Short Story Breast Cancer Survivor – A New Night
Photo credit: carygrant from morguefile.com
What……..If……..If……….If……He……What……..If……..He will not accept me now. If He will abondon me……..again a tear slipped from Her beautiful big, black eyes. From the last six months Raagini went under the treatment and at last she lost the game. Everytime Aman made his assurance of Love,care,tender but that all was in front of others.But today as she came back from the hospital so it seemed to be a first night for her and as on that first night her whole life depend so she was upset about it.
As it was 10 p.m, She switched off the light…….a complete darkness surrounded her from everywhere. With a heavy heart She started waiting for Aman to come. She hadn’t such courage to face Him so that day wait was a burden for her. Lying on the bed, she again went into the deep thoughts. Two years back…….when she was returning from Her normal office routine , Aman offered a seat to Her in Delhi Metro train. She refused the same as she didn’t want to stand others for her. But suddenly a huge push from behind forced Her to fall on Aman. Aman felt nervous as in order to save Himself, His hands were stuck on the busts of Raagini. Both felt embarrassed ……Aman felt sorry and got up immediately and forced Her to sit. Raagini had no other option left so she sat down quitely without saying a single word to Him. On reaching home ,Raagini found a unique change in Herself. Again and again she recalls that scene…..that touch……that feel……which made her aroused and she spent her whole night with open eyes as perhaps that was the first touch which made her feel to be an adult …….adult for someone.
The very next day Aman and Raagini met again…..perhaps that was a deliberate wait for both of them. And from then there was a routine of both to wait…..to stare….to travel without talking with each other but still with each other. Everytime Aman was on the seat and Raagini was standing in front of Him holding the supports with her hand. Everytime Aman’s eyes were closed but His heartbeats were telling that they beat there for Raagini. Raagini thought herself,”How innocent He is? He never turned up His eyes to see my beauty may be He too nervous with my that day touch”.
And Aman thought,”Her busts were marvellous……may be some day that huge push again made her a victim.” Obviously Aman was too crazy for her and was waiting for some right day to cash upon.
And the right day came………it was the day of Valentine’s when Aman brought a beautiful card for Her. Raagini took the same as She too wanted to get a step ahead. But she was shocked to read the lines which Aman wrote for Her,” Dear ……..You are my first Love, actually I don’t know what is basically the Love is…..but for me my Love is only your busts.You have a lovely busts and I never slept peacefully the day I touched the same.Hope so you are getting me.” After reading the same Raagini laughed loudly. She came near to him and asked,”Is this the way to propose someone? ” Aman got nervous and apologized .Raagini agreed and replied,” You are as pure as your thoughts. I accepted your Love ” And from that day they both became good friends who shared and cared for each other.
But as every relationship has an end so very soon Aman and Raagini too tied to each other in a marriage knot. That day was the first auspicious day of Raagini’s life as she got a nice husband and colleague. Thinking the same…….she turned up the bed with a smile. That was the first smile which she took in the last six months. Suddenly Her hands again started searching and she cried, “Where my lovely cups have gone?” How Aman will manage the rest of our life ?”
Again her heart filled with sorrow and pain. She looked towards the door. A beam of light was coming from the kitchen. Aman was winding up the household work there. From the last some months He was playing a double role i.e. apart from his office work He was perfectly doing the kitchen task too. Raagini felt pity for Herself and thought,” How can a man live without an incomplete sex ?”
She knew about a man’s fantasy. Though beauty was the one trait and sincerity was another but after marriage sex also played an important role in one’s life. She never thought that she would become so horrible just after one year of her marriage.
She remembered the last painful days of her mother when she was dying with breast cancer and the doctor advised her to get the precautions too, as it was a genetically transferred disease but she never expected that she would become an early victim of the same. And when she detected the same then that was a very late step to be diagnosed and at last she had no other option left behind to get removed her breasts . She was now a women with no allures………no charms……..then how Aman will accept a body of flesh for his whole life?
A creaking of door sound made Raagini totally averted from some dilemma situation. Aman came in the room .As he tried to turn On the light ,Raagini hold his hand tightly. Aman realized the desires of a wife which she was expected to demand. He too wanted her company as in those six months he felt that how much incomplete a man and a woman was when they were apart from each other. He sat on the bed and quickly hugged Raagini . A new type of Love was emerging from the two souls. Raagini forgot all the pains that she suffered and hide herself into his big arms. The Heats were exchanged from their bodies in the same flow which it flowed six months before and proved that Love was not the slave of any mishappening. For a moment they both forgot the pain they suffered and lost in each other.
But as the Aman tried to move further and started to undress her, she insanely shouted,” No……Go away! There is nothing left inside now for you to squeeze,to play, and for fun. I am a cursed woman who born to be a fairy, but ended to be a wicked. Let me live in the darkness of the life. I am not meant for your pure Love.” Saying so she again sobbed hysterically.
Aman stood stunned by the remarks of her wife. He never expected that Raagini became so coward by the ill fates and took it so seriously. Although that was not of her fault as no one can be the perfect one during his whole life span, but the way she was thinking ,was enough to judge that Raagini’s mental state was very critical at that particular time and He was the only one who had to overcome her from such a critical position. Aman removed his hand and turned the lights On. As the lights flashed on Raagini’s face ,her terrifying face highlighted the clear scene of her mental agony. Raagini had to face the lights from which she was trying to hide from the whole day. Infact one must have to face the brighter part of the life instead of hiding himself behind the darkest curtains. Her hands were fixed on her breasts and Her eyes was closed with fear. Aman knew that there was nothing there left which one can describe as a beauty, but still every perfect beauty was lying in her so called Heart.
Aman hold her face and looked into her beautiful eyes. She was trying to avert from this eye contact but as Aman forced her to look ,she opened her wide eyes where thousands of tears were floating and ready to come. Now it was Aman’s turn to speak. He started to say,” Look…..Look Raagini,Just look into my eyes. I am your husband and not someone else . I am the equal sufferer from the pain you were going through. You are hiding your pain from me, but just tell me how long it will work? ”
Raagini replied,” But you are fond of my breasts. How You will accept me without my beauty. Breasts are the beautiful part of a woman’s body. Every second man fantasizes for it. Now I become a plain……..in other words, one can say that I am going to be spending the rest of my life like a eunuch.”
Aman answered,” Yes, it’s true that I was fond of your breasts, but that was the demand of time and now this is too a time demand that I need you more than your breasts.Don’t you know that time heals and changes a person’s mental state as he learns a lot of new lessons with new experiences. So I am accepting you as you are because this time you are not my fiancee, this time you are my beloved wife with whom I swore to be live for whole life in front of the holy fire. Now tell me Raagini, What you did if I would be in place of You? What ……..if I was the victim of a prostate cancer?”
Raagini regained her senses and immediately put her trembling hand on Aman’s mouth. Only a thought of such dreadful disease shook her completely. She felt sorry for her behaviour.Tears were rolling on her cheeks. She was realizing her mistake.She pulled Aman on bed………..perhaps that was the perfect time of their soul mating. That was the night where every shower was blessing on them. That was the night, which they never thought to be above more than their first night as that night was celebrated in a room where pure thoughts were wandering between them in a pure divine light as nothing was left to be hidden now with each other.
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