Reflections

“ Abhi breakfast is ready come fast, it is time for your school bus” shouted Shyam. He heard running steps on the stairs and soon his 7 year old son Abhinav came and sat at the breakfast table.

Their housekeeper Stella served breakfast for father and son. Once breakfast done as goes the usual practice said goodbye to Saira’s photo. Shyam looked at his wife’s smiling face. It has been 3 years since Saira was gone, but her smile still seemed real. Both Shyam and Abhinav felt Saira was with them and as a habit always said good bye to her whenever they stepped out of the house and told a hello to her whenever they returned. His parents had asked Shyam to remarry 2 years after Saira’s demise, even her family compelled him but for Shyam it seemed no one could replace his Saira. Abhinav too had settled down with the reality of speaking to his mom’s photo though occasionally he felt the need to be pampered just like his friend Varun’s mother pampered him. Father and son were brought out of the reverie by the horn of the school bus in front of the house. Shyam asked Abhi to hurry and after saying good bye to his son Shyam too left for the office.

“Chechi where are you. Cooking gas is over and we had not yet prepared breakfast” cried Shilpa in exasperation.

Shweta came running to the kitchen. Water was dripping from her hair and it showed she had a hurried bath. Shweta looked at the dosas prepared. There was definitely not enough for 4 of them. Due to the strike of cooking gas distributors there was inordinate delay in getting cooking gas.

“Shilpa do one thing. Make Sanju eat this and pack his lunch. Keep the remaining for breakfast and lunch for Amma.”

Shilpa looked at her sister and Shweta understood her question. What about them, is it going to be another hungry day. Shweta patted her sister’s back. “Shilpa I had bought a packet of bread yesterday. We both will have to manage with that” Shilpa’s eyes sparkled. Hunger was not new to them. After their father’s sudden death due to heart attack 7 years back and their mother’s losing mental balance it was literally hand and mouth existence for Shweta, Shilpa and their brother Sanjay.

It was after his death Shweta came to know their father had mortgaged their home for putting money in business. The business didn’t do well and the stress associated with that resulted in his heart attack. Once their relatives know the details of the mortgage everyone distanced themselves away from them. Their mother went into a shock and never regained mental balance. Some uncles made Shweta sell all her mother’s ornaments to pay the loan as much as possible but still the mortgage was there.

This made Shweta who was a good student to drop her studies post 12^th and join a big textile shop as data entry operator. The fact that she took Computer for her plus 2 helped. Shilpa was in 5^th and Sanjay 3^rd. Her earnings from shop alone didn’t help, she started taking tuition for kids from 1^st to 7^th. On her off day she went to a nearby tuition center which took tuitions for plus 2 students to teach English. With her sole income she paid mortgage on a regular basis, send both her siblings to school, paid for her mother’s medicine and ensured they never stayed hungry. Thankfully she got help from an old aunt of hers who supported them in taking care of their mother. Over years her reputation as a teacher has grown and there were requests to get her services. Shweta no longer worked in textile shops. She took tuitions morning and evening at her home and day time she went 2 tuition centers on alternate days for English and Computer classes.

But the mortgage and their mother’s illness weighed them down with practically no savings and by any chance any extra expenditure came Shweta and Shilpa cut their food. Shilpa had now completed 12^th and she wanted to quit studies. Shweta was against it and had made her sister apply for a good college. Now Shilpa was at home and managing things till her admission process got over. By the time Shweta came dressed to go to tuition center Shilpa had followed her advice and had packed everything. Shweta decided she will ask her aunt to lend gas for few days till they got their cooking gas. Shweta was a fighter who brought back her family from brink of suicide to whatever they are now.

Shyam reached office. His project lead Terrance was already there and was conducting the status meeting. As Shyam planned to join his team he got a call from the delivery head asking him to come to his cabin. Shyam remembered there was a new project manager joining the team and they were supposed to be peers. He knew Ashok would be calling him to introduce the new person to him so that he will be her buddy for the next 3 months till she got used to the organization. Shyam signaled Terrance to carry on with the meeting.

