The Curse

I’m to follow you

And live through your rule

I do not regret

‘Cause I adore you.

 

A sudden storm in my life

Take away my crutch

Leave me puzzled

And I feel lost.

 

My weakness exposed

My strength gone

I am cursed

Feel an ordinary one.

 

It was believed that Satish Shah came to settle down in Calcutta in the seventies. He was in his prime, at that time. He was in his twenties. He became an immediate sensation in the world of the then well-known painters. Nobody doubted his talent and he was immediately accepted by this city with a lot of warmth. Satish’s past was a mystery; the only reliable story that spread through the mouths of the intelligentsia was that he came from a remote village in U.P. and he even had a family– his wife, his mother and his two year old son. The reasons for his exodus to a big city varied from person to person. The bottom line was that he was a gifted painter and very few had any qualms about the obscurity of his past. His present was good enough. And Satish being a very reticent person closed all the doors of any frivolous chit-chat. He firmly believed, his painting would do the talking, not his life.

Artists happen to be idiosyncratic by nature and it is accepted in all forms of society. In fact, if a painter or a poet acts like a person working nine to five, people have reservation regarding his talent. But Satish’s whims were quirkier than others’ even by the parameter of his own fraternity. It wasn’t his unconventional relationships with many women that got a frown, nor did his addiction to alcohol from which he drew an impetus for his survival. Women and alcohol have always been invaluable sources of inspiration for an artist and for Satish too it was no exception. What surprised and later irritated everybody in the sorority was his aversion to publicity, his reluctance to display his paintings in any exhibition and his vehement refusal to sell any of his paintings even being offered good price for it, in the face of his abject poverty. The helplessness of these artists in front of big money was probably the reason for such illogical wrath.

Satish’s only source of income was the tuition he used to receive from his numerous admiring young pupils. It was a kind of modern Gurukul system he used to follow and he was very contented with the minimal income and the bare necessities. His students being very young were so much in awe of his talent that his caprices were overlooked. He discovered his élan vital through his students. His selfless love and dedication towards his students, on the one hand, made him popular among the young kids; on the other hand, the distance between him and other fellow painters grew larger. In no time, the number of his friends decreased to a substantial extent compared to the time of his arrival at this city when only the magic of his brush mesmerized them.

***

Satish is now in his late forties, but his days are numbered. His wayward lifestyle has truncated his life. He is lying on a dilapidated bed in a dingy room, which is barely lighted by a sixty watt bulb and is overwhelmingly crowded by canvases and paintings. His poor health has been the cause of the departure of most of his students except that of one. Nikhil is the only student left who has been painfully witnessing the last days of his master. Satish’s rigid decision not to pay a visit to the hospital has forced this young man to spend sleepless days and nights by his teacher. The whimsicality of Satish have been very affectionately tolerated by this devoted pupil. Satish too has a special corner in his heart for this young boy. He sees his own reflection in this boy. He doesn’t know the whereabouts of his own child; how big he is now or whether he has taken after his father—he doesn’t have any idea. He hasn’t taken any initiative to search for his family. The only thing, he knows, he won’t mind if his son is like Nikhil. When all his students had gradually left him, Satish knew that it was Nikhil who would stand by him come hell or high water. Nikhil appreciates his teacher’s resistance to sell his paintings which Satish believes, are his babies, much dearer to him than his own life. Under no circumstance, he can’t part with them. In fact, Nikhil reveres his master more for this attitude and promises to himself that he too will follow in his guru’s footsteps and will never succumb to any materialistic temptation.

Before Satish breathes his last, he reiterates his principle to his pupil and gets his assurance that he shouldn’t go with the tide. After his teacher’s departure, Nikhil feels all alone in the world. He doesn’t go out that often and has lost many friends because of his strong ties with Satish. Nikhil’s contemporaries were mostly Satish’s students at some point or other. But with age, the awe from their eyes withered away and they preferred to stay with the so called successful painters rather than with Satish. They even tried to convince Nikhil about the futility of his association with Satish but Nikhil was too attached to his teacher to leave him. After Satish’s death, those friends use the opportunity of Nikhil’s loneliness to rope him in their group. Nikhil doesn’t mind their infrequent visits to his otherwise silent house but he is uncharacteristically vocal when they criticize his rigid adherence to his teacher’s ideology. So many of his friends promise him a comfortable life if he listens to them but being eager more to disprove their ideology than prove his own, Nikhil refuses to pay attention to their advice. Instead he resorts to a few tuitions to make ends meet. History is almost repeating itself except that Nikhil’s so called friends are cleverer and more persistent in their mission than Satish’s and Nikhil doesn’t possess the same strength of mind like his master.

