Funny Story – The Perks of Being an Average Bengali Man
Photo credit: dmscs from morguefile.com
Ever since I was a kid and especially a Bengali one, I am supposed to behave a certain way. The way in which every other Bengali man should or has , a decorum which it appears is a part of our DNA. Beginning from our name, though we all have a admirable one but they address you with the one they fetish, your pet name. I mean really! when your mother suddenly calls you Potla and you are speaking with the one girl you find hard to impress, you simply feel like scratching your hair.
I have to choose the brain over brawn, doesn’t matter if it makes me popular among girls or the other guys are envious of me. I either have to be skeleton-thin or pot-bellied, anything in between is not our thing. No offence sister, I mean addressing women with some other name could bring me under the scanner of every feminist group and I certainly don’t want that. What I want say is it only your birth-right dear sisters to look and smell good. Don’t get me wrong I am not a misogynist and definitely not chauvinist. I actually never got the ideology behind either chauvinism and feminism and the concept is totally alien to me.
I can’t afford to score less in maths even though I never really got hold of the mind-numbing subject. Then my folks have this arduous believe that History as a subject won’t land me anywhere. It also arouses surprise among my peers since I have a cool image. Why should anybody have a problem if the Battle of Plassey intrigues me more than the metric system.
I have to be the image demolishing obedient child who remains that way even in my twenties. It is highly frustrating and more to us Bengalis, since our parents take their control freak ideologies to another level. Being concerned is one thing but honing their diplomatic skills to manipulate my personal life is another thing. They narrate me incidents from their life when it is not really required because I know at the back of mind that they are being judgmental and they want to stay in the boundaries of their comfort zone.
I kind of wonder where this experience vanishes when it comes down to my choice of career. Why does it still loiter over the traditional professions of engineering or medicine? I mean were all doctors and engineers in their lifetime the most successful personalities? I don’t want to run into cliches. Going back to the topic of having a well toned body is still a far fetched dream for a Bengali much distant than the rupee ever matching up to the dollar.
Talking about money I recalled another profession every Bengali family wants their child to isolate from, though they were probably the pioneers of it during the Swadesi movement. Being a Bengali and even giving a thought about opting for business over job could send an entire family in a traumatic state. The other relatives would growl and receive you with their twisted eye-brow stare. So, what if there is meagre opportunity in the sector or I might earn far more than any job would offer me. The risk is in is not the Bengali thing you know. Only other communities have the right to make progress since we will always prefer to be the employees and not the employers. So we want others to set the boundary for us because we love following, first the British and now remaining.
But not to forget we also initiated the entire of the entry of English into the Indian dominion with the British, still then we much keep up the following task..Another unique thing about Bengalis, is that we always have to keep Tagore over every one else in the literary circuit . Oh! I dare call him Tagore and not Gurudev or Thakur and the entire intellectual Bengali brigade is going to put a hex on my neck. I know the whole sentimental thing we have for him and am even aware of his achievements. If I didn’t I was reminded of it every.
For all of you quizzers once again, he was the first Asian to receive Nobel prize for literature, he composed the national anthem for two countries and wrote for the third and he was as versatile as it gets, phew! Summing it up he is god for us. Once I told my parents I prefer Jibananda Das for his maverick self and patriotic hues and you all know the consequential reaction. I know the man was a genius and would remain so despite me choosing him.
Literature, films, music, plays and all the other things we are famous for only became middle class topics due to age old rock pedestals. The rock pedestals were only devised by us to carry on discussions about the much elitist tastes that we savored. I too owe my allegiance to history because of such a communal origin. The current location of such addas is now the party office and participants in the discussion believe that Marx was a religious reformer. I am sure if Marx was alive it would have been truly his utopia. These places are now a hub for the most uncouth,aimless unsocial elements and we have no less of those men.
The current state of our state is very much a contribution of them. I am glad that I always stayed away from them though I did became a point of laughter for that, not being pompous some one has to do something. Actually the main reason was my intrinsic Bengali attitude of procrastination that made me stick to my T.V set. Do you know that us Bengalis were once top class football players but time past and so did the players. We still have the fascination though just as spectators. Maybe with ISL, hopefully people will stop asking me illogical questions when they find me in my jersey, literally playing the game.
I never quite got the idea that a Bengali must and I say that with firmness must learn one creative art along with academics but never think of pursuing it professionally. I agree that we started the trend of dignifying performing arts like acting, singing and dancing. Again, Rabindranath came to the rescue and was a major driving force in the campaign. Now, the situation has reversed and all parents want their children to make it to some dump singing and dancing show. They don’t have a choice and to top it all you have successful examples galore in your own family. I wonder what Rabindranath himself would have done if thrown in such a situation.
I didn’t had the reality show dagger hanging over my head but spending three hours in an art class was a wastage. Wastage because I only came up with a doddle even after attending four years of that class. I can’t believe that my parents expect me to take responsibility of my own family not just present but future as well. That’s a huge expectation, because coming in terms with reality I wonder whether I would be able to take my own. I might make contributions that too only financially since my father quite a family man and about the future, I might find a wife who is more sincere, cautious and dependable than me and as things are it is almost certain.
Adding to it Bengalis have a reputation of having dominant wives and I mind as long as the more capable one holds the key. I am talking about marriage and there one ordeal we all face, all are parents want is quintessential Bengali girl. They are going to irk in discontent and make a huge issue about it especially if she is from the vegetarian community(you know where I am hinting). I saw it during my elder cousin’s and I too am heading to that direction.
Being man in India is a tough job. Since we have constant pressure and being a Bengali one doesn’t make it better either. Being poked about slightest show of emotion, though us were never known for masculinity. But still emotions should be restricted to passion and patriotism, as if anything else would detain our monkey prone nature and make a us their evolutionary successor, which by the way we actually are or that is what I had learned in school.
I am the one who has to stand in the bus, carry the luggage, pay the bills, drive my family, buy the grocery (exclusively for Bengalis), run to the nearest sweet-shop whenever a guest comes home, keep space for most standing in the queue (age limit 16-45=entire active life) all in the name of being a man. All this in a time when every one is lobbying hard for gender equality. We want it the most, our burden would be shared fools. I think it is time that some of us shed our superficial self-esteem and confined thoughts and embrace the other gender , not literally though. Perks of every man from all communities would reduce and for this we all can nod our heads in agreement even us Bengalis who always differ from mainstream India. Remember, in predicament brothers unite and so should we.
The above piece is not trying to target any community. My apology from the beginning if it hurts personal sentiments. It is written with the intention of mocking my own self since I too am a Bengali from my mother’s side. If it arouses a thought and stirs you somewhere,then I would be happy to accept any sort of criticism that comes my way.
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