Chapter 1
It felt right
Sipping her morning coffee with her eyes closed, she lazily makes a bun of her hair so that they don’t interfere with her thought process. She wanted to crawl back and travel down her memory lane and thought about ‘Him’.
Their story had a feeble start around 15 years back. . The only viable connection between them back then was a common school and mere acquaintance with each other’s names.
But with passing years the entry of their names had faded away from their minds. They got so busy in their lives that they remembered nothing about the other.
After a hiatus, their paths crossed again by a fortuitous act of destiny. Thanks to the social Media and a common friend, they started exchanging Hies and Hellos. The casual gestures started getting transformed to conversations to know each other. And then the desire to know more and more led them to their daily conversations. They were just going with the flow knowing and exploring each other and themselves too. They had started sharing their dreams…Passions…Fears…Aspirations…and what not. So by now, from a named stranger he had become her biggest confidant.
What was beautiful about “THEM’ was the comfort and happiness they experienced in each other’s company. Their relationship dynamics were simple. No strings attached.
It was so beautiful in its naked raw form but when clothed in societal norms and names it was the ugliest and scariest. Because they were married, but not to each other.
No ‘bad’ marriage or abuse or any such reason brought us together. We had both been married for a long time, had children and our marital lives were stable, the regular kind, with the usual ups and downs. Not unhappy.
Their coming together was more of a convergence of two compatible personalities with similar outlook and great chemistry.
After months and months of chat conversations, he wanted to take it to the next level. He wanted to meet. But she had her own inhibitions. Will this work? Will we be able to carry this forward? Is it too early? And many more questions kept swarming around her and she kept delaying meeting him, thanks to her over inquisitive mind. Until one day he asked me to cut off all the ties if she couldn’t meet him. By now, they had started fitting like a jigsaw puzzle and she didn’t want to lose him so she decided to meet. He said if it was ok If we meet the coming Sat. Sat?? That’s just two days away…. Her heart was pounding hard when she said ‘Yes’.
The Next morning, she was getting ready for her office, was physically at her home trying to complete her morning chores on time, but her mind was elsewhere. She was thinking about him. She couldn’t stop smiling by reminiscing about her chat conversations. Her husband came in and asked her as to what she was smiling about. She just smiled at him and said nothing.
She reached her office and though she kept working, but he was still in her mind. She was restless throughout the day
She went home that night full of wild excitement. She haven’t felt that way for a long time now.
Chapter -2
A Date to remember
She woke up the next day and with butterflies in her stomach was getting ready.
Her nerves were close to breakdown that day and she felt like a silly lovelorn school girl. They were to see him for the first time in last 15 yrs… She reached the spot they were to meet… She went there and there he was. As handsome as ever.
Just one glimpse of him in Black and her heart skipped a beat.
He kept looking at her while she walked to him. She went and told him a nervous ‘hi’. He hadn’t said a word, but pulled her into his arms and hugged her.
They both knew that they could not meet so often, they did not know when their next date would be and so, both of them spoke like there was no tomorrow. They laughed over the silliest things. Listened to the random music. They avoided the topics of their kids and family .With the passing time she had to leave… The reality stuck them both. But, they promised to make a little time for each other once in a while.
She was taken aback when he asked her for a kiss. After the initial resistance she agreed and he leaned over and they kissed for the first time. That was the moment when she realized that this is going to be more than a casual fling.
They hugged while leaving and she knew that she had the time of my life. He was her favorite ‘Hello’ and Hardest ‘Goodbye’
She reached her home and hugged her kid. Her cheeks were all red, she was blushing about the beautiful day she had and she looked super tired but happy. Her husband simply stared at her. He was amazed to see his wife in a new light….She gave a thought about him as she was putting her son to sleep. He must also be enjoying with his beautiful family post meeting her.
Strangely, she felt no guilt. She still cared for her spouse and so did he. Both of them knew well the chaos and mess this relationship could cause to their families and friends, if it came out in the open. Simply stated, their lives could only proceed on separate rails; distance was essential if life were to progress without accidents. And thus there was one protocol set. They could not and would not allow it to develop into a serious relationship.
So this was a relationship, without any expectations wherein they just talk about stuffs which would not make any sense to the rest of the world. They share their darkest secrets. Their dreams. Their passions… their fears their hopes and what not. Without even knowing for how long they’ll be able to carry this relationship, they were happy.
‘Yes they are connected without any real connection’…
With ‘HIM’ I am just ‘ME’ and this is ‘US’ all about … she thought and went to sleep to start a fresh morning….
Chapter 3
Twisted Dynamics
Their relationship dynamics were simple. No strings attached. Just based on mutual respect, shared passions and the incredible growing physical attraction between them they met many times and made love to each other. It was not a physical need rather it was a mental desire.