One day a painter friend of Nikhil who has become quite famous in impressionism, comes to his house with a proposal, which Nikhil finds acceptable as it will do nothing but hone his artistic skill. His assignment is to draw a portrait of a lady. Nikhil’s talent for portraiture is well known. He believes portrait painting will help him develop his art in other genre. Unfortunately, very few models are there who would pose for the sake of art only and the story of Nikhil’s financial crisis is quite wide spread. Besides, they have other artists to go to who will pay them handsomely. Nikhil, therefore, accepts the proposal when he learns that this model will work free for him. For a struggling artist, nothing can be better than this.

One fine evening a beautiful lady comes to his door. Nikhil doesn’t have a way with women like Satish and his nature isn’t so amorous; very uncharacteristic of a painter, he rather feels awkward in front of women. But as soon as this lady with an ethereal beauty is present before him, he feels he is already sold to her. He is absolutely besotted. He clumsily tries to arrange his rather disheveled studio to make room for this beauty who watches him tidying his room with an amused expression on her face. To make him feel at ease, the lady tries to thaw the uncomfortable silence and introduces herself.

Her name is Reena. She had always aspired to become a model but hailing from a conservative family, she was married off to an affluent family in her early twenties. She had always got compliments for her looks, both before and after her marriage. Some of her acquaintances had even regretted by saying that it was sad that her potential went untapped, and she should have considered modeling as a career etc.etc. These comments used to sadden her and to aggravate the situation her husband turned out to be schizophrenic; during his bad days, he even used to turn violent and having a beautiful wife, he always suspected her cheating on him. Reena’s tolerance level reached its ultimate; she left her husband’s home about nine months back and took help of a friend. She didn’t go back to her own family who she thought, had nipped her dream in the bud and was responsible for all the misery she had gone through. Her friend who sheltered her in her own apartment encouraged her to try her hands on some modelling even though it was a little late for her. Besides, her friend introduced her to some artists who were more than happy to have her as their model.

Nikhil having led a somewhat secluded life is unfamiliar with Reena’s popularity among the painters. Hearing Reena’s sordid story right from her beautiful mouth, he feels sorry and promises to himself that he will leave no stone unturned to make this beauty happy. Apart from Reena’s elegance, her smartness and frankness too have charmed Nikhil. He forgets that he is supposed to draw only one portrait of hers. He is drawn to her like a magnet and insists on drawing more than one. Fortunately for Nikhil, Reena doesn’t refuse and on Nikhil’s earnest request she promises to become a regular visitor to his quiet den.

And the distance between the two gets narrowed down to a get extent with time; very soon they find themselves together in a lovely comfort zone. In Reena’s company, Nikhil feels so free and relaxed. Probably for the first time in his life, he discovers his true self as an artist and he knows that Reena is responsible for this blissful life. He doesn’t know how to pay her in return. Money has never been an issue in their relationship and it has been decided from the very beginning. Even it had, Nikhil’s penury would surely have a hindrance in this matter. Friendship and love—yes, by this time this second emotion has already started to reign in him—are the two priceless gifts that Nikhil can offer to her. On Reena’s part, there is no objection when Nikhil offers her his second gift. She gracefully accepts it.

Nikhil and Reena’s relationship is now going strong for one year. During this period Nikhil has become more social and has opened up a lot; at least his friend circle thinks so. One night when he is with his friends, one of them questions his integrity as a lover and declares that Nikhil is yet to prove his loyalty to Reena. Not only that, this friend comments that Reena’s love is more pure and unselfish while Nikhil has gained a lot by staying in this relationship; he has developed as an artist by drawing her portraits. He throws a challenge to Nikhil to prove his love. Nikhil can’t tolerate this criticism especially when his integrity as a lover is at stake; he instantly accepts this challenge and vows to prove all his detractors wrong.

