Story of Love-Breakup – Promise: I kept mine but you broke yours
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It was April, 2006 when love bugs bit me for the first time at the age of 14. I was in 9th standard. I had come home for 5 days in easter holidays from my boarding school. One fine day I went to meet one of my relative at their home and there i saw a face which attracted me. I was just not able to take my eyes off his face. Well he was bit above average looking but with a great personality.
I asked my cousin: who is he?
She answered: ‘mera door ka relative hai kuch dino k liye aya hai yahan’.
I was very much relaxed ‘thank god he is not related to me in anyway’. he was 3yrs elder to me. That was the first time when i got conscious about my looks and i was thinking in my head am I looking pretty? I hope he finds me attractive. but I guess he din’t even noticed me that time. I wanted to talk to him but couldn’t find a word to start a conversation. Being shy and coming from all girls school it was difficult for me to start a conversation with a stranger boy.
We were all sitting in the same room and i was just chatting with my cousins and he was just listening to our stupid conversations and said ‘your voice is too sweet’
God I can’t express how happy i was. That was the best compliment for me that had received. I really felt like i was flying in the sky. It was me who never believed in love at first sight and.. and oh sh*t…. it was me who had fallen in love with a guy at first sight. Now after 8 years when I think of that day it still brings smile on my face. it was kind of cute innocent love.
Well i was never ready to accept that i was in love. I always convinced myself ‘oh this is just infatuation and nothing more’.
I returned back to my hostel after holidays and every night i dreamt about him. Not only night but I was daydreaming in classes too. In every vacation i purposely visited my cousin’s home just to see if he is there or not. but got disappointed all the time. Time passed but i couldn’t forget him. I din’t had his number so all that i could do was to talk to him in my dreams. Even after all this i convinced myself that it is just an infatuation and gradually this feeling will go away.
Meanwhile my father got transferred to another place and there was 0% chance of meeting him. But surprisingly in 2009 he visited my house. I was so much shocked when I saw him standing at my door. The rejoice which I felt was never felt before. His presence made my day beautiful. I was asked to serve water to all the guest. I went and offered him a glass of water making sure that my face expresses no sign of shyness. I tried my best not to blush but it failed.
Thankfully everyone at house was busy chit chatting with each other so no one paid attention to me. His four hours of presence made my day. When I went to my accountancy tuitions I was just not able to concentrate. I couldn’t solve a single problem that day. I was feeling so sad and low just by the thought that I won’t be able to meet him again.
It was 2010, just few days before my 12th boards exam, i was chatting with my cousin on messages and told her about my feelings for him.
I said: I am in love with a guy.
she: who is he?
me: you know that guy very well
she: please don’t start a puzzle here. Tell me the name directly
me: sunny.
she was astonished to hear this name and said: ‘ are you ok?’ ‘are you sure?’ when did this happen?’ why i had no idea about it’
I told her the whole story.
after hearing everything she said listen he is not your type of guy. i don’t think he will ever become serious in any relationship. he already had many girlfriends in past.
i asked her are u sure about it?
she said i am not sure but i heard stories like this.
Now i realize that why it is said that love is blind. I just overlooked every fault in him and believed he will become serious for me after seeing my love for him. I thought maybe those girls would have cheated on him or may be everything is just a rumor. Then the whole time passed dreaming about him. My cousin somehow managed to find his number. After thinking 100 times I made a call to him with any idea what would I say to him. But unfortunately he didn’t receive the call. After that I never gathered the courage to call him.
It was august 2011, i was in 1st yr. Almost 5 years after my first encounter with him my cousin told him that i had crush on him and asked me to send him friend request on facebook. We started chatting and he asked me ‘kiran (my cousin) told me something.. is that true?’
I was feeling too shy in typing ‘YES’ it took me 15 seconds in typing just one word ‘yes’ after hearing my reply he said ‘see we don’t know each other so well so i guess we should become friends first.’
I said: ‘cool i am very much okay with it.
Months passed and we became good friends. gradually we started talking on phone everyday. he started sharing all his worries and problems with me and i found it to be my duty to console him and make him feel better. only one thing that i wanted was his smile and his happiness. Even he worked as some miracle treatment for me. whenever i felt low, his voice was enough for me to make me feel better.
