LLC02: Love put in cold storage

Cheers and claps echoed in the lush green lawn of a premier Indian B School. It was a partly cloudy day with the sun playing hide and seek. I was one of the participants in the Frisbee game which was underway as a part of the orientation week for the one year post graduate management program.

“You played well. Hi, I am Robert.” A tall, fair and handsome man with silky hair and light brown eyes extended his hand to me after the game was over.

“Thanks! Dhanya!” I offered my hand with a bit of hesitation.

“So, where are you from?” he questioned when an announcement requested everyone to assemble in the main auditorium immediately. I didn’t know why but I was relieved to get away from him.

Robert never made an attempt to speak to me after that but he gathered information about me from my friends.

Two weeks later classes began in full swing and schedules were hectic. We were in our brightly lit gallery type class which had alternating white and brown colored wall.

“You know chartered accountants can help financial illiterates like us.” He exclaimed loudly to his friends with his eyes on me. I looked up from my laptop as I was the only CA in our batch. There were some commerce graduates but most of them were techies who found the financial accounting course tough to crack. Thankfully the lecturer entered and the discussion stopped abruptly.

I managed to avoid him on few other instances over the next couple of months. I was not prepared for a confrontation with him. I was with my friend Neha in the library to read and take notes for an assignment. Library was my favorite place in the campus. It created a perfect ambiance to study. It had metallic blue cupboards which housed books of all possible subjects and had matching dark blue tables and chairs.

“Hey, what are you both doing? Marketing assignment?” Robert asked as he sat across us. Neha nodded while I never bothered to look up.

“Dhanya, why are you avoiding me?”

I shrugged and replied “Nothing like that.”

“Really, then we are going to Barista tomorrow evening”

“No, I have to study.”

“Miss Studious, one hour break will not do any harm.”

“Look, I am here to study and intend to do only that.”

His brown eyes glistened with anger; without another word he left the place.

“What is with you both?” Neha asked me.

“Nothing” I shot back at her and got back to my assignment.

I hoped that he would not bother me again. I feared that if I allowed him any closer he would read my mind and control me. There was something about him which disturbed me and made me feel vulnerable whenever he came near me.

 

Four more months flew and the classroom courses were about to get over.

 

“Today is Valentine’s day! You can expect something interesting to happen.” exclaimed Neha when we were on the way to our class.

“What do you mean? Nothing is going to happen.” I brushed her off.

Robert came in a few minutes after we sat in our places. Instead of going to his desk; he came up to me and placed a big red heart shaped card, a Cadbury dairy milk silk chocolate and a red rose on my laptop. I stared at it as if I saw a ghost.

“Don’t panic; it is not a bomb. Open it and read.” He ordered me with a smiling face. I just shook my head in response.

“You are reading it now or else I will, loudly, in front of the whole class.” He warned me. Everyone in the class looked at us. I was embarrassed and his casual attitude worried me even more.

Due to lack of other options; I slowly opened it and read.

 

“Dearest Darling Dhanya

Hold you to maturity I will; as I have all intentions to live with you till the last breath

Acquired me you have completely by your beauty and brain

Net present value will be positive; so just invest yourself in me and get returns in the form of my love

Years-to-date from my birth I have never met anyone as special as you

Arbitrage effect you have on me; which makes all my senses to converge in thinking about you 

 

I know that was corny but I wanted to convey what I feel for you in your favorite financial terms.

I love you baby!

Your Robert“

 

I closed it and he asked me “Did you like it? I want a reply now.”

Corporate Finance lecturer entered the class at that precise moment and saved me. Robert went to his place. Neha giggled next to me and said “I warned you, didn’t I? Wow! that was an awesome proposal. You can’t avoid him anymore.”

“Just shut up!” I glared at her.

The lecturer pointed to us and asked “What is the important discussion going on there?”

I got up, took all the things which he had placed on my laptop and walked down to the lecturer’s desk. I kept it there and said “Discussion was about these and I don’t want any of these.”

The lecturer read the card and she said “Robert, meet me after the class.”

I heard from Neha that Robert was furious with me. I was glad and relieved.

 

Next month, two of our class guys met with an accident. They apparently drove a bike after consuming alcohol. Their condition was critical as they lost lots of blood. Robert and couple of other guys asked everyone in the class to donate blood.

“Men think it is fun to behave recklessly and it is their right to interrupt others’ work.” I retorted.

Robert heard me and shouted “People who are afraid of donating blood can please shut their mouth.”

“I am not afraid and I have donated blood before. Face it, what I said was the fact. Truth is indeed hard to digest; isn’t it?” I answered back.

He gave me a cold stare and left the place.

 

Last few months of the management program went off in a hurry with everyone busy with their projects.

It was customary to have the final culturals before farewell and I was part of the group which danced for a hindi song. After our program we changed our dresses in the nearby room and then the other girls left to watch the next program. I was alone in the room to pack up our dance costumes.

