I AM DEAD

The first thing I noticed after I was dead, was jasmines. I was in an old, eery room. One side of the room was having iron rods build into the walls in shapes of squares. On those rods has grown jasmine vines. They were so beautiful. They were so many of them. I didn’t want to loss that sight. I was lying on the ground. I stood and reached for the flowers. Jasmines decorated the wall, it was a sight worth dying for. I reached out for them. But before I could touch the flowers, somebody shouted.

“Get out from here! This is my area, go! Shoo!” one man shrieked at me. He was wearing formals but his dress was like moth-eaten, dirty and untidy. He was rude.

I made my way out of that place. As I happened to notice, the place I was in was a cemetery.

As I moved out and took the only road available, I reached a village. A village much similar to mine but different somehow. I walked through the streets. It was like any other village, huts, trees and plants with flowers.

I saw a mother bathing her son. I saw a grandmother humming to her granddaughter as she braided the little girl’s hair. I saw girls playing with their friends on the streets. I even saw some couples in a park, giggling all the time. I saw housewives going on with their chores. I saw men doing their profession.

Then I realized I had none of it. No family, no love, no life. Nothing. My life ended before it can gloom. I wasn’t even out of college yet. I didn’t even start my life before it ended so suddenly.

I started crying. I sat on the road, curled myself into a ball hugging my knees and I wept. I don’t know how long I was there. People were moving from my sides and sometimes through me. They shivered whenever they touched me. They couldn’t see me but they could feel me. But they don’t realize that it was me.

Then I saw a gang of boys coming, playing along. It seemed all the boys in the gang were talking to one boy who seemed to be the leader. He was different from everybody else. He wasn’t wearing village clothes. He was classy, rich maybe. He was handsome and his skin colour was radiant, rich golden. His hair was pitch black, combed into spikes. He has got style. Then I understood that these boys must be admiring at his attire. He must live in a town, city maybe. Among all the bursts of laughter he looked at me and stopped. His beautiful smile was gone. He gestured towards the boys to leave. They didn’t. He told them to leave in a rather frightening voice. Then they left. He started towards me.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, coming towards me carefully. I looked up at his face. He was glorious. His eyes were round and large with long eyelashes. His eyebrows were thick running along the length of his wide eyes making a perfect bow. His forehead was wrinkled with worry. He has sharp, long nose and perfect full lips pouted at the corners as if he was sad.

“I am really sorry,” he told me. He was sitting on the road in front of me. His eyes were sad. It seemed that he could understand exactly what I was feeling.

“Can you see me?” I asked wiping my face off the tears.

“Yes” he was still sad about me.

“How? I mean– I am dead, right?”

“Yes and I am sorry that you are. I can see you. I will tell you everything, but not here. Everybody is watching. Come on! We’ll go somewhere.” he said and helped me up.

We walked to a moor. He gestured to me to sit down on the grass. I sat beside him but I couldn’t feel the touch of grass. I no longer have a body, no flesh, no blood, no life. I felt like crying again. I never thought I would be crying for my own death before anybody else.

He glanced at me and understood my condition. He said, “I can see you. I can see all the ghosts.”

“How?” I asked.

“Because my father is the Gate Keeper.”

“means?”

“He keeps track of deaths, takes care of ghosts. He is like guardian of the dead people.”

“That must be hard. I mean there are so many people who are dead.” I forgot my pain for a moment. I was into the conversation.

“No. He only guards the Gate. Humans don’t always end up as ghosts after they are dead. Those who have committed a suicide or somebody who didn’t have a proper funeral will end up as ghosts. Once they have their proper funeral, they will either go to heaven or hell or reborn again.”

“So, I didn’t have my funeral yet?”

“Maybe.” then he paused for a while and said rather hesitantly, “If you don’t mind me asking, can you tell me how did you die?”

“I jumped off a cliff. I was running from a professor. We were at his party, me and my friends. The party was at a resort in a jungle. We didn’t realize that he had bad intentions. He was very nice. Perhaps, more nice than necessary. When he invited us to his party, we thought it was for all. But it is at the party that we realized it was only for selected girls. Beautiful girls, girls he liked. We realized soon that girls were missing out from the party. The professor employed some criminal boys to abduct us one by one while others are involved in the party. But as soon as we realized what was going on, we ran out. The professor was after me. I ran for my life. Soon I reached an end of a cliff. There were only two options. I chose DEATH.” We both fell silent then.

“Do you have a family?” he asked after a long silence.

“No, I was raised in an orphanage.”

“Boyfriend?” he enquired.

