The Sealed Letter

Dear Arnold,

I always knew that being a Leonine; I was a born flirt. After two excessively short and disastrous relationships I realized I couldn’t keep one. I chose to stay away from commitment and just enjoyed my single life…until you came and messed me up.

When we met the first time, I had no clue we’d come so far.

Do you remember that ride, that huge pirate ship, swaying to and fro at the charity fair? I was so frightened to ride it. They all forced me to give it a try although I knew it would scare the hell out of me. Jenna and Mark held each other tight. I had no one to hold on to. You were sitting almost a hand’s distance from me. The thing started moving and I felt my heart coming out. I let out a scream when it made right angles to the ground. My hands were slipping with sweat and I was about to give up…

That’s when you came. You touched me for the first time. You held me tight even as I screamed into your ear; your left ear, that was almost deafened by my screams by the time the ride finished. You were my hero. I think I had fallen in love that very time the ride stopped and I opened my eyes to look at my savior.

You were a stranger to me at school; I had never spoken to you. But at that moment it felt as if I knew you for ages.

You spoke so little and so gentle. I wondered why I never noticed you. I was fast falling in love with you and I wanted to know if you felt the same. It hurt me when the day at the park ended and you did not even ask for my number. I guessed I was right. Love was not my cup of tea.

Next day at school I found my friends gossiping about you and me. I learnt that you had been telling everyone how you held me on the pirate ship. I was angry, I was annoyed and I felt I could kill you with my bare hands. I went over to your class and found you smiling and talking to your friends. You saw me and stopped smiling. I got the clue.

So he was talking about me. What a two faceted personality I thought.

I am sorry, but that’s how I felt that day although I know you are not like that. I over reacted.

You took my number from Jenna and texted me after two days. I still remember what it said.

Hey, I was wondering if you’d wanna go out with me on Saturday.

Arnold.

I was shocked but I can tell that a part of me was excited. I began thinking that you texted me meant even you were thinking about me. I decided for almost 40 minutes whether to text you or not. Finally I did.

Yeah sure… 5 o clock then.

I gave myself a thousand reasons. I wanted to ask you why you had been broadcasting our first meeting in such a cheap manner. I also wanted to know how you got my number and why you were contacting me after 2 days. I was prepared to bombard you with my questions when we met.

But when we did; I was too lost in your eyes and consumed in your fragrance to say anything. Your cologne was acting like an aphrodisiac. I wanted to come closer and inhale your scent but you broke my trance and asked me if I wanted coffee.

The first thing you said was I am sorry. I guess you knew I was upset. Jenna must’ve told you. You admitted having narrated the incident to Mark, but Mark went on to spread it in school. I felt sorry that I had been so angry with you although I feel now that you shouldn’t have told him when you knew he was an expert in spilling the beans.

I asked you the reason for meeting me. I didn’t want to hear that you only wanted to tell sorry. To my relief you didn’t. You said something that didn’t give me sleep that night. You candidly told you missed me.

My heart missed a lot many beats, it could’ve stopped. You’re fatal to me you know that?

We dated for three months, never saying I love you in person. Always in texts, chats and over the telephone we used to end the conversations with an ‘I love you’. But in person we became the best of friends and never uttered the three words. It was a strange double life but I was enjoying it

Things turned ugly when I started to lose interest. I was devastated. I knew this would happen but this time I did not want this so fast. I was helpless. You became boring to me. It feels so bad when I say this but it was true.

Another ugly thing had happened. I had developed a renewed affinity towards my first boyfriend Jake or perhaps it was the beer that made me feel so.

During our vacation, I avoided your calls. I wanted to be out of this relationship but I did not have the guts to face you. I felt guilty as if I was cheating on you although we never really were in a conventional boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

When school reopened, you came up to me and said you wanted to end this. I was overjoyed! Really! You made my job so easy that I almost felt like hugging you.

That day was our unofficial break up day when we both were happy that we had broken up without losing out on friendship. Things went good for a few days until you asked me out again to the same place where we met for the first time.

I was irritated, really. I did not want to go out with you and initiate the whole thing again. This is the reason why ex.’s can’t be friends I thought. I had to make up something and I lied to you about my tuition classes. You disconnected the call after requesting a few times; your usual temperamental problem. I did not bother.

The next day at school was just like any other except that you were avoiding me. From the assembly to the recess I noticed you hadn’t looked at me once. I pretended I didn’t bother until I went forward to talk to you and you behaved as if I was invisible.

Damn that hurt!  I asked you what happened and your behavior was the same. I said I am sorry and you seemed to be burning with anger. I offered you a date in compensation for yesterday and you walked off from the canteen. I was deeply wounded.

