Lost Love

Lisa was at her Aunt Sallie’s garden.  While waiting for the latter to come out on that door, she took a sip on the lemonade that was served when she arrived.  It’s about more than 10 minutes now and still there’s no one coming out. “Well, just as she is, nothing’s changed.” She sighed and smiled as she remembered when they were together in a vacation some years ago.  Aunt Sallie was always the last one to come out of the room, she’s busy with some little things and making her getting busy with her own stuffs.

Aunt Sallie is very particular with details.  No wonder she’s a good artist.  She loves art so much, such as writing, painting and sculpture.  She loves music, too.  As Lisa looks around the garden, she saw the expressive beauty of her aunt’s works.  “So impressive!”, as she glanced at the different lovely flowers, the palm trees and the small plants around.  There was also a pool and some benches installed on the other side.  It looked like a small park.  She couldn’t believe it’s her aunt who did it all by herself.

As Lisa enjoyed the surroundings, a question tickled her thoughts, “How could she haven’t got married? I mean like, she’s one of the most talented and anybody could fall in love to this lady with such amazing ability.  She’s lovely and not even strict?”.  But of course, only her aunt knows.

Sitting on that patio table shaded with a huge umbrella, she saw Aunt Sallie approaching.  She stood and took the wedding invitation from the table.  She almost forgot her purpose on coming.  Her wedding is two weeks away from now and she came to see her aunt for the invitation.  As she handed her the envelope, Auntie gave her a small wooden box with a small padlock on it.  Her face filled with excitement, “Is this a treasure chest, or something?”, and made a little loud laugh.  She laughed at her joke, too, and gave her a grin as she pressed her hand saying, “It’s more than a treasure box to me.  It’s a box of lesson.”  She smiled again and hugged her tight.

When Lisa got home, she went straight to her room and locked herself inside.  There was a feeling of curiosity in her that made her want to open that box.  She took the key that was placed in a small compartment above the cover of the box and inserted it on the lock.  As long as it was opened, she saw piles of folded torn little pages, maybe from a notebook.  It looks like some kind of writing from someone’s diary.

Lisa picked up one piece and read “MY LOST LOVE”.  It looks like a title.  It could be a story title, she thinks.  Then on the lower right corner of the paper she saw a date written, “28th of April, 1990”.  This could probably be the date it was written.  “Great! Auntie really loves writing ever since”, she said with amazement on her face.

Then she started reading each page one by one.  Her face looks as if she’s an agent investigating on something mysterious.

We were the best sweethearts back in high school.  He’s the genius and I’m the artist.  We were more than lovers we’re more like best friends.  Known to be the best partners in the whole campus because we have one unique relationship.   We help each other and know our weaknesses and strengths that made us define each one’s personality.  We graduated both with honors and stepped in the same college university.

We had such a happy relationship being together for four years.  Then time runs fast and at the age of nineteen we suddenly decided to get married.   Our parents didn’t give us the blessing to get married because we’re too young.  John’s mom was so angry and he was so afraid that they would force us to part ways so he dragged me without a word and we left town.  We never came back to our parents.  

John and I lived in a small apartment.  It was a nice place, it was clean and has enough space for the two of us.  Without having any financial support from our parents, we managed to finish college in our own struggle.  I worked as a typist in a small publishing company and John worked in an art museum.  Things ran out perfectly for us.

It is such a nice feeling to be with the one you love.  I would wake up early each morning seeing the man of my dreams beside me.   I would prepare our breakfast, then after that he would leave me with a sweet kiss before he goes to work.  At the end of the day he comes home with a twig of  a lovely flower that he would give to me that later on I place in a vase after satisfying myself by looking and smooching over it.

So many changes comes to life as time runs really fast.   Not all the time we are happy and there are also tough times in life.  I encountered such tough situations with John, of course.  In our relationship together in one roof, I have seen the real John.  It feels like as if he was not the man I have known from the past times, days or years.  As time counts the attitude also changes.  There are constant attitudes and there are different ones.   

Sad to think of the said changes, but I understood those tough situations.  I know that it would come and it did.  Things gone worst when there were times that he gets easily irritated and one of my greatest fears is that he would never leave a single moment for me anymore.  We are in one house but we couldn’t talk or even see each other.  