After this squabble, a week or so is gone. Nikhil is back with his old time-table, taking tuitions, drawing portraits or having nice time with Reena. But he hasn’t forgotten about the challenge. To prove his love for the only girl he has come so close to, he is going to do anything; in fact he is ready to give her anything she asks for. He knows, his financial condition isn’t unknown to Reena and surely she won’t ask for anything that he can’t afford. One evening, once he finishes another beautiful portrait of Reena—by this time he has drawn many of hers—Nikhil tells Reena about the argument he had with his friends and also about the challenge he has accepted. Reena smiles when Nikhil asks her if she wants anything from him that she could keep for ever as a symbolic gesture for their eternal love. She replies,

“I’ve got everything from you and I don’t want any proof of our love. But if it really makes you feel good, I don’t mind having a few of your teacher’s paintings. I have always admired him.”

Reena’s answer has been a bolt from the blue for Nikhil. Many years have passed since Satish’s death. No one has come in these years to buy his paintings, knowing very well that like his master, Nikhil too is very reluctant to dispose them of. Besides, it is well known that Satish at his deathbed had made his student promise that he should never part with his creations. Reena’s simple, innocent reply has bewildered Nikhil. On the one hand, his promise to his master, on the other hand fulfilling a request of his lady love who has never asked for anything before. And, yes, what about his friend’s challenge? That too. Nikhil has never been in such a predicament. Bewildered, he tries to explain to Reena about his promise to his master. Surprisingly, Reena too feels, Nikhil should keep his promise.

This easy acceptance of Nikhil’s explanation on her part aggravates Nikhil’s agony. He feels more miserable not to give her one thing that she has asked for. That night Nikhil has disturbed sleep. In his dream, he has fleeting visions of both Satish and Reena. He gets up in the morning with a bad headache. He takes a day off from his tuition. Reena comes a little early the next evening and gets involved in arranging his messy room. Nikhil observes her doing these chores which have become regular ones since they have become very close. Reena behaves as though nothing had happened last night. Her nonchalance about that eventful night amazes Nikhil because to him the whole incident was quite disturbing. He is forgetting that it is he who has to take a decision and not she. Somehow, looking at her, it has become easier to take that important decision. He takes the hand of Reena and leads her to that part of the studio where Satish’s paintings are lying in stack. He tells her to go ahead and choose any of those invaluable creations which she likes. Reena’s face beams with joy and Nikhil feels he hasn’t taken a wrong decision. Her happiness is what counts. Once Reena collects a few, he chooses a few more for her; the promise is after all broken. A very happy Reena leaves Nikhil’s place that night.

The next morning Nikhil gets up late and after his breakfast goes to his studio. He picks up his brush and tries to create an oil painting of Reena’s happy face from his memory. But why is his hand feeling so numb? His hand refuses to move, his fingers lose the grip of the brush. He goes to the kitchen and splashes cold water on his tired face and then drinks a glass of water. Going back to his seat he tries to hold the brush firmly but his hand still frozen and crippled. Nikhil tries to forget Reena’s face and this time concentrates on a landscape. The same feeling, the same result. Desperately, he tries to call Reena but without any success. For some reason she is not picking up the phone.

He decides against calling his so called friends thinking that he will be a subject of their mockery. As it is, his distinctive lifestyle is a hot topic among many painters. No, he refuses to give them any more fodder. Nikhil helplessly waits for Reena till the evening. He is almost certain that she will have a reasonable explanation for the whole incident. That evening seems to be too long for Nikhil who feels exasperated waiting for Reena. The person who he is dying to see is surprisingly absent today. Reena has otherwise been a regular and punctual person. Frenzied, Nikhil picks up his brush again but is unable to mark his canvas with a single stroke. He realizes he has been cursed by his guru. He has to get back those paintings from Reena. But she seems to have vanished from the earth.

***

That night, at a very posh area of the city, in a party, Reena is having a chat with a few of Nikhil’s contemporaries over a glass of wine. Everyone in that party is unanimous of one quality of Nikhil and that is his naivety. They seem to have a gala time over there at the cost of his sanity.

__END__