I have started. I have to finish
The difficult step for me was gone. The time for the very difficult one came now.
She was really a beautiful girl, maybe even requested by everybody in the world, maybe she had a boyfriend somewhere who was waiting for her, maybe she was this…or that. All those situations were thoughts crossing my mind. From the moment I met her, the time I started talking to her to that present moment I felt being somewhere I have never ever been before. Her smile, her sights, her long legs, her body, her perfume, her soft hands, her sweet lips in chocolate, her little breasts sculptured under her t-shirt, her longish hair, the way she was moving it, the way she was looking at her phone, her back side as a cowboy with revolvers in both sides right and left, her chocolate skin, the way she was opening her lips and let out for a second the bottom of her tongue. All that were things I have never met before, I attest.
I met many girls but that one was the new generation of them.
I was expecting her to say that she didn’t have to know my name and I had to go but she didn’t. I was expecting her to react to my name by a question like who told you that I need your name? Who told you that your name is interesting? But she didn’t. I was expecting her to say, “Nice to meet then?” I realized that it was like someone asking you to get inside his house and “do as it was your home.”
My conversation depended on her reacts. If she had decided to end all that, I would have gone straight home, without greeting anyone in the road, till to my bed and sleep for 2 days. She was really not like others I met before. Most of beautiful rich girls are stubborn, with an undisputed pride but I was every time wondering who she was exactly.
“Jenny,” she said with a fixed look at me.
I couldn’t even understand that she had said her, even just her surname; maybe it was just to see what would be my reaction. I could even see a smile accompanied that name. It was a Christmas day for me. Angels was singing around me and her name written in capital, bold and engraved in the air, in blinking.
“Jenny is my surname,” she said as a confirmation.
I wonder where I should take her to tell her in whispering that I liked her being. To take her here is not to stand up and go somewhere but in my conversation. How should I convince her that I really needed her in my life? Where should I start exactly? I remember one of my friends who was really good in saying I love you in a short period of time like that. People are not the same, unfortunately. I should have maybe called him to help me. But it was my battle. I had to fight my own personality. I had to fight my own battles.
What else to add? She had said her name, enough? Or should I continue. Maybe the chance was on my side. I couldn’t be able to find words to express myself. I started by the basic, just to bore her.
“So you study here?” I said.
Silly question! Here? Where exactly? Here where we were sitting? And I knew that she was a student in that school but I asked that question.
I read somewhere how we have to ask questions. Never ask a question that the answer is yes or no. To that question, the answer could be YES, I study here. And then?
But if I have asked a question like…I even don’t know which one exactly I would have asked rather than that one but that one made her explain more herself. Maybe she was already inside, my head, checking everything I was going to tell her and be prepared for that.
“Yeah, of course,” she said with a bit breath before she continued, “and I imagine you too?”
I have already seen her before so I had to tell her that it was not the first time. That was the good way to reach questions about her feeling, her life out school, to know more about her.
“Again good observation,” I said.
She smiled. I was happy to make her smiled. It’s needed in some situations. Sometime you have to smile; some other time you have to appear serious, sometime you can even become angry.
“What do you study exactly here? ” I said.
“Commerce, ” she said. “And you? ”
“Management,” I said before I added. “Information technology. ”
“Which course,” she said,” I mean which program?”s
“Just my bach degree,” I said.
“Which semester?” she said.
“Last one,” I said.
“Oh, nice, so you are good in programming, “she said. “I imagine. ”
I didn’t know what to say about that. Yes would be the true answer but I couldn’t answer like that. It was a way to say I am the best in the world in programming. Maybe for her I could appear as boastful boy as I couldn’t imagine. I couldn’t accept immediately. I could try to say No but that was not also a good idea. I could be considered as pretty bad student as I couldn’t imagine. Lazy one. Stupid. All students in IT are supposed to be able to know many things in programming. So my negative answer would have shown her what kind of student I was.
Maybe behind that question was another one like would you please help me in doing a IT project because my father want it? Of course I would accept. Who could refuse that offer again coming from her. It is a kind of opportunity no one can refuse. It was a kind of opportunity which can’t come twice. I didn’t know either to accept or to refuse.
