It is said that one cannot forget his/her first love throughout his or her life. I am sanguine that those whosoever would have fallen in love at first sight in childhood or boyhood, most probably in school or college with a girl or boy, he/she recollects the sweet – sweet days spent together hands in hands, under the arms, eyes to eyes fathoming into depth of hearts all along, gossiping about love and romance for hours together in a lonely place far from the worldliness.
Love at this age is quite different – sex is almost far – far away from the awareness of what sex means and how can be indulged in and can be enjoyed together. The sex organs/limbs are either not developed or in an in – matured stage. But one thing is quite clear that there is attraction to each other , there is sensation in cell , there is emotion in whole body , and over and above there is restlessness to see each other , to meet probably alone ,to talk face to face , to touch and embrace frequently in emotion and so on … ?
All such things happen gradually with pace of time – mean to say when they are grown up – in man moustaches start appearing on the upper lip and beard grows on and around the chin whereas in woman breast begins to rise upward. In man semen starts coming out whereas in woman menses takes place. Face indicates youthfulness all around in man and woman both. Most of the people don’t have the courage to disclose their first love for incident took place in his school or college life long back. They conceal it or hesitate to speak out anything about the past. They prefer either to forget or like to preserve it in mind. It is not good at all to keep it in Pandora’s box as it has got some side effect on body and in mind as well.
One of my friends took me in his car to Shakti Mandir in the evening. There we sat for hours together in meditation. At the exit he introduced me to a lady – very beautiful even at 50, well dressed in pink sari and blouse, long black hair – in a single choti to her buttock – sparking eyes – slightly bigger too, a red bindi on her forehead, juicy lips , a garland of white pearls around the neck – all together she looked charming . My friend at the first sight lost his balance and caught hold of her left hand in filmy style and said :
Shalu , Tum ! ( You ) , Kab aayee ? ( When did you come ? )
She recollected, stared at him and suddenly responded , ‘ Gopal ! Tum, after such a long time, I see you have not changed at all – same look, same face, same hair style and so on … I came yesterday on the eve of Rakhi Poornima . How are you ? How is Bhabhi Jee ? Your children ? Uncle and aunt Jee?
Father is no more. Mother suffers from blood sugar and blood pressure. Wife is fatty, not slim like you. Savita is in USA with her husband. She is a software engineer, her husband too. Rohit after MBA is looking after my business. We have Hero Honda Agency. Me not well .
“Why? You very often come in my dreams. And my blood burns whenever I remember you – your immense love and particularly the pleasant moment spent and enjoyed together. I have never thought of it that you would be married to someone else the moment I left for Mumbai for study law. I have everything but nothing. Why nothing? You know we had decided to marry but my dad knowing about our love affairs sent me to Mumbai to study law. Your dad arranged your marriage immediately on my dad’s persuasion. What happened later, you know better . Me too . I refused to marry someone whom I did not know at all.
I declared that I would marry as per my choice, but my mother forced me to obey my father and marry the groom gladly he had already selected. Finding no way out to protest, I had to surrender to the situation ultimately. My mum was a heart patient. She wanted me to obey my father otherwise she would breathe her last.”
Turning to me Gopal said to her, ‘ He is Mr. Kailash, my fast friend . He consoles me time to time whenever heart beat fluctuates while remembering you. Shalu ! I can’t forget you though I have become Dada – Nana . I have told everything about you to my wife. Even my children know about you and our love. If I would not have told them, I would have left for heavenly abode long back. Let us sit in a café and have coffee together.
As you like, I have no objection.
We came to Madras Café.
“Those days you liked onion masala dosa. Isn’t it?”
Gopal ordered for onion masala dosa , sada dosa for us. Gopal asked, ‘ How are you these days, your husband , your children , your business ?
“My husband is an LIC agent, myself a teacher in a Girls’ High School. Three daughters – all married, one son, competed NDA, now in training in Pune. Only two members are left, we live together happily.
Do you remember me?
Not always but kabhi – kabhi .
Still do you love me ?
Please don’t ask such a question from a married Indian woman. In fact I can’t reply. My husband loves me most. He trusts me also. I cannot think about any unusual thing like this after marriage. I cannot betray him. I was very open to you and now also. In the first night of honey moon we didn’t sleep, we exchanged our views about our past life. He disclosed that he had a girlfriend whom he had loved, kissed and even had intercourse .Now none is even in his dream after marriage. Have you any boy friend with whom …? – all of a sudden he asked me . I replied confidently, ‘Not at all. I disliked such things before marriage.’ Here I told a lie because once you warned me not to disclose anything to anyone even to my husband in case not married to you about the love affair I had had with you otherwise I would be in trouble, whole life I would have to shed tears and had to repent as no husband would like that his wife would have had some illicit relationship with someone before marriage. My husband persuaded me on many occasions in tactful manner but I always convinced him that I was never entangled with any one as my family culture and tradition didn’t permit it before one’s marriage. Gopal ! I am very grateful to you for your valuable suggestion; otherwise my life would have become a hell instead of a heaven.
Alright. I want you to spare a few hours for me.
Gopal ! I understand what you want, but practically after marriage for a woman like me, it is not possible. It is against social ethics. If you want anything else other than this, even my life, I can give you. If I do so, I will be of nowhere. Please excuse me for God’s sake. Forget it for ever. Live and lead life as my well – wisher.
Shalini thanked us for company and left hastily. Gopal was at a loss to decide where to go then? Even the hell was houseful.
Writer: Master Durga Prasad, Gobindpur, Dhanbad, Date : 27th. August 2013, Day: Tuesday.