Short Love Story – The love she had within
Photo credit: aophotos from morguefile.com
When I finally got admission in Std 1 in the most prestigious school the next chapter was experience. It used to be morning school with prayer, classes, breaks, classes and then recess. Next day the same routine followed.
Everything was very new. I wasn’t used to this culture hence time was the best friend. Yes, that reminds me, I had another best friend. Our red bus used to pick and drop us regularly where I befriended Kunal from Std 3. Since there was no one else, we used to hang out together. In a few days we were the best pals.
I used to be in my own world when not with Kunal. This was noticed by someone. She befriended me, how, when, I couldn’t ever recall. Her friend was fond of another guy so she used to accompany her but wanted me to tag along. I did when I could, i.e. when Kunal was not there. So, I got another known person in school that way. Since we became familiar with each other, we talked and spent times randomly in class and other activities. However, our interaction slowly lessened…
I don’t even know how quickly time flew and I was in Std 5th. By then Kunal had grown up and started being with his group. By then I had got my own circle too. Time gets you everything, The time and attention was given to the closest group majorly.
She was still fond of me. Friends talked about her teasingly. I had an idea that she was interested in me more than as a friend but I never paid heed. Feelings at 11? I didn’t have them enough to be sorry.
I joined Karate classes back then and instead of going home she used to wait and watch the whole hour. I felt little awkward but didn’t mind much. By then it was apparent what she felt. My perception was one sided and clear. She was a friend, a good friend for me. As days passed and people noticed her open inclination in different ways. She used to make her presence around me, demonstrate her gestures with nervousness. Sometimes when alone and passing by, departed with her head down all the way. It made me a little uncomfortable and I started ignoring her. I didn’t talk to her and remained in my own opinion.
Once I left my bag in school and next day she told me where it was. I thanked her and left. She even joined Karate classes for a year or two. By then we were in Std 7th and I still didn’t talk to her. Whole school knew about her feelings while I couldn’t feel them ever. All I had within was sympathy and understanding but hers just grew and grew day after day for the person who was miles away from the arena of love, deep, profound love.
It was so much unbearable for her not to interact with me that helplessly she decided to tie a Rakhi. At least she could get to talk that way. I could not ever fathom the depth she had in her devotion, just could not. I readily agreed to accept that and that gave her stress some relief. What happened to her later, I don’t remember except that she left after high school.
I was in Delhi in 2006. I had an ordinary life – a job, a girlfriend, a family to live with. Meanwhile through common friends we got back in touch over the phone after almost 8 years. She used to work with NIIT, Delhi. I was glad that I was speaking to her after so long. We chatted for about half an hour before she opened up. She talked about our school, teachers, friends, we both and eventually her feelings…………………for me. She expressed her emotions, her pains, her expectations, her patience, her helplessness, her sacrifices, her profoundest feelings which she had embedded in her small heart since 1st grade all for none other than the person she was venting her heart out to.
She went on, talked about what I said which made her feel bad, what I said which hurt her, what I did that changed her. The entire conversation of her feelings’s description meandered around me and just me. This was the first time in her history of love when she openly committed she loved me so sincerely, so deeply since her childhood yet never uttered. I was not guilty but I was definitely at crossroads. I never wanted to hurt her. I was quiet while she let out her pure emotional outburst. She shared something which I was completely oblivious of, something which made me learn a new chapter from the book of intense love, when she said she ‘felt shaken when being in front of me’! My God!
I couldn’t say anything to her, just couldn’t. All I could do was feel what she felt and understand her, finally. I honour her, admire her, salute her for her indefatigable, tireless journey of love which was unfounded. I wished I could do something, just something. Sometimes, you become so helpless, when you love yet can’t get and when you don’t yet can’t give….
Time changed and she got married. I saw her profile on Facebook and was thrilled with joy extremely! I had prayed she gets someone who could fulfil her life with double the love, affection and kindness that she truly deserved and had been deprived of. since beginning. I congratulated her and again, she cried in tears.
Feelings they say never die, specially when it’s about first love. We are still friends and one thing common between us is time. That has changed. We both have moved on. She still has her feelings and I still have that respect… I really wish I could do something close to what she did so as to to bring her some relief, some smiles and some bliss.
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