Few minutes later Robert came inside the room and closed the door behind him and spoke in a passionate voice. “Shall we dance dear? You danced so well! Don’t think I am as good as you, but I will give my best.”

I panicked and headed towards the door. “Dhanya don’t go; I am sorry for what happened that day. I agree with you, they were irresponsible. Why don’t you speak to me? Why do you hate me so much? I want a reason. Wait! This is not fair!” He stood in front of the door and stopped from going out.

“My parents wanted me to get married after I completed CA. I struggled a lot to get their permission to do this course. I come from a very orthodox hindu family. They will never let me marry a Christian. Please understand.”

“Don’t worry I will convince them. Just tell me if you love me or not.”

“That doesn’t matter at all.”

“Of course, it does! A lot to me! Tell me Dhanya.”

There was a loud knock on the door. Robert opened it hesitantly. A group of our class girls entered and exclaimed “Oh! It looks like someone is getting very cozy. Sorry for the interruption.”

“As if your friend will let me near her.” retorted Robert and left.

“What happened? Did he kiss you?” asked one of them

“No way; shut up.” I replied.

“What is wrong with you? You are rejecting the most handsome guy of our batch. Do you know how many girls are behind him?”

“Oh! Then they can have him.” I replied sarcastically.

Neha then spoke “See Dhanya, he genuinely loves you and cares so much for you. When we went for that trip, he was the one who got tablet for you that rainy night when you had fever. He asked me not to tell you; because you won’t take it if you knew he bought it. Also he got cake on your birthday and again asked me to tell you that I only bought.

Tell me one valid reason for not liking him. You can’t. I am sure you like him but you are suppressing your feelings. Dhanya please think over – tomorrow is our last day in this campus.”

I couldn’t reply because what she said was right and she knew me well.

Later in the day our Corporate Finance lecturer called me. She handed me a cover. I opened it and saw the card which Robert gave me on Valentine’s day.

“I guess you were right at that time in saying no. But now that both of you have completed the course and got placed; I think you can consider. He is a nice guy. It is up to you Dhanya to decide.”

I went to my room totally perplexed with the events of the day. I managed to avoid him, to divert every conversation and to stifle every thought about him for one whole year. Least did I expect to be brainwashed by everyone on the last day.

That night when I packed my books, a college magazine fell down. It had a photo of Robert taken last month when he got the award for the best paper presentation. I remembered how I never wished him when the whole class congratulated him.

I stared at his smiling face for a long time. Then kept it aside and went to gaze outside the window. The full moon shone brightly and even it seemed to mock at me. I hardly slept that night. I read his handwritten letter in the card again and again; admired the way he had conveyed his love and how sweetly he had started every line with the letters of my name.

Before dawn I decided to confess my love for him and hoped that I could convince my parents.

Next day after the farewell lunch; I walked towards him. He looked at me and stopped speaking to his friend.

“You are looking absolutely gorgeous in this sari.” he said. I looked down in shyness but before I could speak he uttered those words which made me go into dumbfounded silence.

“I don’t think I deserve you. You must be relieved I guess; you need not face me anymore. I am sorry if I had hurt you. I wish you all the happiness in life. All the very best for a successful career! Bye Dhanya!”

 

21 years later

It was a warm Sunday morning; I drove my car faster than usual towards the airport to receive my daughter, Shreya who was in the final school year. She was about to return from Singapore after the fifteen days student exchange program. The flight was delayed by 30 minutes.

I sat alone in the waiting area of the glass and steel international terminal and looked around. Children ran around their parents and an elderly couple walked hand in hand towards the baggage check in counter.

I mused about my life till now – secured and happy childhood, serious student life, challenging job, marriage and birth of my only daughter. I lost my parents in quick succession after her birth. When Shreya was 10; I lost my husband in a road accident. Ever since, apart from my work she was all what I had.

This separation made me realize how much I was dependent on her emotionally. I dreaded the thought of her going away to hostel to do her graduation. To top it off she was bent on doing it in Singapore. Her ambition was to become a journalist.

The flight arrived and less than half an hour there she was, my lovely daughter. She wore a mauve t shirt and dark blue jean and ran towards me. “Mommy” she hugged me. I closed my eyes and offered a silent thanks to god for her safe return.

“Mom, I have a surprise for you. Do you remember him?” she asked me as she pointed to the man near us.

“Hi Dhanya, how are you?”asked Robert. He looked just the same but a bit on the heavier side with a receding hairline. The glow in those light brown eyes was unchanged but they were behind a rimless glass now.

I recognized him immediately and was too stunned to respond. The person who had come to receive him walked to him and shook his hand.

Robert then looked at us and said “It was great meeting you both. If you need any help with your college admission; please don’t hesitate to contact me.”