“It’s depend on the one who appreciates, ” I said.
That reaction let her guess weather I was good in programming or not. It depended on her herself to conclude about my personality.
“And you?” I said. “You are good accountancy or something like, I guess.”
“It depends on the one who appreciate,” she said.
”Oh, “I said, “well seen.”
I thought I won three points on that kind of answering. I gave her the best way to escape when answering. Now she was able to escape my questions, opinions or whatever it was. But it seemed to interesting for her. I could notice that by her smile every time she was looking at me, deep inside my eyes, the way she was reacting after that deep sight.
I would like to change the conversation, take something about her life, her love story, to know if I had a chance, to know if there was someone in her life or something interesting was there in her life. The important thing was if there was someone in her life.
To know if there was someone in her life is difficult structure to understand and it is complicated. Of course there is always someone in someone’s life. Her brother, her friends, her father, her mother or whoever can be there from her family and close to her is someone in her life.
I changed what I said in someone special. The one who could make you woke up in the middle of night. The one who could make you lose yourself as said some people. The one who could bring you to the place you have never been before, the one who when you are angry, could make you happy, the one with whom you would like to be al the day along, the one who, if he didn’t send you message before you sleep, you cannot sleep; he one who you could accept to be beside you when you woke up…
*
I didn’t know how to change that topic. I was wondering, either to just say,” Thank you to accept me near you” or “ tell her that she was really beautiful.” I couldn’t decide. I looked at her hands. “Beautiful ring.”
“Thank you, ” she said.
I hadn’t a ring so she couldn’t say something like yours also. She took some time looking on it, a touch pursued as to say I remember the day I was given it. I could see some tears flowing from her beautiful eyes. But it seemed that the speech I pronounced made her rethink about a sad short past. Or a good one, who knew?
“I think it’s for someone you cannot forget, ” I said.
“Good observation, ” she said.
She was taking away my kind of answering question. It was good for me because I knew the one I want to get was my student. In the way we were asking questions and the way we were answering. Or the way we were reacting.
“He still alive? ” I said.
That question was to demoralize her. I didn’t know either someone gave her that ring or not. Maybe she bought it. Maybe she took it somewhere. Maybe her grandfather gave her it. Maybe…maybe…
“Who? ” she said.
“The one who gave you this ring, ” I said.
She smiled . That smile showed that I was right. I felt happy because I surprised her till the moment she said.
“How did you know that?” she said.
“I can catch it by your reactions,” I said.
“What did I do?” she said.
“the time I talked about it, “ I said, “you looked at it.”
“So, “she said,” what does it mean?”
“It meant many things,” I said.
“As?” she said.
“As someone special gave it or it represents a period in your life that you cannot forget or …,” I said.
“Or?” she said.
She just wanted me to continue again and again explaining myself. It was like she wanted to test my level in knowledge.
“Or you like too much, “ I said, ”just because.”
“because of what?” she said.
“because you have to like it, “ I said.
She laughed while looking at her phone, “Well done but I bought it.”
She got me.
In that situation, most of people could stand up and go. But she didn’t, I didn’t. It was to say you can continue trying everything. Maybe you will get my interest.
“No, ” I said.
“No about what? ” she said.
“About what you said, ” I said.
”what did I say?” she said.
“That I was wrong,” I said.
“So what is the truth? ” she said.
I think a bit in case to do a wrong step. Of course she was trying to pool my leg. It was true that someone offered her that ring. But she couldn’t accept my victory on her. I realized that she was also clever. But I had to convince her that I am also good in thinking.
“When I said beautiful ring, ” I said, “before you react, you took a bit time to think about where the ring came from. To think about people who met that ring before, people who touched that ring, everyone who had a relation with that ring. ”
Before I continue, I took a little break as to drink some water and play my psychologist.
“You cannot forget the one who gave that ring, ” I said. “The way you touched it let you think about what you did together. You miss him. ”
She looked at me for a while, her sights deep inside mine. I could read her mind, “Who are you exactly?”
“You are right, ” she said.
“Right about…? ” I said.
“About what…you said,” she said, “but don’t push me far with that.”
“Ok,” I said. “I understand.”