It was promise day in the month of feb 2012. when i asked him to promise me something and he promised that he will stay with me forever and i promised that i’ll love u even if u won’t love me. i’ll never force you to love me back. so plz confess your love to me only if u feel it. and he said sure thanks a lot for understanding.
After few days on 15th of march we were chatting like everyday when suddenly he said ‘i love you’
I was surprised and asked hims stupidly ‘are you sure?’
He said ‘ofcourse.’ but he warned me never let this relation affect your normal life. don’t keep too much expectations. b’coz we are never sure about future..
His words made it sure that we were not heading towards relationship. but i was happy with the idea that he loves me too and believed eventually we will be in relationship too… i never wanted to keep expectations as i knew it hurts a lot but my heart just couldn’t avoid expectations and slowly my heart started weaving a dream house in which me, sunny and happiness would live. everything was going wonderfully..
As were staying in two different states phone and facebook were the only resort. Whenever his number flashed on my screen i just couldn’t stop smiling.Once he said to me why u stay so far from me. do something and come to my city so that i can meet you everyday.. if u will come to my city mere saare problems door ho jayengey. i will not feel so lonely here.
That time i just wanted to run and reach his place just in seconds but that was just not possible. he used to call me every day..we talked every night but after few months i was making more calls to him than the number of times he called me..i was feeling insecure but I couldn’t express it and then such days also came when i was the only one calling and he had just stopped making any call to me.
One day i purposely didn’t call to check whether he calls me or not and that night i dint get even a missed call from his number. he even stopped replying to my messages. that day i couldn’t control my tears and cried whole night and then crying became my everyday routine. it was difficult for me to bear the pain so i decided to ask him directly.
It was january 29, 2013 i called him and i asked about how his day was? what he did whole day? any plan for holidays? any plan to come to meet me? and then i was about to ask the main question but couldn’t gather the courage so i cut the phone. but then i thought its better to hear the bitter truth than dying in this situation trying to figure out what the hell is happening and with this thought i dialed his number again. he received the phone and said ‘abhi to baat hui? fir kyu call kiya?’
i said ‘i want to ask you something’
he said ‘ok ask’ it was time to face the truth.
i asked ‘do i force you to talk to me?
he said- it is nothing like that. Why do you think so
me- but it seem so
he- see i don’t know what i feel for you.. i have no clue whether I have any feeling for you or not.
me- silent ( in my head I was thinking then what that ‘i love you meant which u said that night?’)
me- ok then no problem.
i am going to sleep.
line went dead.
I was just not able to feel anything that time. i was totally numb. i went to my bed. i din’t even cry that night. i was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling no thought was passing in my head time. I felt like a lifeless body lying there. I really wanted to cry hard but couldn’t or else my roomie would have asked what has happened and I was not in the condition to answer any question.
He dint even call me to ask whether i am fine or not. 6 days passed and we dint talk. My cousin got this news and she had a fight with him for doing this to me. Those six days I did not eat food properly and I could hardly sleep those days. Crying became every day process.
After 6 days he sent me text on facebook and the same matter arose again. I asked him why he did this to me even after i promised that i will never force u to love me.?
He said when i said i love you i meant it as a friend and not what you thought it to be. i asked him if he said i love you to me just as a friend then why did he used to ask me for a hug, for a kiss, kissing on forehead will not do but he wanted it on lips. do friends kiss on lips? Do friends talk like this? he had no answer to it. then we din’t talk.
It has been more than an year when this heart- breaking incident took place in my life but stupid me i still can’t hate him. i still fulfill my promise which i made to him that i will love him even if he didn’t loved me back. but his promise to stay with me forever failed. my heart still misses him but i have learnt to live with this hollowness. i still feel his absence but i have learnt to face it and accept it. it has made me more strong person or say some person who has created a shield over her emotions so that no one can see what she feels inside and everyone who sees can only see my smiling face and not the crying heart.
I always question myself do true love gets this type of treatment? Am I not a worthy girl of getting loved by someone whom I loved? But now as the time has made me more mature I have accepted the truth and trying to live my life for myself. i have heard that time is the best healer. i just wish that time heals my pain too without leaving any scar in my life.
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