many times as we want, yielding something more each time around. The happiness born out of such experiences are not only accompanied with an almost irrational feeling of exhilaration but are also seasoned with a more ripe and peaceful maturity; allowing us to savour the same discovery in newer lights.
Raindrops hammered against the window, and the city was shrouded in a thick layer of mist. The ambiance seemed to portray exactly how Zoya was feeling at the moment~ miserable and drab, as though every ounce of happiness has been snatched away from her. As though she’ll never find a reason to be happy or smile about again. She choked on her inconsolable tears and the plunging emptiness in her chest as she realized how her marriage to Ashoke has been both the former and latter kind of experiences.
She was only 19 when her parents demised and the good hearted next door Hindus married her off to their son, 10 years older than her so as to provide her sustenance. Zoya was too appalled by the loss of her beloved parents to take much notice of Ashoke or her in-laws at that time. She never felt any affection for or devotion towards her Hindu husband; she was always lost in her own cloistered world she had built around herself. In others words, she just wasn’t so mature to have a grasp upon the happenings around her.
But even a girl as young as her was mature enough to understand at least this much that he cared, genuinely; the meek smile he used give her, how he pampered her with new sarees and jewelries so very often, how docile he was always around her, how he always asked for her opinion regarding everything, how he never dominated her and always let her have her own way~ it was so evident from almost everything that he cared for her more than anyone ever did. If someone truly goes out of their way and cares for you, it’s totally palpable.
In course of time, Zoya had to notice too how much she meant to him. So she did. Ashoke was no longer that Hindu man who lived next door, he was someone else now; someone who expressed himself only to her, and only she knew now how he hid his real true face from the rest of the world. That deep within he’s a completely different person. Little by little she discovered a new thing about him every day; everytime she thought she knows him well he revealed another, previously undiscovered and unexplored side she never knew existed. It was a rather enlightening experience for her.
Living amongst a conservative Muslim family, she hardly met with a lot of men, and Ashoke was the first and last man in her life. She considered herself so fortunate to be the first and last of her life. She discovered in time that they understand each other very well, which is rather indescribable. She realized that it was actually rather nice to be around him, how they came to share the deepest of secrets and feelings, how the littlest things made them laugh together, how she too gradually fell in love with him as he had long ago. But the irony being they never once, in their seven years of married life ever conveyed their love for each other. Zoya always felt it was something that need never be told, that they both could understand without its utterance. After all, if one truly loves another, it always shows.
However, society is a highly prejudiced creature. Surely an inter-caste marriage wasn’t to be left in peace by this creature. Both Zoya and Ashoke, his parents had to face rather illogical offences regarding the sudden Hindu-Muslim marriage. It is often heard that when there is a will, there is a way; there were many instances when the family was on the verge of breaking apart, but sheer belief and determination held them together. And if not anything else, it indeed strengthened the blossoming bond of love between Zoya and Ashoke.
Flashbacks of it all soar before her eyes. Oh, those were tough times, but not as tough as it is for her now. At least then they were together to face it all. She wiped a tear and strained her eyes around. There was a Quran on the bedside table and a Gita on the upper cabinet. There was a mini temple he had built especially for her with a miniature Goddess Durga and a mattress just beside that where he used to sit and pray to Allah. The two of them had blended two totally different worlds into one~ be it their religions, their attire, their cuisines~ all of it was infused together into a separate, secret world that belonged to them and to them only where nobody else could venture. A world she fought with all her might to keep to themselves.
But that was only until four hours ago, before the hospital declared him deceased. She felt the world slip beneath her feet. Sorrow as never before engulfed her and she still writhes in the forlorn angst of her heart. He had been suffering from cancer but she always believed that his Allah and her love would protect him, that he’ll be all right.. She could see how he was suffering, but she trusted her instincts. She felt, a man so decent cannot meet with a gory end; he has to live. In spite of exhaustion, impatience, anger, frustration and all the other infirmities that gripped her during the time she had to tend to her ailing husband, she always managed to suppress them and feign a smile for his sake. All she ever wanted was to have him back~ the Ashoke he was, sturdy, healthy and always caring for her. It just isn’t fair. Betrayal all over again; the people she cherished most in her heart has been snatched away from her most unconditionally
Memories swivel around her head like a whirlwind and she buries her head in her hands. She still resisted from crying; she felt if she once starts she’ll end up like a shriveled raisin. A herculean task, it was for her. She lifted her head and her eyes suddenly spotted a crumpled paper beside the bed. A deep sigh released her throat. Ashoke’s letter to her, the doctor had said, right after he announced his death. She didn’t want to read it. She was reminded of that painful moment once again at the sight of it; yet, half of her longed to read it. The last time Ashoke thought of her, perhaps? But the other half wanted to destroy it. She picked it up and unfurled it, nevertheless.