I could see how much that story about the ring pushed her into a very deep situation. Deep and hard. What I wanted was to make her happy. Not to remind her past, her supposed past.
“So you keep everything given to you,” I said, “even if it caused damage in your life?”
I knew that that question let her stayed in that story about the ring. I just wanted to use a structure, a phrase, an idea that make us quit from the story we were talking to another. I didn’t notice something wrong.
“I told you to not push me far,” she said in clapping her right hand on her right knee.
I could understand her anger. I felt an obstacle coming from far. To change that, I didn’t know what to do. I tried to call for help. But who could help me in my own battle?
Mnnnhh!
“I am so sorry,” I said.
“You should,” she said.
As she said that, she didn’t even stand up. I still in a good way, I wonder.
Normally, when someone you met for the first time, someone you didn’t invite disturbs you, the only thing we usually do is to go, but she didn’t. I was not really wrong. If she was really sad, she should stand directly and tried to fund another place. Where I wasn’t.
I didn’t know what to say else. My mother was fully with water I didn’t drink. I didn’t have even a question to ask. All questions I had became wrong one. I looked around if there was someone who noticed us.
“Anyway, ” I said. “You ar—”
“What again, ” she said with a fix sight on what I was going to pronounce.
I didn’t even have time to finish my sentence. It was like I have enough with you.
I took some seconds before I continued my sentence.
“You are beautiful, ” I said.
Her face changed slowly into the one I met. Her strong voice calmed down. I think I pushed the green button instead of the red one.
“Thank you, ” she said.
I could see her eyes wide opened becoming closed. Her lips a bit opened. She looked at me with the sight I wanted to see first. I think I touched the place I had to touch.
We took sometimes without talking. I am sure she was thinking about what I said. Maybe it touched her deep inside. Maybe it was a long time she had been told that.
Some time people are afraid to say something to their partenaires because they think that it is something their partenaire is used to.
I had a girlfriend who was asking me every time to tell her that she was beautiful. As it was words she wanted
I used to pronounce. Even if it is wrong. Girls feel proud when someone tells them they are beautiful.
If you are her boyfriend, there you get immediately some points from her.
One day a friend of me fall in love with a very beautiful girl. Of course my friend was also handsome. They lived together for a time. And everyday they used to debate about who was beautiful and handsome than the other. And everyone said me…me. I was just there looking at them.
“Ok, ” my friend said, “Voyant tell us. ”
“Don’t ask me, ” I said with a look beside. And an uninteresting face.
“Ah, ” my friend said, “we forgot who we would have asked. ”
One day her girlfriend got training in a company. She had to go there well-dressed. Inside the offices, colleagues used to tell her that she was beautiful. Every day.
When she was back, with her boyfriend, my friend. She got only one thing to say.
“Many people in the office told me that I am beautiful. ”
Every day like that.
After my friends started to worry about that because he realized that her girlfriend was happy with.
Her girlfriend once said, “I have never heard you saying that I am beautiful. That makes me angry, you know! ”
My friend felt an earthquake passing by his body.
What she wanted was just you are beautiful from his boyfriend. But his boyfriend was…as he was. But he was gallant, courteous. Even if most of time, they were in bad mood both. Each other of course. Yes that always happen in a relationship. When two people are together, there is always some disputes. Misunderstanding. At last, they love eah other. Anywhere love lives, it’s never night.
The thank you she said, the sights she showed, the silent she expressed showed me that I could continue.
I looked at her back, it was awesome. Amazing.
“One day, I met a girl, ” I said.
She turned her sight where I was. She was interested in what I wanted to say. I had an innocent mood to show her that I got some problems in my life.
“What’s happened? ” she said.
“I loved her so much, ” I said. “But before she accepted, she told me that it would be impossible to break up the relation she had. ”
“Then? ” she said.
“At last, ” I said, “she accepted my request. We stayed together for a time. ”
“So what happe? ” she said.
“Along that time she gave me many things, rings, pictures. We even took where we were kissing each other. It was a very good period in my life till her ex-boyfriend arrived. ”
“What did he want again? ” she said.
“Her girlfriend, ” I said.
“Oh! ” she said with a surprised face. “What did she do? ”
“She went with him, ” I said.