As he entered Ashok’s cabin he could see the new lady. Ashok welcomed him and told. Shyam meet Nayana Panicker our team’s new project manager and Nayana meet Shyam Manohar our most experienced and talented team member. As Nayana turned to wish him Shyam froze in his place. The face it was as if Saira was standing in front of him. Except for the wavy hair to Saira’s straight hair, Nayana looked every inch Saira. “Shyam what happened”. Shyam was jolted to reality by Ashok’s voice and with effort he put his hand forward. As Nayana walked alongside him Shyam was feeling quite uneasy. He knew it was a different person, but then he was unable to concentrate. He gave her overview of the organization, gave her folder details to look for information. He even took her to lunch. Though Nayana was asking questions and trying to be friendly Shyam was unable to open up. He felt himself quite stiff and most of the questions he gave curt answers.

By evening Shyam was really disorientated. He needs to tell Ashok he can’t be this girl’s buddy. But what will he tell Ashok. That he is seeing his dead wife in this girl. Won’t Ashok laugh. The tossing of hair backwards by Nayana, Saira did exactly that. How was he going to be with her. He was still lost in thoughts while driving and didn’t see the girl crossing the road and the car hit her.

Suddenly a crowd was formed and Shyam got out of his car. People were shouting at him. He looked at the girl. She was bleeding waist down. Shyam asked people to be calm and decided to take the girl to the hospital. Some people helped him and he asked the girl her name. “Shweta” she told. He asked her to give him the contact number of her near and dear ones. Shweta signaled to her hand bag. One of the men took the mobile phone from her bag. Shweta told to check for “Shilpa” in her mobile. Soon they reached hospital. Shweta was rushed to emergency ward, while at the reception Shyam had to give the details of the accident. The hospital informed that they will have to inform police. Shyam agreed.

Meanwhile Shyam saw a girl and a boy who were searching for Shweta Chechi. Shyam went near them and told their sister is in emergency ward. Shilpa started crying. The doctor came out and told Shweta have suffered a fracture. Her right leg would have to be put in a cast and she will have to take complete rest for next 2 months. Shilpa and Sanju looked at each other. What will they do. If Shweta was going to be in complete rest how will the house run, who will pay debt and of course who will pay for her treatment. They sat in a corner. Shyam spoke to the doctor telling that since he was the cause of the accident he is willing to bear the treatment expenses. He asked doctor to speak to the girl and ensure when the police come she will not register a case. Doctor nodded.

Shyam called Stella and told he will be late and to take care of Abhi. He also spoke to his son asking him to complete his homework and not to trouble Stella. Abhi complained in his childish ways but soon promised to be a good boy.

Shyam spoke to Shilpa and Sanju who were coming out after meeting Shweta. Shyam had arranged for payward for the girl and told Shilpa and Sanju not to worry about her treatment. He will take care. For first time he saw a smile on Shilpa’s face.

Shyam went and met Shweta. Shweta smiled at him. He apologized to her telling that it was his mistake. Shweta told him he was kind enough to take her to hospital and was thankful for the fact that he was bearing her medical expenses. She said once she comes out of hospital surely she will repay him. Shyam told her not to belittle him as he needs to be thankful to her for not filing police case and medical expense he will not take back. They both laughed.

Shyam asked Shilpa to call him in case of any medical emergency and decided to go home. He was very cautious while driving as he didn’t wanted to repeat any more accidents. On the way Shyam decided to know more about Shweta’s family as he didn’t see any elder person apart from her siblings in hospital. Abhi was fast asleep when he reached.

Next day morning the first thing Shyam did was call Shilpa and enquire about Shweta. Shilpa told chechi is doing fine. Shyam spoke to the doctor also and who told Shweta is doing alrite. A relieved Shyam reached office. But the moment he entered the space he became nervous once again. When he opened the system he saw couple of meetings with Nayana which she had scheduled. Shyam braced himself and he didn’t understand why Nayana needed so much meetings. He had given her enough material to go through.

