What a magnificent weather! It has been raining since long. She liked getting drenched in rain and playing with wet soil. But, today, why am I feeling enmity with rains? Why am I shielding myself from nature? Dint I like walking in rains with her? Is it like that she is crying? Is she still despondent? I can still feel the pearls of tears coming from her charming eyes and her warm sobers are still making my breaths deep. Is she still in my mind or is she still manipulating my thoughts?
I can still feel my heart beats when she met me first and started throwing out in a frank tone as it was the first time any girl was talking with me so frankly and so carelessly.
7 years ago
“Hey! What do you think of yourself? We are your batch mates yaar. Share your problems with me. Some seniors had told me that you are frustrated searching home.” I was listening nervously and she uttered the whole lines in one go. I can not remember whether she breathed in between or not. But, yes, I can not deny that her blue dress and slightly non – conventional looks attracted my attention. I noticed that she had neither her eye – brows plucked nor any signs of make – up on face. Yet, her nose – ring was looking stunning or in fact her nose was beautifully dolled up by the nose – ring.
Slightly perplexed and restraining myself, I gave a nonchalant look.
“Oh! Sorry. You may be thinking who am I?”
“Hi, I am Rani. Your batch mate. And I guess you are Rahul.”
I nodded my head in affirmation. And suddenly she disappeared like a flash of light and I felt like waking up from a dream.
This is how I got introduced to Rani or perhaps she got herself introduced to me. I noticed that her natural smile and dimples on cheeks had something very urging appeal. I am not a guy to believe in love at first sight. But, there was something rhythmic or something unusual happened with me, this I could estimate.
I started residing with four other guys of same college. Co – accidently Rani had been in good friendly terms with one of my room–mate. And slowly, we became very good friends.
Clouds have covered the whole sky and suddenly loud thunderstorms diverted my attention. I am able to feel the sound of each and every rain drops, just as I was able to perceive the sound of her each spoken and unspoken words.
6 years ago
I don’t know, when and how, but I started feeling envy if she used to be friendly with others. I could not hold on seeing her with others and unthinkingly started behaving like a reclusive lover. But, she was like a butterfly, who never came in my hands. She was like a river, whom I could not bind within the shore. She was an independent parrot, whom I could not caged in the cage of my love.
That day, still fresh in my mind, like yesterday, she informed me that she is in love with one of my best pals. My heart shattered into billions of pieces and all my dreams came to ground. But, I somehow concealed my expressions and showed outer contentment and happiness. But, internally my throat choked and I felt like the time had stopped for me.
I could not exactly recollect my expressions. But, I was sad, in fact dismal. I never told Rani anything. I never told her about my feelings. She was not guilty. She was not at all guilty. Was she? No, she can not be. The simplicity and trust in her eyes could never be wrong. She was not to be blamed at all.
5 years ago
At 2 O’ clock, my mobile rang. I did not pick the phone. No, I was not sleeping. I was listening to my favourite sad song in her reminiscence. Instead of parting away, we were still friends. Not only friends, but very close friends. Alter ego could define our relations. She was very obstinate and used to live in fairy tales and unreal dreams and I was my usual self cool.
Again my ring tone started producing noise. I picked it up and pretending to be sleeping, I lazily said hello in a very low voice. I could not get any reply. After few seconds, some sobbing sound pierced my ear. I could not resist.
“Oh! Come on golu polu, stop weeping first. Be a good gal. What happened baby?”
“Nothing Rahul. I just want to cry in front of you.” She somehow managed to utter this sentence.
“But why? Tell me.” I hurriedly asked.
“Rahul, I think………….”
“I feel………. I love you.”
“What……… Shut up you idiot…… I can not betray my friend.”
“Rahul, I want to know what you feel. I also can not ditch him and this is the only reason I am bearing with him. Otherwise………..”
“Please tell me what you feel?”
“Nothing. You are my sweet friend and you will be.” I lied to her.
We decided not to meet and converse again. I knew she was not happy. She was not at peace. I could estimate her loneliness from peeping through her eyes. I knew she had been undergoing pains. Still, I showed indifference towards her. Very soon, this resolution broke away. We had again started behaving like best buddies by deciding that we would remain best friends forever.
Oh! How can I forget the day when we both roamed in the whole college campus, totally drenched in rain? Her wet face was mesmerizing me. Her charismatic beauty was like a pious divine force. Cold swift breeze was sensitizing her wet figure.
4 years ago
She could not endure anymore in relationship and broke away. I was still considering her my best friend and my life had been only revolving around her. But, soon she became friendly with guys from other departments. I was more heart broken at this than before, when she got engaged. This time, I felt that she left me. In fact, she betrayed me. How could she have done so? I was unable to contemplate and move on after this incident. My trust shattered like castles of cards in a strong blow of wind. I totally ignored her, avoided her and stopped conversing with her. It was painful and unbearable as I had a habit of her.
Due to some study related project, I had to visit some places with Rani. I tried my best not to speak to her, but her chirpy nature and continuous bullaw – bullaw inadvertently attracted my thoughts. I was helpless in a local train to embrace her in my arms to protect her from some vendors in such rush. This recuperated innocent mad love again, still hidden in the depths of my heart, with same rhythmic swing and same internal bliss.
