Amortentia

The wanting of Romance is much more exciting than Romance itself.

Existing away from muggle awareness, Amortentia happens to be a potion that causes a powerful infatuation or obsession from the drinker that makes it the most dangerous potion in existence.  I smell freshly mowed grass, the just after the rain smell, and crisp clean air in Amortentia. It piercingly reminds me of Mr.Keshav.

Every girls’ college in the country is different in it’s own ways.  But one thing’s common. There’s a high possibility of developing a crush on the best male professor around even if he looks like an over-charged capacitor.

My sky was an ordinary shade of blue, my mind focused and my appetite normal until I entered the Microprocessors and Microcontrollers class.  Then in a blink of an eye, my sky was sparkling silver, my psyche enchanted and my appetite lost. I couldn’t place my feet on the ground and my heart thumped in a musical rhythm.

Mr.Keshav was far better-looking than any male staff I had seen on campus.  He was what my seniors called “Tom Cruise On Campus”.

I’ve seen people in love. The lucky ones who get to have a holiday in la-la-land. The ones who are constantly glued on to their cell phones, while I used mine to listen to music  and look at pictures of internet cats.  The ones who seemed to be living their happily ever after’s while I was figuring out ways to reduce the power dissipation in a photodiode.

It all started like this on a beautiful Monday morning.

‘Morning, Girls’ he said with a careless smolderish smile pasted across his face. I was literally swept off my feet that I almost stumbled.

My heart raced as I walked towards my bench. It was thumping so loudly that I could hear every pump. Blood gushed through my face, sending warm waves of captivation all over my central nervous system.  It was obvious.

I thought it could never happen to me. I thought I was tuned in at a different frequency than the romantic darlings who were oh-so in love. I thought wrong. The bug bit me too.

‘I’m in love’ I proclaimed to my council of ladies after the class. My heart was still fluttering in the same musical rhythm.

‘What?’

‘With who?’

‘If we are talking about a dead book character again, excuse me, I’m going out for a coffee while you rant out your fan girl emotions.’

‘I’m not believing you’

‘It’s Agustus Waters, isn’t it?’

I took in a deep breath before I spoke again.

‘It’s a real person’ I said as I felt my cheeks get warm.

Five pairs of wide eyes fixed its gaze on me as I muttered in a low quivering voice. ‘Professor Keshav.’

The silence that followed was grim like the calm before a storm. They were puzzled and were waiting for me to continue.  But I had already said all that I had to.  Lekha burst out first.

‘You’re disgusting!’  She screamed. ‘He’s our professor!’

After an awkward pause the others burst out into a peal of laughter.

My tiny love story might have been a joke to my friends, but it wasn’t for me.  I kept falling for him. I didn’t know if it was his stylish formal wear, the elegant stroke of confidence in his walk or the list of other things that he did absent mindedly that made me go crazy for him.  He seemed to like me as well, probably because of my record of good grades.

I was busy naming our imaginary kids when he taught us about the 8085 Intel micro processor.

‘And with that’ he said as he was carelessly running his hands over his hair.  ‘We have come to the end of syllabus’

My dreams rushed to an abrupt termination.

End of Syllabus meant I wouldn’t get to see him on a regular basis thereafter.  A lump came up my throat as I watched him walk out of the class that day.

The days that came after that were blurred with the clouds of uncertainty that hung around me. My friends tried to cheer me up, got tired and eventually gave up. You know what’s worse than being love sick?

Its being love sick during Finals.

‘Good looks don’t get you anywhere.’  Anjana gave me a final warning as she caught me day dreaming with my book open yet again.

‘Yeah.’  Indra agreed. ‘Since every male professor teaches around 3000 girls here, you actually have to study hard to score well.’

‘Flirtation doesn’t work, honey.’ Pallavi threw in the last piece of advice from the far end of the dorm.

‘Guys, spare the free therapist session, will you?’ I burst out even before I knew what I was saying.  ‘I’m trying to register what I’m reading. I really am. But how can you fill a cup that’s already full? My mind’s full of you-know-who’s memories which, FYI, are not exactly motivating to mug up a bloody boring  three page explanation on how a Darlington Amplifier works okay?’

