Love Games

When we are young, we all love playing games. Love games. And winning them. However, sometimes these games take such unexpected turns that the result overwhelm us. We don’t care about winning or losing anymore, and instead wish we hadn’t participated in the first place. To elaborate, I’d share a reality piece straight out of my life, that started in my college.

On the first day of college itself, i was drawn towards her. Wearing heavy make-up on an already pretty face, she looked more like a decked-up bollywood heroine coming to a film-set rather than a management-school. Well, the guys weren’t complaining and almost everybody had started doing their silly-bits to grab her attention. So much so that she was getting favors, notes, seniors’ promises to help with ragging, etc and what not. I didn’t want to miss out but seeing an active crowd already, decided to be different.

It wasn’t that i wanted to make her fall in love or anything. But yeah i wanted to have an attractive girl-friend as an elder cousin had advised me – the golden rule for having a dhaansu college life is to go-out with the best girl in your batch! I took it seriously. Here was the girl – by far, the best looking in a batch of 60.

So the plan was – do not pay attention to her. Be oblivious to her presence and she would notice back. And it worked. At a certain hour after a couple of days, she herself walked upto me and said, “Hi, I am Isha. Can i sit with you for this lecture?”

“Sure” I said, allowing her to settle next to me. Behind I could hear murmurs, even sighs from other guys who were wondering how i scored.

I had to start a conversation. However I couldn’t be direct (remember, the plan). So after awkward few minutes, I said, “Accountancy was always my strong subject in school.” It was business-accounting class after all. But then wondered if being nerdy is a cool way to woo her.

“Really? My weak area though. I am so glad to be sitting with you then. You can certainly help me.” It worked. Oh she was pretty indeed, as I could notice her facial details from such close proximity.

One thing led to another and it became a routine now to sit next to each other from that lecture onwards. Jealous freaks that my classmates were, they often started using my trick and walking upto her to announce, “Operations Research is my strength” or “I scored 98 in Economics” and so on. But she was hard to impress. She continued to sit next to me.

A couple-of-weeks had passed. We had developed a friendship of-sorts, and i thought it appropriate to make the next move. I couldn’t be just a friend after all. Inspite of the initial advantage, now she was on talking terms with everyone and budding friendships with a few. 3 years of college life was ahead of us, and it could all be so hunky-dory if only she could be mine.

Moreover, i had started realizing why my cousin advised so. Being the centre-of-attraction, all girls and boys wanted to form their semi-groups with Isha.

So 1 day just like that, i asked her to bunk a particular lecture and have coffee instead. She agreed. We sat in college cafeteria and i started the build-up to propose her.

“You know there is this thing about you. I have never talked so much to any girl in school-life of 7-8 years as much as i have talked to you in last few days.” I lied point blank.

“Really, that’s so nice. As a matter of fact, I chose to sit with you than anyone else in that accountancy class, because they were all after me as i look..” she paused.

“look what?”

“You know how it is. I look good na. thats why. I know that. But there is more to me. And i wanted to be friends with someone who is not just with me for that. You are a very genuine person in that sense.” she shyly said and dwelled further in her coffee.

I now understood this girl. I decided to not be aggressive and rather play understated.

So i continued being a “good friend” to her. She too valued it and made sure to spend as much time as possible with me only. However, even after an year, things were just not moving. Yes we shared quality time and everything but two semesters had almost ended and i was yet to have my first girl-friend – the benefit of being in college. I wondered if i should move to the next best…

It was our college fest. Few of us decided to participate in the cultural event by preparing a dance performance. It was a melody of some popular songs and we had to make couples for it before starting rehearsals.

I asked her, “Isha will you pair up with me in this performance?”

“Me, no yaar, i have two-left feet and have never danced in front of a crowd.”

“So what? Most of us haven’t. We are going to practise and then perform, not an impromptu thing.” i tried cajoling her.

But she didn’t agree and said, “Actually i am a little shy of dancing close and all you know. I don’t think I will be able to. Don’t get me wrong. You go ahead.” And she ignored my pleas.

I wondered, ‘shy of dancing close? what is with this girl. Am i just wasting my time on her.” Nevertheless, I went ahead and volunteered for participation.

So our practice sessions started. I was teamed up with Sakshi besides four other pairs. We all used to stay back after classes for an hour or two, and choreographed and rehearsed our moves. I became friendly with Sakshi and since Isha wasn’t a part of it, used to hang out with her more often now. She was very chirpy and flirty at the same time, much more than Isha ever was. We went out to Mcdonalds and Baristas after our practice-sessions and found out her to be more of ‘my kind of girl’.

The day of our fest arrived. We all dressed overwhelmingly, as the songs demanded. Isha came up to me backstage to wish me luck. She still looked beautiful. But her unapproachability had made me a little reclusive. I still smiled at her and promised hanging out for the rest of the-fest with her.

Then i noticed Sakshi stepping out from ladies room, giving final touches to herself. She was really dressed to kill, in a lehenga-cholli clearly flashing her midriff. I secretly thanked my luck for making her my partner for this performance.

The rendition started. I didn’t miss any opportunity to make my moves on her throughout our 10-minute parody. We were supposed to touch each other at shoulders, at her exposed waist etc. and i could notice that she too enjoyed it.