Finally, I was with her and she was with me. Yeh, she was my dream gal, my sweet gal, and my perfect gal. I could not afford to lose her. Yes, she had broken my trust. Yes, she had left me crying alone. Yes, she had ruined my cherishable moments, still she loved me madly. Yes, she was in mad love with me and I was in mad love with her.
Rain has still not stopped and is covering the whole space under its mist. Peeping through the window, I can see the wet leaves shining when light fall on them and it is creating an imagination as if millions of gold drops are dancing on the tune of love.
3 years ago
The college years had passed and I had to go to Ranchi to join job. Rani left her job and started preparing for Civil Services Examination as she had a firm desire to serve the society and humankind. Still, we used to chat. She used to advise me. I used to leg pull her. Everything was very normal, till one day when my phone rang.
I picked and as obvious it was my sweetheart. She started crying vociferously.
Oh God! How could I have done that? I made her wait for so long to talk. I dint talk to her the whole day and when at night, she called and cried, then instead of cajoling her, with great solecism, I hang up the mobile.
Instead of knowing she madly love me now and now she was mature enough to understand and respect relations, Rani had been rejected entry by my dreams and thoughts, which started imagining someone else. I don’t know who was she, but I could certainly say that the girl was not Rani.
After one or two months, Rani again called me and directly asked me, “Rahul, my parents started searching a guy for me. I want to know your stand regarding this, whether you want to marry me or not.”
“Rani, please yaar. Stop it. I don’t want to discuss all these. It is better to switch the conversation. I will not be able to ensure you about anything at this moment. You are so obstinate and arrogant. I can not stand you yaar.”
“OK.” Rani put the phone.
I don’t know why I could not stop her. I should have soothe her and make her my better half. It was not a big demand by her for loving me so intensely. Instead of asking her to get out of her fairy tales life, I should have gone to her dreams. Did I have right to spoil her dreams, merely because they were fake or imaginary?
1 year ago
Weather was good and I was looking out from window, suddenly my mobile rang. “Hrrrrrrrrr……….” An unknown number. I dint pick. Again same number.
Same melodious voice, same pitch, same softness and same casualness.
“Hi. How are you Rani?”
“Can we meet Rahul? I am in your town. I have joined your company last year and came here today morning only for a training.”
Initially I hesitated, but could not deny her sternly.
“Sure. Where are you staying?”
“Company’s guest house.”
“OK. Give me half an hour.”
We met and I could not resist gazing at her new corporate look and complimenting her. When she was coming, it seemed that a new morning of hopes has descended from the heaven for me. Nature was so silent and majestically happy.
“Rahul, my marriage has been fixed on the 26th of this month, but I can not marry someone else. I still love you and am not able to imagine my life without you. It is for sure that you will not get anyone else, who will love you, as deep as I do.”
I nodded my head, but dint utter even a single word. I hugged her and dropped at the guest house.
I can still collect the mixed feelings on her face – delighted because she met me after so many years and grieved as she was going to marry someone else. I can still remember the deepness of her eyes, which were giving painful impressions, with which she was mutely and hopefully staring at me, till I disappeared completely from her sight, breaking all her hopes and faith.
On the day of Marriage
It was raining heavily and my heart was crying like a broken piece of glass in silence. I kept on guessing, how she would be looking and what she would be carrying? I kept on sometimes looking at watch and sometimes glancing at stars. Suddenly, my mobile rang and yes it was Rani. I was disturbed and was not able to decide whether to pick or not. It went miscall. Again, phone rang. I picked.
Without waiting for me to say hello, “ Rahul, yaar I am looking stunningly good in this lehanga and bridal make up.”
“I know Rani.”
“Hey, are you missing me? See, I am feeling crying like hell.”
“Don’t cry Rani.”
“Please, don’t tell me to stop.”
“Rani, I am missing you badly and am going to miss you throughout my life.” I started sobbing in pain and the pain was internal, but it affected my whole body and I swayed in grief.
“Hey, I told you that I can not marry anyone else. I love you. You dint understand and I know you still won’t understand. But, soon you will realise. You loved me, when I was not in love with you and you left me, when I started to love you so purely and piously.”
“Rahul, I………………… Love……………….. You…………..”
She screamed with intense gloom.
But only the caller tune was audible. She hanged up the phone.
Without comprehending the situations, I went outside and began to roam here and there. Suddenly, did not know why a pinch of grief struck me and my fingers automatically dialed her number.
“May I talk to Rani? I am calling to congratulate her.”
The lady from other side replied, “You can never talk to her, in fact no one can ever talk to her.” She began to cry boisterously.
I could not resist but sinked there and wanted to scream with the fullest of my strength. I wanted to just tell her that how much I loved her and how much I wished to keep her happy. But, it was of no use. I saw her going away with rains and mingling with the sky. Her dream of flying in the sky in a cloudy day came true! And I was left all alone with some drops of rain felling on my face. This time, I did not clear them.