You Should Have Told Me..

It was sunny day when I finally arrived to our school and just like what is happening always, my professor did not allow me to enter the room for it was already 9: 00 in the morning and my first subject is 7:00. I again looked pale and ashamed of what I’ve done but still smile and told to myself

“its part of growing up!”

Moreover, I start roaming around the school campus making my way to my favorite place until I saw a feature of a tall fair-skinned person whom actually somewhat practicing a kind of speech.

“I, I just want to say that… the happiest moment of my life is when you look at me…. “

I hide myself behind a wall to be able to hear what the stranger’s talking about.

He continues, “It’s like, I’m in my favorite place”.

Hearing that words from a person like him is an unpleasant music to hear very irritating and I can’t help but laugh and wonder who is that person, after a moment he walked away and I don’t even seen his face.

The next morning is another kind of despicable day, my professor scolds me and he madly threw away my thesis papers and warned me to give such failing grades if I did not arrange the mess. Again, I run away even during the class hours treating my life like a hell. Whom I will turn to?

To my despair, I accidentally enter a room, eversince unfamiliar to me. It was already 3 o’clock in the afternoon and I still stayed there quietly reminisce every problem I have caused, thinking that I am nothing but worthless person. I looked around and suddenly fell into deep slumber. I feel very ease, making my way into the aisle where a handsome guy lending his hand to me, and when Im about to give my hand when suddenly.

Im drowning! I woke up mad wondering who’s that irresponsible person done that thing to me. Until I recognize a feature of a tall fair skinned guy and my chest begin to skip and my heart beats in unexplainable manner. He glanced at me

” Is this room, beautiful desperate woman of the college of education. As far as I know, you are not belonging here. Your building is far separate from ours. Alternatively, you are going to change your course. “He finished.

I turned speechless for the first time, I want to tell him change his rough attitude and go to hell but, I can’t uttered any!

He continues” Are you dumb? What now?”

To save myself from shameful situation, I just went outside until I realize that my uniform is wet!. It’s late at night and I still can’t get over of what happened. I looked upon my wall and I was shock seeing his face written on it, I slap my own face and go down to get some coffee to release that foolishness that distracts me. I sat down, and noticed my thesis papers I opened it and edits everything, appears to be incorrect. It is when I finished editing, when I finally realized that I was about to submit my project. I stepped inside room 308 4- A, where I found my professor.

Mr. Jim smiled at me “Oh, yes Ms. Allie, I can’t believe you will change your ways! By the way, I know since first that you are excellent girl and so that I want you to continue that, Okay. I felt overwhelmed of what I heard, and I give him a big smile. That day was the very memorable day of my school days, I cannot imagine seeing someone very proud of me, and praising what I did. I go to my favorite place I want to jump, reach the sky and enjoy that moment until I fell to such sadness when I witness this guy, kissing a girl under the maple tree. As if, I want to shout, I want to make fight with that bitch girl but all I can do is to walk away until the girl bid him goodbye

“Bye Larsen! “ Only my mind where I could speak “Ah, so that foolish, psychotic guy is Larsen! He didn’t look at me, just smiled and about to leave when I find such courage to confront him.

” Hey!  What a beautiful scene under this tree! As far as I know, there are so many hotels near this school? Did you already forget that this place is still part of the campus?

He glanced for a while, look directly into my eyes and laugh loud. “Oh sorry, are you the owner of this tree? Next time, better bring this home. :D .

He leave, while saying this words.. “ better bring that home”  and kicked the cans scattered on the ground. While taking my lunch in cafeteria the other day, I heard such humor about that guy. He is Larsen, an engineering fourth year students one of the active former officers of the school. The other things I heard about him is that, Larsen was inspired by other things, has no time for girls.

It’s been six months when I found changes in me, in many ways. There is still one year before I will graduate from my course, and hopefully be successful in the field of teaching. I found much fun socializing with other students inside the campus and yes other guys tries to court me up and I let my heart be free from the memories of that guy Larsen! I agree dating them but still think about the braggy guy I met weeks ago.

One afternoon, inside the cafeteria while talking to one of my suitors, Larsen grabs my hand and quickly gets me out of the cafeteria. “What you are doing?”

What am I doing? He replied.

“Yes. Why did you do that?

I just… I just, want to save you from that guy!  He continues.

I was shock of his answer. Even though I am mad of his ways, I still found so much reason to be happy. He held my hand until this moment.

“Hush. Im sorry for not asking your permission to hold your hand and to take you out but…

I waited for his answer but,

”Im sorry, I just thought that we could be friends if it is all right? He said.

I threw him a bitter smile and agreed. “Okay, I got to go”.

It is hard to walk away from him but for me it is over, enough of hoping that may be he felt the same excessively. Eight months later and I can only see him rare, sometimes he passed by but most often he’s inside their building preparing for the final exams. I stood still hoping I could see him but he never came out until the heavy rain pours and I opened my umbrella and decided to go home. I became sleepless but still doing well. I always asking myself why I fell for that numb guy who never notice my presence. He did not even mind that he already hurt me when I see him kissing a beautiful girl. That guy who grabbed my hand for only reason of making friends with him. I let my heart feel the pain for I know someday it will heal and I will find someone who deserves these tears.

