STAY…

NEW YORK

The wind blew her hair. She was driving with the windows rolled down. She liked it that way. She tucked her messy hair behind her ear and took the wheel again. She was planning her next vacation.

Maybe a beach? It’s been so long! Or maybe something more… maybe adventurous? Hiking the Himalayas? Hmm. But that would mean missing a lot of work. Even if I used all the sick leaves for the year! Hmmm.

She looked sideways at the car beside her. She recognized it rather quickly.

“Vikram! ” She shouted waving her hand at the guy driving the red car.

Vikram turned recognizing the voice. ” Hey!” he called out. He looked happy. But then the expression changed into something else.

Great! I see her now. Right when I am thinking of ways to tell her that I am in love with her. Damn that smile and those eyes! I can’t concentrate anymore. Couldn’t fate wait till I came up with a plan? I was driving to Starbucks only anyway. To meet Anisha only. Now, I can’t get my thoughts straight.

Anisha made a gesture saying that she would meet him in Star bucks. Vikram nodded. She speeded away.

That was weird. He looked kinda confused. Hmm. Vikram hasn’t been his usual self for quite sometime now. Wonder whats up?Maybe its a girl? Ha ha. Him and getting serious! No way. Should grill him today with questions. Maybe he’s just sad he didn’t get to travel much this year. That sounds more like him. My adrenaline junkie nomadic friend!

Vikram was about eight years older than Anisha. They became friends as they worked in the same building. They found out they had a few common friends too. Things were easy for both of them. They were two strangers who turned friends miles away from their homes. They were both happy and carefree people.  The first coffee they had lasted for three hours, forty five minutes and fifty seconds. Anisha always joked that what are the odds of finding a fellow Indian who speaks the same language as her who thinks exactly like her miles away from home. But ,they both were quite happy they found each other.

Vikram parked in his usual spot and hopped out of the car. Anisha was waiting for him.

” Nice car. ” She said acting like she was checking his car out.

” She is gorgeous, isn’t she? ”  He said laughing. Anisha nodded.

” But do you know who is more gorgeous than that? ” He said walking towards her.

She held a hand saying , ” Don’t even try. Don’t even think.”

Her smirk turned into a huge grin. This was how they greeted each other whenever they met. This was the exact conversation that started their two years long friendship. Anisha still makes fun of Vikram for trying to hit on her the first time.

They high fived and walked into the cafe together. They sat in their usual place ordering the same espresso as always.

” So I was thinking of going away to the Himalayas in November. ” Anisha started.

Vikram laughed. ” You didn’t even join your new job in Italy.  Worse, I don’t think you even packed your bags yet. And you are thinking of the vacay you’d take after six months? Wow idiot. You’ve outdone yourself. ”

” Oh come on. Like you haven’t planned your next destination yet. I am sure you did. Probably that’s why you look all lost these days. And who packs bags two days before anyway? ” She winked.

No, you crazy and amazing woman. I’ve been thinking about you. That’s my happy place. Wherever you are. 

Vikram was never the one to work in  the same city for more than a year. He hated routine. He hated living in the same place year after year. But since he met Anisha, he didn’t want to be anywhere but New York. She made New York more fun. His Sundays were filled with activity thanks to her.

” Hello… Baba ji. Come back to this world. You are lost again. ” She said clapping her hands.

Vikram laughed. I’ve got to tell her. She will be gone in two days. I have to tell her now. I wish I had flowers though. Flowers? No Anisha hates flowers. I should’ve at least worn something more classy.

Vikram looked down at his old T-shirt and faded jeans. Wtf were you thinking? And you are wearing flip flops. Damn.

Anisha spoke. ” Viki. Are you checking yourself out? Seriously dude? ” She was making an annoyed face.

” No. Just… you know… ” Damn. I can’t even finish the sentence. 

What’s up with Viki. He hasn’t said anything much since we walked in. Was this really about a girl? Maybe he wants to ask her out and he can’t? Vikram? Seriously God, if this man can’t take a girl out I don’t think anyone can. Maybe its his family. Did he lose someone? 

” Okay. What is the matter Viki? ” She asked looking concerned.