Seamlessly drifting from deep intellectual discussions to flirty verbal jousting and witty conversations. She had never laughed as much in anyone else’s company. And magical sex… never had they experienced such a carnal mix of tenderness and lust ever!
But our ecosystem isn’t this simple. Nothing goes as per our plans she became the rule breaker who got serious and slightly demanding in their relationship and to make matters worse he too developed feelings for her. They met multiple times but it was mostly as per his desire to see her. There were days when she had the craving to see him and spend some quality time with him. But every time she was denied with some or the other excuses mostly work related. She started feeling restless because his craving for her was always dealt with an understanding heart and she made all the efforts to pacify him. This had started becoming an issue with them.
With his business expansion he started giving her less time and she had to wait entire day just to have few conversations with him. The ‘No Strings attached’ protocol vanished as we developed feelings for each other. So having his no show was killing her inside. She started getting demanding and confronted him every now and then.
And Finally in a low tone he said ‘He might not have the time and energy to give her going forward owing to his professional commitments’ .. That was just a statement for which he was apologetic later on, but by now she was shattered. In a fit of rage she typed a long message which was nothing but full of allegations and blames…With teary eyes and trembling fingers she was hitting the keyboard and was typing till the time she was exhausted. She went back home crying and slept on the pretext of not being well.
Captivated. Bounded…were the words that flashed across her eyes. As if shivers sent down her spine. She had just come out from shower holding the towel and drying her body and checking her mobile phone for any notifications from his side.
She sat there on the floor and tried to wipe the water off her face to read his messages clearly. She just couldn’t believe her eyes. He said he has started feeling bounded. She felt choked and sat down there for a while trying to understand what went wrong? Suddenly there was a knock at her door and her thoughts were interrupted by her husband’s voice who was asking her to get ready fast as they were getting late for office. She somehow managed to get in her Jeans and T-shirt and opened the door.
She somehow managed to finish her breakfast and headed for her office. The same words were flashing again and again. She adjusted her seat belt with restlessness and replied with a pale smile when her hubby asked her if everything’s Ok with her. ‘Why you sitting stunned. All ok?’ and she nodded her head in affirmative with a pale smile as he drove off the Car.
She planted a kiss on her husband’s forehead while getting down the car and looked hurriedly at her cellphone for the time. It was 9:28 AM, Tears rolled down her eyes coz she had to wait for around 2 hrs to talk to him. Yeah, he would come Online by then. She wiped her tears and try to shy away from people in lift.
It was hard to kill her time and she was getting restless waiting for him.
It was a rainy morning. She looked out from her window and remembered him, how happy he would be to feel the rains. She was so happy thinking that somewhere near or far this rain might have helped him in uplifting his mood and would have given a smile on his face. She has fallen in love with the rain all over again for bringing happiness in his world.
Ahh.. , finally her phone beeped with his message notification and with trembling hands she asked if she could call him. As soon as she heard his voice tears started to roll down and repeatedly she was just asking him why? What made you to feel bounded? He had no answer, all he said that he didn’t mean to hurt me . Not sure, But the only response she got from him was it was a casual sentence and a mere slip of his tongue.
It was like everything she had come to know was a lie. She thought back to every moment and how quickly the joyful memories replayed in her mind with a bitter taste of regret and sorrow. The promises of forever and never walking away became just another tale of fiction in her life. With tears in her eyes and her cell phone in her hand she ran away from her seat as if she wanted to run away from reality.
He went on his business trip for few days and they lost touch. Right now , at this moment she wanted nothing but to run into his arms ..kiss him hard and feel his heart beating against mine she want to feel the bristles of his beard rubbing against my cheek as she wanted to be held in his protective embrace.
Chapter -4
The Decision
She was still clueless as to what went wrong? But by now she knew time has come for her to come out of his charm as this relationship was leading them nowhere.
Deep down in her heart, She know even if she was able to have these moments with him it would not last long , it will soon come to an end with the clock ticking minutes by minutes.. seconds by seconds..
With teary eyes and frozen heart She knew that the time has come for her to let him go , because she wasn’t his .. and he wasn’t hers ..They were both the puppets of the larger life. They made it together this long , this far ..loving each other but they both know that they aren’t together for eternity..
The final words of their end has been written..The last drop of the ink has been spilled..The story line is locked in place.. There could not be any other kind of ending to their story. This had to happen.
All she hoped is to have him when he could actually be hers. Till then she knew that she has to live.. has to start afresh..open a new page of life and wid his fragrance intact.
For you , just keep me in your heart locked while chasing your dreams and exploring life further..
I have to raise from the ashes of this fierce pain and make ‘US’ proud. For this I need to ‘Let U Go’…
–END–