“Sure, thank you. Have a pleasant stay here. Bye!” Shreya chirped.

He nodded and said “Thanks bye!”

When were in the car I asked Shreya “Where did you meet him?”

“He was sitting next to me in plane. After takeoff he introduced himself and asked about me. Then he asked if I was related to anyone called Dhanya. When I said she is my mother; he said you both did MBA together. He was asking about you and our family.

He heads a company, mom, very knowledgeable person. Were you both good friends? But you have never spoken about him. Imagine mom he remembered you after 20 plus years by looking at my face.”

I just nodded and concentrated on driving.

Later that day at home during dinner, Shreya spoke again about what she discussed with Robert. She questioned me about how he was in college.

I confessed that I couldn’t recollect anything.

“Dhanya! Dhanya!” I heard Robert calling me as he ran towards me to catch me from falling.

This startled me out of sleep. I got up and looked at the clock to find that the time was 2 AM. I had been dreaming about him. Shreya was not there next to me. I shook my head and walked out of the bedroom. I saw that the study room door was closed with lights on. I opened it to find Shreya seated at the desk with the contents of my treasured pouch strewn around. She held the card which Robert had given me.

“I guessed it Mom when he asked so much about you but you never told anything about him. So he proposed to you, such a sweet letter, what did you reply?” she asked with a naughty smile.

I went to her and snatched the card from her hand and shouted “If I look into your bag I get lectured about not to intrude into your privacy. Doesn’t that apply to you? How can you look at my things without my permission?”

“Mom I tell you everything. But you lied; you said you didn’t remember anything. But see you have his card and his photo cut out from a newspaper article I guess. You have things which you value – the Mother’s day / birthday cards which I gave you, the drawing which I did in 1^st grade, a snap of you holding me when I was a year old, etc. And you have his photo; so that means you love him right?

Mom, he said he doesn’t have kids. Probably he never married. Even if he is; he will surely divorce his wife for his first love.”

I was furious and walked away without answering her.

Next day morning she again questioned me. “Mom, why aren’t you speaking to me? I am sorry but please tell me what happened.”

“Shreya just forget it and start. You are getting late for school.”

A week went by and Shreya never brought the topic again. On Saturday morning the door bell rang. I opened it to find Robert. My worst fears were confirmed; Shreya must have told him about that card.

“May I come in?” Robert asked pleasantly smiling.

Shreya joined us at the door and gave a gleeful welcome.

Robert came in, looked around our living room and said “Nice place!”

“Here it is! Mom had treasured it so well that it doesn’t look like 20 years old card.” said Shreya as she gave him the card.

I turned red in anger and embarrassment.

Robert looked at me, beamed and opened it.

“So when did the lecturer give you the card mom? I heard the entire story from your man. Come on mom don’t be so uptight; I am old enough you can share it with me. He is divorced and I want you to marry him. You have been alone for such a long time. I want you to be happy mom.”

“Shreya; enough stop it. There is a limit. Is this the way to speak to your mother?” I yelled at her.

“Shreya; can you please leave us alone for some time?” said Robert.

Shreya then went to her room and slammed the door behind her.

“Please accept my apologies for her bad behavior. I think I have given her too much freedom.”

“There is no problem with her. She is a very bright kid. You must be proud of her. I always wished I had a daughter.”

“Why did you divorce your wife, if I can ask that?”

“I didn’t, Clara divorced me. We were married for 10 years. She was a marketing professional and her job required her to travel a lot. She was too busy to have kids. I kept insisting that we adopt. She was against it too. Finally she said she wanted out. It’s been a year now.”

“I am sorry.”

“Probably we were never meant for each other. It is so nice to see you doing well in your work and also bringing up your daughter single-handedly. Shreya says she wants to do journalism in Singapore.”

“Yes, I don’t mind her choosing that stream but I am really afraid to let her on her own. At least post graduation in a different country is fine but graduation…”

“Don’t worry she will be fine. She is your daughter Dhanya and you have raised her. She will surely be responsible.”

“Yes I know; she is being very responsible that she wants someone in place to take care of me when she is away. Now I am wondering who the daughter is and who the mother is?”

“That’s right. She is quite mature and I tend to agree with her. You are the one who is going to feel lonely in her absence. I don’t mind giving you company!” Robert smiled with an intense look in his light brown eyes.

I turned my head away as I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“You are making me feel as if I am 20 years younger, Dhanya! I guess I don’t look that way but you look just the same. No one will believe you are Shreya’s mother. I never knew you liked me or else I would not have let you out of my hands. I loved you but set you free and now you are back – I don’t intend to leave you.”

“Please don’t” I barely whispered.

He came forward, hugged me tightly and sighed “I love you”. All those years of loneliness and all those feelings for him which were pent up for the past 20 years gushed out. I sobbed softly in his arms and murmured a hoarse “I love you too” in between my tears.

__END__