The Feel

Chapter 1

Divya was admitted as she had to undergo minor surgery the following day.  She was a young girl pursuing B.E degree (7th semester ) with exams on card. The surgery she underwent was successful and Divya was counting hours to be discharged as she could not stay there longer, the hospital environment had made her feel weak and had added to her despair. She was obsessed by thoughts of her fast approaching exams and practical’s.

Her mother was seated next to her inquiring about the pain and other details, they were waiting for the doctors who were on rounds to know about her discharge details and precautionary measures to be undertaken and handled.

Doctor visited Divya and gave her the hope “Divya, You are  absolutely fine and can leave by next day morning .You need to come here every alternate days for dressing till your bruises are recovered. It may take couple of months for this to happen. Take care of your health and follow the medications for some period. Everything will be OK and normal”.

Divya was overwhelmed and thanked the doctor for their kind support and speedy treatment.

It was Nov 24th 2010, a fine evening when Divya feels all alone as her mom was busy in her work, Divya was eager to see the next day sunrise, as she knew she will be free from hospital bondage’s soon. It was then a message popped up on her mobile screen saying “Hi” from an unknown number. Divya was in the hospital still doing nothing so she replied ASAP asking “Who is this” as usual.

Reply came from the other end as “Vijay”. She recollected one of her school mate who had messaged her few months back about a get together and then later whose contact was lost. She replied asking for his details and he said that he is her classmate. She was reassured that he is the same guy.

Divya carried on her daily chores as usual, busy with her studies packed up with family responsibilities and rising up with the hope of the days would be better in her life. She would get a normal Hi, how are you? What are you doing? Sort of messages daily in the evening for which she would reply casually assuming it to be her classmate and replying with same grace.

After few days she inquired about the get together and contacts of her other class mates she would not get any proper response from the other end. She was put in a dilemma as the facts which contradicted her understanding. Some day she gets reply from the guy named Vijay as he there was some confusions and admits that he was not the guy whom she had assumed him to be. He adds saying   “Although we can continue being good friends if you wish”

Divya thought for a while, she was not understanding what was going on, who was the guy in real and was it a real confusion caused by her misunderstandings. She was immersed in thoughts “What would I reply to this person?” “Is he a guy whom I can trust upon and be good friends as he is expecting?”

Divya’s mother calls her for dinner thus breaking her cloud of thoughts. She gets a normal message from him and she replies to it. They never hear each other’s voice, they were text friends, and it went on for another month. Divya would dedicate her time to text him apart from her regular studies.

She completes her exams and during this course of time “Pritesh” (Vijay) proposes her. She thinks it would be impractical to accept anyone’s proposal without even knowing or meeting each other. She keeps on diverting from the topic but he continues asking the same. He assures her that he would fulfill her dreams and keep her happy throughout her life.

Divya had campus interview, she was eagerly waiting for her turn from morning 7 am, and at 5pm she gets call for her first interview. She completes it successfully and waits for results, which was at 8.30 pm. Divya was eagerly waiting for her results and she was nervous as well. She has not used her phone as she was tensed up and busy preparing for the interview. Pritesh wondered as to why there were no reply to his messages and that was the first time he calls her. She replied saying she was in auditorium waiting for her interview results and abruptly disconnects.

He messages her saying her voice was sweet and within sometime she was happy to know she was selected in the interview. She informs this to him and others. She was on cloud nine that day one more semester to go and she had offer in her hand. Pritesh messages her saying that he would help her in any way if required as he knew few friends who work in the same company.

He keeps proposing her. She finally agreed, they both thought to meet up on Divya’s birthday in March. But they could not wait for more than 2-3 weeks as they start speaking on phone after she had accepted proposal. She was spending most of her times in texting and on phone speaking during her 8th semester days. She had nothing much to worry about the job hunt either, which made her less responsible.

And they both finally meet on February 13th well before March as decided earlier. It was pre valentine’s day they met for the first time. Pritesh was accompanied with his friend to meet her as he was nervous and it is something new which was happening in his life, the mixed feel of curiosity and anxiety as both were to encounter each other for the first time. Both met in front of Divya’s college were Pritesh was waiting with his friend being nervous. He could see a girl near the college gate trying to trace someone and eagerly searching for someone. He sees her using her cellphone and tried to call someone, he is confirmed now she is the girl whom he was waiting for from a long time. They both acknowledge each other and they go towards CCD. Pritesh gifted her a box of yummy chocolates and both were excited with this new relationship.

