I always question myself about love, what is love?
As I lay on the bleak and white hospital bed all I can hear is beeping of machines and two breathing sounds, one strained and other painful. I still think about love. My body feels so heavy, so numb. As I lay staring at the ugly and mundane ceiling, I started remembering our past. The happy times I had with you, those beautiful memories that I had with you.
The moment I first saw you, it wasn’t like I fell in love with you but I liked you. You left a strong impression on me. We became friends through mutual friends, from friends to closest friends within weeks and from close friends to lovers in a blink. I was so head over heels in love with you; I was ready to follow you to the end of the world. I remember the way my friends reacted when I told them about us.
I took you out on so many dates; we had so many memorable times. I remember your startled face when I took you out to a theme park, where we had our first kiss inside a Ferris wheel. I remember your rosy chicks, your glazed eyes and your delicate lips. I remember our first sleepover, the way we cuddled each other. I still remember, I will remember.
I remember our very first fight, the way I latched out on you yet you embraced me and calmed me down. I still remember your subtle words and warm embrace that made me whole, made me feel so loved, made me numb but at the same time so strong. I remember the way you gave me strength when I was so weak, the way you broke all my barriers and brought me back from my own depressed world. I remember, I still remember when you said that you will never leave me alone. I remember those times when you used to kiss me and say that you love me.
I remember the day we got married, you were so happy, with that rosy chicks and that satisfied emotion in your eyes you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I remember the moment we took vows and kissed each other. I remember the way I picked you up despite your struggles. I remember everything; I remember our not so perfect love story, I remember our ups and downs. I remember every second, every minute of my time spent with you, then why do I feel so hollow as I lay on this white hospital bed.
Why do I feel like I have lost everything, as I hear the machine beeps regularly at a certain interval? Why do I feel like I am losing my sanity? You look so perfect while sleeping, I can see how long your eye Lashes are, I can see how plump your lips are. I can see how amazingly beautiful you are. I wanted to kiss you but you looked so beautiful sleeping like that. I want you to wake up and say something before I can’t hear your voice anymore, but you are so peaceful with that small smile that I can’t do anything except watch before it’s too late.
Suddenly I heard the machine goes off, now it became too silent. I can’t even hear your breathing, as on cue the door burst open with some nurses and a doctor. I already know what happened, I already know that it’s too late and I need to give up, but my heart is shattering and I can’t move as I lay beside you motionless like you actually are. The room goes silent again, this time, it is broken by my sobs.
–END–