Two Syllable Revolution – Love Short Story
Photo credit: kamuelaboy from morguefile.com
“yeah go be happy. She’s perfect for you. You’re her soulmate.”
“okay”
“all I want is for you to be happy”
“alright”
Two syllables caused a revolution. The sun pulled toward the earth and the world burned intensely in a hydrogen gas. The birds still flew with embers on their wings. The humans scattering with their flesh melting off of them like crayons in the sun. The Burning Began.
I don’t want to write about what happened.
Depression. undereating. oversleeping. suicide attempt #1. rebound. f**king. f**king. mindless f**king. Drinking. cheating. more drinking. more cheating. break up. Depression. overeating. undersleeping. drinking. drinking. smoking. mindless f**king. Suicide attempt #2. Mental hospital. drinking. drinking. go to my birthday party. drinking.
Talking with someone that is decently intelligent. Someone I previously knew. Someone safe. familiar. mistook for love. Fell in love. Accepted myself. Accepted him. love. making love beneath the stars. Kissing. laughing. happiness. love. smiling. He leaves for college. love in separate states. School starts. Go meet new professor.
He walks in. Wearing the same t-shirt you wore when you were too lazy to find your own. Had’nt had a haircut in months, the sun has kissed his skin, had grown a new goatee. Those same damn silver eyes shredding your soul to pieces and making your knees turn weak. I turned to talking about Literature with the teacher, talking about favorite books, authors, philosophers. He chimed in, remembering all my tastes. Kind. Gentle. Sweet. I hated him.
I hated how he looked. I hated that he was being polite. I hated that he was with her. I hated that stupid goatee. I hated how weak I felt around him. I hated I had ever been with anyone else but him. I hated that fate had led me to the very same school schedule as his. I hated that he had ever left me.
A few unanswered texts later, I texted him back.
Hello
Hi.
How are you?
Okay I guess. Why are you texting me?
I need to talk to you.
Then shoot.
Not over the phone. Actually person to person.
I don’t want to.
That’s sad, because I need to talk to you.
You’re not gonna kill me are you?
I don’t think so.
Listen, stop bulls**tting me. I hate you, im pretty sure you hate me. I don’t care what you have to say so please f**k off.
I don’t hate you, I don’t hate anybody. I just really need to talk to you.
We decided to see each other at the park. I had made him promise to buy me cigarettes in case of an anxiety attack. Inside his pocket was an old pipe with vanilla flavored tobacco packed inside. He cleared his throat and began to speak.
I’m just going to go right out with it. I still love you, I always have. I’ve never stopped loving you. I’m with ______ and I can’t stop thinking about you every second I’m with her. I think about your eyes, your face, your body. Everything. I thought I was finally over you, but when I saw you at _______ (teacher) room… you looked so pretty… and I had to tell you. I know you hate me, and you can continue to do that, but I just had to tell you. now you speak.
I don’t hate you. I just hate the timing. I felt so goddamn numb after you f**king left me, and I tried to stop loving you. I about killed myself in the process. I’ve been through hell trying to physically hate you. I have just now succeeded and now you waltz into my life like its nothing. What am I supposed to do? Leave the one person who made me feel an inkling again? Leave the only person I’ve been healthy with since you? That’s stupid. I don’t hate you Steven Askew. I’ve never hated you. I never will. I love you too damn much, but I don’t love myself for it.
Okay. I just needed you to know.
It had been so long, I had let it all out. There was nothing else to do and all the weight from anger, depression, loneliness, and self hatred had been lifted. All I wanted. So I kissed him. Lightly. Our lips fluttered as gently as a butterflies wings flap.
He pulled away, guilty from cheating on _____.
I’ve missed you.
And that moment we kissed again. Not caring about anything else but what was on the park bench. The rain fell and the sun went back to its regular place. The flames were doused with the rain water, and all that was left were the ashes.
We talked for a little while. Small talk. Nothing could really follow the opening statements. We caught up on what we missed. We talked about what we had to do today. We talked about what we were going to do about us.
I don’t remember what we decided. I just remember he had to go back to her, because it was her birthday. And he left me sitting on that bench, and I watched the cars go by.
I did not feel the least bit anxious, so I did not need a cigarette. I no longer had the need to burn. All I wanted was to sit alone on a bench, and watch the families go by.
__END__
