She looked to her right, she looked to her left.
No one was there. She thought to herself how easily she could walk out of the store holding her desires. A few minutes too deep into the thought process, a sales woman walks up to her with a grin, “Do you need any assistance miss?” the sales woman asked. As the girl said “No thank you,” she glided her fingers across the products in front of her, her desires cutting it close to her heartstrings now. While she watched the sales woman walk to the other side of the store, she took hold of her desires, and slipped them deep into her purse pockets. She walked down the street that day feeling applicably strange, and somewhat devilish, for having deceived a lovely sales woman earlier that day.
Later that evening…
–Ringing Phone,
“Hey, what time are you coming?”
“I don’t know yet, should I come now? I just got back in the area.”
“You have to! Your man is going to be there.”
“I don’t think you could really call him MY man. hahaha”
“I think everyone knows what you two did last month”
“Well…I don’t think it matters, we haven’t talked to each other since.”
“You haven’t even seen each other though! Try it, come over.”
“Okay, I guess it couldn’t hurt to be in the same room.”
“Oh please, you two are gonna totally hit it off.”
“Yeah right. We barely talked when we were together last month, what does that say about our connection huh.”
“That you need to keep TRYING!”
“You little bi**h, okay fine. I’ll go make an effort, this is only because you want me to so badly though, just know that!”
“Okay s**t, I’ll be expecting to see your adorable face in my apartment in the course of the next hour!”
“Okay Anna, I’ll see you soon. Bye!”
“Byeeee”
–Hangs up call.
As she walked up to the train she became slightly nervous about the next hour. She steps into the train car, and is on her way.
She takes out her journal while sitting in her favorite corner seat on the train,
–Journal entry begins…
“The guy sitting across from me is staring right at my feet, like there’s nothing else to look at in the entire car. Maybe he has a foot fetish. Or maybe he’s just trying not to make eye contact because he’s nervous about girls. I don’t really like guys that get really nervous around girls. I mean, we’re just women. Whats the big deal. I have boobs, and an ass, and that makes me so hard to look at without being weird about it?
I wish everyone would just be friendly and interested as they should be. It would make things a lot more fun. I remember one time when I overheard a guy talking about how he was lost and didn’t know which stop to get off at, and no one was really helping him, so I went over to him and asked where he was trying to get to. He seemed surprised at my friendliness. Why though? I was just being a decent human being. Anyways, he said he wanted to go to this big skatepark he had heard about in the middle of the city.
Luckily, I actually knew where that was. My friends and I use to go there a lot to watch people do tricks, we would cheer on all the ones that made it, and boo the guys that fucked up. I told him where it was, but he still seemed confused, I was getting off at the same stop, and he was cute. So I told him I would walk him halfway, so it would be easier for him. He seemed very thankful. As we walked, I learned that he was a businessman from some place in the south or something, and he was visiting Chicago for work, he said it was his free time, and that he likes skateboarding whenever he’s not busy. I almost wished I could have kept walking with him and maybe hung out with him for a little while, but he seemed eager to start boarding, so I got halfway, pointed out the park, and told him to have a nice time.
But you see? If people were that friendly to each other all the time, everyone would be a hell of a lot happier in their daily lives, I know I would be. I’m annoyed about tonight. I have to go to this party, I promised Anna I would at least arrive and hangout a little, even though the guy I hooked up with a month ago is there, he was so good at everything. It was kind of intimidating honestly. I mean, not to say it wasn’t worth it, or awesome. But yeah, you know how it goes, awkward after tension, not sure if he even wants to do the casual thing with me. Maybe it was a one timer for him. I would do it again though. I would always do it again. I’m a slut at heart. Promiscuous, you could say. Not that I get around so much or anything, but I have my days.”
–Journal entry ends.
As the light begins to fade from the sky, she walks down the street in peace, until she ends up in front of Anna’s apartment building.
**Ring Ring** (buzzer)
“Hello?”
“Yo. I’m in front of your crib brah”
“GUYS GUESS WHOSE HERE!? JENNA!”
“Dude, way to announce the sh*t out of my appearance. Now let me in!”
“Okay, hahah, see you in a minute, please enter”
**Buzzer unlocks doors**
She walks up the flight of stairs slowly. As she steps foot into the party, she hears blaring rap music. Anna runs up to her right away, “GIRL! I’m so happy you made it, damn. Kay, now what’s your beverage of choice tonight?”
“What do you have?”
“Alcohol.”
“Very funny, I meant options dear.”
“Bourbon, Jack, Svedka of courseee, and High Life”
“Jack, do you have a chaser?”
“Yeah you can just grab whatever you want from the fridge. Are you sleeping here tonight? You should. Katy and Marie-Kate are both crashing. We can get high as f**k”
“Oh joy, Katy AND Marie-Kate, what a duo. Yeah I’ll probably crash here, I don’t wanna walk home drunk.”
“Cool. I’m so excited!!”