Pritesh was working at Bangalore and he starts coming to meet Divya every Saturday’s. Divya would be waiting for him in the bus stand being a bit nervous and anxious about the meet, so she would reach well in advance. In the second meet both spent time speaking each other’s heart out and watched a movie together. It was a new experience to Divya she had not watched movies or never she had been to a park with a guy like this before. This experience was worth to be cherished loaded with the thoughts on her way back home, but with a guilt of not informing her parents. She had to lie in front of her parents to meet or speak with Pritesh.

And the meetings continued as they start meeting the bonding grew between them and also the relationship between the two. They had made a park as their favourite meeting spot and would spend the entire day there.

It was Divya’s 8^th semester industrial trip visit to Bangalore. She was asked by him to meet him in one of the stations, but she dint turn up. It was Divya’s mistake which made him so upset, Divya too felt bad about her behavior on him. She started regretting it in her mind.When Divya completed her 8^th semester she had got a call from the company to join in some other state.

 

Chapter 2

Divya starts avoiding Pritesh.

Divya being a girl who was not much open up to the world and also obedient kid of her parents, starts thinking about the various social barriers and family thought process which in turn affects her decision of being in relation with Pritesh. She tries not to be in contact with him, but Pritesh never gives up, he visits her place and tries to make her understand how important she is in his life. She feels convinced at that moment, but gets genuinely confused on another happening in her past life.

The guy who would speak with her on phone, he was the first guy whom she ever spoke so freely on the phone, but there were no meetings happened between them. She had started liking Sujay, after few days he had stopped speaking with her, she had tried to trace him out in every possible way which went in vain. She had no picture of him she also believed his false name and address and believed his every lie which could bring no difference in her love towards him. But after her aimless search she gave up, she tried to make up her mind as they have never met ever and thinks to be practical.

After this, she had met Pritesh on phone and made a commitment with him. But Sujay, returns in her life and tries to connect Divya.  She is totally confused now. She is not able to speak with him, as she is already in relation with Pritesh. She feels not to say about the commitment in the beginning as it would hurt Sujay. But what about the pain Sujay had given her? Where was he when Divya was so desperately in need of him? She is happy with his comeback but what about the changes which has already taken place in her life? Should she abandon Pritesh and his love? Or she should say Sujay not to interrupt between Pritesh and her? All these thoughts are killing Divya.

“Why is this happening to me? How can I make a choice between the two? Both are equally important to me”.

Divya is fighting for her to make a way out. Finally, she thinks to give up and breaks her commitment with Pritesh. She is twitched by her conscious that she is doing it wrong which makes her ask Pritesh to marry her before she ends up breaking up the bond between her and Pritesh, but Pritesh replies saying “it is not the right time as we have loads of commitments in our lives to achieve. Our parents and families are involved in marriages so we should take our time to convince them and go ahead”.

Divya feels strongly to avoid Pritesh at this point of time. Pritesh comes again to her place to convey the importance of their relation and the need to sustain it.

She moves back to Bangalore after 3 months of her training course, and Pritesh moves to some other place for his job. At this juncture of time relation between Pritesh and Divya is totally broken, they do not meet frequently as Pritesh is tied up with his work. Sujay enters her life with enough time for her. She starts liking to be in his company and completely thinks to cut off with Pritesh. But that would not happen as Pritesh was not allowing her to give up. He makes her believe how special she is in every situation. Divya starts lying to him to make him feel she is not fit for her. But anything she says he takes it in a positive sense and says, “that’s ok however Divya is, Divya will be his always”.

She fails to convince him and his bonding with her though was becoming weak from Divya’s end ,it was becoming more stronger at Pritesh’s end.

 

Chapter 3:

Divya’s decision

She says everything to Sujay and Pritesh. Pritesh convinces saying Sujay had not worth for her and it will not be a right decision to have him back in her life and moreover Pritesh says he loves her and wants her to marry with him. Divya is stuck where she is unable to make a decision for her life. She has the constant push from Pritesh and also she is not able to make up any relations with her love Sujay as well because to this.