Dearest Zoya,
By the time you’ll be reading this, I may be long gone. But there are certain things I want to tell you which I should have long, long ago. The first and foremost one is that it used to break me apart how you sincerely believed I will recover soon, when the doctor and I both knew I was in the third stage~ far from recovery. I never wanted to hurt you with the terrible news. Doctor always pressured me to tell you, he said it was unfair to keep it from you, but I resisted. We have faced many ups and downs in our seven years of marriage together, but this particular news, I feared would be too unpleasant for you to handle. I preferred to keep it to myself, for the last thing I ever crave is to see you in despair. When you’ll know everything I’ll be far away from you, my beloved and if you are to cry over my demise, at least I won’t be there to witness it, for that is something I wouldn’t want to see. I am very selfish, I know. But just I care for you too much, that is what makes me selfish.
I want to tell you that I fell in love with you much before we got married to each other. I used to be so intimidated by you from that very first time we met each other at the locality wedding. That was the first time I saw you in a sari and you looked absolutely stunning! I always wanted to speak to you, to reach out to you but wasn’t ever able to muster up the courage. Then when your parents demised… I remember that day still, so vivid in my memory. The funeral was about the most distressing occasion I’ve ever attended, and it tore my heart apart to see you in grief. It however was a blessing for me; because a few months later my father suddenly called me one day and asked whether I want to marry you. I felt happiness as such words are too feeble to describe. God listened to me without even asking for it and you became a part of my life. You were the most wonderful thing to have ever happened to me, and every day, every moment spent with you I cherish with me to my grave.
Ah, it wasn’t easy for me, no. Our marriage was so hasty and abrupt, and you were so young at that time, as also coping with the unfortunate demise of your parents I felt this marriage was nothing more than a burden to you. You were null and void; I tried to comfort you, like a husband would to his wife. But you hardly considered me as your husband or for that matter anything. You seemed lost, and I yearned to bring you close to me, but you never reciprocated the feelings I meted out to you. I was patient, I trusted time to heal your wounds, and so it did. Little by little you recovered, and you started noticing me. In the meanwhile I tried to make your life with me as comfortable as possible; I never objected to your way of life or ever tried to make you follow mine. I let you be as you were; and as long as you were happy, so was I. You grew up, and you seemed to care for me too, and as time passed you and I started sharing the same mutual feelings. I was euphoric. It meant more than anything else to me.
I never really remember ever telling you how beautiful you are. Well, my beloved, you are the most gorgeous and wonderful woman I have ever set my eyes upon. I always loved giving you surprises, I loved how your face lit up with glee every time I gifted you a sari. That priceless smile you used to flash me I won’t be able to forget even after my death. Life is a beautiful thing, dear, and for me it was all the more beautiful because you were a part of it. If there is one thing I could wish for, it would be to spend another lifetime with you. I may not be present with you physically from this day on, but just know that I will always be there for you, in your heart, my rightful place; just you need to look for me. I can never leave you, not even death will part me from you.
I curse myself that I have to leave you alone, but Fate can be so cruel sometimes. I love you, Zoya. I love you with all my heart and soul; I always will. The only regret I have is I never got to hear your voice uttering these three golden words to me. If I had, I can say I lived the most perfect life a man could’ve lived.
With much love and warm regards,
Ashoke.
Her eyes stung and her vision went blurry again. She clutched the letter to her chest and wailed, tears wetting her cheeks, the letter and her howls filled the room. It was agonizing. Suddenly she didn’t seem to care whether she shriveled up like a raisin anymore.
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