“How drunk are you?”
“So drunkk. I chugged a Four Loco earlier, you missed it!”
“Oh my god, good job, your gonna be the hangover queen tomorrow”
“Tryin’ not to think about it!” Anna says as she dances away.
As she’s pouring her drink, someone touches her shoulder…
“Jack, huh. Good choice of liquor my friend”
My friend. The typical I don’t care what we are label.
as he stares, she looks up, “Hello. Yeah it’s a good one.”
“Where have you been all night?”
“I was at work, and then I walked around the city a little bit.”
“Cool. What did you do?”
She thought about saying she jacked a makeup shop of their product…but then rethought. The immediate assumptions are too strenuous.
“Shopped a little. Bought some necessities.”
“Where do you work?”
Now he’s interested in my life? Maybe he’s just drunk enough.
“A thrift store. Its filled with random stuff. Furniture, clothes whatever.”
“That sounds like a nice place, probably give you discounts”
“Yes, sometimes. Depends on what I want, hahah.”
He looked at her with intent.
“Something wrong?”
“What?”
“I don’t know, you looked confused”
“Oh, no. Everything’s good, I’m just drunk I guess”
“Yeah I’m trying to be”
“Get on my level girl!” He smiles.
“I’ll get past your level, boy.” She laughs.
Tension builds, they notice theres barely any space between them. Their arms touching as they fill their glasses with more booze. She tries to break the silence.
“So, what made you come to this party”
“You know, a guy’s gotta get out. My friend Brett really wanted to come to this party in specific. Your friend turns him on, hahaha”
“Anna? hahaha, yeah. She can do that. Her dance moves are outta this world.”
“She’s pretty much your best friend right?”
“Yeah. Pretty much, she can be a handful sometimes but she’s a general keeper.”
“Yeah, that’s cool. You got any ganja?”
“I’m all out. I wanted to buy some before the weekend, but the guy I usually buy from disappeared to his summer house this week”
“Drug dealer’s and their summer house disappearing acts. It happens all too often.”
“Seriously. hahah, at least he’s having a good time right.”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Well, if you want to smoke with me, I did roll a singular joint, with the end of my last purchase.”
“Ohh, yes I would love.”
“But you gotta keep this secretive, okay? Its just you and me. I don’t want anybody else tryna join in.” he said jokingly.
She laughs. “you got it.”
They grabbed their drinks and went out to Anna’s backyard, where they often do bonfires, in big groups. Today it was sort of chilly, so everyone for the most part was staying inside. They walked down to a corner of the building where they could hideout.
“So are you a lone smoker, or a social smoker?”
“I mean, both. I smoke pretty frequently. To wind down in the evenings. But I love smoking in groups too. Thats always fun.”
“Your chill as f**k. I don’t meet many girls who say they smoke in their free time. I do too.”
“Yeah, some girls I can’t talk to about it without them being weird. Act like its some kind of sin. Maybe it is to them. I don’t really care either way. Their missing out on some spiritual moments.”
He laughs, “Your such a hippie.”
“I’ve been told.”
“I like that about you though, its a compliment”
“Thanks.”
“Your real. Most girls are figgity faked up.” He says, laughing.
“Hahaha, good word use. Thanks, I’ve never been told that I’m real”
“Really? People should speak up more often. You would’ve heard it a lot by now if they had.”
“Thanks again, hahah”
“Apologies, I’m being a little too talkative.”
“No your not, I like talkative. It’s nice to listen.”
“I like it too, I guess thats why I do it so much. I’m better at it when I’m buzzed.”
“Everyone is”
“True.”
“You wanna go upstairs?” He said openly.
She was a bit alarmed by that, so quickly changing pace.
“To do…?”
“To adventure!” He said.
Relief.
“Oh, yes. why not.”
They went up to the rooftop to ‘explore’ the building, she’s content, even if ‘adventuring’ wasn’t really what they would do. He grabbed her hand and ran her around the deck, “Wouldn’t it be cool if this was a boat, instead of a rooftop.”
“Yes, that would definitely be cooler”
“Then lets pretend it is, it totally is. We’re on a boat!”
“Oh my gosh, you’ve got some crazy ideas, I guess so though, a boat sounds nice.”
“You sound nice.”
“What? hahaha”
“You.” He looks at her with the prettiest eyes she’d ever seen. Damn. It’s hard not to fall for that. She walked up to him. They looked across the way, at the buildings in the distance, and the roaming Friday night traffic. As she tilted her head a little to the right, he cupped his hand around her waste, as if to hold her in so she couldn’t go anywhere. She turned her face a little more toward his, he moved in a bit more, as their lips touched the spark was clear. He put her up on the ledge they were next to, and moved his hands up under her dress.
–Later that night with the girls…
“Where did you go for like half the party dude, I lost you”
“Uh, I got preoccupied”
“By, pot or a boy?”