“You accepted? ” she said.
“I did all my best to keep her, ” I said, “but everything I was doing, for her I was getting deep inside the hole more and more. ”
“What a pity! ” she said.
“Anyway, ” I said, “to avoid a breaking heart, I decided to take away everything we did, everything I had from her. Her number, her pictures, her whatever. That was the only way to forget her. ”
“Why to forget? ” she said.
“The world is a stage, ” I said, “we have to know when we must jump from a stage to another. My story with had finished so I had to search for another. ”
“You are all like that you guys, ” she said.
“You are all like that you girls, ” I said.
“How? ” she said.
“To break a really good relationship suddenly, ” I said.
“No, ” she said with a smile.
“I imagine you, my girlfriend, ” I said, “finding pictures for my ex one in my album. What would you do, would you think? ”
“Nothing, ” she said.
“Of course nothing, ” I said, “but in speaking. Inside you? ”
She smiled again and again. I could see that I was about to captivate her soul before her friend came.
God, what did I do? I didn’t know where that one came from again. I saw my plan throwing into water slowly.
That on came and sat down between her and me. It was hard for me to poursue my ideas, my plan. Everything was dropped into water.
They started talking. I was just near. Didn’t care about what they were talking about. I kept silent a while. The time her friend was there. She did as I was not there. She didn’t even tell her friend who I was. Even a simple look at me could have been enough. I wonder if I was a man or something annoying that you could accept beside you when you are tired.
I couldn’t leave. I started. I had to go through with. What I should do was just to wait my turn.
One of my ex girlfriend met me one day. I was just sitting near the road
I don’t remember what or who I was waiting for. She came and stood up just near. She looked at me.
“Hi, ” she said.
“Hi, ” I said with an uninterested voice.
“What are doing here? ” she said.
“Nothing, ” I said.
“I am going to the market, ” she said. “Can you accompagn me? ”
This girl is crazy or what? I wonder. Of course she was crazy. She broke up our relationship and she wanted me to walk with her from the place I was to where she wanted. I just looked at her and smiled.
“Do you know that I love you really? ” she said.
I didn’t know what to do. Even what to say.
Fortunately or unfortunately my aunt came.
“Hey, ” my aunt said, “came for a second please. ”
“Yeah, ” I said.
“Can you help with this? ” she said when laughing and speaking a bit loudly.
I looked at her and smile. Of course my aunt was jokking. She had seen that I was with someone but she wanted me to take her things to her house. My ex-girlfriend was just standing up near. She understood all my aunt said.
I returned carefully where I was before my aunt called me.
“I could have feel ridiculous, ” she said, “if you had accepted your aunt’s request. ”
“Why? ” I said.
“I was here with you, ” she said, “your aunt called you, you go and let me here standing still here. Alone. What situation could it be. ”
“It would have been good, ” I said.
“Why? ” she said.
“Because everything done under the world, ” i said, “is paid under the world. ”
“What do you mean? ” she said.
“Nothing, ” I said.
She stared at me. I think she remembered what she had done to me. Injures she caused in my heart.
It was like that with my beautiful Jenny. She ignored me totally. I felt abandoned. Alone. In the road. Night. Noone is passing by. Raining. What a situation!
I used to it. There was no other way. I couldn’t ask her friend to leave. I couldn’t insert myself in their conversation. I had to take my time. Waiting for the result.
At last, her friend stood up.
“Houu, ” she said. “Sorry, I didn’t present you, this —”
“Voyant, ” I said instantly.
“Esther, ” her friend said without being asked.
“So you are in a same class? ” I said.
“Yeah, ” Esther said, “she is my classmate. ”
“Can we go? ” Esther said when looking at Jenny.
I felt my soul cat. I couldn’t breathe. I imagined her standing up. Saying, “Good bye Voyant. ” It wouldn’t be understandable.
I had just to see what was in her mind. To see if had a chance to poursue what I have started.
*
She took some time. Trying to think maybe. Either to go or finish the conversation she had.
“No, ” she said, “I have to finish onething over here. ”
I felt rescued. The thing she had to finish was me. The conversation we had started.
“Ok, ” Esther said, “bye. ”
“Ok bye, ” Jenny said when looking at Esther.