It was a fair day and all of the students in the campus where getting too excited of tonight’s party. All is busy preparing for their dress and make up and I just sit quietly inside an unfamiliar room happened to be the place where I fell deeply into sleep and also the place where I met Larsen with disrespectable approach,  the one who pour me cold water. I smiled sadly. Suddenly, a beautiful painting carrying by student caught my attention.

“Wait! Hush. Who owns that? “

Just an engineering student, he asked me to throw that away so that it would never be a reason of irritation of the others. “he replied.

I still think about the painting and what was the boy said, same things appears familiar. “Alright Allie! It is time to make some fun!  Better, forget him . Red roses and white balloons surrounded the set up of the ground and the lights weaken my eyes.

As I heard love songs, I want to cry. I know I should forget him. However, he is all Im thinking of every day, every night before I go to bed. The party started with an opening song , honestly originally composed of one of the engineering students. When it comes to the chorus part I was honestly alarmed “I, I just want to say that I love you, … the happiest moment of my life is when you look at me… I can’t let this feelings expressed, So I asked you to run away with me.

“This song is entitled “Foolish Me”. When I heard that I did not wait the chance to pass, I asked everyone if where Larsen is but I failed to do so. It feels like losing the chance to see him again, to slap his face to injured him for hiding me his real feelings. Till I finally realized that he might be in the secret place of mine he discovered and there I found Larsen with the group of guys.  I feel frightened for they are about to bit him with a wide steel so I shout “no!”.  All of them including Larsen looked at me.

“What are you doing here?! Larsen shout. One of the guys give me a seducing smile and said “ Larsen, she’s beautiful, then we’ll free you but just give me this girl. He said .

“ Rather kill me than hurting her! Im willing to face my death!  But don’t dare to touch that girl! Larsen replied.

The bad people try to touch me until Larsen finally stand but unfortunately hit by a wood in his head, because of being afraid to be caught by authority, they quickly escaped . Larsen fall down on the ground and I was finally able to shout his name. I go near him and hug him as if I want to tell him everything. All he can do is to look directly into my eyes while saying “This time, Im sure you’ll not be able to laugh at me, I know I can rest now, Not just like the day… I first … practiced the chorus part of the song…. I. made for you… I heard your laugh as if I was a funny stuff….   and it really breaks my heart….

I was surprised knowing that the same guy I ‘ve seen under the maple tree who’s been a funny stuff for me is also Larsen, the guy I love the most and now here in my arms fighting for his life which I took away from him.  The ambulance came and still cannot believe of what happened. I followed him in the hospital still wearing the same dress marked by his blood stain. After a while, the doctor came out and look for me, and lend me a piece of paper .

I found that inside his pocket. I thought you were Allyana.

I read what is written inside and my tears start to fall :

Feb. 14, 2006 – It has been a year since I first see you reading your books under the maple tree. I know you were only freshmen students that’s why Im afraid of accusing of child abuse, many times, I tried to go near you to ask your name but every day, moths and years is not the right timing. So I told to myself, that I will wait for your junior year and I will going to tell you about this before I will graduate.  I see you in mess, what happened?  All this time through the years, I secretly watching your every steps and that you change for worst may be the reason why you laugh at me when Im practicing the chorus of the song that I will sing for you tonight… but, my friend Jerry encounters a problem, I have to save him so I asked him to sing that song I made so that you could even hear that even though Im far… I love you Allyana..

Finally!  I cried and cried. Tearfully, It seems like I was going to breakdown then the doctor and nurses rushed into Larsen’s room. I cannot speak any more but only lose my control. I love you too! Wake up! Please! The last scene I witnessed was his revival and that ends the night.

When I woke up the next morning, I found again a piece of paper and as I opened it Im sure, this is the song he made for me but I was wrong.

“ I tried to make revenge but I only paid the price. I poured you a glass of cold water so that I can see your face roaring like a monster but it only made me realize that I like you that much. I mean to offend you, seeing me kissing other girl which I planned even before and yes I can still memorize your facial expression that, I realized that I want you that much. I see you dating other guys, and it sucks to know that Im more handsome than theirs so I grabbed your hand. Made nonsense excuses just to be with you for a moment, and that I finally realized that your eyes slaved me for who and what I am. And finally, Im sure that I love You. “

Larsen, change my ways, my views and life and so that until now his memories will always remain forever.  Even though I did not tell him how I love him too and he did not given the chance to tell that to me personally, Im still thankful, because once in my life I met someone like him.

“So class,  now I want you to write an essay about time and love and that will be passed next week, for the meantime, I will dismiss you early so that you could prepare for the party tonight”.

After my class with the juniors, I roam around the campus. Just like what Im always doing, I go to the place I love the most. There I see, the maple tree. The tree which witnessed everything. Today, is the sixth death anniversary of him. Also, the same day, he used to tell me he love me and didn’t happen because it became his last day in this world, in my arms. I take a deep breath, and my eyes is about to cry. I stop for a moment. Used to talk with the wind that cold afternoon of February 14, 2012 and I uttered

“ I still blaming you for not being honest, Why did you need to leave me that way, after all, “ YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. . .  “Life is too short to be wasted. Chances are only limited. We will never know when is our last minutes, hours and days of our life. “

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