A FAREWELL NOTE

Editor’s Choice: Love Story

A FAREWELL NOTE (To My Lost Friend)

Prologue:

I was right when I gave too much importance to relationships. I always believed in life’s smallest joys because I believe they make up a big ocean of ecstasy. I loved moments of togetherness, fun, small fights, mockery, cute gestures of care and everything that made me feel I am a blessed human being. I always cherished beyond the most priceless treasure – my friends; people with whom I had no blood relation. I fought for them. Their slightest pain inflicted me. Their smallest success enthralled me. I don’t know if I think too much about such small notions that make life beautiful…but whatever happens I will always love my LYFFF with Family, Friends and Fun and what makes me do so unconditionally is another F-“FAITH” in HIM. It will never shatter until my breath stops…..

 

To You,

I hope you see this before you leave…..

For all that was said and unsaid, I hope you knew all this…….or rather, I want you to know now….. 

I owe you a big “THANK YOU” for all the times you have been there with me. 

I knew absolutely nothing about you when you came into my life, the meeting was not planned or expected and I was unsure of it at the beginning. And 90 % times when something is unplanned, it’s bound to give you an excitement filled joy ride with small bumps here and there and at the end you feel the journey was worthwhile. 

My first opinion about you was that you were very quiet, calm, less talkative, mingle very less and very reserved. And I was quite the opposite, chirpy all the time, making new friends, having fun, enjoying the new environment. All the while I noticed you, which I guess u knew. 

I heard from many that you are a great friend, but I never got to know it at the initial days and I regret it till date. You opened up only to a selected few and I wondered why I was not one among them, for half the class were my friends. 

I still remember that despite being in the same class, the first time we talked was online. I took the first step. It began with a small ‘Hi’ and it went on to long chats and messages. Still, at class we pretended we did not know each other much. 

Gradually we became best friends and shared everything with each other and our friendship wasn’t any longer a hidden fact .You listened to my silliest worries to my toughest problems. We knew what was going on in each other’s mind; rather we would feel it as we were experiencing the same. You were my mentor, guide and at times, I became your philosopher. It was a mutual feeling and the wavelengths matched perfectly. 

I feel your creativity was something which attracted me to you a lot. One fine day you sent a quote that I liked very much. I just casually asked if it was yours and you admitted. Then on, there was an endless flow of quotes to my inbox and my inbox was the only place your quotes were treasured. You never wrote it down anywhere. I felt privileged to have them and I don’t know why I read them only once, but I remembered them very well. You used to ask me out of blue about one of your quotes and I would recollect it easily. I knew you enjoyed it a lot and admired my memory. 

Though I didn’t write as much as you did, I remember once sending you a quote of mine and you gave me the comment “If it’s yours, you have outdone one of my finest quotes.” That comment meant the world to me. 

Our choice of music, musicians, movies, interest in cricket, authors everything matched. And also we complemented each other very well. I was tense about small things while you were cool all the time. Your temper could go out of control any time and you used to call me to prevent yourself from reacting and to calm down. We used to find each other the best one to share worries and have a laugh together in moments of sorrow and joy. We knew very well what each other liked and what could piss each other off and we used to make use of them each time we had a fight and later patched up. 

I don’t remember exactly when my feeling changed to something beyond friendship. I felt you were closest to the special place I had in my heart for that ‘ONE’. I still did not place you there because I was not sure of it, for it was happening to me for the first time. I doubted if the feeling was mutual or not. Day by day I began seeing your quotes about friendship and love being addressed to me, though you never said so. I felt each pain of yours inflicting me beyond a particular level. I could feel the vibe from both sides. The freedom you took with me, the way you talked to me, I was sure you also felt the same. 

But we never opened up regarding the same, for fear of loosing our friendship. I knew you would never open up, for the image of me I portrayed before you was a tomboyish one. But I thought you realized, I was mellowing down and I was ready to hear what was in your mind. 

I felt no one could understand us better than we did understand each other. I knew we would make a silly, fighting couple, but the best we could find for each other.