I was thinking and trying to control the situation but everything went out so complicated.  Then it came to the point that we fight for small things, we argue with simple situations turning that tiny peace of argument into a huge one like a bomb that would explode anytime.    I got really really upset of what we had.  It’s like everything’s gone, right from where we started.  It’s an awful feeling that I lost the man I love.  I don’t know who he is anymore as if he is a stranger.

 Then I realized that the clock was ticking and as I looked up in the sky, I realized that there’s a big world turning every second but I never seen anyone around me.  I never even remembered my family.  The family that I left.  I suddenly remembered my father whom I have known to be the greatest man of all.  The most powerful, protective and loving father of mine, my mother who’s always been so understanding and my supportive sisters.  Where are they now?  This is the time that I needed them for me to stand and be strong for this unusual situation that I’m suffering from.   

The next day,  I went out to see the family that I left.  No!  What I was really thinking that time was to go away from that apartment and just leave John.  Not just to see my parents but to be with them for the rest of my life.  I was wrong when I left them and be with the guy whom I thought loved me but now,  I have seen that fantasies and dreams are different from reality.  Love is not forever as I thought.  

I was standing in that huge gate waiting for someone to open it from the inside.  Then, a petite girl wearing an all white shirt and pants- which made me think that she’s a nurse, came out and was at first hesitant to let me in but when I mentioned dad’s name, I guess she already knew who I was.

The house was still the same when I left but there were some minor changes.  What surprised me the most was the man sitting in a wheelchair whom I thought gained the biggest change in years that I was away.  He was skinny and his face a little distorted.  I couldn’t see the huge man with powerful voice and strong body anymore.  A needle-like thing struck my veins by seeing this man.  It was my father.  I could describe him in one word – heartbreaking!  

I knelt beside his wheelchair and hugged him tight.  “Forgive me, papa,  I was blinded with what I thought was love.”, my tears wouldn’t stop rolling down my eyes.

My father couldn’t answer me straight because he could hardly talk.  He gently touched me with his hand assuring me of his forgiveness.  Then my mother came and hugged me tight with tears in her eyes.   I felt her touch with so much love and forgiveness,  she understood what I have done in the past.  

I realized how much my parents loved me.  I never thought they would forgive me from that stupid mistake of mine.  My heart was filled with regrets from leaving them and I blamed myself for running away with the guy I loved, but has forgotten me and left me in the air hanging.  I was truly hurt because my love was true.   I loved him with all my heart but I just couldn’t stand living with him yet I feel alone as if he wasn’t there at all.

Everything goes normal since I came home.  At night I would think of John, if he was okay, or if he’s even thinking of me.  He never even came to see me.  Maybe he didn’t really care anymore.  I was hurt of the thought but what could I do?  Nothing but to accept the reality.  Maybe he has another girl.  Ah! That’s even more painful to think of.  I cry sometimes when I think him.  The thought of him just wouldn’t go away!  And I hate it.  It’s so unfair.  Then I just close my eyes and go to sleep to forget everything.

It’s three years, today, 28th of April, 1990 since I went away from that apartment.  From that time, I have never seen John anymore.  I always wondered every time, where he was and what happened to him until I was invited to a party.  It was my friend, Anna who invited me.  I didn’t have any idea of the occasion, I even thought it’s only a birthday surprise party – that’s what I was actually thinking.  I met Anna in my art exhibit about two years ago. She’s an artist from Spain who got interested with my works so she came to see my exhibit.  We became friends and now here I am being invited to her friends party.  

I came in late but I heard some screams and happy yells from the inside so I thought the party is still on.  I entered and walked in a path with bunch of flowers scattered on it.  It’s like a wedding aisle with some pink and white roses around.  Then it reminded me of something from the past.  I remembered the twig of flower, the pink or white rose that John would give me when he comes home before.  The sound of the crowd went down as if the world stopped for a moment.  I was astonished with the wonderful place, my dream proposal setting that I had once shared to John when I joked at him to propose to me that way.  Then suddenly, someone dragged me away from the path to give way to the person who came in next to me.  I was shocked but later on realized that it was actually a surprise party for someone and not for me.

