LLC02: So Far, Still Good!

 

“Excuse me, Fourteen-O-Eight, please!” I heard from back of my ears and my brain consulted my heart, right away.

This voice was too engrossed in my heart for me to take her for someone else. The peculiar huskiness in the voice exactly matched the epitome embossed on my heart for over twenty two years.

It can’t be her. Now? Here? No, can’t be her.

With a thumping heart and irresistible temptation to turn around, I continued my conversation with a guest, a client. For hospitality personnel in a five star hotel, clients are their guests. I wrapped up the conversation quicker than otherwise and I turned.

A lady in a beautiful white, netted, knee high dress was standing right in front of me, her back facing me. Even before my mind could spray a thought or two, she turned around. Our eyes collided and our worlds paused. That was her; my first love, and last too, Nandini!

The masterpiece that my heart’s artist had been sculpting for last twenty two years was standing just a hug away from me, in the flesh. She was not blinking, I couldn’t too. With our eyes wide open, in a flash, we both got dragged back to our college canteen on the day when we had met for the last time, twenty two years ago…

***

“Aman, please tell me that you are joking.” She urged.

“I wish. But I am not. I have to do this. I am sorry Nandini.” I was deprived.

“Why? Why do you need to go? Why can’t we be here, together, the way we are used to be, the way we like it, the way we want to be? This is not done Aman. You are not going anywhere. That’s an order. Do you get that?” she held my hand firmly and sat beside me on the bench. Her stubbornness never seemed this adorable. Even amongst rowdiness of the college canteen on the last day of last semester, we both were feeling just by ourselves.

“You know that we are different, Nandini; as different as a black and a white. Our families, our roots, our lifestyles, our responsibilities, our dreams, our needs; everything is diverse. We are habituated to each other, I agree. It is not going to be easy to imagine a day without each other, I know. But we need to do this. I need to do this, for you, for us.” I said with a heavy heart. She was staring into my eyes with a hopeful gaze.

Nandini was born with a silver spoon. I could hardly manage my basic expenses. My father who worked as a watchman, younger studying sister and a one room home, which we didn’t even own, were not going to revolve overnight.

I knew I could not give her all the lavishness and luxury that she was her routine. My second hand motorcycle could never meet her expectations when she was inured to chauffeur driven luxury cars. My untidy outfit could not match her graceful, fashionable, and importantly, expensive attire. I did not want her to chip in to my struggle for life. A fuzzy today and an insecure tomorrow would have been too much for a spoilt daughter of a tycoon father to persist happiness. I had a long way to walk to reach even inch closer to what was casual for her, since birth.

It is difficult for love to hang on when lifestyle is compromised big time, I thought. I wanted to see her happy. While I could not bear gloom in her eyes; how can I become the reason for that? I chose to go away, far away, forever. I had to borrow to manage joining a mediocre job in a restaurant in Singapore that I had got through a friend. This job could support my cause just about right or so.

“Aman…” She looked down to her knees. She choked. Her priceless tears were dropping on her white jeans. “I have never told you in words, but I want you to know that I…”

I promptly put my finger on her lips and slowly dragged her chin up. I looked into her eyes and shook my head. We had been best friends for a long time. Our friendship had blossomed to be much more than we had anticipated. To the world around us, we were not just-good-friends, we were beyond that. The world was right. Yet, we had never said those-three-words; we never felt a need to. It was all in the eyes, in the hearts and in the smiles.

Today, my love for her was my strength to stick to the decision that I had taken to see her happy, to free her to be with a man who can fulfill all her dreams.

“Always stay happy and keep smiling, sweets. My wishes will never let you feel lonely. God bless you!” I pulled her cheek and gently put palm on her head. She closed her eyes and a tear dropped.

***

Just in a trice, I heaved back from a college canteen in India-twenty two years ago, to a luxury hotel in Singapore-now, as soon as I heard “Do you know him?” in sweet-as-sugar voice.  Time machine must have felt this sort.

Even in her forties, Nandini looked gorgeous as ever. She was accompanied by a young girl who seemed to have just surpassed her teens. The young girl also looked stunning in a vibrant green t-shirt and red jeans. Her hair, untied and casual, looked appealing. Her fingers couldn’t resist playing with them. She was curious about two strangers staring at each other as if they had found long lost treasure. She asked again to break the shackles, “Do you know him?”

Nandini took a moment before lying. “No. I don’t.”

She avoided eye contact with me but still stood there, still. She was flabbergasted.

I managed to steal a moment to have a fleeting look at her.

Nandini’s eyes were sparkling, partly because of succulence. Hair pulled up and clutched casually in a long black clip appeared as graceful as they could. The diamond bracelet on her right arm seemed sparking thanks to her elegance. Her left arm was holding an elegant brown purse. In white stripy sandals, her legs looked attractive. She was holding a hotel room access card which had 1408, her room number embossed in italic fonts.