I looked at him sharply. He looked terrified but then I thought he had helped me in soothing my pain. He shared my sorrow. He comforted me so I answered, “No”

“I am surprised.” he said, his voice was much less sad now.

“Why?”

“I am surprised that such a beautiful face can go unnoticed.”

I smiled and couldn’t believe that I did. “There were some proposals but none of them were genuine,” I answered. “Do you talk to ghosts often?” I asked.

“No. Why do you ask?”

“You talk like you understand my sorrow. I thought you might have heard a lot of stories from dead people.”

“No, my dad doesn’t like me getting into this stuff. That is why he keeps me away, studying in a town. I never talked to any ghost before. But I see them whenever I come here. You know, this is the place ghosts come to after their death because my dad lives here. Most of them are old, abandoned. But they weren’t as sad. So, I never felt the need to care for a ghost before you. You know, my heart really sank when I saw you crying on the road. Its the first time I’ve seen somebody so young. I mean – you could have had a beautiful life.”

“My dreams don’t matter now, do they? I am dead and I have no life,” I said and cried again.

He let me cry. He waited patiently until I stopped. Soon enough, I stopped crying.

“Can we do something interesting? We’ll go shopping.”

“You have something to buy?” I asked rather confused.

“No. We’ll buy something for you. There is a ladies emporium nearby. We’ll go and buy whatever you want. Girls like shopping, right?”

“Yes, but you would do that for me? You would go to a ladies emporium and buy whatever I want?”

“Yes, no harm done, right? Lets go.”

“But I am never gonna use anything, they will be a waste?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why?”

“Its about shopping not about using what we bought.”

“People would think you are crazy if you start talking to some invisible.”

“People already think I am crazy. It’s okay, now, Come On!” he clapped his hands and rushed forward.

* * * * *

“There, the golden coloured ones! No, beside that!” he was shouting instructions at sales woman. The poor lady was tired of fetching things.

“This feels nonsense. Do you realize that you are buying these things for a dead person? I can’t wear them,” I asked, amused.

“I told you, its about shopping and buying, not about using.” he answered as a matter of fact.

“You are really that rich?”

“You have no idea.” he picked up a box the sales woman brought and said, “these are beautiful. I think you’ll like them.” I glanced at them. Indeed, they were beautiful.

“Whom are you buying these for, sir?” the saleswoman asked, looking at the pile of things he has selected for me. That was a really big pile.

“For my dead girlfriend,” he whispered in her ear. She was shocked at first but then laughed considering it a sick joke.

* * * * *

“You were here all night?” he asked as his eyelids were fluttering to open. He just woke up.

“I don’t have anything else to do. I don’t have to sleep, I don’t have to brush, I don’t have to bath, I don’t have to change dress, I don’t have work, I don’t have home. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“You have me,” he said it like a whisper. My heart would’ve skipped a beat, if it was beating. “What do you want to do today?” he asked. He wasn’t out of bed yet. So, I thought he was still sleepy.

“You can go back to sleep, if you want. I’ll leave if its—embarrassing?” I asked rather hesitantly. Because there was no where I would want to be, not that I’ve many places I can go to.

“It’s okay.” He got out of bed and started arranging his features. I felt stupid for being in a boy’s room. I must give him some privacy.

“I’ll wait in the moor for you. You can get ready,” I made my way to the door when he stopped me. He caught my hand. I could feel his touch. After a very long time, I felt human. It felt incredible. It wasn’t entirely human touch. It wasn’t like feeling from your senses when somebody touches you. It wasn’t the feel of skin touching skin. I didn’t have any skin or senses for that matter. It was probably how wind feels when it touches you.

“I told you it’s okay. You can stay,” he said, not realizing the sense of elation I was feeling.

“Do you feel that?” I enquired, not taking my eyes off of our hands. He followed my gaze.

“What?”

“I feel your touch,” I said.

“Yeah, its one of the things about being the son of The Guardian of the Dead,” he said and dropped my hand, probably wondering how I felt.

“What do you feel?” I asked as I reached out touch his hand. He shivered at my touch. I must be like dead cold to him. Once again, it pained me that I was dead.

Then I ran, away from him, away from anybody and everybody. So fast, I’ve never travelled like this before not that I happened to be a ghost before. I was human and I couldn’t run fast enough for my irritation and anger to wear off. But now I can run as fast as I want, as long as I want. I ran knowing no boundaries of towns, districts and states. I might have crossed countries and I wouldn’t have known. But then all I wanted to do was go back to him, talk to him. He was the only companion I had in my after-life. Perhaps, the only true friend I’ve ever had. I had no one who I could talk to. So, I rushed back to the moor.

