Short Story of Relationship – How I wasted my teenage years..
© Anand Vishnu Prakash, YourStoryClub.com
Even though it all happened one and a half years ago, it still freak me out when I think of that. I hide it well and laugh it off when people talk about it, just because I don’t want to recall it but I’m honestly terrified after that experience. Those two and a half years were the worst years of my life. I did so wrong to me. I wasted my precious teenage years. I regret it really. It made me very uncomfortable with life and I am honestly scared it that would happen again. MY EX ABUSED ME THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.
Sometimes I get so scared that it’ll happen again, when all those memories come back. I don’t really know how to forget that awful relationship I was in. I would not just call it infatuation (people may think so, because I was too young to carry the burden of a relationship). Yes, I may call it the biggest mistake of my life, enough to waste 3-4 precious teenage years.
I was 13 and he was 15, when we dated (too young though). I met him on ORKUT and we got together in October 2010. I was just 13 years old, in an age of listening music, laughing and playing, carrying my hobbies. It all happened maybe because I was so techno-savvy.. I was madly in love with him. He was 15, he could drive, and he was the best. He played basketball very well and he, of course was “hot”. He was also a sweetheart. He wrote me cute love notes, dedicated songs to me, sang my favourite songs. I was the envy of every girl around him.
It all went well for some time, maybe 9-10 months, but then things turned bad. I started to notice his controlling behaviour. It slowly became worse and worse. I couldn’t even look at any boy around me (not to talk, just on road). He would shout at me and call me horrible names that I won’t write here. He did it all the time.
He didn’t care for my studies, my exams, my hobbies or anything. He kept me busy in his phone calls 18 hours a day (6 hours for school) so that I don’t talk to anyone else. I couldn’t take rest, sleep or take a nap. If by mistake I slept at night someday, he would abuse me; suspect me and doubt at me if I was busy with someone else, another boy of course.
At one point of time, he gave me a new nickname every day. He would call me dodo, honey, sweety, candy and many cute names. As time passed by, he called me by abusive names. I developed serious depression and anxiety; I also got extremely bad confidence problems.
I had always actively participated in school functions, competitions, and debates. I went on educational excursions with my school too. From standard first to ninth, I always secured first, second or third rank in class. It was just one time in standard sixth that I got fourth rank in half yearly examinations. Otherwise I had always been doing well in academics as well as extracurricular activities.
But when he came to my life, he didn’t allow me to participate in any cultural activity of school. He started getting really insecure about everything and called it his so called love and possessiveness.
Even if my mother asked me to go for shopping, he wanted me to take permission from him. And when I asked him to go anywhere, he would simply say without even listening the entire thing “NO, YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE”. If I insisted, he would either say “I AM BREAKING UP” or he would follow me on roads. I never said anything because i always thought that at the end of the day we both loved each other a lot. Whenever he called me, and I picked up the phone in more than 3 seconds, he would shout at me for not picking up the call fast and say “WERE YOU BUSY ON ANOTHER PHONE?”
One day, he said, “NO ONE WILL EVER MARRY A GRIL LIKE YOU, AND YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL TO ME FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU”. He would daily follow me to school (arrival and departure both) to check if I had another boyfriend and he confessed it so casually, “I DONT TRUST YOU”. All that I was left was with tears. My friends continuously kept on telling me that I was doing wrong with myself, but I left my friends but not him. (I feel so sorry; thank god my friends didn’t leave me).
But, the day he asked me whether I was paid for being with guys, I knew, I should leave him. It was enough. I tolerated all those abuses but then, it was the end. It was the day, I realised, there was no trust and how can love be there then? I stopped talking to him and broke up, but then he warned me to harm me on road. I was so scared to share it with anyone. I was in a trap that I wasn’t able to come out of. I wanted to break up and just go away from him because it was enough, but he said he was going to kill himself. I was so stupid that I thought he was really going to do so. One day I asked him that I couldn’t continue it anymore so he started to act like feeling sorry and I again melt. He asked me for a last chance. He said “come on Skype, I want to say sorry and tell you how much I love you.” That was the first time I was going to talk to him on Skype. I forgot everything in a second and was so excited. But the worst happened then. As I went online on Skype, he had a blade in his hand and blackmailed me to cut his hand if I left him. I was so terrified that I shut the laptop, cried, got scared and continued to be in the relationship that I didn’t want. I kept quiet and continued that so called relationship, I wasn’t happy in.
I was not safer with him. I was moron and went back to him each time he said he would commit suicide if I left him. I believed him each time he abused me and thought he would not do it again. But it happened again and again.
He wouldn’t let me talk to my friends, girls of course, because I had no male friends in school, on facebook or in my neighbourhood. I had one best friend in school, Iqra, to whom also he didn’t want me to talk to. He would read all my facebook messages even though no boy except him was added.
I tried changing him to good. I kept on forgiving him or each and every mistake, thinking he would not repeat it. What makes me really mad is that he never changed for anything. I don’t really know the reason of the violence inside him, of those abuses he gave and how he shouted at me. Not only me,, but on his mother too.
The main reason I left him on 12 February 2013 was my CBSE Standard 10th board examinations. He didn’t let me study and prepare for my exams. The thing that came in my mind on 11 February 2013 was, “if he doesn’t care for me today, how can I expect a better tomorrow with him?” His aim was to become a doctor but he didn’t want me to take admission in standard 11th after giving my final exams. I don’t think any educated or broad minded person would do that.
I always gave him a second chance, maybe because, I wanted to give it. But on 12 February, I was determined to have a better future by studying further and leaving him. Each time I wanted a break up, he would call me and say sorry and I would forgive it, but that day, I deactivated all my accounts, switched of my phone, changed my sim card and ignored him on road each time he came.
I don’t really know if he would have killed me or I would have killed myself if I continued that relationship.
As it has been one and a half year since I’ve broken up with the boy I call “Mr. Abusive”, I sometimes wonder if I will ever be over the trauma. Even though I have moved on, I am paying attention on my studies and doing well in fact, I will never be able to forget those harsh words he said about me.
I get very angry about my past and about what he did. I wonder why he chose me to victimise. Was it something that I deserve? If yes, then why? These are all questions that I don’t have the answers to. But I am really thankful to god for helping me overcome all my fears and for giving me such a supportive friend.
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