Well he didn’t had any option than to meet her. Nayana walked into his room at the meeting time. She was wearing an orange salwar with matching chain and earrings. Shyam felt a little relieved. At least in dress sense she had nothing common with Saira who wore pastel shades and minimum or no jewellery, whereas Nayana’s choices were real fancy. Nayana started asking questions. All through the day it was tiring for Shyam to deal Nayana. She wanted to know everything or in other words she expected Shyam to spoon feed her about the organization and its workings. For Shyam it was like sitting on a fire what with her tossing of hair now and then.

Shyam was once again in disturbed mind when he got out. Then he remembered Shweta and knew he had to first go and meet her, then understand her background. When Shyam reached the hospital he could see Shilpa was in the room and the sisters were talking. He knew it was not right to listen to them, but he decided to listen as he knew they will not speak about any issues in front of him.

“ Chechi I will go for baby sitting in the apartment next to our home. Also in the evening I will go the mall to be a counter clerk in Pizza Hut. I saw the ad from them they need people”

“Shilpa you are going to college. I have put aside some money. Our food expenses will somehow meet this month. Also in another week, maybe I can sit, then I will continue home tuitions. We will somehow manage it Shilpa”

“No Chechi doctor has told complete rest for you for next 2 months. I don’t want to risk your health for anything. Sanju has told he will work in the petrol pump in the evening. So allow us to help you Chechi”

“ No Shilpa it is ok if Sanju is working in evening, but I don’t want you to give up college. The most you can do is work at the counter in Pizza hut post college hours. I won’t allow anything else. I didn’t struggle this much to see you also dropping out of college”

Shyam didn’t know what to feel. From the conversation he understood Shweta was the sole bread winner in the family and the family has serious financial problems. Now because of him not only the girl was injured but to meet the family expenses her younger sibling has to leave studies and go for work.

He softly knocked the door. The girls stopped talking and turned to look at him. Shyam said “I am sorry but inadvertently ended up listening to your conversation. Since I am the cause of this issue I would like to know whether I can help”

“No Sir. You are already doing a lot. We don’t want to trouble you again. We will manage” said Shweta in a single breath.

“Shweta whatever support I am offering for the next 2 months of course you can repay when you start working. Think realistically and let me know your problems. I am not seeing any elders with you, where are your parents. “

Shweta looked at Shyam. She was debating whether to tell or not. She looked at her sister, her future and Shyam’s offer of help and decided to take it.

“ Sir I am telling you this with the promise from you that whatever help you are going to offer to us now, I will be repaying you once my health improves” Shyam smiled at her and nodded his head seeing the girl’s self-respect and need to stand on her own. Shweta told him the entire story. Shyam told he will provide her with EMI for her loan for the next 2 months which she can repay him. Both the sisters smiled and thanked him once again.

When Shyam felt the hospital he felt lighter. It was as if in the girls he was once again seeing some positivity and a will to fight.

Days went by. Shyam’s conflicts with Nayana continued. To make matters worse Nayana and Shyam were allocated to a new program which was complex. Shyam was supposed to manage the front end and Nayana was supposed to handle the back end. Project involved lot of complexities with unclear requirement, demanding client, talent crunch etc..

What kept Shyam going was his association with Shweta and her family. Shyam understood Shweta lived just one street away from his home. Shyam had also taken Abhinav to meet the family. Abhinav jelled very well with the kids and since Shyam came to know about Shweta’s reputation as a teacher he decided to send Abhi for tuitions there. Shweta has recovered and she had started taking home tuitions sitting on a chair as her students were having mid-term exams. Shweta gave special care to Abhi and the mid-term results showed remarkable improvement in Abhi’s marks. Shyam was happy. He now didn’t had to bother about Abhi’s studies which was a constant worry for him.

Meanwhile Shilpa was noticing a change in her sister. She had not thought much about Shweta giving special attention to Abhi. But these days she saw a twinkle in Shweta’s eyes whenever Shyam came. She thought she should know what her chechi was thinking about that gentleman. She didn’t want her sister to be heartbroken unnecessarily.