” Nothing really. I am fine. Tell me about how you are feeling? Can’t wait to leave America huh? ” He asked. Would she miss me?

” I don’t know. Mixed feelings you know. So you sure you’re ok? ” She asked. I am not buying that ” I am fine. ” You’ve gotta tell me whats wrong.

” Yeah. Its nothing.” he smiled.

” Since when do you hide things from me? ” she smiled.

” Look whatever it is, you can tell me. If you lost someone in your family or if anyone is sick. Anything for that matter. I am here. ” She said looking at him.  I hope its nothing too bad. He is such a good person. I hope nothing bad happened to him.

” Oh my God Anisha. I am really fine. Everyone is okay. You look so concerned!” He laughed.

” I am concerned. You hardly talk these days. You always space out. You are kinda lost all the time. ” She said sipping her coffee.

Maybe I should just tell her I really love her and I can’t see my life without her. Or maybe not. She is too young for you Viki. She can do so much better than you. I should’ve been born later.

Anisha watched Vikram’s face change. ” What is it? Is it a girl? Do you like someone? You want me to give her a conduct certificate of you. Tell me. I can and I will. I will make her crazy about you.” She said. Somehow the last sentence made her uncomfortable. Did he really like someone? 

” I am pretty sure you are capable of that. Driving people crazy I mean. ” Vikram chuckled. You’ve really hit the jackpot Viki. The woman you love wants to set you up with another one. AWESOME.

” Very funny Vikram. You only have till day after to tell me whats eating you away anyway. I will be GONE after that. ” She said putting her coffee down.

GONE? I don’t want you to go. Not now. Not ever. Maybe she is right. She deserves to know. She deserves the truth. But what if she hates the idea? What if she never wants to see me again? This is my chance to tell her. My only chance of being with her.

” You are right. There is something that I wanted to talk to you about. ” Vikram spoke hesitantly.

” Finally. He speaks. ” Anisha leans in to listen.

That perfume of hers.  Those eyes. Do we really need to talk now? Can’t we just stay like this. Nothing changing. Just our fun selves. He pushed the thought away. I either get lucky or I get shot down. Come on man. Where did all that bravery go? Sky diving was easier. Actually, anything I ever did was easier. But she was worth the effort. 

” Go on. ” She prodded smiling.

Okay this is it. Tell her. ” I am in love with you Anisha.” He said without a thought.

Did he just say he loved me? Like really? Did he? ” What… I mean why? ” she asked. ” I mean why so suddenly?” she continued.

” Its not sudden. I always did. I just couldn’t risk losing you.” He said his eyes meeting her eyes.

Suddenly everything made sense to Anisha. That’s why he was so hesitant. That’s why he couldn’t talk. He didn’t want to lose me. She didn’t want to lose him either. They shared a beautiful friendship. Maybe I could give him a chance? Maybe this could work. But he said he loves me. He probably wants a serious relationship. But I don’t want that. Relationships take away freedom. I want to be free. I want to see the world. I don’t want to settle. I cannot lose my freedom. I CANNOT.

What was she thinking? I didn’t get shot down. So maybe she also likes me? Does she? Will she?

” Do you expect an answer from me? ” She asked looking at him. I am not going to ruin our friendship. Nor will I hurt him. I just won’t talk to him about it.

Something clicked in Vikram’s head. She is not leaving me. But, neither is she staying. She just wants things to be as they were. 

He couldn’t get the words. So he just nodded his head saying no.

” I appreciate you telling me Vikram. And I understand. But lets not talk about this. Shall we?”

” We won’t. ” He said smiling. This is worse than getting shot down. She chose the high road. She still wants to be friends. That’s amazing. But can I do this? I love her too much. I want to be with her.

” Cool. Lets get going then. I might as well get packing.” Anisha said getting up. I have to leave this place. I can’t see him sad and dejected.

Vikram rose and smiled giving her way. He could feel a deep loss creeping in.

AIRPORT.

She pressed her phone close to her ear. ” Please leave a message. ”  This is the tenth time I am calling in the past twenty minutes. Where is Vikram? He was supposed to see her off. Or did he thought it was a bad idea to see her after the talk they had? I want to see him. I can’t leave like this.

