A lie to love

The clouds had cleared enough for sun to smile along with me. The rays glimmered on me with the rain drops. I felt him come to me and wipe my tears off. A smile curved up on my lips with that; but the tears wouldn’t stop yet.

preface

In movies you watch the hero and heroin’s romantic life.

You read the romance and intimacy in books and stories.

Sometimes you write a love story and wish you had one.

Everyone got someone around to call them as theirs but you.

That’s when you know how badly you need someone to complete you.

That’s when you realize how important it is to be somebody’s someone

******

Samir

Imagine how it’s to be like a tomato that’s sandwiched between two breads. Well I experienced that sitting between two grumpy looking plump men.

And thanks to my kismet I have to sit amid them for another two days; 48 full hours. For now 1 hour down; I shot it somehow trying to comfort myself in that seat, but in vain! I guess only when we sleep I would be fine, till then god bless me.

I was in a train off to Delhi with my uncle. My seat was confirmed just a day back under waiting list resulting it to be much separated from my uncle. After beating the Bangalore’s traffic I had finally reached the railway station on the exact time the train was supposed to leave, but no! You know our trains.

I sighed to know that it was delayed by an hour.

I placed my hand on the pocket and thanked the lord of the mobile phones. It was only lifeline I had in these situations.

I had to get up to remove it from my pocket. Well you know if two fat people are sitting on either side of you, you don’t get the air sufficient enough to breathe. And to remove a mobile from your pocket, you have to stretch out.

I squeezed between them again thinking as of now with my mobile I will forget about my seating comfort but to my despair even that didn’t seem to happen as I saw weird wallpaper on the screen.

It had a water globule sparkling on a rose pedal; Nah, too girlish to be mine; who set this wallpaper? Mine was an awesome image of Eagle galaxy. How cool was that and how lame is this? May be my sis did some stupid nuisance.

Again comforting myself by my futile attempts of pushing those men (One of whom had already fallen asleep,) aside with my thighs I searched for new pictures in my memory card to set some cool wallpaper.

And that is when I realized that fortune wasn’t on my side at all. I just realized that my memory card was actually missing. And all hell set loose when I had to fathom the reality, “the mobile phone in my sweaty hands was not mine!” I wiped my moist fingers on my denim.

That is when it flashed. While in station I had placed my phone to charge beside a very similar looking phone. That’s the point I did the blunder. And now I couldn’t get it back. In no way I could for another 15 days. Not even the person whose phone was in my hand; very late to realize that.

I dialed my number for the first time in my life. Well you usually don’t dial your number, and many a times you don’t even remember it.

No network?

I hate hearing these beeping beeps in situations like these.

They say that they provide number one services. Number one my foot. “Oops, sorry,” in the frustration I had almost kicked an already annoyed woman sitting on the seat parallel to mine.

Okay let me try texting .After more than ten tries finally it showed that my message was sent.

Okay now I got to wait for a reply from my own phone. If I was on the other side I would have texted back a.s.a.p.

I finally left my meek attempts to get comforted. Got up to go near the door, maybe I could get some air as well as network instead of getting boiled and roasted between those two fatsos.

I sat on the footboard; it didn’t work. Nothing happened.

Not even a passenger got in our boogie for me to move from that door and stop my pathetic attempts to get network to call. Gratefully the phone I had in my hand had a message pack likewise.

Every time the train stopped to load passengers, I was contemplated that someone would show up to switch our phones back. But nope; most people don’t even care until they have a phone in hand and a working SIM that has a considerable amount of currency. It had some 100 bucks or so. And let me check how much balance this person has. Okay almost 50; not bad.

I was very much upset and depressed, but cheered myself saying “Hey it’s just a phone, and you didn’t even loose it. You just have to exchange it back; so chill.”

Mine was not a costly phone but I needed it, I was emotionally attached to it. Nah; maybe I am just bluffing, but I required my phone and SIM both back.

I couldn’t help it. This phone (in my hand) – mostly was a ladies phone. Yeah it was a ladies phone. The wallpaper, the contacts, no memory card, and blah blah all implied that it was a boring women’s boring phone.

After two hours finally I got a reply.

Oh no, wait…. Thank god!

On the verge of excitement I was almost about to drop that phone off the running train. The rushing air had dried my sweaty hands due to which my last hope remained un-faded.

I read the message I had received,

“Sorry this happened. I don’t see you in any way returning back from your trip. Now I guess we can only exchange our phones as soon as you get back.”

No way! She asks sorry for that? It was totally my mistake. And I was supposed to ask sorry. And she was supposed to be pissed off or at least a little frustrated. Where on earth was this lady from?

And how could she jump straight to a conclusion. May be there’s a way out. May be she could come and give my phone back. May be she could call me back for the phone. No, i was just acting fool. I knew she was right.

I replied back saying that it was my fault and she is right and I had texted something more, that for now I don’t remember. All I remember is that “ONE REPLY” resulted in a big change, the train of my life deviated off the tracks. That’s when the weird strange feelings started to sprout.