“So?” The younger beauty interrupted my appreciation for Nandini’s elegance that I was dying to express.

Nandini retrieved herself and said “Yes Ayesha.”

“Shall we go Mom?” Though nothing was unusual in what she said, this took me aback. It took me a few moments to understand, and more precisely digest the fact that Nandini had a daughter, a beautiful daughter.

Possessing beauty of a nymph, innocence of a child, grace of a princess, and eyes that would outshine a star, she had to be Nandini’s daughter!

“Yes, let’s go.” Nandini said as they went past me.

“Excuse me ma’m.” I said courageously; my heart was still thumping like a midnight dance floor.

“Yes?” Ayesha turned around; Nandini didn’t.

“Hi, I am Aman Sharma. I am the Executive Customer Relationship Manager.” I said with a smile, professionally. I was not used to using, or should I say misusing, my professional scope for personal aspiration. I attempted this time.

“Ok. Hi.” Ayesha replied courteously with a smile, as beautiful as her mother’s.

“I hope you are having a good time at our hotel, miss.” My smile carried on.

“Yes, we are. Hospitality is really good.” Ayesha’s positive gesture gave wings to my wish.

“If you need any assistance, I am just a call away.” I politely handed over my visiting card to her. She gracefully accepted and carried on.

“Ma’m?” I said. I was badly hoping to have a conversation with Nandini.

Ayesha replied, “Yes?” Nandini chose to stand aside.

“We have live jazz music at the bar by the dance floor and exclusively picked chef special cuisines for dinner tomorrow at our rooftop restaurant. It is going to be an evening to remember. I hope you have a good time there.”

“Great. Sure, we will. Thank you.” And Ayesha joined her mom to keep going.

“And, miss?” I stopped them, again, hoping to see Nandini turn around this time.

“Yes Mister Aman Sharma? Tell me.” it was Ayesha again who chose to answer with a pinch of irritation.

“You are very pretty.” I said with all honesty wrapped up in a tender smile.

“Oh, Oh thanks!” She smiled and fluttered eyelids.  Surprised by my gesture, Nandini turned around.

“And you too, gorgeous, ma’m.” I expressed my long graved appreciation to her, in words. I sighed silently.

She smiled, nodded and put her arm around Ayesha to take her along. They left for their room leaving me in a mesh of delusion and ambiguity.

***

“Hello!” Ayesha tapped on my back. She sipped her reddish orange drink as I turned. “You were right Mr. Aman. This evening is beautiful.” She was wearing a dazzling black dress and sparkling earrings.

“Oh hi ma’m. I hope you are having a good time.” I said and smiled. My eyes immediately scanned for Nandini in Ayesha’s proximity. Scan returned no results.

“Yes, I am. I just came over to thank you for notifying about this.” And she turned with little dance steps to the jazz tunes and a drink held high. I was happy seeing a lively, full of life, younger Nandini in her.

“How is your mom? I hope she is enjoying the evening too.” I smartly inquired.

“Naah! She is a quiet creature, prefers to be by herself. There she is.” Ayesha pointed Nandini to me sitting on a distant table. “I wish some jazzy steps cheer her up. Anyways, let me flaunt some moves and flatten a few.” she winked.

I smiled, nodded. She headed to the dance floor.

I was experiencing a renewed Nandini in Ayesha. Same naughtiness, same attitude, same charisma!

***

I pacified all my nerves and approached Nandini.

“Hi” I said.

She looked up to me and smiled. Butterflies fluttered my tummy! No matter how much you age, love never ages.

Our eyes dived into each other and in a split second, exchanged a flurry of questions, answers, complaints, explanations. I stood tranquilly, without saying anything further. She didn’t utter either.

We had nothing to trade verbally, I supposed. I quietly pulled a folded paper out of my pocket and placed it under a glass on her table and turned to leave.

“Aman!” she said in her irresistible husky voice. It was music to my ears. I paused.

I turned back to her and tapped my hand on the glass under which I had placed the paper. Before she could say anything, I chose to leave her alone, with a piece of paper that was a manuscript of my heart’s chronicle of last two decades.

I distanced myself on the sly and observed her so as she cannot see me.

She quietly gazed at the paper for some time before plucking it from beneath the glass. She unfolded and read what I had jotted down.

Hey Nandini!

I must have done well enough deeds in last twenty two years and forty three days for getting to see you again in this lifetime. I know I chose this life for myself, a life where you were not going to be around. Without your permission, I chose a life for you too, where I was not going to be there with you.

After a mind burst about if at all I should be writing this to you, I chose to speak my heart out. I am sorry if I am hurting you by doing this; I do not mean to, you know that.

From the day when I saw you last, till today, my life has been a roller coaster. I have had my highs and lows, and very lows too. From a waiter in a roadside restaurant to an executive manager in a five star luxury hotel over last two decades, my journey has been taxing.