I spoke all of this very fast at the top of my voice that I had to stop to catch some breath.

Anjana went back to painting her nails while Pallavi and Indra buried their faces into the thick books. I got up and went up to the balcony to take a break from the break I was already taking.  A thin film of October breeze swept past my face, lifting the thick strands of hair from my hair.

My mind was racing.

I grabbed my books that were stuffed with loose papers of scrambled notes and rushed to the staff room. It was an impulsive idea. Confess my feelings to the person concerned.  I did not have to wait for him to get to know about it or send envoy.

Independent princess, right here.

I walked into the room with the confidence of a Bengal tigress and the courage of a warrior clan heir.  I took in a deep breath as I stood at the door to his cabin. I tightened my fists over my lucky charm. My heart was pounding unusually loud as I prayed to the force of the universe, asking it to conspire to give me what I wanted very badly.

At first I thought I was mistaken. I thought I heard a low sweet laughter that was far different from the familiar coarse voice that usually filled the cabin.

I knocked and the recognizable male voice called me in. I clicked the door open to find a beautiful fair girl, around six, with dark curly hair, chubby cheeks and big brown eyes seated on Mr. Keshav’s desk.  She was enhancing the acoustics of the professor’s cabin with the clangor of her giggles.

Must be his niece.  I repeated to myself. Must be his niece.  Must be his niece.  Must be his niece.

Only, it wasn’t his niece.

‘Bindhu! ’ he said with a smile. ‘Meet my daughter Akhalya.’

I gulped. Somewhere inside me, I heard the vicious crash of a cardiac organ ripping into a million pieces and bleed.

I wanted to say :

What?

You’re married?

And you have a Kid?

Why don’t married men carry a tag?

However, I responded with a smile and ‘Oh, she looks so cute, Mr.Keshav.’

The kid had her eyes glued upon me. An intense feeling of mourning was rising that I didn’t have time for small talk and wanted to get out of the room, run to my dorm, disintegrate on my bed and cry into pillows until the distress subsided.

But she smiled.

And then he smiled.

‘I think she likes you, Bindhu.’ He said.

Akhalya looked at me with wide eyes and an even wider beam glowing off her supple face. There was something about her that made the anguish in my heart go away. No doubt, she had her father’s good looks.  Her father, who had his hands locked into one of her little wrists, and was leaning forward to keenly observe how she was going to bond with me.

And then it happened.

The way Mr.Keshav’s eyes twinkled when he looked at his daughter, transformed the feelings I had had for him. I was enlightened. I saw him in a completely different light.

Infatuation ended and fascination took over.

‘So what can I do for you, Bindhu?’ he enquired.

My heart flipped. What was I going to say? I didn’t have a plan B. My feelings were at war. I looked at him, still fascinated, like a start struck teen fangirl. He was a doting proud father and he did not deserve to be infected with the feelings of lust I had for him.

‘Uh…’ I was stammering. My mind raced. ‘Sir, I was wondering if you would take Wireless Communication paper for us next sem? ’

He looked at me with a confused smile. After a short pause, I continued with an honest statement.

‘It would be nice to have you in class again.’

‘I’ll try my best.’ He said.

I waved Akhalya goodbye as I walked out of the cabin.

One sight, I fell in love head over heels. A new sight, I fascinate over him with respect. I didn’t know grief could be so illuminating. In fact, I wasn’t grieving at all. I was walking in a slow pace towards my dorm, contemplating over the fact that I must’ve been under an Amorentic influence all these days. That was the only way I could fell less guilty over the fact that I had been crushing over a married man with a six year old kid. I convinced myself that the Amorentia effect had terminated eventually.

‘What did he say?’ Pallavi hit me with her shower of queries. ‘It went well, no?’

‘Oh, yea.’ I said as I caved into bed with a tattered copy of Sense and Sensibility. ‘He introduced me to his daughter.’

Pallavi’s expression after I said that was like that of Mr. Arthur Weasley trying to figure out the exact function of a rubber duck.

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