Love incidental

Love those who love you, not the ones whom you love, a friend once told me after a breakup. I am part instrumental in him falling in love, the girl who was an acquaintance of me once  told me that my friend was cute and handsome, so when my friend showed an interest at her I thought they  could pair up if possible and my not so social friend might have some thing to cherish in life. What I didn’t know at that time was, in a month my friend will fall in love with her and in no less than three months he would commit suicide saying that he can’t live without her and there is no way that she could be with him. Thanks bro for being a good friend , was the last message from him, the following day his parents found him in a pool of blood with a self inflicted cut on wrist.

That incident left me dejected, I approached the girl, the answer she said was “I never t thought of him as my love, he was my friend just like you”. She didn’t ever bother to ask why he committed suicide. Whom should I blame? Is it me for getting them together, or my friend for falling in love with the wrong girl, or the girl for what she was.

I couldn’t stay in my room , guilt consumed my peace of mind , “you are responsible for everything ,” my conscience echoed inside. So I applied for a vacation of one week , thought that I may forget if I take a break, my lead know what happened so he granted me whole 3 days. I reached my home, thought I would be granted peace, but when there is no peace in your mind the world seems like a warzone and the people , your enemies. I was no different wherever I went I saw my friend, his bloodied wrist, tears in his eyes. The weight of blame I had on my shoulders with no one to either support or soothe, I got depressed.

I even had nightmares sometimes. Sensing something wrong my parents did something what all parents do, ” beta tum badey ho gaya hum tumharey liye ek match dekha , ek khoob surat ladki..” (Son, we found a girl for you , a good hearted  girl)

“Mujhe jane do maa, mujhe shadi karne ki man nahi hai” (leave me alone, I am not interested)

“But sajin, ..” my father tried to argue.

“I am going to movie, will back by night”, I came out without listening to them. As I have a habit of watching movies alone, they didn’t stop me. They knew my friend died but they didn’t know it was me who I think had killed him.

I reached the railway station as I have to take a train to the next town where I can go watch a movie. I took the ticket and sat in the station, the train was running late by 10 minutes.

My phone rang, I looked at my phone , its regular service provider call so I immediately disconnected. My phone still has the same home screen image that me and my friend took when we first met, though a senior at work he was like a brother to me. Seeing it I blinked my eyes as I don’t want anybody to see the tear in my eyes.

I never saw the beautiful girl approaching me, “can I sit here”, she asked.

“Sure”, I responded.

Few minutes went by, “Hi, I am swathi,”she tried to introduce herself. In such a state of despair , I felt like shouting at her to leave me alone, but my attitude didn’t allow me.

“I am sajin”, I said and got up to avoid her before she talks again. I just needed solitude.

But to my surprise the train had arrived, I boarded the train and sat, glad I missed her I thought but I didn’t know she was standing behind me. When the seat infront of me got vacant she came and sat, I feigned ignorant and stood looking out of the window, seconds later, “excuse me excuse me”, I heard someone calling me but didn’t want to respond, I knew who that was, “she was trying to talk to me again”, I thought.

I got startled when she held my hand and placed a purse in it,  i recognised it , it’s mine , It might have slipped from my pocket while boarding the train.

“Thanks”, i said still not looking at here face.

“I am a student, I am studying in the same college you have studied”, she said.

Before i could utter anything of my obvious question”how do you know” , she replied” I saw the pic with your friends  in the purse, it’s the college which u studied right?”.

Awkward silence again , once I longed for love but then that was the last thing I wanted on earth. For some reason I felt being pulled by imaginary force towards her which I don’t want to. So I stayed silent, better be called bad than in a awkward conversation.

The train arrived at the the station where I had to get down, I didn’t say anything to her not even bye or thanks, just got down, I started walking  as it was a five minute walk to the theatre I haven’t dared to look back but somehow i felt she was behind me .

I asked for tickets at the ticket counter just when she was at the other counter ,” here is the last of the two”the person at the counter handed me ticket.

“Last of the two”, I got puzzled what if she sits just beside me, god no.

I entered the theatre, god never gives what we want , she came and sat beside me. We were early, still there was 10 minutes for the movie to start.

I felt bad for not greeting her back in the train so I said “thanku again, so which branch are you from?”, I tried to sound good.

Now she ignored me , I can understand why .

She paused for a minute then said ,”electronics, final year”.

I didn’t try to ask her anything next, she started talking, i listened then to my dismay soon started asking, asking about me, I hate when people ask about me, that too in those days I despised everything. I answered as much as I can and the conversation was ok but I don’t know what got triggered in me .

After a few answers I could no longer tolerate her and did what I shouldnt  have, I shouted at her, not loud but it was harsh kind of too harsh as if I saw my dead friend’s love in her and have got someone to vent my anger on.

“Will you just leave me alone and stop your stupid questions, you girls , you don’t have anything to do, so what will you do, talk to guys then ruin there lives”, before i realized what i said i could hear her crying, my anger usurped  me, “no, no, stop using your feminine powers”, I mocked her.

Someone in the theatre who was observing this came near and asked her “is he harassing you?”

“God, a perfect moment she could say yes and I will be taught a lesson, my god what  have I got myself into”,  I felt lost.

I could see her , she was still crying, one word from and I will suffer.  No one likes to see a girl cry and when they saw one, no need to say what happens to the one who was responsible.

I could see what was going to happen, shamelessly i got ready to get up but before i could the person pushed me back onto my  seat.

“Tell kid, is he harassing you?”, He again enquired her.

She wiped her eyes and started to say.  I just closed my eyes and waited.

“No, bhayya, small family problem, please go”. But he didn’t, It took a while before he left after she convinced.

I felt like falling at her feet and apologising her. Despite all the blame She received she saved me from embarrassment. She did nothing except trying to converse with me what did i do , I scolded her, that too in a way as if she was responsible for the misery in life.

She got up as if to leave but sat down, “sorry , there are no vacant seats in the theatre nor I can go out , I swear I will not talk to you, I will move out in the interval”, she said. I felt the pain in her voice and the tears she was trying to control.

Sorry, I tried to say, but  I lost courage to say that.

My phone beeped I looked at it, new message from dad, he never messages , why now? I thought and opened it “here is the girl’s pic we told you about. I have asked her to meet you at the station may be talk a little , it’s ok if you don’t like her but don’t do anything stupid”. It was written. It should have come long before , might have got delayed due to network issues.

I scrolled down to see the pic, my jaws dropped when I saw the pic , never a girl appeared to me much beautiful than the one in the pic she was in a saree. But the most unexpected thing is, i realized the beautiful girl in the pic is the one who was sitting beside me whom I hurt badly, she followed me all this whole cause it was supposed to be our meet up as told to her. I have misunderstood her, what have I done? I looked once again at her pic in the message, god she was gorgeous , such a beautiful girl and from such a respected family, I treated her like no one should.

“What should I do, I have hurt a good person”, I thought right when the interval card appeared on the movie screen. Suddenly I’ve realised I forgot what I was worrying about before we met as I now have a new person to talk to and worry about.

–END–