I always had a force that pushed me to do well; professionally and personally. It was you Nandini. Yes, it was you!

Never the sun rose when I did not think of you. Never a night slept when I did not pray for you, for your happiness, for your wellness. Even by being far away, for me you have always been what others wish for even when they are together. You have been my motivation, my inspiration and my strength.

Behind every action I took, every decision I made, I had a thought floating over my mind; I need to do this for Nandini. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I had a persistent feeling that you are watching me, from somewhere, somehow. My heart was coupled to you, always!

I have been alone, but never lonely. Yes, I did not marry. I could not dream of loving anyone else while I was in love. I have always been in love, with you. And it has only grown with every passing day.

I understand that you have your own life now. I can’t complain about that; I chose it for you. I do not expect anything from you Nandini. As always, I just want you to stay happy.

Honestly, when I saw Ayesha with you yesterday, I was stunned instantaneously. I could not believe that you had a daughter, which implied you got married. You are someone else’s life. Someone else owns you.

I knew this day would come but when it actually confronted me, I could not digest it. But Ayesha reflected the wonderful life you have. She is a lovely girl. I am happy for you, your husband and Ayesha. May god bless you all with all that you wish for.

I hope you realize that I am not writing this to disturb your life or to interfere. I just want to express my long suppressed feelings for you. I just want you to know that, you are loved. You are blessed. You are cared about. Every moment, someone thinks about you. I want you to make this fact your strength and feel happier in your already happy married life.

God Bless You!

Lots of Love…

Aman

Nandini kept staring at the letter until Ayesha shouted, “Mom, come on. Dance with me.”

Nandini denied through a subtle shrug. She quietly folded the letter and secretly wiped her eyes. She thought, no one was watching.

***

On a fresh morning, I saw Ayesha roaming around hotel porch with a handbag.

“Hello, good morning!” I greeted Ayesha with a refreshing smile.

“Oh hi! Good morning.” She greeted with a handshake.

“Need any help?” I asked, more personally than professionally.

“I’m just waiting for mom. We are checking out.” She said.

“Oh! Really? I mean, ok.” Though it was bound to happen, I felt saddened with a thought of not getting to see Nandini again.

I recollected myself and a professional within me said, “Please come with me, I will help you with that.” I escorted her to the reception desk and directed staff to do the formalities on priority. In the mean time I checked for Nandini. She was following.

“Good morning, ma’m!” I wished Nandini with a soothing smile.

“Good morning.” Her smiled was different today. She was different today. She was more opened up, more relaxed. It was my letter at work, was it?

Ayesha waved a warm good bye to me, pulled out a tiny pink music player from her bag, plugged in her earphones and got busy with music. She left to wait outside for the car that would drop them to airport. Nandini stayed at the reception to finish checkout formalities.

Once formalities were done, Nandini came to me and extended her right hand. I was puzzled. I extended mine for a shake of hands. She shook hand and said, “Good bye Aman, but not forever.” She smiled and left.

Along with a puzzle, she had left a paper on my palm. There was a smiley drawn on the neatly folded letter. I immediately outspread the paper and started reading frantically.

Aman,

I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you. I can’t express how glad I am to see you living a successful and happy life. I knew this day would come. I had told you we will reach this day together, but you chose to walk alone. It was your choice that I had learnt to respect of late. It was your love and care for me that deceived you into that decision that changed two decades of our lives.

I still feel you by my side, every morning, every night. I still feel your arms around me whenever I feel weak.

When you said, you feel I am always watching you; you were right. I always feel being with you. You are not a part of my life; you are my life itself, Aman. I have waited for this day for so long. I had a belief that we will meet again; at the juncture of life when you will be in a position to convince yourself that you can take care of me. For me, even the college-boy-Aman was also good enough; it was just you who didn’t agree then.

When you said, you were alone but not lonely; I could understand you, completely. I could relate to that. Yes, I did not marry either. I could not dream of loving anyone else while I was in love. I have always been in love, with you. And it has only grown with every passing day. Ditto!

Now you would ask, Ayesha? She is my sister’s daughter. Her parents passed away in a car accident. Ayesha was just over a year old when it happened. Since then, she is my daughter. Though, she knows the fact, I am her mother, whole heartedly. She has been my strength and the reason for my smile, after you.

I have a few promises to keep for Ayesha, back in India. I need to go for now. But I am not going for too long.

Aman, I did not know this short vacation to Singapore is going to be so fertile!

I have got my life back! I have got you back Aman! Thank God!

Love,

Nandini

Just as I looked up, I saw Nandini standing by the car, probably waiting for me to finish reading and look at her. She signaled flip of hand indicating me to flip the letter. I turned paper over. She had noted down her phone number on the back side of the letter. I charged up and got the biggest smile of last two decades on my face.

With a loving smile, she waved a silent Good bye. I nodded to reciprocate the feelings.

Yes, some good-byes are a new beginning!

__END__