Anna was beside me.  She was the one who grabbed my hand and pulled me out of that path.  I greeted her happily and turned to see the next scene.  Then, I understood that it was a proposal surprise party.  I thought I was late but I was actually perfectly on time to witness the scenario.  The girl was Anna’s friend and the guy was facing somewhere so I couldn’t clearly see the face.  

“This is perfectly romantic!”, I just thought.  Then the guy started speaking as the girl was walking through the wonderful path with the choir singing a lovely song. 

“I met you only a year ago but it’s as if I have known you for so many years.  My life’s like a puzzle with you as it’s missing peace.  I wasn’t complete for the rest of  my life until you came.  You are my best friend, you brought so much happiness and light to my darkest days. When I was down, you were there to cheer me up and put a smile into my face.  Thank you for making me happy…I love you and I’ll always will.”

The crowd shouted so loud but my heart pounded louder that I could feel it would come out of my chest.  I know that voice.  I know those lines!  He said that to me once.  Then I transferred to a place where I can easily see the man talking in front.  

I saw the girl standing next to the man, and the man kneeling in front of her starting to put the ring on her finger.  “Alyssa, will you spend your happy ever after with me?”  Then when I heard the words, my tears fell when I saw that it was John proposing to the girl.  I had mixed emotions.  My knees became weak that anytime I could fall from where I was standing.  I wanted to scream!   

I ran out of the hall and went straight to the rest room.  I looked at the mirror and just let all my tears fall freely.  I needed this, I needed to let everything out to ease the pain and when I felt calm, I fixed myself and went out.  Too bad,  someones coming over my direction.  It’s him!  I was about to change direction but he started talking.

“I looked after you.  I went to your house the next day when you ran away from home.  I was hurt to know that you left me without a word.”  Tears started to roll out from his eyes.  “I started searching from everywhere because they said you were out of the country to practice your artistry.”  His voice broken but still managed to continue.  I have no words to say.  I couldn’t speak.  “It was a year ago that I finally gave up.”

Then finally I caught my voice.  “You never had time for me anymore so I thought you didn’t love me.”

“So that’s it?! You gave up just because I never spent time with you because I was working hard to buy that ring so that I could set up the wedding proposal that you have long been dreaming of?!”  His voice with anger but full of control.  “You’re supposed to be the one wearing that ring but you left and never showed up.  I have almost gone crazy because of you!”

I was again full of regrets.  I realized how unreasonable it is for me to give up just like that.  Everything that I have seen today was all prepared three years ago, not for Alyssa but was supposed to be mine.  It will never be mine anymore.  I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t do anything but cry hard.  “I’m sorry, John, I went weak.  I lost my trust.”

A moment of silence.  Then, “I’m sorry, too, but I want you to know that I loved you and I never loved anyone else until Alyssa came.  I love her and I will marry her.” , said John, really determined of his decision.  “Love cannot live without trust, but I guess, we were just too young to know what is love before.  We should let go of the past.  I forgive you Sallie and I hope that you could forgive me, too.”

A voice wanted to come out from the inside of me.  It wants to refuse to what he was saying.  I couldn’t just let go of it.  He was the only man in my life but he is right.  Maybe we were just too young before.  That was totally painful!  Seeing your dream proposal being executed to someone else by the same guy you love.  It’s a hard situation but I cannot do anything but to let go of him.

I hugged him tight and, “I’m so sorry for everything, John! You know, you’re the only man I loved but I was just too weak!  I will love you forever as I promised you from the day we started our chapter of life together.  I wish you all the best and a happy life for your new love.” , I cried and cried while walking away after I said those words to him.

I lost my love.  The man that I loved, the man whom my world turned for so many long years.  I will never love anyone but him.  Now he is gone and maybe, in God’s time we will meet again.

Lisa closed the box with a teary eye.  Aunt Sallie’s love story totally struck her.  Now she knows why auntie didn’t get married with another guy.  And maybe she made her experience as an inspiration to her art works.  It’s truly a lesson of love and trust to the one you love.  That’s what she has to remember when she started living with her partner and that’s in two weeks, she better prepare herself.

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