The air rush had grown even stronger, the views of farmers and their cattle’s faded, the mountains, rivers, bridges, etc. didn’t seem intriguing, the two fatsos had stopped annoying me, in fact now in between them I felt like I was sitting on a sofa chair.

Before that day I had a very lonely life which sometimes made me think, what if I had a girlfriend? A person to share everything you want to; a person with the name of whom you could smile; a person who you want to stay with forever.

And a person for whom you begin to have strange feelings. No one ever till date found out how and why a person gets so intimate to a total stranger just in matter of few hours. If it was mere attraction then it would have been to anybody with contrary gender. But it isn’t. It’s more than that.

Before this day I would have wondered what feeling is it like. Does it exist or is it just the movies?

I had started to like a girl whom I had neither seen nor heard. Ten days had passed on, and every day I spent almost hundred messages texting her. No calls because I was not so good at that and the fact that I was on roaming and even she seemed like not that of a talking person, so we just messaged.

Not that I hadn’t messaged any one before. But this was the first time I felt those inexplicable feelings.

People say that your life would change when you fall in love and yes it does. I can’t point out how mine changed? But it did. Resulting from mere exchange of phones we had come to this situation.

I never spoke to her about my feelings. But I knew she felt likewise towards me too.

Every place of Delhi I visited I found something related to love and got lost in my own dreamy world due to which sometimes I literally got lost in the dreamy land of Delhi. My uncle had to call, wake me up from my dreams and come back searching for me as though I was a kid.

My trip to Delhi had become a heart changing voyage.

People say “Dil walon ki Delhi.” (Hearty people’s Delhi.)

And now I would add “Delhi ki hawa ne dil badal diya.” (The air of Delhi transformed my heart.) I loved the people and places, may be that added much more essence to my feelings. Like more tea leaves to the tea. Like special chai from Chai point than my home. Like “kala Khatta” to tasteless ice snow that makes it my favorite “Gola”. There’s always an essence that makes it special.

I haven’t seen nor heard her but I am insanely in love with her. Her name is Muskan, Muskan means smile or laughter. I don’t know if she smiles a lot or not; but as soon as her name pops up on the mobile screen when I receive her messages a crescent moon appears on my face, my lips curve up and sometimes even my jaws start paining as I smile like an idiot not caring about people around me.

I guess that’s what it is; love. You smile and smile even if in your previous life you were a frown king; you can’t stop thinking about a person and all that without even seeing that person.

While returning back I sat on the footboard of the train again. This time it was blissful, this time I didn’t feel alone; this time I felt someone beside me; holding my hand very tight. The rushing air brought a very pleasant scent and it felt as if it was sent from heavens to shower the blessings from skies on us.

After an over whelming, transforming journey to ‘love’ rather than Delhi I reached Bangalore with something more.

My mom asked me as to what was my best experience in Delhi. I would have liked to say it to her that amongst all the things the most special was something known as love.

But obviously I didn’t want my a*s to get kicked so early.

**Jokes apart**

I messaged her that night saying that I returned from Delhi and she replied “ok.” If that was it I would have been very much happy but that was not it.

“We will meet in majestic bus station tomorrow and get our phones back.” That’s the gist of whole conversation we had then.

I don’t know what that meant but it surely meant that with my trip to Delhi my amazing journey of love was also going to end.

That night I couldn’t sleep till very late, morning I woke up very tired. We had decided to meet on a certain platform, and also had chosen a color code to wear so that we recognize each other.

I went to that place but stood away from that platform. Don’t know what I had in my mind then but this was for sure that I didn’t want to end it. It was decided that if she shows up to that particular place I would also go and get over with it. What could I do if someone wants to end it?

Weird isn’t it? People who love meet each other for the first time to start their journey and we were going to meet up to probably end ours.

I never had thought that when I love, it would end, and end this way; never. But what was I thinking? We got to re-switch our phones right? May be even after that we would continue messaging each other. Now when we go to that place, we could at least see each other .But “no,” it was just an end.

We had agreed to meet at 4p.m.

It was half past four and was drizzling.

The thought that I would love a person-unseen this badly made me emotional sometimes.

And now the fact that it was just a formal relation we had with each other for fifteen days squashed my heart like a soaked sponge which resulted in the tears to gush out from my eyes. However the rain hid my tears significantly. I wiped them off and cleared my vision to look at the phone.

A drop of my tears fell on the screen. I hadn’t changed the wallpaper. It no more was lame. The shining drop on the flower pedal sparkled even more with my tears. It seemed more magnificent than any of the things I had seen in my life.

I was standing there for almost more than an hour. She hadn’t shown up yet. What am I supposed to do now? Wait for more time? Call her? No I couldn’t call her now. I would not want to hear her voice at this point.

I couldn’t text her then. Somewhere to some sub level my heart was stopping me from doing it .Wait! No, I could text. I could lie if that’s what I want. And so I did.

“Hey sorry I couldn’t show up, I fell ill and am on my bed sleeping.”

My hands were shivering, was it the cold weather? Was it the fact that I was lying? Or was it because I was crying? I could never answer that.

I got a reply from her after only few seconds before I hadn’t even finished re-reading the message I had sent.

