Article – Feelings I’ve Never Felt
Photo credit: ecerroni from morguefile.com
When you are a kid the only emotions you have are happy, excited, and really excited. You do not care what others think as a child. Everyone plays together and no one is excluded. Why can’t life stay like that? This is my story about feelings
When I was in kindergarten, nothing mattered to me. I was always happy and so was everyone else. We all played together and got along. You were not judged because you were different. There was no such thing as different, but as you grow up that changes.
Middle school was a brand new atmosphere. That was when clicks starting forming. That’s always when people start judging others. If you did one thing that was odd or different you were not allowed in what they call “The popular group.” I never really cared about being popular. I had a few friends and that is all I cared about.
As you start high school people do not make fun of you to your face. People start talking about you behind your back. Sometimes, that hurts more than someone telling it to your face. I still did not care. I had one friend and his name was Austin. He made up for all of the friends I didn’t have. To be honest I did not want any other friends. He was that friends where you can tell them anything and they not judge you.
As High school went on I started to care what people thought. I did not have a boyfriend because gut did not like me because I was not in the popular group. I started to feel sad, but I was not going to let that bring me down. I would just move on and live my life.
After a while it was not just sadness anymore. I was so sad that I did not want to go anywhere or do anything. I just wanted to lay in bed and not talk to anyone. I was feeling something that Ive never felt before. It was a feeling that I did not like. I was so sad that I wanted to just end my life. I did not feel like I was worthy enough to live.
Months went by and I was still sad. The sadness was getting even worse. I started to take out my sadness on myself. The only way I would feel better is when I felt the blood drip down my arm from a cut. That was the only way I would get any relief. That way of relief started turning into an addiction.
I heard about people that have addictions but I never knew how bad they really were. They get to the point where is controls your life. It’s not really your life anymore. It’s the drug or action that’s living your life for you.
I did not like how my life was going. I would just sit on my bed and wonder “What are these feelings I’m feeling?” They were feelings that I did not like and I wanted them to stop.
You will never get rid of your feelings, so you might as well learn how to deal with them. Your feelings are never going away. So make the best of them.
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