When our performance got over, we received a big round of appreciation from our audience and proudly walked back to the college building.

I grabbed Sakshi’s hand and took her to a secluded corner. We started kissing each other assertively and willingly. We were in the middle of it all, when Isha appeared out of nowhere. We stopped our act out of shock, and Sakshi pushed me a little and ran away in other direction.

Isha looked at me with accusing eyes, almost demanding an explanation. But she didn’t speak anything. Embarrassing few seconds for both of us. Then i said, “O hi. did you like our performance?”

She curtly said, “Yeah! sorry i interrupted else you were about to take it to the next level!”

“Hey what are you upset about? its not that I love her or anything. We were just…kissing.” I said, hesitatingly. Not exactly knowing why i said so.

“But what about us?” she surprised me.

“Us? What us? You never showed any interest in me Isha.” I sat down near the window pane.

She started sobbing. I held her hand and pulled towards me, “Hey come on. Don’t cry. I mean, yeah we were good friends once. But i gave so many hints…i mean, i never knew what you wanted.” i tried reasoning her so that atleast she could stop crying.

But she pulled herself away from me and walked off. I thought it best to let it be that ways. Firstly i was still unsure if she wanted anything or it was a reaction out of seeing her best friend getting cosy with another girl. Secondly, she didn’t make anything clear still and the kind of girl that she was – might not even let me hold her hand if we really got together. I mean, love and everything is just a game. A game for guy-and-girl to go out together, hold hands, have some harmless fun and go back home, right? Isha clearly wasn’t that sort of girl. Sakshi clearly was.

That night i called up Sakshi to check if she was okay. She replied positively and said she was shocked to have been found out like this, that’s why she went away. We spoke a few sweet-nothings and decided to go for a movie the next day.
While in bed, i secretively admired myself for having impressed Isha after all, besides Sakshi as well. I mean, it was now sort-of-obvious. Isha got affected because she liked me. She might not say it, but that was true.

Thereafter I and Isha just drifted apart. For the next couple of years of our college-life, we hardly spoke to each other. Except for once in an examination, where she was struggling with an accountancy problem and i was sitting adjacent so offered my answer-sheet to copy. And on another occasion, on my birthday, she came up to wish and even brought a nice handmade card.

I and Sakshi went out for a while, before breaking-off with each other for a silly fight. It wasn’t love anyways, just a stupid love game. For both of us.

Though i really missed Isha for her company as a friend, it would be a little loser-thing to go and say this to her. So i didn’t.

College ended. I got immersed in my job and usual professional life. Meanwhile 3 years later, my elder brother was at a marriageable age and our family started receiving proposals. Due to some work-related commitments, I couldn’t participate much in bride-hunt procedures and soon his wedding got fixed.

It was to be his rokka-ceremony in evening. We all prepared and amidst much dancing-and-drinking, reached the venue. There was a large stage where i was standing next to my brother alongwith a few of his friends. Then walked Isha! Surrounded by cousins and friends, she looked as beautiful as on the 1st day of our college. She was to be my brother’s bride! All my relatives were in awe as they saw her walking to the stage. She noticed me for a second and i could see her being surprised too. But then she turned her gaze to my brother and sat next to him.

“What a lucky guy!” i heard a relative saying. Another added, “Isha is a management graduate too, besides being a nice homely girl.” They were all basically taken aback by her instantly. These praises were so loud that let alone me, the entire hall including the bride-to-be could hear them.

I felt knives being thrown on my heart. I couldn’t exactly say that i missed her or that i loved her or anything specifically before this, but suddenly i madly wanted her again.

After dinner got over and most of the guests had left, I looked at Isha from corner of my eye and signalled her to follow me to the loo, and walked out of the banquet hall. She obliged.

We both stood there, facing each other after 4-5 years almost. i spoke up first, “Wow Isha you look stunning as always. But how can you marry my brother? My real brother? I know you have always loved me. I have been a fool. It took me a while, a setting like this to realize that i love you too. Please come to me. I will go home and explain everything to my brother and my parents.”

She said, “You know what, i know you have been a fool. But guess what, i was a bigger fool. To have loved you. You don’t love me or anything. You are just attracted to my beauty. Today also, you noticed how everyone was talking highly of me and my looks, including your parents. Thats why you are saying so. But i don’t love you or think of you as anything, anymore. You just don’t count in my life now. I have met your brother and he is a wonderful person, I will only go ahead and marry him. I just came here to meet you so that i can clarify you one thing.” and she paused.

“What thing?” i asked.

“Remember we had coffee together in our first few days of friendship in college. And i told you that i liked you because you are not into just my looks, but a genuine friend. Even till yesterday, i believed so and was wondering how I will face you today in this ceremony, as i knew that i am getting married to your brother. Till yesterday, I thought i loved you. But today the way you reacted, after seeing everyone complimenting me being ‘the perfect girl’ and all, i could see the hollowness in your heart. Now i can even relate it back to our college-time and laugh at myself because you were never real even then. I am in a way so glad that you chose Sakshi over me then.” and she walked away. Never to come back.

It took me time to fully accept it, but she was right.

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