Vikram was lying on the recliner. He was watching the snow. His phone was blinking with Anisha’s name. He looked again at the phone before placing it back on the coffee table. I obviously cannot see her now. I am not ready. I will just call her after I get over this mess. But, will I ever she Anisha again? I wanted to. I really do. I wanted to hug her good bye and hold her hand. But that will never happen. She didn’t even want to talk about it. 

She reluctantly walked towards the security check. She turned and looked back once again to see if he had come. Where are you?

He walked over to the window. Its snowing quite heavily. Did she reach safely? I wish she didn’t have to take a cab. I wish she didn’t have to leave me. I wish she stayed. I would’ve enjoyed the extra moments with her. Even as a friend. Anisha, why did you have to come? Why did you have to go?

She sat in the lobby dialing him one last time before boarding. Pick up. Please pick up. Just once. I feel like I lost someone. Viki, can’t you just come and be here once. Just once. Can’t you see me off? Just once.

” Please leave a message.” the machine said.

She breathed heavily, ” Hey Viki. This is it man… Um… I … I am leaving. Italy calling! Take good care of New York for me will you? And your car too … Er… Um… Okay then… Good bye.” She cut the call. She could feel tears welling up. THIS IS IT? Will I never see him? Will we never talk again? She burst into tears thinking of all those wonderful times they had.

” Okay then.. Good bye.” the message kept ringing in his ears.  GOOD BYE? How am I supposed to live with this pain? Who ever said love was painful was damn right.He could feel the heartbreak in every inch of his body and soul.

FLORENCE.

She was walking home. Anisha was living her dream. She always wanted to work in Italy. She fell in love with the art, culture and language of the city as a kid. Da Vinci walked these streets. Michelangelo was part of this amazing culture. But, she knew she wasn’t happy. This was her dream job. This was “IT”. Her life was happening NOW. But somehow she felt like she lost a part of her back in New York.

I wish he was here. He would’ve loved Florence. One more espresso. One more happy evening. Just one more fun day with him. That’s all she wanted. At first, I thought this longing would fade with time. With new friends. With work. But it didn’t. I still want those moments I had with him. Why couldn’t I just stayed back? Oh wait, I was scared I will lose my freedom. I have all the freedom in the world now. But all I want is a late night movie with him or a mid morning bagel with him. Viki, what have you done! 

She opened the lock and threw her satchel on the floor. She ran to the phone to check her messages. She had none. She left Vikram a long email with all her contact numbers here in Italy. Just in case he wanted to talk. But he never called.

Maybe he moved on. Any woman would be lucky to have him. Had I not liked his smile and thought it was the best smile ever?! Hell, I even thought he was ridiculously handsome. He looked amazing in an old t shirt also. And Viki. Viki was always happy. That was awesome. What if someone saw all these in him and didn’t actually run away? What if they stayed putting him in front of their selfish urge to stay free. Hadn’t such a woman every right to be with Vikram? Viki deserves someone like that. Not you, you loser.

A tear escaped her eyes. She controlled her emotions and switched on the TV. Family guy was playing. Viki does an awesome impression of Stewie. She turned it off. Everything reminded her of him. EVERYTHING.

She couldn’t stop it anymore. The deluge of tears followed. Her thoughts went back to him. Why couldn’t I just react better? Why didn’t  I say how much I  will miss him? Why do I miss him so much? Why have I fallen for him when he doesn’t even call me?

There was a knock on the door. Should be the housekeeper. She walked towards the door after clearing her botched make up quickly. She wiped off the tears and opened the door expecting the good-natured Italian lady.

He was there instead.

FINALLY after two weeks of searching, I found the right home. I found her! She looks different. But still beautiful. Is she happy to see me? Is this creepy? Wait, what would I say brought me here?  I can’t say the truth. That I couldn’t be away! That I wanted to see her! That I just decided one day that I had to see her, no matter what! That I hunted her house down by using some guy at her office. I should’ve atleast called. That would’ve been less crazy. 

Am I dreaming or Viki’s actually here? What? Why? How? What was he doing here? Was he just on some vacation and stopped by to say hi? After all those ignored calls and unanswered messages? Really? Why didn’t he just call and say he was in town? How did he find this place? Wait, does it matter? He is here. Right here. I could stretch out my hand at touch him. Obviously, I can’t do that. Play it cool. Act casual.