“Hey it’s alright, not that my phone now is that important for me, I get all my calls on your phone.” She replied back.

This is what I wanted; I wanted to keep her phone so that we remain connected as we were when I was in my journey. It sounds too stupid but I didn’t want to meet her now.

“Okay if that’s the case then I will keep your phone. ;-p”

The smiley said I was joking but I was darn serious.

“Okay then fine by me.”

What would someone feel if they are just falling from the cliff and they get wings to fly? What would people of Arctic region feel if the sun rises for them after ten months of darkness? What would the people of deserts feel if it rains after one year?

All feelings came together at a time.

“Yeah then how are you?” I asked as I left the bus station off to home.

Talked whole way back and that talk and that moment and that day is just memorable forever.

I would never forget that day. Would never forget that platform number we were supposed to meet. Would never forget the first time I cried in public.

It was peculiar, a proposal and fear of rejection.

I would soon meet her but that would not be for any re-switching. That would not be the end of anything. That wouldn’t be any formality.

I stood outside on my balcony that night staring at the night sky.

Took my phone and texted her “Hey look at the moon it’s amazing.” It was a full moon.

In Hindi they say “Chaud vin ka chand.” (Moon on the 14th day of lunar calendar.) The beauty of it has mesmerized million souls till day. Enchants of which has enthralled millions of people to write and sing songs on it; to compare it with their loved ones; to just dream and get drowned in the never failing magic.

“Yeah it’s really wonderful.” She replied back. She was staring at the same moon as I was. I could see her reflection in that moon.

The moon was smiling even more now; may be the smile of “Muskan” made that up.

 

From the dairies of Muskan –

Fifteen days had passed from my tour to Delhi. Fifteen days since I had gotten my phone exchanged.

Fifteen days, since the day he had left Bangalore. Fifteen days had passed and I hadn’t stopped smiling. My name might be Muskan but I never was a girl who never smiles a lot.

I lay on the bed that night totally unaware that something very bad was on its way to surprise me.

I was holding his phone staring at the weird wallpaper of some computer graphics he had set from when our phones had gotten switched. But however outlandish that was, I loved it because it always reminded me of him. An icon bounced on the screen indicating that I had received a message. “Samir” the screen displayed.

He had messaged me saying that he reached Bangalore. The moment I never wanted to think of, had come. It’s obviously good that he reached Bangalore. But it meant a full stop. That thought just cut me into two. What was I supposed to do? Should I ask him to take his phone back or not?

Nevertheless I thought I would just text him saying that we will re-interchange our mobile phones. Yeah and so I did; it was a biggest mistake I had ever done – that I realized after I had finished texting and deciding the place to get our phones back. What a fool I was.

The thought that we were stuck with each other just because of phones left a hole in my heart.

The idea of which made me want to cry. I couldn’t understand why I had this insane feeling for a person I hadn’t even seen or met.

That morning I got up after rolling in my bed the whole night. It seemed like I had matchstick stuck vertically between my eye lids so that I couldn’t close them.

My pillow looked as if it was soaked with water, instead they were my tears. Thankfully my pillow had a dark color. Else it would have been very difficult to hide my tears today.

I finally went to the bus station at the time decided, and waited away from the platform we had agreed to meet on. I was on the bridge and the platform was well into my field of vision.

We had agreed to wear black and I hadn’t.

I can never know what I was thinking then.

It changed all my thoughts; it just changed my whole world, when I saw him standing wearing black shirt away from that platform holding my mobile. Even he was not on the platform, he was on another one. I rubbed my eyes and brushed the tears away.

I controlled my urge to go and hug him and kiss him from head to toe. My heart said it would not be right to meet him now.

From in between the ever running busses I could see him standing in rain wiping his tears off, watching the phone. I could see his eyes, they were wet, small, as if he hadn’t slept the previous night, for a second I felt like they saw me, but wandered off with the bus that passed.

I stood there looking at him typing something on his phone when an icon popped up on my phone. It was his text. It was a lie. But this was the first time I was happy that someone lied to me, a lie to love me even more, a lie to live with me the whole life, if he didn’t have lied at that moment then I would have.

By jests and a lie we agreed to keep each other’s phones. And finally I saw him leaving the place. He left.

The clouds had cleared enough for sun to smile along with me. The rays glimmered on me including the rain drops. I felt him come to me and wipe my tears off. A smile curved up on my lips with that, but the tears wouldn’t stop yet.

I was laughing as well as crying, more than the rain water the ground was wet with my tears. May be people were seeing me, but I didn’t care. I just smiled, laughed, and cried like an insane person.

My phone, no! His phone felt like it was dipped in water. Couldn’t make out the difference if the screen had gone blur or was it my vision?

The way he whipped his tears off is captured in my heart forever. I would think of this moment and cry incessantly.

I would meet him soon one day, but not to take my phone back.

I would meet to never leave him.

I would hold his hand and walk along with him and remember this day when I cried.

I would remember this day when I found a best friend; it was the sky that shared my emotions better than anyone. It cried when I did and smiled when I had to.

Would remember this day when I found that a person I loved, loved me back.

__END__