So that night when they were making bed in the room Shilpa casually asked “Chechi what is your opinion about Shyam chettan”

“He is nice Shilpa, he has helped us so much. Who these days go to this extend to help people”

“I understand he is nice Chechi, I was asking what you are feeling about him”

“What you mean Shilpa” said Shweta averting her sister’s eyes.

Shilpa held Shweta by shoulders “Chechi you have fallen in love with him right. That’s why you take special care of Abhi. Chechi do you think I have missed the glow in your face whenever Shyam chettan comes. I know Chechi it is not right to tell. But Chechi he is from a big family and we..” Shilpa had tears in her eyes when she told it.

“Shilpa your chechi is not building any castles in air. Yes I do feel something for Shyam. His goodness has touched me and I feel good when I talk to him as if I had known him for long. But then I know the ground reality also. You don’t worry. Your Chechi has seen enough world to know where to draw boundaries” Shweta’s eyes were also moist. The sisters hugged each other.

It was Christmas time. Stella had wanted leave for 2 weeks. Shyam asked his parents to come to Trivandrum as it will be holidays for Abhi also. Usually Shyam took his son for a vacation somewhere during Christmas. But the new project he was in ensured that it will not be possible this time. His days were not at all going smooth. Nayana was a woman who couldn’t take even the slightest pressure and she pushed more and more issues to the front end team. Release was just 2 weeks away. Shyam was still in office when he received the call that his father had suffered a heart attack. Shyam asked team to manage everything and rushed to hospital. His dad was in ICU. Doctor told he has moved out of danger, but will need monitoring atleast for a week.

Shyam was in a mess. But since his father’s condition was bad, he asked his manager to give him the option of working from home so that he can shuttle between hospital and home and also take care of his son. His manager knowing Shyam’s reputation approved the same. 2 days went without much issue.

But the problem started the 3^rd day with the system testing team reporting bugs and Nayana unable to handle the pressure was creating ruckus in office. She questioned the team leads, gave hard timelines and overall in the next 2 days the already stressed team was getting stressed more. The manager called Shyam and told that if it continues another day the project will be in real danger of missing the schedule as people were just introducing more bugs by quick fixes. He asked him to somehow manage things and come to office.

Shyam was in a dilemma. Where will he send Abhi. He cannot be in full time hospital nor in office. Saira’s parents were with his brother in law in Mumbai to support him and his wife. Then he remembered Shweta. He immediately called her and told the situation and asked her whether she could handle Abhi for some days till his father is discharged from hospital. Shweta by this time was completely cured and was working normally. Shilpa had joined college. Shweta agreed to help immediately.

Shyam observed very less in home front in the next few days. But he was aware that Shweta not only took care of Abhi, knowing the situation in his home, she cooked and send lunch and dinner to the hospital, visited his mother in the hospital, ran errands there too. It was as if in a critical situation Shweta completely took the burden off his shoulders by managing his home.

Finally release was done. Meanwhile Stella also came back. His father’s health was slowly and steadily improving. Shweta dropped in once in a while to see them and check on his dad’s health. It was a month later Shyam visited Shweta. He had bought new dress for her as well as her siblings for helping him in such a crucial situation.

“Thank you so much Shweta. This is just a small token of appreciation from my side” Shyam gave the packages to Shweta

“There was no need for such things. You have helped us in our hour of need. I just returned the favour when you needed it” told Shweta.

“So does that mean the next time I need a help you won’t be available “asked Shyam mockingly.

“No no nothing like that. You can ask help whenever you want” Shweta blushed and Shyam laughed. The moment was interrupted by Shilpa who came with tea. “Chetta chechi will help you no matter what, helping is in her blood, doesn’t matter whether she have time or not, health is affected or not” Shyam noticed a tinge of anger in Shilpa’s voice and he knew he won’t get anything more from the sisters. So he decided he will speak to the youngster her brother Sanjay.

