It was a normal day. Streets were filled with office goers, students (both college and school) and others including me. Yeah me- I am a busy person with uncertain future and definite present. My life is like that, you see. I have no idea about what will happen to me next moment but I am sure at this moment I have to be present at my college in 20 minutes + 10 minutes (grace). I was crossing the road while listening to Green Day’s ‘Oh Love’. The song suited me now except I didn’t see love raining on me or was it?
I hurried towards the bus stop. I was climbing the pavement when I bumped a guy. I looked up at him and something struck me. I never saw such beautiful eyes before. I kept staring at him without noticing that I was about to trip but he held my hand. He bought me closer to him.
“Are you ok?” he asked.
Later he loosened his grip on my hand. I stood still and didn’t listen to what he was telling due to numbness. I didn’t know what to do or at least say ‘I am fine’ to him. I just rushed into crowd waiting for the bus. As soon as bus came, I got into it with his thoughts fresh in my mind.
As night came, I replayed what happened in morning at the bus stop in my mind. In that numbness, I forgot to thank him for holding my hand. How could I thank him that time? It happened so quick that I had no time to react. I decided that I would thank him next day.
Next day came. I was in same spot where we met. I didn’t see him. I waited patiently. My bus came and I waited until I was the last one to hop into the bus. I was disappointed for reason unknown to me.
“ Why do I care about some stranger?” I said to myself.
As days passed, my impatience grew and hope died. Negative thoughts stirred my mind- What if it was last time I saw him? My heart was opposing these thoughts. Finally one fine day, I see him at same place where I first met him. Ah! He was looking as ravishing as ever. I stood next to him waiting for the bus. Again the numbness struck me. I couldn’t even say ‘hi’. It took me some minutes to gather my courage to talk to him.
“Thanks for the other day.” I said.
He nodded his head with a smile. The silence followed later. I glanced at him every second. When our eyes met, I turned my head to other side. I was about to talk to him. Unfortunately the bus came and I had to leave.
So days passed with our momentary ‘hi’s and ‘bye’s. However my feeling grew stronger and stronger. I had become so attached with his presence that I wanted this moment to stay still. I always prayed hard my bus would come a little later. Some days I would find him missing and those days I would be miserable. Nothing would seem right without him. He had some charm tempting me towards him more. I didn’t understand this feeling for him. This feeling was strange- it made me happy after spending some time with him. It made me completely useless and good for nothing when he was not there. I never had such feeling for anyone. I never wanted anyone so badly.
Preetu (my best friend) caught me one day thinking about him in one class.
“ What are you thinking about and smiling? Come on, tell me” she asked.
I didn’t respond. She nudged my arm and said, “Where are you lost? Ah is it someone special you are thinking about?”
I was startled when she said that. “Ah! Nothing. Just waiting for weekend.”
I said avoiding her probing into the matter. She being my best friend didn’t stop there. She provoked me more and more. Alas! I couldn’t keep it from her.
“ Ok! I met a guy at the bus stop. I mean I bumped into him. He was hot. He had really beautiful eyes that I couldn’t stop staring at him. …..”
I told her my whole story. She listened carefully and smiled. After which she said,
“OMG! You have a crush on him.”
She repeated again. I denied her of such feelings. She continued and later I had to accept the feeling called crush. The teacher had come to class and we continued with our work.
As the night came, I thought over what Preetu had said. She was right. I was having a crush on him. No wonder I was listening to more of ‘Taylor Swift’ and ‘Bruno Mars’. Their music was best describing my state right now. Oh the songs- they become a part of our lives when we have this strong feeling called crush.
Next day, I decided to wear something good that he notices me. I dressed my best and had left my hair open. I crossed my fingers hoping that he would be impressed. I arrived a little early than my usual time at bus stop. He came a little later and smiled at me. I was at ecstasy. He smiled at me – Oh My God! He smiled at me. The double bonanza came as a surprise- he spoke to me at last (that to he spoke to me first).
“ You look good” he said.
Hearing this, I was in cloud nine. I blushed and thanked him. Well, this was just a dream. However what actually happened was far from the dream.
I did dress up well. Unfortunately it was raining and was windy at the same time. Damn! Everything worked against me. My umbrella didn’t open. I was fully wet. This was not enough. There was some more. The roads were filled with large puddles. I don’t understand what fun drivers of school van get on riding on these puddles. So a school van passed me by splashing water on me. Agh! My whole dress had turned black. I hated this. I thought I could impress him. Sadly, he had pity look on me. I had to go back home and wear clean clothes.
I promised myself that I will impress him by being me. Next day, I met him with a strong mission on mind- first make him my friend and then propose him. Simple, right. Things don’t look so simple as they are. Every time I think of talking to him, I would end up without words. At last I spoke to him. It was a friendly chat. I got to know his name was Vivian. He was a theatre artist. The only passion for him was acting. We became quite good buddies. The numbness in me reduced though feelings for him increased.
Preetu asked me how far have our relationship reached.
I said,“ I haven’t told him yet. We are just friends now. When time is right, I will tell him.”
“ What! You haven’t told him yet. It’s three months already. When will you tell him? What time are you waiting for? You know him. You are kinda friends with him. So tell him. Don’t wait” she said.
“How can a girl propose a guy like that? I mean won’t it look desperate.” I asked.
“Dumb head, which generation are you in? You don’t have to wait. When such opportunities arise, grab for it.” she said.
It took lot of time for me to decide on telling my feelings like how, when and where. Next day, I went on with plan B- go for it. It was beautiful sunny morning. He hadn’t arrived yet. I relaxed and took deep breathes. Finally, he came. But this time he was not alone. He was accompanied by another guy. He was cheerful as always. He greeted me hi and started our usual chat. I thought whether it was right time to tell him. So I recalled about what Preetu said- don’t wait.
“ Vivan….” I said and then he interrupted me.
“I know what you want to ask” he said.
I was overjoyed by knowing that he knows what I was going to say. He caught hold of his friend’s hand and said,
“ Sorry for my impoliteness. This is my fiancé Rahul. Rahul, this is Shireen.”
I was dumbstruck.
“ What ! Fiancé” I said to myself.
Unfortunately it was too loud for Vivian to hear. “Oh! I am gay” he said.
“Sorry.” I said softly. I wanted to burst out and sing ‘we are never ever getting back together’. I controlled myself. My whole world came crashing down. I wanted to hit myself. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.
It took me one year to overcome all this. I cried sometimes. Later I understood , I couldn’t change it. He liked guys and I liked him. But I can’t force him into liking me. Now we are best of buddies. We hang around and have fun. Best part of our friendship is that he knows what I used to feel for him and we laugh on it too. I am over him now and have found my new object of affection – Hugh Jackman. Until I find my true love, he’s my dream guy. Guess this is called moving on and having fun.