Pritesh becomes more impatient as the day pass by and as he starts feeling insecure about his relation he tries to force Divya without giving her time to think about it. Divya feels very threatened in Pritesh’s companionship as he starts behaving in a demanding way to leave Sujay. She thinks to end up all this. Yes, she wants all this to come to an end. She doesn’t want to be haunted by guilt feeling. She wants to see her parents happy which would not be possible if she is alive, they may curse her whole life for getting married with a guy who is not of their religion. If she gets married to Sujay she will have the guilt of not sustaining her relation with Pritesh. She cannot think to marry Pritesh as his constant force and his behavior had already changed her love into hate towards him.

She decides.

She decides to end up her life

She informs about her confusions, pressures etc. to one of her close buddy at her office. Later one day she shares her feelings to Sujay about ending up life. He encourages her and says he too would accompany as he has to do nothing if Divya is not in his life. Both think to go far off an unknown place and end up their lives.It would be their last journey in their life

A journey which will end all the confusions.

The information of Divya being not found soon reaches her friend at office and she informs this to everyone and also to Divya’s parents. Divya’s mom has the hint of Pritesh as he had sent constant forceful messages popping on now and then on Divya’s mobile and Divya’s mom happened to read few of his messages when Divya had left her phone unattended sometime back. She had noted down the guy’s number and when she finds out now that her daughter is missing, she immediately digs for the number she had noted down and gives a call to it. Pritesh speaks with Divya’s mom and comes to Divya’s office to find out from her friends what has happened. Divya’s mom writes down a missing complaint on her daughter. Divya gets constant messages from office, parents and Pritesh but she is in no mood to pick up the call as she had made up her mind strongly to end up everything.

Finally, Sujay convinces her to pick up the call and asks her to drop the idea of suicide and go back as they are really tensed up. They make their way back and Divya lands in the police station that night she gives back the complaint and asks for Pritesh release.

 

Chapter 4:

Life after all this make Divya mentally weak and embarrassed in her office and says she would quit going office and also she is also embarrassed to confront her parents after all this. She has lost hope in life and also the dignity which she had at the place where she stays and works and at home as well. She was constantly questioned by her parents as to what she is doing always. She had lost her identity, freedom and right to live. She was under supervision always.

Sujay never tries to connect with her which make her feel unhappier as she was still having trust on him and she was waiting for him. But he did not turn up. But she would get E Mails from Pritesh saying he will be married soon. Divya reads it and feels Pritesh is doing the right thing, she wishes him in her mind but she has not replied to any of Pritesh’s mails. She would read those mails and ignore it as she had already lost hope of Sujay coming back in her life, also this time it has made her weaker and helpless. She was totally collapsed.

Only thing left for her was to adhere to her parent’s decisions and live to it to make them happy. She had to do it and after 2 months of all these rush of incidents her parents got a proposal for her. She had accepted it without even knowing or meeting him.

She asked a year’s time to get married, which was granted with great difficulty. She was in a constant hope that Sujay would come back and solve all these confusions. But all was in vain. Pritesh was mailing her but she did not take a little effort to get him back in his life. Pritesh was sorry about all the force and pressures which he imposed on her and caused her to think to end up her life. He was making a plea in each of his mails to continue their bonding but she did not reply to any of them. Pritesh would mention every important think happening in his life with the hope that Divya will read them and feel for him at least once. That feel was not taken into consideration by her she killed that feel and went ahead to tie knots as her parent’s wish.

After all these confusions the story ends up in marriage. A marriage which was just an understanding, a bonding she had to create without love, just a sacrifice for her parents.

The regular meeting which Divya had with Pritesh when she was pursuing her degree, the conversation on phone, Sujay’s comeback, the anxiety of Pritesh which made Divya break relation, the missing complaint all these incidents flashed like a memory in front of Divya’s eyes. She starts hating her life and is still in constant guilt in her life, she is not able to enjoy moments in her life, she treats life as a curse. She had failed to understand a relation. She finally ends up in such a big mistake of getting married to a person for whom she has no feelings. Her life is screwed. She is helpless and the moment of her marriage remained as a moment to be cursed instead of it being the most cherished moment in her life, she was not hurt to this extent any time before even when she had planned her suicide, this pain was far more than any other pain for her in this world.

Her life had come to an end.

–END–