“By the way Shweta this weekend I am taking Abhi for a movie. Will Sanjay be interested in joining us”

Shweta turned back and she could see the hope in her brother’s face who rarely got a chance like that.

“Yes Shyam it has been long since Sanju saw some movie. I will send him to the house over weekend”

Once Shyam left Shweta was angry at Shilpa “Shilpa what need you have to say things like that.”

“Because I don’t want him to trouble you once again Chechi. You love him and if he asks you any help you will go all the way to help him. You have sat late nights to finish your class notes, to correct papers because you were not only cooking but taking lunch and dinner to his family. You were making special dishes for his son. Yes he has helped us. But that was not charity. His car hit you and you burning this midnight oil is of no use. The feelings you have for him are not going to be reciprocated in any way. Next time also he will ask help and when you give it, he might bring us new dresses or take for a movie or to a good dining hall. And I don’t want my sister to break her head for such pleasures for us. We have lived without that and we will continue to live without that”

“Shilpa but…” but Shilpa was in no mood to hear the same and she walked out angrily and Shweta walked to the kitchen suppressing her tears. How will she make Shilpa understand love doesn’t come to you knocking, it just happens. Sanju stood at the door looking at his sisters. From the time Shyam has come into their life, it has been disrupted one way or the other. Especially his sister’s who were loving and caring now fought with each other now and then over Shyam. But Sanju liked Shyam and was happy that his sister allowed him to go for the movie.

Shyam was working on his computer when his mother came to his room. “Shyam I know we have talked about this multiple times and you have given a “No” every time, but I want to discuss this again”

Shyam turned knowing all too well what his mother wanted to talk and prepared to give a “ No” once again after listening to her. But what his mother told took him by surprise.

“Shyam what is your opinion about Shweta”

“Shweta?? mom please didn’t you get any other girl for such a proposal. She is atleast 9-10 years younger to me. You want to take advantage of her poor family condition. Stop it here mom, I do not want exploitation of that girl”

“Listen to me Shyam before you shout your judgment. I am not exploiting her or anything and I won’t even think of doing that. But the fact remains that Shweta loves you. In addition to being a mother, Shyam I am a woman too and Shweta’s feelings for you I understood very much from her eyes. That girl loves you deeply. And me and your dad likes her too. Infact indirectly I poked the question to Abhi. He too loves Shweta. So Shyam you have a choice. By giving life to her, you will not only be bringing a wife for you or mother to Abhi, but can also light the lives of her siblings in a better way. Think about it Shyam. I know you are perturbed and will say no one can take Saira’s place, but for once ask Saira. She might give you the answer.

Shyam was shocked. This was the last thing he needed. On one side seeing Nayana’s face in office he was struggling and now seeing Shweta he had to think of her feelings. Rubbish he told himself. Mother is imagining things. Her aim is only one thing, somehow get me married. He buried himself in the work.

 

It was Sunday evening. Shyam was with Sanjay and Abinav at the restaurant. They had gone for a movie and after that on Abhi’s insistence had come to “ All Spice” for refreshment. Shyam saw that though Sanjay enjoyed the movie and was talking Abhi in the theatre and all he seemed to distance himself from Shyam. Also the boy was barely eating anything.

“Sanjay don’t you like the food. Do we want me to order something else “asked Shyam

“He will get us good food or a movie then again ask some help from you, that’s it “Shilpa’s voice echoed in Sanjay’s head. He was not feeling like eating. He felt like the good things he was getting might take another toll on his elder sister who was already toiling too much for their sake. But to keep courtesy he told “It’s ok Shyam Chetta. I will finish this. I don’t want anything else”.

Shyam was feeling the uneasiness in the boy’s voice. He decided to talk to him. After having food he dropped Abhi at home and on the way to Shweta’s house he stopped in between

“Sanjay what happened. Are you and your sister angry at me for something.”