I was too absent minded in class. I wanted to break the wall that separated our classrooms. I couldn’t take this behavior from you. I was angry and I wanted to know my fault. Just because I didn’t meet, how could you behave like this and that too in front of everyone? I kept thinking about this till the bell rang finally. I rushed towards the door so that I don’t miss out on you.

I called your name very loudly and you had to stop. Teachers were around us. I asked you again what was wrong. You replied the usual nothing! You become such a tough nut to crack when you are angry. I said I am sorry lets go out today. You almost spit fire I think.

I will never go out with you again because you lied to me and I hate lies. You had no tuition classes, I asked Jenna and she told me. I never even wanna to talk to a liar like you again. I hate you Anne.

I think every teacher and student in that area had heard what you had said. I stood there wondering what to say to justify myself. I had nothing to say. I felt like hitting Jenna with my physics book. I had just been called a liar because of her big mouth. I felt devastated.

I texted you for 3 weeks after that but did not receive a single reply. The delivery reports were all I had in my inbox under your name. At school I tried talking but I remained invisible to you. It was driving me insane. I had to talk to you and apologize. I was missing my best friend like hell.

Those three weeks were hell for me. Every night I slept with a slight hope that I would see your message the next morning when I switched on my phone; but there was no text. I went through our old messages and cried some times. I really wanted you back in my life.

One evening I had gathered enough guts to call you up. I knew you wouldn’t pick up the phone, but still I tried. I dialed your number, erased it, dialed again and this process continued till I closed my eyes and pressed the connect button. I took a deep breath and waited for you to answer. Finally I heard your voice after so many days but you didn’t even say hello. All you said was I am busy. Will talk later.

I was happy! I repeated your words in my mind again and again. I will talk to you later… anyway, that later never came and I was heartbroken again. All this while school continued like it should and our exams were drawing near. I decided I had to talk to you and understand why I was feeling so miserable.

About 6 weeks had passed away without talking to you. I tried every possible way to contact you but you chose to stay as mute as ever.

I decided to give up but I guess you were destined to be mine.  That fateful day when I was walking home from school one blessed football hit my head and I blacked out almost immediately. That had to be your shot. I have no idea what happened after that but I remember seeing you after I opened my eyes. I thought I was dreaming in my slumber. I smiled at you and you smiled back. That was really a Kodak moment. You asked me how I was feeling. I was trying to get words to my mouth. I replied ‘I feel I am in love’.

I think we both were shocked that time. I was relieved when I saw you break into a smile and you dabbed some more ice on my forehead. ‘I will drop you home’. That was enough said. I think I could’ve kissed you but I refrained from the temptation. I couldn’t afford to lose you again.

We walked home together. I asked you how you had been. I was careful in choosing my questions lest you remembered my lies and stopped talking again. Even you were careful enough to answer. It was our most formal conversation ever.

That night you texted me after what seemed like eternity. It was a forwarded message. I knew that was a conversation starter. You were missing me. I was glad. I sent a ‘hi!’  and we started chatting like old times. This went on for some days until I decided to bring out old issues and clear the differences between us. I apologized for what I did and you seemed uncomfortable. You kept on telling me to avoid the topic but I just had to make you forgive me.

You eventually did. On the 29^th of February, you proposed to me. I still remember every word you spoke.

You lied to me once, and lied to you too; when I said I hate you. I never hated you. Every single day I have grown to love you more and more. I just wasn’t sure if you loved me enough. I did not want my heart to be broken again. But now, I think I cannot take this anymore. I want to be with you even if you leave me again. Just be with me Anna, I love you beyond repair.

I love you Arnold.

I said it then, and I say it now even though it has been seven long years since then. Happy anniversary my love, I hope you liked the walk down our memory lane. I wish we could celebrate together but I understand your semester exams are coming near. I love you my soldier. Come home soon.

Love,

Anne.

P.S: Don’t you dare share the chocolates with your friends; they have secret messages inside them just for you. I made them myself.

 

This was the last letter I wrote to Arnold and I waited anxiously for a reply. Nothing came except a bag full of belongings sent by his hostel authorities. He had been shot in a local riff raff was all they could tell. He was no more. I guess neither was I.

Before his funeral I was given the impossible task of sorting out his stuffs and giving them to charity. I broke into tears when I pulled out the luggage that had come from the hostel. Nobody had opened it. Arnold hated his stuffs being touched by others; even me.

Inside his belongings, I found my letter and the box of chocolates. The seal on the letter was intact and the chocolates had melted inside the box. He hadn’t even read it. I opened the letter and started reading. I felt anger welling up inside me and coming out in the form of large hot tear drops. This was so damn unfair. I had written it with all my heart and he didn’t even get the time to read it? WHY?? Why did he have to leave me alone? Whom would I complain to now? I cried my eyes out till I fell asleep. I wished I would never have to wake up again. I wanted to be where my Arnold was.

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