“Maybe both, hahaha”
“Oh damn, score one for Jenna”
“Stoppitt”
“Was it my favorite boy?! I hope so. I was hoping all night you two would get together again.”
“Ugh. Yes. You’ve done it again. ahaha”
“Your really lucky, he’s hot.”
“He’s also cool, and smooth as f**k. I need to calm down.”
“I sense some anger”
“Toward what”
“Toward yourself for liking him”
“I don’t know, he’s cool, and hot, and I like him, thats the problem”
“What do you mean thats the problem? Just tell him! He would probably ask you to hangout all the time if you told him that. I know you, you have a habit of forgetting to tell guys how you actually feel towards them, their not gonna make the next move, not unless you tell them you want them to. Then they will.”
“I don’t think I’m forgetting to tell them, I think I may have a legitimate commitment issue after my last relationship.”
“Shutup. That guy sucked, and we all know it. He might have been hot, and funny, but he had serious downfalls. He was mean, because he’s a pussy. I know it hurt, but we must allow ourselves more than one chance at love, ya know what I’m sayin’?” Anna says, as she takes a hit of the bong their passing around with Marie-Kate and Katy, who are in their own little world of drama.
“Yeah, I totally agree with you, but my mind won’t budge right now. Maybe if I knew a little bit of what he was thinking this would be easy for me to come out and say”
“You want me to ask him?”
“No! I love you, but you know how much I hate when you guys metal into my love life.”
“I know. Sorry, force of habit”
“Its chill, its chill. Maybe I’ll text him this week or something. that would help get things moving along, just a little hey whatup, invite him to a hangout”
“Yeah, thats perfect, we’ll have him over to your place when we do one of our weekly bong seshes”
“Why my place”
“Cuz your room is cool, he’ll get to see a little piece of your personality. I’m sure he’ll like seeing that. Its personal shit”
“I suppose, invite him to my house to share a personal zone.” She laughs.
“Yes! Thats the spirit.”
–End conversation
–Later that night…
Journal entry…
“I’m so high. Been thinking way too much about that hookup on the rooftop. Not just that, but the conversations before it. He’s so chill. Why. Is. He. So. Chill. Dammit. I am such a girl about these things. I wanna know what he thinks of me. I mean, it can’t be all that bad, he did say I was “real” so, what’s the negativity that would go with that? That he only wants to hookup when we see each other at parties? So be it I guess. I mean, I like him yeah.
But I only hookup with guys I like, honestly, so really, I have to accept that some of them (most of them) are more in it for the sex than the conversations, and the hanging out part. My last boyfriend f**ked me up. That loser looked just like Machine Gun Kelly though, and he was humorous, and liked my booty. What more could a girl ask for when she’s in high school, am I right. Now I’m not in high school anymore though, and I want someone who isn’t gonna fight and get jealous all the time. I want a real life thing, that doesn’t act a certain way in public just because its kind of forced. High school wasn’t a cup of tea when it came to relationships. Shit went down.
Anyways, this guy is so cool, and actually kind of sweet despite the fact that he won’t text me or call me to hangout. Whatever. I’m just happy to be hooking up with someone who isn’t dumb as fuck. He’s got some soul, I can feel it when we talk, or stand close to each other. It’s nice, being around someone who thinks about things on a deeper level. I also do that, thats why I can tell that he does it too.
After we hooked up, we lied there for a minute, and then he started to get up, so I did too, obviously. We didn’t talk much after. We didn’t the last time either. It’s a weird thing, I guess because we both don’t know what we each want, we have to be kind of silent at the end of hookups. I mean, it’s not like you cant end a hookup with “well, that was nice,” but that shit’s weird and awkward and nobody wants to be the person that ends a hookup with something like that. Silence is much preferred thank you very much. So we walked back into the party and sat together in a circle of crazy drunk people, and honestly, I was pretty drunk, and pretty baked, I rarely notice how buzzed I actually am. He got up for a minute, and his friend was talking to him in the corner, his friend looked distraught. Like he probably hooked up with the wrong girl or something. They automatically left though, he waved from the doorway, we were both looking each others ways. I waved back and smiled. Weird though. His friend must have done some stupid shit. As he walked out the door, I felt a relief. I could now be with my friends and not have to be aware of his presence the whole time. Not that it was a burden, just too many thoughts at once, its hard to control my minds strings. Their all tangled up all over the place.
–Journal entry ends.
She looked around her friend’s dark room and remembered the feeling when he pulled her up onto that ledge on the rooftop, indescribable. Butterflies for sure. She dazzled herself with the thoughts, and then remembered the moment when she saw him walk through the door, they shot each other these looks of guilt and wonder, and then parted their separate ways without even speaking of the previous events at all, just as it had happened the last time. She then remembered the moment that she had slipped the small but expensive cosmetics deep into her purse, and remembered the feeling of deceit. It was alike to the feeling of waving goodbye when he left the building. And so it goes.
__END__