” Hey” Anisha beamed. ” Wasn’t expecting you! ” she said casually. But I LOVE that you are here.

” Hey Anisha. I know I know. Long story.” he said. Not that long. I wanted to see you. I came over. To another continent. Pretty stupid I know.

” Come on in. ” Anisha said showing him in.

” Nice place. ” Vikram said looking around. ” You stay alone? ” I mean are you with someone?  Please say no.

” Of course Viki. I stay alone. You know me. I like being on my own.” She shrugged. I wouldn’t mind you staying though.

” Right. I was just around here. Thought I’d say hi. So I dropped by.”  He said. Right. So true!

So you didn’t come for me. She smiled. ” Coffee?” she asked.

” Yes please.” He smiled settling on the couch. Coffee. Dinner. Breakfast. Lunch too! Whatever keeps me here.

She left the living room to get him coffee.

Why didn’t he ever return my calls? Should I ask him? Or did I hurt him enough? Should I tell him I love him?

” You need help with that? ” He said walking into the kitchen. How can someone look so damn beautiful?

With telling you I love you? Yes please. Why can’t you just get it without me telling it!  ” I just need to plug in the espresso machine. ” She winked. ” Shouldn’t be much of trouble. ” she laughed.

I am having trouble concentrating. ” Hmm.” He said reaching for two mugs.

” You know you never called. I left you a ton of messages. ” She said carefully avoiding his eyes. Tell me you are not still mad at me!

He hesitated. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. ” I’ve been busy. ” He said looking away.

” Right. I understand.” She said taking the mugs from him.

” So.. Beautiful city huh? ” he said gazing out of the window.

” Yeah. Its awesome. ” she replied. I miss you though. 

They both reached for the coffee pot at the same time. Their fingers touched. They immediately pulled away acting like it didn’t happen.

“Sorry.” Vikram apologized. I wish it happened again. What the hell, Vikram? You are going to creep her out. Act normal.

“Sorry.” Anisha also apologized. I don’t know what the hell just happened. Why did I like it so much? I am acting like a smitten school girl. Get it together, woman.

He then poured the coffee into the mug and handed it to her.

” Lets go to the terrace. The sunset is beautiful.” she smiled. Maybe the cool air will put some sense into me.

” Lead the way.” He laughed. Sunset. You. I never want this to end.

” So how is life? How is New York?” she inquired pulling her hair back. Miss me much? A little maybe?

Her hair looks brown in this light. Kind of beautiful. Vikram was just staring before he realized she was asking something.

” I am sorry. You were asking something. This place is so beautiful I wasn’t really paying attention. ” he explained. YOU are beautiful.

She laughed. ” Don’t apologize so much. You are treating me like a stranger. I just asked how you were doing. All good I hope. ”

” Yes yes. Everything is going great. ” he replied trying to pull his gaze away from her locks. Yeah well I kinda sorta miss you. No big deal. I just miss you all the time.

” Good to know that. ” She smiled sipping her coffee and looking at the city.

” You’ve been good too I hope? ” he asked .

” Yeah.” she answered too quickly. ” So till when are you staying in Florence?” she continued. Till when do I have this pleasure? And what happens after you leave? Should I just tell you I love you? Will you stay then?

Right. I am just visiting I said. So that means I have a plan to go back sometime. When are you going back, Vikram? When will it be just enough? When will you be ready to leave her?  ” Somebody is in a rush to kick me out. ” He laughed.

Believe me she is not. ” Yeah yeah. You are such a burden you know. ” she laughed.

Maybe I should just go. The longer I stay, the harder it will be to leave. Do I want to hurt myself so much? I wanted to see her. I did. Maybe I will stay at a hotel tonight and wait till the next flight. ” I will leave in sometime. I am staying with my tour group. Will fly back tomorrow.” He said trying to smile.

That’s it? ” Hmm. Maybe I can see you off at the airport? Or maybe you could stay the night? I mean you could sleep in the bed room. I will take the couch. Anything that works.” she said quietly trying not to look at him.