“I think you won’t regret your time, ” Esther said to Jenny. “Bye Voyant. ”
“Bye Esther, ” I said.
I looking at her as she was estranged.
“She is a little bit talkative, ” Jenny said. “That is why I like her among my friends. ”
“Now it is about four years we knew each other, ” she said with a bit regret.
“That’s why you should accept her request, ” I said.
“Which one? ” she said.
“To go with her, ” I said with a smooth sound.
Of course I could have died if she had decided to go. It was just a kind to show that I was not interested in her at all. But the truth was that I was praying for the night to stand by. It was a special event for me. To talk to the well-known girl. The beautiful one in all over the university. The well-appreciated girl. And also the one who decided to stay with me than to go with her friend.
“I like to be here, ” she said.
I didn’t want to know here meant where exactly. I just retained that it was near me.
I wanted to ask her either there was someone in her life. I was hesitating. Of course those kind of girls always have someone. Not even someone but many. I wanted to know either I had had really a chance or not before the moon came. But I didn’t know how to arrive there. How to change the conversation directly to that.
“What do you like the most here exactly? ” I said.
She took some time before.
“That is the problem, ” she said, “because I don’t know exactly. ”
I tried to introduce myself to see what would her reaction.
“You know, ” I said, “what I like the most here is … ”
I was not a bit but really blocked. I had either to use you or girls here at the end of that sentence.
Using girls here would have been a suicide. She would have understood it in a bad way and said that I am not a good boy. Maybe I was just there for sex.
Using you would have been more direct. It is like to say, “teacher I love you. ” what can be the reaction from the teacher? I think she can stand up silently and quickly, close the door, and the windows, come to you, look at you deep inside your eyes, with a raging dog face, and say, “it is the first and the last time I hear that from you. ” of course because we are not in same category. She is a teacher, I am the student.
The misunderstanding situations are about socials classes. Saying teachers and students is like rich and poor, religion conflict, color conflict. We are all human being. Creatures. Those are what I call enemies of love.
In love stories, there are only two people. A man and a woman. They love each other. In any case, if there just a bit of a third one, everything is destroyed. Love is that desire to live with someone, to be with someone, just two.
What I regret the most is that fact I can hear here and there, “you can not be with that man because he is from a poor family, because he is not from our culture, because he is not from our religion, because he didn’t study, because he…because he…because… “ Many becauses.
The future is not for the family, but for the one who accepts to be with someone he loves.
That was what I couldn’t want from her. “You, ” I said with a strict look at here.
“Wouah, ” she said. “How that? ”
I didn’t know what to say. It was an abrupt reaction. A deep feeling I couldn’t explain. It happened every time I loved very much someone. I couldn’t really explain why I loved her. I loved her dot. Nothing else to add. Non explanation to that feeling.
“You know… , ” I said, with an imperious sprit.
That structure remember when I was preparing my high-school speaking exam. I was ready for speaking. I used to speak in front of authorities. I used to give my opinion on subject. I stole that kind of speaking in a serial movie, kevin Hill. About advocates. For me, it was awesome. Marvelous. Wonderful.
I took a little bit time to continue. With my right firts two fingers petting my beard. I looked at her firmly.
“…I couldn’t expect you like this, like I am looking at you right now, ” I said.
“How that? ” she said.
“I imagine you with a rude heart, ” I said. “Impossible to catch. To understand, to talk to. ”
Of course that was not what I was going to say. What I was going to say was strictly about my feeling. That was why I was there. To push her changing her whatever kind of feeling she had into another one related to me. And me only.
“So how did you think I was? ” she said.
“I thought you were that kind of girls you could not sit with, ” I said. “That kind of girls who looked at people as they were carpets. ”
“Now, ” she said, “what have you noticed? ”
“Something interesting hidden behind you, ” I said.
She tried to look behind her of course. She understood immeditely what I was talking about. It was about her beauty inside. Not that beauty everybody looked from outside but her heart.
Of course it is a little bit difficult to notice the inside beauty for someone just for the first time you meet. Some people used to say, “I love you. ” for the first time the met someone. And that someone says also, “I love you too. ” It is funny. Really funny.
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