“No Shyam Chetta nothing like that. We are happy because you are helping us so much”

“No Sanjay there is something that bothers you. You are not talking to me as before and Shilpa somehow seems to have some grievances against me. Please tell if it is something I can fix, I will try to fix it”

The boy looked at Shyam for a long time before asking “Will you marry Shweta Chechi”

Shyam was taken aback by the sudden question “Sanjay what are you telling”

“You won’t marry her right. That is what Shilpa Chechi is telling. That you will never understand Shweta Chechi loves you or even if you understand you belong to rich family you won’t marry her. You will only ask more and more help from her” the boy wiped his tears.

Shyam didn’t know what to say. Both of them walked silently to Sanju’s house. When they reached Shweta was waiting for them, but Shilpa was nowhere to be seen.

“Sanju did you like the movie. Your Sir has called. Tomorrow you have tuitions early morning. So if you have any homework, complete it and go to bed early”. Sanju went in without telling anything

“He doesn’t like getting up in the morning.” told Shweta. “It’s ok” Shyam smiled at her. As he walked back Shyam turned and looked at Shweta. She was smiling and waving her hand. For the first time he observed Shweta. He saw the genuine smile in her and a happiness he felt he had seen somewhere before.

It was a tired Shyam who sat on the sofa in his room. Sanju’s words and his mom’s words that Shweta loves him kept ringing his mind, Shweta’s smiling face, then Nayana’s face came into his view and as he closed his eyes Nayana and Shweta kept flashing in front of his eyes. He was so disturbed that he shouted out loud “Why did you go Saira, why did you go leaving me and Abhi. We loved each other so much, 10 years were not enough with you Saira. Not enough with you. If you were here neither Nayana, nor Shweta would have been a problem for me. A boy wouldn’t have called me opportunistic that I am playing with his sister’s feelings and in office Nayana in no way would have affected my performance. Why did you go Saira” He kept his face on his hand and cried looking at Saira’s photo.

“Shyam you really loved me” Shyam was startled to hear Saira’s voice. “Yes Saira of course I loved you. From the time we met in college, we were friends, then 3^rd year I proposed you. 2 year after graduation we married and our bundle of joy Abhi was born 2 years later and then when our cup of joy was full suddenly blood cancer took you away. Just like that”

“Shyam when I went I never wanted your or Abhi’s life to be incomplete like this. I thought you knew me enough and the moment my reflection comes in front of you, you will recognize it. But it seems I was wrong. You didn’t know me Shyam, else how can you stay away from my reflection”

“Your reflection who is your reflection Saira. Nayana. You want me to propose Nayana. No Saira she is no way suited for me. How can you even think of that”

“Shyam I said my reflection and I didn’t say any name. Is my reflection a face Shyam. Did you love me because of my face. Think Shyam”

“ Saira” Shyam woke up from his dream. He didn’t know when he slept and he looked around. There was no Saira. She was still smiling from the photo. But her words echoed in his mind “What is my reflection Shyam”

What was her reflection. What had he loved in Saira. He closed his eyes. He remembered the chirpy Saira in college. Bundle of energy. Saira who wrote exam with an injured hand, Saira who was the art club secretary, Saira who will never cow down in front of eve teasing and was good at giving back to the guys in same coin. Saira who was always there to help friends, Saira who took charge of anything given to her. And in office Saira was a star performer. From day one she had gained the confidence of her manager’s. Any task given to her how much ever tight schedule it was, she finished on time. Post marriage it didn’t take her long to win his family’s trust. She was quickly Saira mol to his parents and Saira ettathi for his siblings and cousins. She was there everywhere like a butterfly and even when blood cancer was weakening her she hadn’t given in easily.

She enjoyed life the way it should till she no longer could stand or sit. Even in death bed she was not crying, she still wanted to hear songs, still with pain she tried to eat her favourite dish and maybe her fighting spirit was so high that, she passed away still smiling and holding Shyam’s hand. Saira had wanted to live and in every way fought death. She was a fighter in true sense.

When he opened his eyes he understood who Saira’s reflection was. He looked at her photo and in that photo he saw the image of one more person “A smiling Shweta”. He too smiled and when he got up his mind was clear on what he has to do.

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