I want to. I really want to. But what happens in the morning? I will still have to leave you. And we will still be friends only. 

” I really can’t. I have other plans. ” He said abruptly.

Is he still mad? Maybe I can join him in his plans?

Anisha, what is wrong with you? What if his plans involved a woman? What if he isn’t single anymore? 

“Oh okay. Cool. Its nice of you to visit. ” She said curtly.

She is mad. I know that voice. She is so mad at me. I am being rude.

” Anisha… I hope you understand. I don’t mean to be rude…” he said.

” Yeah yeah I get it. You are not being rude at all. ” She said taking his empty mug.

” So, we are cool? ” he asked following her down the stairs.

” Yes we are Viki. ” she said walking into the kitchen. She turned around ” Why wouldn’t we be? “.

So what happens now. Should I just not talk to her again? Man up, Vikram. Stay friends with her. You wanted to see her. You did. Now just act like old friends do. Maybe apologize to her for telling her you loved her is a start? Just make this right.

” You know Anisha. I wanted to talk to you about something. ” He began.

This is it. He is going to say he is over me. And he has found someone. Thank God I didn’t tell him. It would’ve been embarrassing.  ” Yes Vikram?” She waited folding her arms supporting herself on the kitchen counter.

” I never apologized for my behavior the last time we met. I know you said you never wanted to talk about it. But, it was very immature of me to blurt out my feelings without considering our friendship. And I was acting really silly after that too. I should’ve been at the airport like a good friend would. I am sorry. I promise I won’t be such a sh*tty friend anymore. ” He said standing beside her.

So you ignored my calls because you were hurt?  Anisha was lost in her thoughts. Should I tell him now? What do I tell him? Why this sudden change to stay as friends ? Did he find someone who changed him? Should I ask him if he did. Did I have the right?

” I should probably go. ” He said studying her face. ” I will stay in touch. ” He said smiling.

” You better. ” She said trying to smile.

He took his backpack and was heading out. He muttered a bye and was walking towards the door. Anisha expected him to turn but he didn’t.

” Viki.” She called out realizing she said it out loud this time. Sh*t. What did I do? 

Did she call me? Or am I hallucinating? He halted mid step and turned around.

” Yes? ” He asked.

Say something. Anything. Just something to make him stay. She was just staring at him visibly torn in indecision.

What’s wrong? Why isn’t she saying anything? Is she alright? ” What’s the matter Anisha? You okay? I think you need to sit down. ” he said throwing his back pack down and looking concerned.

” I am fine. ” she said. He took a step back. ” I mean physically I am. But I am not fine. ” She said struggling for words. I love you.

” What do you mean? I am getting worried. You look like you are in pain. What can I do to help? Please tell me! ” He said looking concerned.

” I don’t know Vikram. I don’t know what I mean. Just stay. Don’t go. ” She said turning away. Why can’t you just say it? You will live in regret forever.

” I don’t understand Anisha.” he walked carefully towards her. ” I guess I could stay for an hour. ” he said trying to stay calm. What does she mean stay? And what are you still doing here? An hour will become a day. And you will never leave.

” An hour Viki? That’s it? We knew each other for two years. And you can’t spend some time with me? You just stop by suddenly. Say some non sense and now you want to leave?” she said still not looking at him. What on earth are you doing Anisha? Why are you mad at him? Why can’t you just say the truth and deal with whatever he says? Like he did.

” Hey. You are getting me wrong. I really have other plans. But if you wan’t me to stay a while, I will. Gladly. ” He said smiling and reaching out to her.

She is crying? 

Anisha, stop it. Stop crying. What will he think? Just stop the damn water works.

” You are crying.” he managed to say.

Anisha stayed silent. She couldn’t open her mouth. The grief was overwhelming.

” Is it because of me? Was I being rude? ” he waited for her to say something.

” Anisha please say something. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. ” he begged.

She somehow managed a muffled response. ” Then  don’t go. Stay.”

Did she just say I’d hurt her if I left? Did she? ” I am sorry I couldn’t really get that. Do you want some water? ” Vikram said making her sit on the chair.