I felt true love will always be reciprocated, no matter when. I felt my feeling was pure because I found myself changing. I, who never yielded in a debate, felt myself giving up on arguments. I felt myself excited to see the happiness in your face. I found myself waiting to see the surprise and joy in your face for the birthday surprises I planned for you. I felt a smile cross my face each time I saw a message from you or your name flashing on my mobile screen. I decided then, that I would take the first step, if I had to; after waiting a while, since I did not want my love or rather ‘our’ love to be unrealized. 

Then I came to know that you knew about my feeling somehow. You started behaving differently, indicating to me that you never felt the same. I took that time to compose myself and I avoided you for a while. The realization shattered me. I kept thinking how I could be so wrong. It was not a feeling that developed overnight. It took years for me to be sure about that ONE. And I was sure it was mutual. I could not know why you would not admit it. I blamed myself for ruining everything. 

But I took my heart and continued being the same to you. You had a lot of problems running in your life at that time and I listened to you, helped you in all possible ways I could. At times you felt I did not understand anything and you ended up fighting with me now and then. I thought I should give you space and time to relax. Maybe you misinterpreted that as me trying to avoid you. But then there were also times we used to end up pulling each others leg and laughing endlessly as before. Though your voice reminded me of my mistake and grief, I wanted to stand by you always as your friend. I felt everything was getting back to normal. After all, we were two individuals who would die for friendship and placed friendship as one of our top priorities.

Friendship was where we started and I cherished it still and wanted it in my life always. I wanted to make you feel nothing has changed between us. I never wanted you to feel our friendship was even slightly affected. So I did not even let you know that I realized anything because I wanted you to be comfortable with me as before. 

But then no matter how hard I tried, you were not as strong as me to hide the feelings and stand by me and be the same to me. For the last time we had a big fight, things that hurt me a lot was said and unlike always when the mistake was yours, u never turned up this time to sort it out.

I felt something was out of place. I made repeated attempts to sort everything out and I faced accusations against my friendship which you knew would hurt me the most. I don’t know if you did it deliberately. I couldn’t kick my best friend out of my life. I was handling the situation and myself very well. But you made me feel I was a burden and wanted to get rid with it. When I tried to make you understand I can’t loose one of my best friends you replied that a tree doesn’t need all of its branches to survive. But you did not realize that a lump forms in the place of the lost branch, a lump that reminds you of the beautiful times spent together. 

And then, when I made one last attempt to know if our friendship still existed, your reply came ,”Sorry to let you know our friendship has ended completely, Bye.” 

The reply left me numb for some time. I did neither miss the feelings I had for you nor did I feel any loss or pain of my love going unrecognised  for; by then I was completely over it. All I missed was our precious friendship. I felt I had lost in the battle of friendship against love. I kept asking myself what shortcoming was their in my friendship for you to be ready to end it. I kept blaming myself. 

Then I remembered what you always said,’ Let’s be friends with people who do not even acknowledge us and wait for them to realize. Let’s bear no grudge to anyone and accept that their role in our story is over, when they leave us without reason. ‘ 

I realized you might have had your own reasons. 

I realized it was not my mistake. 

I realized your part in my story was over and I had to let go of you, for your and my own happiness. 

For all the sad times that you palliated by sharing, 

For all the happiness and relief and rays of hopes that you helped me to find, 

For my umpteen sorrows and grief’s that you listened to patiently and for giving me a reasoning behind everything that happened, 

For your small and big notions of kindness, friendship, help, love, care and much more… 

To a TRUE FRIEND I am happy that I found, 

To a SINCERE FRIEND who share the same vibes about FRIENDSHIP 

To another CRAZY human being like me who believes a lot in FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP & FAITH 

To another almost Twin Soul found in journey 

‘WISHING YOU THE BEST IN EVERYTHING & THE GREATEST OF JOYS AND ALL PEACE AND LOVE IN THE WORLD FOREVER….   J ’ 

I hope you see this before you leave…..before you leave my heart completely……forever

 

Epilogue: 

There are times when we confuse ourselves on the narrow lines between friendship and love. Expectations and hope build up within us without our knowledge and we conjure a world between two where we believe all what we see is the truth. But then, when things don’t turn out the way you expected it to be, understand that it was not just supposed to happen. Believe in HIM, for His plan for you is always better than your plan for yourself.

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