* * * * *

“Is there anything left to buy? Clothes, accessories, shoes, bags, we bought it all, right? Anything left out?” he asked taking my hand into his both hands. He shivered. I protested to take back my hand but he ignored. I suggested him to wear gloves but he said he would miss the feel. I didn’t understand it. You can’t feel air nor can you feel its touch. You wouldn’t dare when the air is so cold. Touching me was like touching a cold wind. But he insisted that he held my hands. He was unbelievable.

“This is stupid. I would never be able to wear them, anyway. I can’t believe you wasted so much money,” I complained but I can’t be sure if I was complaining.

“Its not entirely waste. I always wanted to have a girlfriend, and buy her things she likes.”

“Yeah, the collection you made will be more than enough for your future wife,” I said. It came up as a normal conversation, as a matter-of-fact. But my face fell.

“I never imagined anybody else to be my wife,” he said silently. The added, “except for you, of course.”

What? I rose up to my feet and snatched my hand away from him. Looking straight in his eyes, “I am DEAD! You got that? I AM DAMN DEAD.” I wasn’t really shouting at him. I was shouting at myself, for feeling the way I feel when I have no right to feel so. I was dead, for god’s sake.

“Don’t say it that way, please?” he pleaded. There was pain written all over his eyes. But I was too furious to consider that.

“I love you,” he finally said it. I hated that the feeling was mutual. I was so furious at the impossibility of it. We weren’t supposed to feel that way.

“I am dead dead dead dead, alright?” I said and instantly regretted. I saw glistening water at the corners of his eyes, his tears. I gasped. I fell on my knees and sobbed because I couldn’t cry, I wasn’t human. But watching him cry for me was worse, worse than anything worst in this world. I couldn’t leave him, not when we both didn’t want to.

* * * * *

I was gazing at my dead body, laying in front of me in a coffin. My body’s hair was muffled, with lot of blood clinging to it. I must have hit my head when I fell off that cliff. My nose was broken, my legs were twisted. It was pretty much how a dead body would look like. But I was too frightened to see me that way. I silently cringed at the sight.

The Guardian, his dad, found my dead body. He was hoping that my alive boyfriend would arrange for my funeral. My boyfriend accepted his dad’s words. I was astonished at this. Arranging my funeral means that I would never see him again. He was doing it willingly. He must have realized how he can’t have a future with a ghost. Then I was ready too. No, I wasn’t quite ready to say him good bye. But I will never be ready. I also thought that it would be easier this way than when we became too deep.

“You ready?” he asked me holding my hand. I nodded.

His dad started praying. I closed my eyes.

* * * * *

I opened my eyes. All I could see was White, White and White. It was all bright like thousands of lights are hitting me.

“Hello!” said a voice in front of me. She was a woman. She was beautiful, radiant and healthy. The first thing that I noticed was how her beautiful black curls are falling on her shoulders. She wore a frock. Believe me, the dress has all the colours in the world, literally.

“Where am I?” I asked. “This can’t be heaven?”

“No, its not. It’s actually nowhere,” she said. “I brought you here to talk to you.”

“Do I know you–” I asked but looking at her made me feel like adding, “–ma’am?” so I did.

She laughed and said, “I am Maya. I am pretty much everything you think you see in your world.”

“You are the creator?”

“No, I am the Creation. I am Your World.”

“Okay?”

“What can you give me to be with that boy of yours?” she said and I was too astonished to answer.

“I would say my life but as you can see I don’t have it.” That was the best reply I could give.

“Well, then I will promise to give you your life back,” she paused “if you promise to give me one life in return.”

“That’s not fair. Why would I take somebody’s life just to have my own fantasy become true?”

“The decision’s been already made,” she said with a hungry look as if she had already taken one life. “Everything is fair in love and war, my dear!” she added and then she pushed me. I started falling from nowhere to I don’t know where.

* * * * *

After so long time, I felt it, the touch of my feet on the ground. I could feel the air surrounding me. I realized I was alive. All I could think of was the one person beside me who was the reason of me being re-born. I couldn’t think of anything else like the sensation of blood flowing through my veins, and my heart pumping, not even my uneven breath. I was just looking at him. He laughed. Then I forgot everything that was bad and sad in my life. It was just him and me.

“Dad! Can you arrange for a marriage, please?” he asked his father. I laughed at his enthusiasm then stopped suddenly as I remembered something.

“Wait! Whose life was taken?” I enquired. He glanced at the coffin in front of us that was supposed to be mine.

Now, it contained a middle-aged man whose body had all the bruises that I had when I fell and may be more. But I couldn’t pity him. If there was anyone who deserved death, it was him. He took so many girls’ lives. He was none other than the professor who was the reason of my death.

__END__