He then realized he was holding her shoulders. He left her immediately shrugging a sorry. ” I will get some water okay? ” he rose from his knees.

Just say it Anisha. Say it when you are vulnerable. When you are a mess. Because when you are stronger you would never admit your true feelings. Just say him now. 

She still couldn’t speak. She held his hand to stop him from walking to the kitchen. ” Wait.” she said. When words failed her she wrapped her other hand around his neck in an effort to hug him.

He laughed  pulling himself away from her. ” I will stay. You needn’t try to be nice to me. Its okay Anisha. I have feelings for you. You don’t. That is alright dude. ” he said putting her hand back on her lap.  I always will love you. I will probably forever remember being this close to you. 

” You don’t understand. ” she said trying to stop him. Just tell him. Everything. Be honest. 

He sat on his knee waiting for her to speak. Believe me I am trying to understand!

” I know I said I never want to talk about this. But I am now. I like you. I like you a lot. I always did. When you said those words I freaked out. I thought I’d be stuck in a relationship. You know how I freak out sometimes. ” She took a breath and continued. ” Yes, I wasn’t in love with you then. But I never wanted to leave you. I waited for you at the airport and when you didn’t show up I called you. Like a million times. I wanted to say more than just a good bye in the last message. I wanted to say I’ll miss you. A lot.” She looked at him to see if she made any sense at all.

He just looked at her waiting for her to say more. What is she saying? Is she saying she missed me? Oh my God Anisha. Did I just become the luckiest guy on earth?

” And man.. Did I miss you?! I couldn’t pass a street without thinking what you would’ve done there. I couldn’t drink or eat without thinking what you would say about it. And some other crazy stuff. You will probably laugh. ” She said smiling through the tears.

” Say the crazy stuff. ” He said holding her hand. ” It sounds good.”

” I don’t know why. It made me anxious to be away from you. I hated the thought of you seeing someone else. Right… Now I am really talking crazy stuff. I have no right to think that you are mine.” she said looking at her hand in his.

” Go on.” he said playfully. No right? You had me from the first time I saw you. 

” You are enjoying this. ” she said. ” I know that was a bit crazy for me also. I do want something serious with you Vikram. I want to be stuck in a relationship with you. This job, new friends, exciting city didn’t keep me from thinking about you. I need you. I am not saying this because I am afraid of losing you. I am terrified but I am saying this because I have fallen in love with you. I sometimes think I always was in love with you. I just realized it later. I guess you never know the value of something until you… ” her words were cut short by his lips on hers.

I am the luckiest man indeed. Her lips. The coffee on them. Her familiar fragrance. Her hair. Her hands cradled around my neck. Thank you Italy. I’ve been everywhere but you are kinda my favorite now.

She was smiling when he finally stopped. ” I am sorry Anisha. I just felt like kissing you. ” he said sheepishly.

” I am glad you stopped me. I would’ve been talking forever otherwise. ” she said holding his hand firmly. Wow. Finally he gets it.

He kissed her hand and said, ” But please continue. ”

She inched closer and said, ” What if I don’t want to talk anymore?” And maybe you should just kiss me again.

He was breathless for a moment. What did she just say? ” Anishaaaa…” he sighed,” You.. you are wonderful.. you are a beautiful amazing woman. You know that right? Thanks for telling me all those wonderful things. This day can’t get any better. ”

” You are not leaving tomorrow, are you? ” she said running her hands over his face. You are ridiculously handsome.

He burst out laughing. ” You believed that! ” She looked confused.

He took her face into his hands. ” I came here to see you. It took me two weeks to find your address. I just had to see you. I love you. ” he said planting a kiss on her forehead. I am so glad I found you. Can I just kiss her on the lips again ? Would I look too desperate? Maybe a short one? 

” Vikram. I love you. I always will. ” she tilted her head and kissed his lips. He came all the way to see me? Wow. And since when do I say I love you?

I could do this all day. Every day. ” You are attacking me.  Take it easy tiger.” he laughed  when they finally broke the kiss.

” You have no other choice now. You are mine. ” She said hugging him. I don’t have a choice. I just have to be close to you.

” Gladly yours. Say that again.” he said hugging her close. I am hers. ALWAYS WAS.

– THE END –